Your Experience with Anxiety in a Child?

My wife and I have dealt with this with both of her children. Some situations bring it on more than others. We realized that the more we 'talked up' the event, like "2 more days till grandmas here, 1 more day till grandmas here...." the anxiety was WORSE. When we treated the events as non events, there were no issues. When the 'my tummy hurts' for school comes up, we pretty much just ignore it and say "o.k well let's get ready for school". You know when he is REALLY sick. Maybe not playing up the situation so much (if you are) may help. Good luck, I know it's tough.

We had the same situation and had to take my daughter to the pediatrician because of the stomach pains. Perfectly normal exam and nothing to worry about. While she is an outgoing and spirited kid and loves to try new things she is very very sensitive.

I am not surprised by the new events in your life that these issues have resurfaced. They did for us again before her dance recital and then she couldn't eat because her tummy hurt so bad. Then it improved after that and then tummy issues again before school started. We did our best to address the situation in the moment....and I did ask her do you think it hurts because you're nervous about....:xyz? Are you scared about xyz???? Sometimes I'll get these complaints again and stop to think what might have changed to cause this. I also tell her you might need to go to bed if you're sick and then you can't have that ice cream or we can't go to so and so's party. That approach has helped her refocus. I also use positive reinforcement and optimism to describe changes that are or will take place and help her understand what she is feeling.

I hear ya and hope it gets better!

My daughter has plain out thrown up from anxiety before.

I can see her beginning to get anxious and I try to talk to her immediately about it before SHE realizes that she's getting anxious.... I hope that makes sense. I keep Pepto tabs and Zantac on hand. Mine hasn't needed it in a long time. So maybe the calm, quiet chats help??? I don't know for sure.

What I do know is that for some of her anxiety, I've helped her by explaining how I can relate [heavily crowded areas give me HORRIBLE anxiety] and how I cope with it.

There have been once or twice that I've called her off of school and me off of work just to have a "stress-free" mommy/daughter day. I wouldn't do that if she weren't a great student either. However, that said... I've taken her temp (thinking maybe flu bug), when there's no fever, I tell her that she can take a Zantac and go to school.

*My daughter just started 3rd grade*

My youngest was a frequent visitor to the school nurse in second grade (she's a senior in HS now). Turns out, many kids in her class were. the teacher was not re-hired for the following year (not due to nurse's office visits; more due to the fact that she was a lousy teacher who made all the kids anxious!). I remember the school nurse saying something like "you know, I just wish the kids could say they were having a tough time in class or a bad day and just ask to hang out with us for a short break." Sometimes, that's all they need -- just a short break and a hug. After the first couple of times, rarely did the nurse call me -- and it was even more rare that my girl was able to leave school early!

My youngest two were somewhat anxious as little ones. They've gotten better over time. Some things we noticed:
- it's a fine line between support and coddling. Support is helpful to the kids in developing the skills needed to cope with their anxiety. Coddling just makes it worse (they never develop the self-reliance and confidence in themselves that they need -- and if Mommy behaves like there's something wrong, then it must REALLY be wrong, which reinforces the need to be anxious). It's up to us to find where that line is for each child (another reason I wish they'd just come with an owner's manual!).
- sometimes, acknowledging anxiety-producing situations before they happen helps "arm" a child. For example "I remember when I was little and there was a lot of stuff going on in my family, I used to get very nervous. Does that happen to you some times? Sometimes, _______ (fill in the blank with a strategy she can use) helped me feel better. Do you think that might help you? Let's practice how to do that."
- Be careful what you say to an anxious child. Once, my sister took my girls to see "The Nutcracker." After the Mouse King jumped onto the stage & surprised the Nutcracker Prince, my sister clutched her heart, turned to my then-7yo and said "Oh! How scary! He surprised me so much I thought I was going to have a heart attack!" Of course, she was just trying to engage my daughter. Come to find out (years later) my daughter took it that my sister was on the verge of having a heart attack, so she worried for the rest of the day what she should do when her aunt keeled over. Who should she tell? How could she call an ambulance? How would she and her younger sister get home? Would her aunt die? When she was telling us this it was both hysterical and very sad.
- this one may be unpopular with some, but I found that sometimes you need to make the kids deal with what makes them uncomfortable. Of course, you then congratulate them when it's over (but never with a "see, I told you it was no big deal"; more like "Yay! You did it! I know you were worried about that. I'm so proud of you!" Sometimes, experience really is the best teacher.
- celebrate your child. Even when she's not anxious, tell her how proud you are of her. Remind her of how far she's come, whether it be in school or in developing a new skill or whatever, regardless of whether or not she was nervous about it. If you demonstrate your confidence in her, it helps her build her confidence in herself.

Hang in. Good luck. With your love and support, there's nothing your daughter can't do.

With me, I know my mother would go through my day with me each morning. It always ended with a , " and then you can come home, relax, and have a nice night." Knowing that I wouldn't be at school forever, made it a little easier. It helped me also to know that if I can get through school, I will get to go home and relax and not worry about anything. Having something positive to refocus your mind helped me. I still do this as an adult. I hate going to the dr's, so, I tell myself that once my appointment is done, I can watch a certain show, or spend time with my family, etc. It helps me to focus on the positive and not on the cause for my anxiety..Hope this helps!

I was an anxious child at some point, becasue my anxious mother, generously, made me anxious with her fears,concerns and wrong ways to deal with them. I outgrew it but my suggestion would be to keep your anxiety in check (just in case you or someone else in the family has this problem) and to let her exercise abundantly, which helps a lot. Also see if the teacher is the trigger...you never know. Good luck.

