Yep, I'm THAT Mom. Embrace It??

Wow. You need another school. Is that a possibility? I'd happily be "that mom" about his lunch. What is wrong with these people?

Ok, my boys are 18 and 19 now, and at various times, even through high school, I have been "that mom" on certain occasions. I have NO regrets.

I don't think it's an either/or question.
You work WITH the teacher to help your son settle in and do his work.
When and IF your son needs to be more challenged you address it at that time.
Kids grow and learn in spurts. Your son may be "ahead" now but he could just as easily be struggling later in the year, or next year, don't assume you know what he can and cannot handle going forward.
You've moved to a new place things are different. Your kids need to get used to new schedules and routines, and so do you.
Your kids have many years of school ahead of them, so I suggest you try to work WITH the system, the teachers and staff, and other parents.
Remember being "that" mom means your more likely to have "that" kid, you know, the brat/bully who thinks he's above the rules, the one no one wants to play with.

Oh yes, by all means, be THAT mom.
The one who comes in blazing, the one who's children are more important than anyone else's, the one who can't adapt to change and accept compromises.
Oh and especially be the one who takes her son's word about what happens at lunch instead of actually discussing it with the teacher (I am sure there's more to THAT story than what he's telling you.)
Good God, you're in a new community, try to work WITH it, not against it.

Balance - be "that" mom when it counts, but be "that" mom WITH the teacher. You want them to know that you are part of the team that educates your kids. Learn how things work. You are not where you were - that's a fact that you have to accept. There were things you liked there that they don't do here. But if you can learn all the what and the why, it may make more sense. And if you can find out where you can support the teachers, hopefully they will appreciate it. There is a balance between supporting your kid 100% and supporting the teacher as well. You want ALL of them to have a good experience. It won't work all the time, but better to have the rep as the tough but fair mom that supports her kid AND the teacher instead of just being "that" mom.

You know, some people have this special art of making every parent feel like they're "THAT mom." But chances are it's not just you. You're voicing a number of reasonable complaints; I doubt you're the only one.

That said, it might be a good idea to pick your battles. The security camera thing? That sounds like a losing battle and a waste of energy. Inconvenient schedules? Same thing.

But if the curriculum is at a far remove from where your son is academically, that's going to cause all kinds of genuine problems down the road. So, be your son's advocate, and don't apologize for it! You're the only person who can fill this role. Concretely, what you're probably looking for is a) gifted & talented placement; b) having him go to third grade for math; or c) transfer to a district with a gifted & talented program. (This last one is veeeery hard to get; I wouldn't even try unless you've exhausted the other two options).

Finally, I've seen two kinds of "THAT parent" at my son's new school. One is a friend of mine -- her daughter is transgender, and she's had to do an insane amount of heavy lifting in order to get her recognized and acknowledged as a girl. But she's such a truly lovely person, through and through, that she doesn't come across as a problem parent. Her core campaign strategy is to get everyone and their pet poodle on her side.

The other type of person is the dad of a boy who's in the same gifted & talented program as my son. This kid's parents really founded the program, and they had to do a LOT to make it happen. The dad has pretty much decided, from what I can tell, that it's his job to be effective, not to be popular. So the guy is loud. He doesn't stop until he gets results. But he gets things done. And a lot of people are incredibly grateful to him. I mean, he's gotten grants, he's gotten money from the state. He's abrasive as hell, but ... some china shops NEED bulls ... you know what I mean?

Yes, you should schedule a parent-teacher conference. And yes, embrace that you are an involved mom - as long as you are not a helicopter mom (to me, the difference is this: you want to help your child grow and learn to be independent in the world, not protect him from the world. You teach your child how to fight his own battles for his lunch, you don't fight the battle for him.)

But also 2 other things.
1) Join the PTA. You will learn a LOT about how the school works this way, which is especially important since you are coming from a different school culture. Plus, you may learn about opportunities to be in the school. For example, due to security rules after the tragety in Conn., in my school only volunteers scheduled by the PTA can be in the school. So, if you want to have more of an ear to the ground to see how your kids are doing, you could volunteer - through the PTA - to work in the library during their library time.

2) Do some online research into NY laws about gifted and talented programs. In PA, a school must test a child for GATE within 90 days of a written request from the parent to the school. So if you think your child needs enrichment, this might be a way to get the ball rolling. Even if they decide that your child doesn't qualify for the entire GATE program, they will have documentation that he needs some enrichment in a particular area. The laws on this differ by state, so you need to do your own homework on the laws in your state so that you know how to properly make the request for enrichment.

