Y Do I Keep Allowing This?

Just stick to what you say. If you say tuesday, and he shows up monday, tell him to come back tomorrow. If he says he can't take them after agreeing, then tell him that it's too bad that he will miss out. My mom used to pull this trick with us (my dad had full custody) and they eventually had to go back to court and get visitation re-issued... They got EVERYTHING put on paper... alternating years, days, etc. That way she couldn't claim that my dad wasn't 'letting' her see us... and holding her to her word. They did compromise a lot, but my dad had that piece of paper for when she was being unreasonable.

I've gone through this too. My first year separated my ex called and said it was his day when we had planned on them being with me. I was so upset. He was always trying to control me. That has stopped once we went to court and had designated times set. For Xmas we don't go by the papers which is scary for me up until the question gets asked. He has been so far letting me pick the day my family celebrates which is nice although last year he showed up an hour early on Xmas morning beeping the horn. We had family here that spent the night and my father came to watch the kids open gifts. One of my sons was in the shower and the other in his pjs yet. He left for 5 mins and came back for them. Since he drove from another town I let them go but was not happy. This year I told him to pick them up at (what the set time is). Keeping my fingers crossed!

Well from this little tid bit it sounds to me like you keep letting it happen because you are putting your daughter first. You are looking beyond pettiness and seeing that your daughter needs and deserves time with both of her parents. If it's a real issue (and not just an annoyance) you need to start the new year sticking with the court ordered agreement. Good luck to you.

As one of the other moms said - you do seem to be doing what's best for your child - ultimately that's most important. I'm sure it breaks your heart - but the long term goal of an emotionally healthy child is your priority. Keep at this - as much as you want to wring your ex's neck.... You are doing the right thing - no matter how tough it is.

But since your dauughter will be with your ex and his family on Christmas day can't she be with you on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning? Create new traditions for the two of you since you'll probably have this situation every other year. Go to a candlelight church service together on ChristmasEve, and maybe make special cookies together (or make them ahead of time and then two of you can "paint" the icing on them christmas Eve). Then on Christmas morning before you bring her to her dad's house have a special breakfast - maybe even some of those cookies that you made the night before. You could even let her make up small packages of the cookies that she could give to her cousins & grandma on dad's side of the family the next day. It allows her to remember and tell her grandma & cousins about the special time she had with her mom. (And it reflects well on your to his family too - which isn't a bad thing either.)

I give you a lot of credit for doing what's best for your child and sacrificing your preferences. While your child can't see this now since she's young, she will recognize it when she's older and appreciate it, and love you all the more for it. Trust me - I was one of those children and I can assure you that kids will realize one day (for me it was about 17) what mom has done for them. Kudos to you mama.

How frustrating!! You're awesome!!! Your daughter will see this and see your maturity and your ex's immaturity!! My husband's mom played games, played the victim and his dad never said a word about it. In time, my hubby saw exactly what was going on and had a lot of respect for his dad. Good luck to you and keep strong!!

Hugs Sweety, Ex husbands are such a pain in the gummpy. That being said I aree with Red. If he sints paying fair with you then you need to go back to what is writen on paper. when he get all huffy calmly say that you are having a hard time with how things have been working and to reduce the stress between all ove you its best if you just go by what the cort said. At least for a little whill. As long as you so what what is said on paper there is nothing he can realy do about it. ANd So what if he gets upset. I feel (and I am sure others will disagree with me) That if was playing fare and would be willing to share a little of his time with you would would be willing to keep being flexable with him. He brought it on his self.
Blessings
S.

OOOHHH do I know the game. You can avoid all of this if you just go by the COS. Then there is nothing to agrue about and it creates structure for your daughter to know who she will be with on what days. I understand being a little flexible but when it is constantly changing it creates havick....

you are lovely to be accommodating and gracious, but maybe it's just time to stop. if he won't budge, you don't need to either.
of course, i do see your point. and your daughter is internalizing all that too, and learning how to take the high road from you.
you are awesome.
khairete
S.

Not sure if you are wanting advise or not but my ex frequently does this. What I've had to start doing is confirming everything (the visitation schedule, her activities he says he is bringing her to etc) via text message or e-mail so I have "proof" I told him and he confirmed. I was giving him a paper (and keeping a copy) with the date at the top and all her activities to him but several times it would be the day before an event and I would remind him about it and he would claim he had no idea and she would be so disappointed she couldn't go, I finally told her I told him about it and if she really wants to do the activity then she needs to let him know (I was tired of him making me look like the bad guy and say that I didn't tell him when he knew darn good and well I did). I am also keeping a log of every time he changes his mid week visitations or doesn't get her, I also put a copy of the schedule I give him or word for word what the text/e-mail said and the date I sent it and when he relied and what he replied. I am hoping this will help when we go back to court. Sorry your ex is a jerk too, hopefully he'll grow up and realize he is only hurting your daughter by playing stupid games.

You seem to have your daughters best interest in heart. Try setting a schedule and sticking to it or getting 3rd party mediator to help set a schedule and this way it won't interfere with anyone's plans.