Youth Group Showing PG-13 Movies to Kids 12 and Under Without Parent Knowledge

As a parent I always informed the other parents if I was going to show a movie and got their permission. Also, when my children went somewhere I would ask that parent about movies and gave my kids guidelines to help them discern.
A.

When my children where younger, I did limit their access to certain types of materials but as they get older you have to contend with the world around them.

I live in the inner city. Facts are my kids have seen alot and experienced alot. My role as parent is to be open, honest and preemptive. I talk with them about the milestones they will face in life, the different types of peoples and situations they will come across.

I can't shelter them from every situation. Life won't. I want them to be prepared.

You can try bringing your concerns before the leadership of the youth group or even the pastor of the church. It is important there is an understanding of expectations and the limitations we put on our children. More important than any of this is your ability to communicate with your daughter. Teach her to keep an eye out for some of her peers that may not be at the age or stage of development to handle such sights. Perhaps she can help them, just like you have helped her.

Hope this was helpful to you.

If this is a church youth group, speak to the pastors/leaders in charge about your concern. They can then review the situation & decide wether to allow the trip leaders to show certain movies or not, as well as make sure parents are aware of what their children will be doing or watching while on a church sponsered trip or activity.

If it is a community group, you can still speak to the people in charge, but they may be more concerned with entertainment value rather than morality/subject or language issues.

What kind of group is it and who runs it? How old are the other kids? If your daughter is on the younger end for the group, it's one thing. On the other hand if she's the oldest, it's another. Do you trust the leader's judgment?

Answers to those questions will let you know if you're over reacting. As kids get older, they are going to be seeing more and more of what is out there. After all, your daughter will be allowed to walk into a PG-13 movie alone in a few months. What is important is the values you teach her.

I would be PO'd if I were in your shoes. I didn't read Twilight, but isn't it a vampire book? Doesn't sound like youth group appropriate material to me, even the age/parental consent issue aside. I think my sister put it well, when discussing the Easter Bunny/Santa issue (she does not do either of these)--it's annoying when people at her church ask her kids about the easter bunny, santa, etc. during the holidays. Shouldn't church be the one place where you can escape the trappings of the world? Or at least have the choice as to whether or not you want your child to watch a particular movie? Sorry for the rant, but in my opinion, it is the youth group leaders' jobs to provide appropriate entertainment. If someone is even thinking of showing a movie, the rating should be checked, and parents should at least be notified ahead of time.

Dear Mom,

IN my opinion this is a youth group, NOT a state run facility/group so it is not regulated in the same way.

When you enroll you child in a group like this you need to expect that they will be making some independent decisions.
Unless your very involved and volunteering in the group.

If your not then for them to tell you every last detail is just not reasonable.

I am a very involved mom, and ask my child questions etc.

this is how I get my information.

I don't rely on the teachers to give me there opinions.
I get up and volunteer to be a Chaperone,
And if I can't Chaperone, then I talk to the chaperone of my child in advance, and get all the information about plans and details. IN advance.

I don't expect that a person volunteering and doing, all the work would go out of there way to make a special trip to talk to me about a movie,

That said I would not show my kids twilight.
There is too much romance, and In my opinion its not a youth group kinda show.
But it might be possible that it was your daughter whom suggested it, she may have asked your daughters if it was ok, and they said yes, she might have seen them with the books. and perhaps she didnt realize it was pg 13--and not everyone was 13.

You just don't know.

I guess the big thing to me, would be that if I trusted them enough to take my child with them, and stay at a hotel, etc... That they would be staying over night, and would be watching some TV. She would at that moment have to make a judgement call. And I would have to trust her to make that choice.

The same thing goes for the travel movie.
For all you know she was mentioning it at that moment to get your opinion, or to notify you about it then.

M

I am in the same boat as you, except my daughter is 13 and because she is, I guess people think that they are ready for such movies. PG-13 today is what rated R was to me when I was growing up. There is adult content, language, and in some sexual content. All of which I do not feel comfortable allowing my daughter to view without me or her father. I feel the same way you do. My daughter was invited to a b-day party this past weekend, but because it had been rained out, the mother wanted to take the girls to the movies instead. She selected Year One with Jack Black. The movie is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, and brief strong language and comic violence. I said no way!!!! My daughter is wonderful and said she wasn't interested in that kind of movie anyway. I am glad she has good sense. She saw Twilight in school. They asked for our consent. You are not over-reacting. You have the right and responsibility as your daughter's mother to be concerned with what anyone puts in her mind.

