10 Ways Living with Kids is Like Having the Worst Roommate Ever

This morning I found myself in awe at how much my house resembles the aftermath of a tornado. Or perhaps the result of a deranged burglar, turning everything upside down and inside out on his quest – not for jewelry or money – but for toys and snacks.

My older kids are theoretically big enough to clean up after themselves. (Theoretically being the operative word here.) However, I’m certain we’ve reached a new level of messiness as they enter their tween and teen years.

Here’s my top 10 reasons living with kids is like having the worst roommate ever:

1. They leave dishes everywhere except the sink or dishwasher. What’s a dishwasher? What’s a sink? Who needs it?! This coffee table works just fine! On the floor or under the bed? Sounds like a plan to me! I am constantly going through our house, rounding up dishes from every room and every surface. I’m sometimes mind-blown at what could only be described as a science project growing on some of them. That was food at one point, right?!

2. Hampers are invisible. How hard is it to just put the clothes in the hamper? It requires no more effort than dropping them on the floor right beside the dang thing.

3. Trash cans are invisible too. Wrappers, water bottles, paper towels, etc. They’re everywhere. It doesn’t matter how many times we address this, it still happens daily.

4. If they do locate a trash can and it happens to be full, they begin construction of the trash tower. This is yet another little annoyance that defies all logic. You are creating a new problem simply because you’re not in the mood to change the bag. WTF?! Get with the program, peeps!

5. They never replace the toilet paper. Sometimes, I think they do this because they want to see me lose my shit. This would definitely do it if it weren’t for my unwavering determination to show no weakness. They can’t break me! On the outside, I’m cool as a cucumber. On the inside, my blood boils.

6. They eat all of your groceries. I know this goes without saying. They’re kids. It’s my job to feed them. Still, I’d like it to last at least until I can have a bite too. That empty fridge would actually be an improvement at our house. Our kids like to put the empty containers back in there. Are you really fooling anyone with that? Great idea! Let’s just put it back, pretend it’s not empty, and it’ll be like it never even happened. Oh so NOT clever. These days, if I want something, I have to hide it somewhere or put it where they can’t reach, which usually means I can’t reach it either. Otherwise I’m S.O.L.

7. They always find your candy/cookie/goody stash, no matter how clever you thought it was. Yeah… this just sucks. Worse? I can’t even come up with a tactful way of addressing their sneaky ways. After all, I was trying to beat them at the sneaky game by hiding it in the first place. Not to mention the entire “lead by example” failure I become by stashing candy so I can binge on chocolatey goodness in quiet solitude when the need arises, and the need WILL arise, make no mistake. As soon as I’m made aware of such a breach, any anger I feel quickly turns to guilt when I really look at the situation. They usually get a pass on this one.

8. They use your stuff without asking. To avoid reliving this nightmare for the tenth time, I’ve mostly given up wearing makeup. Not entirely, but it’s usually minimal. The basic, boring stuff isn’t nearly as appealing to an inquisitive toddler. Plus, I refuse to spend that much money to replace everything again. Such a waste. This applies to pretty much anything you find important. Cell phones, laptops, jewelry – nothing is safe.

9. Privacy is a foreign concept. Need I say more? You know what I’m talking about. We are all in this zero privacy boat together.

10. They’ve taken over your DVR, canceling scheduled recordings, deleting shows you have yet to watch, and replacing it all with their stuff. The same goes for your Netflix account…

Kinda like a horrible roommate, right?

Life with kids does get overwhelming and this morning I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and yell “I concede! I give up! Good luck with your trash tower! I’m out. Peace…”.

But just as I felt like throwing in the towel, there was a segment on the morning news about how to tell if you’re a good or bad roommate. The nightmarish stories were hilarious, and I definitely needed the laugh. Reflecting on my situation with a whole new perspective, I realized that compared to the stories on the news, my situation is not so bad. Overall, I’d say I have some pretty great roomies!

These tiny things are nothing to freak out about. It’s life. They’re kids. Our house is going to be a mess, despite my best efforts. It’s time that I accept and embrace this reality, because if I’m lucky, I’m going to be cleaning up this shit for a good long while.

Lori is a stay at home mom to 3 precious, slightly crazy kiddos. She gets real about the insanity of parenthood – the good, the bad, and the ever so awkward at The Awkward Mom