Breaking the Ice: Strategies for Kids to Make New Friends at Any Age

Discover how parents can support their kids in making friends, with tailored strategies for elementary and middle school-aged children.

The Role of Friendships in childhood

Friendships, casual and deep, serve many developmental purposes. They help children develop social skills, boost self-esteem, and make school more enjoyable. Yet, new data reveals that many children struggle with making friends. Parents also suffer when their children are struggling in the friendship department. Parents can play a role in helping their kids build friendships and social connections. It is also important for parents to realize that different children have different social or affiliation needs. Not every child strives to be “popular” but in general having a friend or friends at school, home and/or through activities is desirable.

According to the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health (2024), nearly 1 in 5 parents report their child, ages 6-12, has no friends or not enough friends. Additionally, 90% of parents believe their child wants to make new friends, yet a variety of barriers—such as shyness, social awkwardness, or a lack of social opportunities—can stand in their way.

This post explores the findings of the report and what they mean for parents of children in elementary school and middle school.

Understanding the Challenges of Making Friends

The Mott Poll highlighted several factors that make it difficult for children to form friendships:

Shyness or social awkwardness (21%)
Busy schedules leaving no time for socializing (18%)
Few opportunities or spaces to play or meet friends (16%)
Pre-existing cliques that make it hard for newcomers to join (17%)
Disabilities, medical conditions, or appearance (10% combined)

For parents of middle schoolers, the challenges are even greater. Older children face more competition from pre-established friend groups and a lack of safe spaces to gather (C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 2024).

What Parents Are Doing to Help

Parents are taking active steps to help their children form friendships:

Arranging playdates or outings: 41% of parents
Enrolling children in activities to meet like-minded peers: 40%
Offering advice on making friends: 33%
Befriending other parents: 24%
Allowing social media use to connect with friends: 16%

Interestingly, these strategies shift depending on a child’s age. Let’s break it down.

What This Means for Parents

For Elementary School Children (K-4th Grade)

At this stage, friendships often form through proximity and parental involvement. Kids play with whomever is around, and parents can facilitate early connections by:

Arranging Playdates: A key strategy for younger children (45% of parents report doing this).
Befriending Other Parents: Parents often arrange outings or gatherings to help kids connect.
Providing Guidance: Encourage your child to share, take turns, and resolve small conflicts independently.

Parents should balance creating opportunities for friendships with giving their children space to navigate social situations on their own as long as safety is not an issue. Allowing kids to work through decisions during play helps develop critical social skills including conflict resolution skills (C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 2024).

For Middle School Children (5th-8th Grade)

Middle school brings new challenges as kids desire independence and more autonomy in friendships. Parents can support this stage by:

Providing Safe Spaces: Brainstorm options for where kids can meet, like community centers or organized activities. Lack of spaces is a growing concern for this age group.
Supporting Small-Group Activities: Shy or socially awkward children benefit from structured, low-pressure environments where they can meet peers.
Discussing Social Media Use: While 23% of parents allow social media for middle schoolers, it comes with risks like anxiety or peer pressure. Teach children to use it responsibly (C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 2024).

Parents should also recognize that while they may have less control over social interactions at this stage, they can still offer advice and emotional support.

A Final Note: Choosing Friends

Interestingly, 2 in 3 parents believe it’s important for their child’s friends to come from families similar to theirs, particularly regarding parenting styles (81%), religious or political views (36%), or educational background (12%) (C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, 2024). While shared values can create harmony, parents should also encourage openness to diversity. School is an opportunity for children to interact with peers from different backgrounds, which helps build empathy and adaptability.

Helping Your Child Grow Socially

Supporting children as they develop friendships is a process that requires patience and persistence. Whether arranging playdates for a 2nd grader or brainstorming meeting places for a 7th grader, parents play an essential role in helping kids connect with others. Remember, building social skills takes time, and making mistakes is part of the learning process.

For more information on this topic, read the full report from C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital (2024).

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Reference:

C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. (2024, September 16). Facilitating friendships: Parents’ role. C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, 46(1).