I agree that parents should be informed as to what their kids may be watching, and that parents should inquire about it. You are not overreacting; most parents UNDERreact when it comes to what their kids are being exposed to regarding the media. I would mention it if I were in your situation.

it's possible that this person didn't realize the rating on the movie, since most young girls are reading the series.

I do think you might be over reacting a little.... but, if it's that much of a concern, then talk to the other parents...but let the leader know that you are doing so. Don't do it behind her back or she may feel awkward when in your presence.

You should be very concerned and take this as a lesson for future events related to this youth group. Obviously, this group has no standards in place for informing and getting consent from parents. I am proactive and always assume I NEED to inquire about these things. I will never assume otherwise. I will never put my children's best interests in the hands of someone else. I may seem extreme or overly sensitive about this stuff to some, but who cares! My children come first. Even in their Catholic school one 5th grade teacher was going to show a PG-13 movie to help illustrate a science lesson. I heard about this from my son and immediately sent a letter expressing my concern. I also pointed out the use of swear words, inappropriate scenes, etc. that I do not expose my children to. I asked the principal if there was a movie watching policy in place/letter of consent that had to be signed. She agreed and the movie was not shown. So, even at a Catholic school, depending on the teacher, things like this can happen. Never let your guard down.

Recently the Youth Group who meets at our Church showed Jack Black's "Year One" The teenagers range from age 13 to a young adult age 20. I thought it was inappropriate in the mixed setting and age range of youth there. And, in my opinion, not appropriate to play on Church grounds. The thing that bothered me was the sexual content. I feel that if it is played in your own home there is some control to how much your children or teens see, if any. But, in this case I wasn't notified that they were going to play the movie. I would have liked to have the choice to say no. I have a 13 year old daughter and 15 year old son who were there. I am sure the movie may be pretty funny for me to see, an adult but it made my teens uncomfortable in the mixed company. Mixing a 13 year old girl to watch a movie with heavy sexual content with a 20 year old male in the group in not cool . I think the women in charge, Mrs. Mendelson should have used better judgement but I guess her morals and respect for the place we worship are just very different than mine. Any opinions?

I wouldn't object to a 12 year old watching Twilight either but I do agree that a youth group should not be showing PG13 movies without parental consent. Since our school has to send home a consent do show a PG13 to kids under 13, and if I was showing a PG 13 in my home to other people's kids I'd certainly ask them first, I think that other groups should do the same, it's the right thing to do.
I guess to some people, it just seems like such a casual issue, with people taking 3 year olds to see PG 13 movies like Spider Man and Harry Potter, that they don't think PG 13 is any big deal.

Kids see so much - too much - in the tween years that we were never exposed to. I would be upset...

What if it had been a movie that you didn't want the kids to see?

In general, it's too bad that kids are being desensitized so early...Our media (overall) is out of control.

How about this:

I banned Arthur years ago...D.W. exposed my kids to the words "jerk", "idiot", "stupid", "shut-up" and much more...
It's not a show I allow them to watch!!! Then & now...

It starts too early with the shows they see (even) in preschool!

Hi L.,
I don't think you are over reacting at all. I feel the same way when it comes to appropriate movies for my daughter. I have found that many parents are very lax on this subject but the youth leader should still get consent. Now that you know and are fine w/ her watching Twilight, I'd talk to the leader again and tell her that Twilight is ok, but ask what other movies are being shown. I've read all the Twilight books and seen the movie. The movie only has two swear words (damn and hell) and the brief kissing seen. But this is not true of most PG-13 movies. I'm shocked at some of the things in a lot of PG-13 movies. Also, you can always check out the content of movies on commonsensemedia.org for parent reviews.
Alexis

