I have a 7 year old son and a almost 4 year old son. When the 7 year old's friends come over, the 4 year old always wants to play. Most of the time, this is completely fine and works out great. However, with the older child's best friend, it does not work out very well. The problem is that the two 7 year olds want to play alone or they want to do things that the 4 year old cannot do. The older child and best friend get very frustrated and in the end which leads to them usually treating the 4 year old poorly. I've been working with them to not treat the 4 year old badly, but I haven't found a great solution for what to do about the 4 year old yet. There are times when the older child and best friend should be left alone. What do you do in your home? I've tried several things, but I was wondering if others had different ideas. Thank you!
Thank you for your responses! The playdate went fine today. I did take some time with the youngest but he also really wanted to be with the older boys. Eventually, I think it just might be something that the brothers will have to work out among themselves. I am an only child and don't always quite understand the sibling issues. Parenting is a crazy, fun, chaotic, rewarding journey!! If you have any suggestions for website or books regarding siblings, I'd love to have you post them here! :)
I would have the big kids play for a bit with the 4 year old and then occupy the 4yr old with something he enjoys for a while allowing the best friends to play undisturbed. While they can not treat him poorly, you have to enforce him listening and not pestering them constantly.
sounds like most of the time the boys play well together. I'd suggest taking the time for some one on one with your little guy, or set him up a playdate of his own when your older son has his BFF over. It's not something I'm normally a fan of, but you're right, you're big guy needs time to be a big guy, and as long as he is respectful to his brother he should get some alone time.
I have O. child--a son, age 8. But most of his friends have younger siblings. The other moms usually allow some time for all of them to play together and then gets the younger O. (mostly little sisters) involved in another activity to give the older ones some boy time.
As the oldest in my family and I have two sons three years apart, it is important for the older child's identity to have things that are "his" alone. I would make alternate plans for the youngest or involve him somewhat towards the end of the older boys time as an atta boy for not pestering his older brother. Explain to the older children that they will have time to themselves but must make time (10 to 15 mins) to play a game with baby brother. Tell your older son that it may be a drag but his brother is learning how to play with friends from him. It is an older brother's responsibility to provide a good example to follow. Maybe that will help older brother with his feelings. Younger sibling idolize the older one and usually try to do everything they do. It drove me nuts when my sisters pestered me when my friends were over. There are some arguments that they do need to work out for themselves with compromise. This is one that you have to step in on. Good luck! Siblings - it is a crazy ride.
I would invite a friend for the 4yo or set up a play date for him at someone else's house. We have faced this situation before, and this is what works well for us.
Or you can switch off houses for the besties to play together.
I have an 8 year old girl and a 4 year old boy.
I have play-dates all the time for both of them.
Either together or separately, per friends.
If my son, the 4 year old wants to play, he does. My daughter does not mind. They ALL play with him.
If my daughter's friend says she doesn't want my son to play (with them), I tell ALL the kids, that "this is Jane's brother, he is family, so be nice."
My daughter, sticks up for her brother.
I DO NOT LET THE OTHER KIDS TREAT MY SON THAT WAY. It is my house, our play-date, and I teach ALL the kids, to be nice.
I ALSO teach the older kids, my daughter's friends, that YES, her brother is younger... SO THAT MEANS, be respectful of that fact. And sure, he cannot necessarily do everything they can. But he can be included and treated fairly. They are old enough to understand, that younger kids, are younger.
I also explain to my son, that that is his sister's friends, and HE knows them too. But sometimes they want to play alone. Its okay. If he has trouble, with them, to tell me.
I also explain to him, that not 'everything' his older sister does, is his age activities. He understands that. Even at his age.
I do not let any kid, mistreat my kids or each other. When I have play-dates at our home.
Kids are at our house all the time.
all the best,
Susan
