"You Don't L. Me!", What Does This Mean and How Do I Treat It.

Sounds like someone figured out how to push mom's buttons and get a response! This is pruely a way of 'getting back at you' for punishing her. At her age it is hard for her to understand the difference between like and L.. My mother taught me (I was a very 'spirited' child) the phrase "I will always L. you, but sometimes I don't like the things you do very much." (I am guessing I probably said things like your dd does too! ) This way she knows she is loved, but you don't like her behavior. It also helps her learn the difference between like and L.. good luck, I turned out ok despite my 'spiritedness' as a child.

She just wants to be hugged. Grab her and cuddle her and say you L. her. It sounds like she is angry about something. While she is calm sit and talk to her about what is going on in her little head. It could be about her baby brother or it could be something else.

She's just expressing her feelings...for what she is capable at her age.

My daughter went through a quick phase of that too. I would simply tell her "I L. you no matter what" even when she was in a tantrum. And it made her happy. My telling her that went a long way in making her feel better.

I would recommend "not" telling her things like - you L. her even when she doesn't make you happy-- a child hears "they don't make Mommy happy...." This is a lot for a child to digest...it can possibly make them feel that no matter what they do it's not good enough and that they can never make their Mommy happy. Maybe she tells you "you don't L. me" because she is frustrated, and she can't be "perfect" all the time. A child can never carry that on their shoulders, it's a big burden.

I also would tell my girl, "just try your best. You don't have to be perfect. Mommy always loves you." Also, I would not recommend asking your daughter if she loves you...this is too much for a child to discern. Don't make it her problem to handle. She's too young.

Don't take it personally when your girl tells you "you don't L. me"...but rather, take it as a hint that she needs more attention and possible one on one time with you. Little girls are tender hearted and sensitive...they "need" to know that they are being "heard" and not just having another comment to make them quiet or "behave."

I also would not recommend laughing at her in response... this just teaches them that their feelings don't matter. It's not helpful. Children NEED to know that they matter... that their feelings are being "heard" and cared about. Just like any other person. At this age, their "identity" is forming...they need to know they are loved no matter what....not based on their behavior.

Part of it is the age of development... and perhaps also because you have another baby. Regardless... your girl is obviously searching for some attention and wants to know that Mommy always loves her. Sometimes as Parents, we don't realize that most of the time we say things to our children that are focused on their "naughty" behaviors and trying to correct them all the time... but, we need to concentrate instead on their tender moments and their emotional needs too. Your girl needs reassurance. Don't debate about it with her... don't ask her to define "L.".. she is just a little girl.

It will pass I"m sure...kids this age are dealing with so much..their emotions, cause & effect, social "rules," feelings, tantrums, comparing, independence, sense of self, behaving etc. A little at a time...and with patience...this is the way kids show us they need us. Sometimes, a tantrum and things like this show they have an un-met need. Soon enough, as she matures, she will understand. Just give her time.

Good luck and take care,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hi M.:
If I was four years old, and you were attempting to explain the term (unconditional L.)after punishing me, I'd be angry to.It hasn't A thing to do with your second child. You wish it was that simple.Your daughter is (four) not twentyfour. You certainly don't expect her to grasp that type of vocabulary at her young age do you? How would you respond,if at four years old your parent told you, that there are times, that (you) didn't make (her) happy? My gosh,thats all our children live for,is to make us happy,to please us,make us proud. You don't need to try and teach her what unconditional L. is, she knows that better than you.Each time, you question her L. for you, you belittle her.Its as though you are attempting to shame her into submission,or better behavior.Its my personal opinion,that,for the sake of your children and your relationship with them, you seek some counseling.I felt compeled to add to my response,as I noticed you altered your original request.You (cleaned it up,) and changed what you said to your daughter,so it would appear as though our responses here were exagerated.It makes one believe,that you may be in denial.I still believe, that you would benifit from some counseling.

She is just trying to get a rise out of you, don't let her do it. Reassure her that you do L. her and give her a brief explanation of why you do the things you do. Kids are smart, especially your daughter and it sounds like she has figured out how to push your buttons-just don't let her win.

Hi M. L. Your daughter is fine, it sounds to me like she is trying to manipulate you into not being mad or angry at her. little girls are good and manipulation, don't fall for it. mother for 24 years J..