I wish I had your problem. I want my family to talk more. Talking is such a big part of our society, particularly when we have to engage in small talk at business meetings, luncheons or dinner parties. I hope you all still have that relationship when they are teens and young adults. But, I'm sure it's frustrating when dinner stretches into a two-hour ordeal. Sometimes if a behavior is desired, but needs to be modified, a positive reinforcement instead of a negative one might be needed. For instance, you could allow for group conversation time in the daily schedule before dinner starts-maybe gather at the table while you're preparing so they can get some of that out of their systems before the plate hits the table? If they're too engrossed in their activities before dinner, then they lose out on their sharing time. Another idea, they can chat and help serve and once food is on the table, only the ones who are close to finishing their plates can chat. Or, move dessert into the living room where they can continue chatting, which might be a positive reward for finishing their dinner? Each child can join you when he or she finishes, maybe. Definitely keep the child-sized portions.
A little strict if you ask me! How about setting a certain time limit, say, 30 mins to eat and if you aren't finished, then your food goes in the trash. Set a timer for 25 mins and when it goes off, they have 5 mins to finish up, so shut up and eat! If they aren't done, then it goes in the trash and they go with out dinner. I'm sure a couple of nights without food, they'll get the hint and not talk as much. But to not let them talk at all at dinner, you are just asking for a difficult, frustrating time!!!
Perhaps you can set a reasonable time limit on dinner and when its up, dinner is over. If they didn't finish, then they will be just be hungry. A few days of this will remind them to focus on eating.
Something that we do at dinner each night is share our high/low from the day. It focuses the conversation and also gives you insight into how your kids see the day. It also gives the child the ability to see how you see your day as well. I'm always honest about my high/lows and my daughter is often surprised to hear about how something at work frustrated me. It helps her see that there are not nice things that happen at work/school but that we still have to go to those places.
how about, when you've finished your plate, then you can talk. and you can talk for five minutes without interruptions if you finish seconds. make talking a reward for having eaten.
You are so incredibly lucky your girls enjoy each another's company and are chatting, laughing and goofing off rather than whining and squabbling or sitting in sullen silence. I would hesitate to do anything to disturb that group dynamic. Try to imagine them ten years into the future sitting around the table laughing and discussing school and proms and boys and sports and clothes and all the things that make being a girl such fun. Your girls will remember those dinnertimes together when they are grown with love and joy, and will be drawn together with their families to duplicate the experience. Or not - it all depends on you. Is it really so terrible to tolerate a little noise at dinner. You will have plenty of silent dinners when they are grown and gone.
What about 1 person at a time may speak (which may also hold some lessons about not interrupting and being patient) and the others must continue eating while that person is talking. Of course, if they get long winded you will have to tell them to wrap it up.
I have 5 girls 15,13,13,12,8 and I can tell you that it does not get any better. I have learned that you just have to let them talk or you will spend your life giving out time outs. It can get out of and and we have to reign them back in but it does not matter how old they are they just can not sit the entire meal and just eat. I have also found out that as they get older I like the talking because I hear more at that table then I do at any other time and for some reason they feel more comfortable talking while they are all together like that. Also as they get older you will have less meals that you can eat together due to sports and other things. Enloy them while you can!
I’m not upset at those that have said this, nor do I think they are wrong… HOWEVER, those that mentioned that it is “SAD” because I’ll be missing out in bonding time and such OVERLOOKED the fact that I said that we DO talk… we talk A LOT when we are NOT eating! WE ARE NO MORE TOGETHER AT MEAL TIME THAN WE ARE AT OTHER TIMES- unlike many families, I’ve learned. We spend basically all our time together!!! And that goes for Daddy as well- and he isn’t even present at dinner time.
Every family is different, so you MUST pay attention to detail with these requests. I understand that for some families, meal times are the ONLY times they are together… also I am understanding that some families NEVER have time when all of them are together. maybe YOUR bonding time happens at meals, but OUR bonding time happens during the bedtime ritual, during family outings, playing board games, or just sitting and snuggling on the couch together, ETC- we do that stuff EVERY DAY!