3 nights/4 days is about the most i can take. for both my in laws and my own parents. I'm at least pretty fair about it. i guess i'm set in my ways and like my house to myself with just me and my husband and kids. I'm the same way when I travel too. After the 3rd night I really want to come back home.
I didn't read your other responses but why don't you suggest they come out for one week 4x per year? Like one week every quarter? That way the visits can be spread out and it shouldn't be so stressful for you. Otherwise I would suggest a large fan in both the room you ILs sleep in AND the room your son sleeps in. The white noise blocks out a lot of other noises. But it has to be a loud one. =) good luck!
I can only have visitors 2 to 3 nights max. On the other hand, I can only stay 2 to 3 nights with anyone. I just like my time to myself too much and I get crabby if I don't get it. I love my parents and in-laws both, but there is not enough wine in the world to do 3 weeks with either of them. Not only that, but I have never smoked in front of any of them (I have never smoked in the house either) and I have to hide it, at 42 years old. I am not a heavy smoker 3 to 4 a day, but I have to hide out outside or go walk the do. It gets old after a few days........
Wow. Three whole weeks. That's a long time to have other people on your turf and not lose your cool. I am guessing they come in one long trip to save on airfare? (You mentioned the dog being a money saver.)
To save your sanity, I would start by having a heart to heart with your husband (if you haven't already). It sounds like he is really close to them and WANTS to spend a lot of time with them since he uses up all his vacation on them instead of his own wife and child. But, tell him that it is just too long for you to host them. And tell him that you want to see him on his vacation time. Suggest that your family visits them for a week maybe and then they visit you for a week? Or maybe he could visit them alone for one trip and then when they come to visit you, you could plan events every day where you could do stuff as a family? Make it clear to your hubby that you are not happy with 3-4 weeks, that something's gotta give. You could also suggest just having them come a couple a weeks twice a year to break it up a little (if finances allow). If your husband is not willing to budge or at least discuss it with his parents, you should discuss it with his parents. It sounds like you like them and I doubt they mean to be overstepping. Just ask them if you could do shorter more frequent visits or visit them too.
If all discussions fail, I think you should just start visiting your family on the days his parents visit. At least you won't have to deal with them and you'll get to see your family more. Doesn't sound healthy for relationships, but my guess is that your husband or his parents will realize they need to make some changes. It's not like your asking them to stop visiting! Good luck.
Oh, and my in-laws come one time per year and stay about 10 days. It is a LONG time for me, but they are pretty helpful and buy all the groceries and diapers and gas while they are in town. It is just hard to get used to my MIL rearranging my furniture, asking probing questions about things that are none of her business and trying to get us new furniture or tv's or whatever. My husband can't stand his mom, so he doesn't take more than a day or two off work when they are here-since I'm a SAHM, it's all on me. I usually fare okay. :) I just remind myself they are guests, they raised my hubby, they love my kids, they only mean well, and they are leaving in 10 days. It's not so bad. :)
My parents have never visited us, but I could not stand my dad much longer than 10 days. My mom is the easiest person ever to live with though. She could live with us and only enhance our lives. :)
A few hours is too long, for me. ;)
Thanks for all the advice. And to answer a few questions, yes my husband takes all his vacation time to spend with his parents and will not spend any vacation with us. He will not spend time with me while his parents are here because he says that is his time to spend with his parents.
My ILs did ask to bring their dog last year and my husband said yes. I had only found out about it a few days before they arrived (ie-he did not ask me).
I do have some soothing music playing for my son at nighttime. My ILs are so loud when they walk down the hall and open and slam doors shut that I have turned it up. Ironically, my FIL asked me to turn the music down because he could not sleep as it was too loud. I said NO!
I do not want to leave my son unsuppervised with my ILs because when he was 18 mos, she spanked him and I was very upset that she would even think of doing this.
When my father visits he only stays for 2-3 days a year and my mother about a week every other year. I visit them at their house for about a week each every year (without my husband as he has no more vacation time to go) so most of my parents visits are not in our house.