Good luck!

Well your kids ARE members of the It's All About Me Me Me I'm Special My Mommy Even Said So generation, after all. Sigh.

I'm becoming known for this quote and it's not mine.

"Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child."

:(

YES- be THAT mom! If the teacher is annoyed with you- that is life! As someone who has tons of teachers in my family and in my life- I would hope that a good teacher would embrace the fact that you are active in their education.

As with dealing with anyone- it is a good idea to not try and tell her how to do her job- but just try and make it seem like you are concerned and would like to know how she may handle this situation.

Just like with men- make it seem like it was their idea and they may be more receptive to the situation.

But absolutely talk to her. The last thing you want is your child getting in trouble because they are too smart (even though that would be the exact reason but you know what I mean!)

Embrace it but be polite - also ask about your child being tested/evaluated for Gifted or even a grade skip if his skills are at that level.

Also, get into volunteering and become active in the school. I know it is frustrating but thanks to all the hysteria over the school shootings (which security is necessary but going overboard is wrong) - there are more restrictions on who can be on campus.

I'm THAT mom, too .... and I say do whatever you have to do to help your child succeed and be happy. F!@# everyone else if they don't like it.

have you thought about checking out a local charter school that will work your son at his level regardless of age/grade level?

Seriously...have you considered homeschooling?
Or another option for educating your kids?

You seem to be very on top of what they're learning and what the process is. And you seem to take issue with a lot of things (not saying that's right or wrong...just a fact).
I'm wondering if you'd be better satisfied by providing your kids' learning environments yourself. Or having someone else do it at home?

Don't borrow trouble. First, the K thing that you described is how it's done in my school district. Parents are welcome to take pics outside on day 1, be there as their kids get off the bus for the first time, etc. but only the students and staff go into school. They are perfectly capable of saying good-bye outside and going into school as little students without us. So yes it's a change from what you're used to, but it's not unreasonable.

For the different schedules...4th graders are developmentally very different from younger kids and should be on a schedule that's appropriate for them. In my town, 4th grade isn't even in the same school as K & 2 - we go K-2, 3-5, 6-8 & 9-12. Again, perhaps different than what you're used to but most likely steeped in logic.

Try to keep your mind open and trust that you picked a community where the school district has policies based on sound principles. Just because it's different doesn't mean that it's weird or bad. It'll take some getting used to but just like you tell your kids to be open to new experiences and give people the benefit of the doubt, you have to do the same thing.

Volunteer - go to the PTA meetings, sign up to be a classroom volunteer if your schedule allows. Get to know the faculty, staff, and other parents. They will be your network for the next 13 years if you stay in the same place. Get off on the right foot. Of course it's OK to question things, but be polite and open-minded about it. Treat your children's teachers and the staff at their school like the partners in education that they are.

As for your second grader...give it a bit of time. Get settled and see how it goes. It may very well be the case that your school district does use formal differentiated instruction or something like RTI (response to intervention) after they get through assessing who is where. Your child will not be the only second grader who is proficient in reading and math. My guess is that they do have plans in place to address the wide variety of proficiency that is common at this age, but that's not something one would get into at a general Back to School night.

Just try to relax, keep an open mind and assume the best until you have reason to take action. Obviously the lunch box incident and the school bus not stopping needed some action so you took it and resolved the issue. That's good, but don't walk around with a chip on your shoulder just because it's different from what you're used to.

I would continue to be "THAT MOM"...these are your children, and you have the right to speak up for them and protect them, as much as the school system does. I would definitely inform the 2nd grade teacher of your son's advancement, as well as keep him challenged at home. That way you know that he is not bored, whether or not the teacher heeds your advice. Good Luck and hopefully, your experiences with the NY School System improves. God Bless.

I'm "that mom" and to make matters worse, I'm married to "that dad." Well maybe it does make things easier to be married to "that dad." This way they look at our ways as a "cultural thing." Anyhow, as "that mom" you really need to not be afraid to take on the challenge yourself of talking to the teacher and guidance counselor/principal if needed. The only person that will "go to bat" for your child is you. I was lucky that my son goes to a private school, so parents have more of a say. When I mentioned that my DS was was ahead, they started a computerized math program for all the students so they could work at their own pace. DH and I told the middle school principal that the work was still to easy for DS, so the principal had the guidance counselor test him. They jumped him over a grade and the principal decided to teach a special science class for high honors students. You might also want to suppliment your child's school work with your own. (It's called after schooling.)