I am totally sympathetic to you. This happened to me once (in the context of a playdate). Since I really like the parent (and was surprised she was letting the 3rd grade kids see "Stomp the Yard" --it was her older child who had started to play it--I called her back and was super nice. I said "I know it's probably me, but I just don't let our son watch pg-13 films yet. Do you think you could have Jake stop the film until our son leaves? I know I am probably unusual in this but our son is very sensitive, and we have decided to follow the recommended guidelines for movie ages." If you are super nice and mention the "official guidelines" it will be clear that YOU are the correct and proper adult! Good luck. I also turn off TVs in doctors offices--my kids don't need to see all that news violence. A group that works against inappropriate screenings on airplanes is: http://www.kidsafefilms.org/ You will find lots of sympathetic souls there. Good luck!

L., you are not overeacting to this. As a teacher, whenever I want to show a PG movie (even Shrek!) I have to notify the parents and give them the right to refuse for their child. I still show the movie, but make other arrangements for the child whose parents refuse it. It is called PG for a reason and it is the parents' right to refuse. But,as you say, your daughter has already seen the movie and you would allow her. That is pretty much what happens with my situation, but at least the parents are notified so that they can be aware of what is happening. I would say that the leaders should give an itinerary to the parents of the whole weekend's activities and include any movies or videos that are being shown in the itinerary. You might be surprised about the reaction of the other parents.

No, I do not think you are overreacting. I imagine it is simply thoughtlessness on the part of the organisers. It is something I would bring up very neutrally, something along the lines of that you try to limit your daugther's exposure to certain films and would love to know if there are any alternative actitivites she can do if a situation arrises in which a film is shown that you feel she should not be exposed to.

I personal opinion is that you are overreacting! Have you seen or read twilight? I really dont know why it was even given a PG-13 rating. (the other books I can see actually going up in ratings). Stephanie Meyers in Morman. There is barely a curse in the book. NO SEX AT ALL!!! And the violence in the movie is lacking severely. (for vampires I mean) I am sure the mother watched the movie and thought probably the same thing. If your daughter is 12, I can promise you she has heard much worse things that this movie has to offer. I say relax. If you feel you cant do this, I would casually mention that you seen the movie and your opinion on the PG13 rating. And casually mention that your daughter has not been permitted to watch pg13 movies before so this doesnt happen again. Do not go to the other parents. I mean after all she is driving your daughter to this camp as a favor to you, no? and technically, causually or not, she did mention it to you. Maybe she thought you would say no if it bothered you. Then your poor daughter would have been "mortified" (as they call it) that she was the only one in the car who could not watch it. LOL Seriously though, I wouldnt over react.

Ron had excellent advice. Speak to whomever is in charge of the overall group ... there must be some guidelines. If this is not one of them then there needs to be something in place to assure that younger kids aren't being exposed to material they just can't process or is too mature for them.

Parents should definitely have a say.

L.
I think you should let this one slide. If you want more control get more involved.

My guess is that Twilight is so popular that she didn't even think about the rating. And probably just wanted the drive to be interesting esp. if it is at night!

I'd just ask the leader "what are any other movies you're planning on viewing?" And just express concern that the PG-13 rating covers a wide range of ideas and topics.

I remember being allowed to show "Flashdance" at a 13-14th birthday sleep-over and Mom realizing too late that it was an R.

I don't think you're overreacting, but you'll not know unless you ask. Discussing with the other parents might make this a bigger "Issue" than it needs to be.

I would say that you have every right to know what movies/ TV will be shown to your children when they are in the hands of someone you are essentially paying to keep you children for a weekend. You probably have to go the extra mile of making sure that things are up to your standard by asking what will be involved. Regardless of whether you feel that it is the responsibility of the people running the event to ask you or inform you of the activities, the reality is that you have to do you due diligence as a parent and ask the questions if the info is not forthcoming.
With that all being said, my husband works in the TV/Movie industry and the rating scale is highly controversial and based on demographics and marketing and overall liability (and in my opinion largely outdated). I would pay less attention to the rating and more attention to the content of the films. At 12, and with an older sister, she is probably ready to handle PG-13 movies. I think it has to do with the maturity level of your child more than trusting that the movie rating board has done their job.