I am still trying to figure this one out and my DD is a 5th grader. She was on Lexapro for 6 months but still have headaches and felt "weird". No one can seem to figure out the "weird" issue. I am anxious (tehehe-wonder where she gets it) to see what answers you get. Thanks for bringing it up!

OMG! My youngest daughter (now 34) used to actually vomit due to 'anxiety and/or stress', in the car I would just pull over & the problem would be handled to begin, she has excema so that created an even more acute physical problem, I just talked to her, doctored her & waited for the 'terrible' situation to pass, I simply told her she must go to school & made the teacher(s) and school personnel aware so they knew when something was 'out of hand' ill & her normal anxiety/stress. She is now a wonderful mommy & foster parent, professional, college grad & BUSY woman & wife.

I know have three grans that I am raising, two of them (one especially) are ALWAYZ sick & hurting with some minor ailment and/or 'owie' somewhere in or on their body. I ALWAYZ check out the problem just in casers, look, feel, take temp. etc.. I send them on their way with a, 'you will be O.K.' if it is simply due to anxiety/stress over whatever, I ask them questions about what is going on @ school, 'are you taking a test today?', 'is so & so giving you grief ?', etc., I try NOT to make it so they know I may think they are 'faking' or 'making it up', just try & figure out the REAL reason they feel they need the extra attention or to come home/stay home from school. If the school calls I talk to the nurse/office first & then to the kid and evaluate whether the call requires a pick up or to go back to class.

I, get quesy when I have something to do that I REALLY don't want to do just as I get 'butterflies' when I am getting ready or doing something really fun or exciting, don't you? Kidz are people too, they just don't know how to handle all those 'scary' feelings just yet, just stay calm, talk to her & I 'feel' ;) like it should all work out for her & you.

My youngest daughter definitely gets physical symptoms from stress which sometimes include headaches, backaches, and even itchy scalp and severe dandruff. Around 2nd grade was when weekly spelling and math fact tests started each Friday. I had to stop saying cheerfully on Thursday evening, "tomorrow is Friday!" something I thought would put most kids in a good mood, but it just stressed her out thinking of the timed tests the next day. She is also the kind of kid who would LOVE to stay home all day watching TV and playing computer games. A few times I have let her stay home only to realize I made the wrong call, she should have gone to school. Now I have some rules that work great with both my kids. If you are too sick to go to school in the morning, you go back to bed. I allow no TV or screen time if there are no obvious symptoms of illness like vomiting, high fever, etc. They also have to lay down in their bed after lunch and take a nap or rest. I have the school send their homework with to us with a neighbor kid, which I have them work on that evening. There are no evening activities, playing outside with neighbor friends, or going out of the house at all if they stay home from school sick. So I am a mean mom, because I make it incredibly boring to stay home sick if they only have a minor discomfort and not a real illness. And my kids hate to be bored, they'd much rather go to school, so it works out really well. If they really are sick, they actually want to be in bed and don't even care about TV.

I also don't make any promises the night before someone is complaining that they can stay home from school tomorrow. If they are asking to stay home the next day, I always just say, "we'll wait and decide on that in the morning." Many times they will feel better after a night's rest but if you've already put them in the mindset they'll *may* be staying home, they'll be wanting to go down the staying at home path the next day.

Unless one of my kids was sick the day before, I make them get up, eat breakfast and get ready for school each day, even if they're on the fence, they start getting in motion. I watch how they eat breakfast. If they eat normally, I take that as a good sign they'll be fine at school. Not eating at all, I'm more concerned it may be a real issue because they are normally good breakfast eaters. Often after they get out of the groggy stage, that little bit of phlegm in their throat doesn't bother them so much and they're fine. So I don't talk about staying home sick too soon. I act as if everything is normal and she is going to school and chances are she will fall into her regular routine unless she is really sick. If she is dressed and ready and still complaining, yet absent of physical symptoms, I ask they go and just try to be at school for the day. If they are feeling too poorly to concentrate or participate at school, they can call me. Almost always they stay at school. Once they are there, they very often get distracted from their little irritations.

If one of my kids does call me from school that they feel sick and want to come home, I will go and pick them up right away. But they know when we get home, they go take a nap. I'll ask them if they'd rather be home napping or at school if I think they are on the fence. If they really are sick, they really really want to be in bed. Otherwise, they may choose to stick it out for the day.

Well when I was younger I use to get that feeling in my stomach and I did not know what to do. Now that I am older I have them but I pray and it makes things better, because I know that God has it all in his hands. Or google some comforting scriptures that will help.

My daughter is in the 4th grade. She has had tummy issues for quite a while. Even as a toddler, she'd run to the bathroom and lay across the toilet. It's gotten more severe in the 3 years since her dad and I separated. It comes on when she is with him, or during the days before as she gets anxious about going. He has a lot of anger toward me, and so he's quite angry and yells a lot. He also asks her a bunch of questions about me. When I ask him to tone it down, he denies doing it. I took her to the doctor, who ran tons of tests. They think it's just the anxiety, and the feeling of being out of control. He did give her some medication (Hydscyamine) that she can take when she feels the discomfort coming on. She keeps it in her overnight bag. Poor thing. I wish I could do more for her. I understand why the laws are in place - it's important for kids to keep a relationship with their dad - but, it's more important for the kids to be healthy. She would feel so much better if she knew she could be part of the decision about whether she goes to visit or not. My older daughter has stopped going, but she's a lot stronger than my 9 year old. She just tells him she's not coming. I take her with me for the hand-off, unless he will put in writing that she doesn't have to come. I have to do everything legally. It's a lot of stress on all of us, but at least the kids don't have to be with him a whole lot. It's definitely better than it was when we lived with him.