I am THAT mom, and I do embrace it, even at this early age (2). I don't see anything wrong with it and don't care of others don't like it. My focus is on making sure that MY kid is good, at every turn.

That said, I wouldn't tell the teacher that my son will be bored and likely act out. I would let her know that he does that stuff already and let her figure out how to negotiate teaching the entire class. There will be different levels of capability in class that she'll have to figure out. Should he act out, you've given her a possible reason for it, so she'll have a place to start in addressing it besides a frustrated note to you because she can't begin to know why YOUR kid is out of order. She might even let him work ahead a bit or be a helper. Let her negotiate that. You might even ask her what she suggests that you do for him at home.

There is NOTHING AT ALL wrong with being the involved parent.

You need to go with whatever your mommy gut is telling you to do. Every school has it's pro's and con's and it'll take time to get used to a new school but if something just isn't right, then yes... you should most definitely be "that" mom. Good luck to you and your family. :)

I am a teacher and I would not want many of these responders children in my class. Parents, you need to have trust in your child's teacher! You are concerned about your second grader, have you gone on EngageNY.org to learn about the common core? This is a great resource for you so you will inform yourself about what is expected. You can always give your child extra work until you have patent-teacher conferences. You don't want to be "that mother" in your child's school. The one the teachers roll their eyes at and try to avoid. The teacher who doesn't want your child, not because of your child, but because they don't want to deal with "that parent". Maybe join the PTA so you can meet other moms and get to know what's expected in the school.

2nd graders is just learning to read? Really? Here, the goal of exiting Kindergarteners is ability to read. So is basic addition like you mentioned. My newly minted first grader can read the Rainbow Magic series by Daisy Meadows. She can do basic math in her head. She's just an average kid.
Maybe you need to find a new school. She goes to public school. Multiplication tables is learned in first grade.

You're your child's advocate. So don't worry about "that mom" stuff.

I do strongly recommend that you leap into getting involved at your kids' school. Since you have three kids there, you can find a LOT to do. Volunteering inside the school, especially during the school day if possible, is an invaluable way to find out things and really learn the school's culture. And every school has a culture.

Volunteering lets you meet other parents who also are involved and interested (and yes, available -- there are many involved, interested parents who can't volunteer even if they want). Other parents give you a sounding board and a good reality check. You need to talk with some parents, for instance, who have fifth or sixth graders at the school because they can really let you know that things ARE as odd as you think, or the school is actually terrific, or the school is tough about security because of incident X two years back, or teacher Y is tough so kids say they hate her but she's an excellent teacher....Knowing other parents helps you get the big picture and you might soon understand why your 4th grader, for instance, has a totally different schedule or why the security seems tight to you.

Volunteering makes teachers more aware of who you child is and who you are. I am not saying teachers in any way favor kids whose parents volunteer. But it's just unavoidable that teachers may be a bit more likely to take that extra moment to talk to you if you're heading out after spending an hour cutting out and assembling workbooks for the K class. And just the time you spend sitting in the hallway doing that, or helping serve at the Thanksgiving meal, or chaperoning the field trip, all let you see how the teachers relate to the kids and also let you get to know your child's classmates (and eventually their parents....see paragraph above!).

As for the math: Do you have a parent-teacher conference coming up in the fall, maybe November? That would be a good and appropriate time to talk about this. Gives your son another month to settle in and the teacher a month to get to figure out his math skills. Keep close tabs on what his homework is - look at it every night -- so you know the types of problems he is doing and can say with real knowledge, "The homework has not gone past addition yet but he can multiply up to 12s; we are concerned he is getting bored." Do push for him to be challenged. Be sure not to charge in there going, "Our kid is a math whiz and you're not serving him!" That will make any teacher defensive and, yes indeed, label you as "that parent" in a way that is more damaging. Instead, say how you want to work with the teacher so that he keeps his interest in math strong. (It's not unusual for a kid to be good at something, get bored when class is too easy and then get poor grades in his "best subject" because he slacked off due to pure boredom. I bet the teacher knows this already and will work with you --not against you.)

As for the 4th grade schedule: Not sure why it's surprising that it should be so different from your other kids' schedules. By 4th, it's a whole different world from 2nd in so many ways -- it's only two grades apart but the teachers expect a whole lot more. If you don't know why the schedules are different, ask someone. It's the kind of thing that other parents can really help you with.