Wouldn't It Be Easier to Sleep Train an Older Toddler Who You Can Explain To?

my son is 3 he will be 4 in September and refuses to sleep in his own room no matter what. He says hes lonely and asks why he cant sleep with me and daddy go to his room.. Finally yesterday he told me when im 5 i will sleep in my room! :0/

I hate to tell you this but there is no reasoning with a toddler or a preschooler. And my daughter at age 7 can understand reasoning but is so into her routines and fears that they are hard to break. If you want him to sleep on his own the time to do it is now. Otherwise just accept that you have a bed companion (or lack thereof) for a long time. It does get harder the older they get (I learned this the hard way with taking the binky away

oooh, lol. Way harder when they are older, and can argue back! My son didn't sleep a night til he was over 5, because I wasn't firm enough with him when he was a baby/toddler.
Just be firm over about a week, really firm, it will be hard. I was firm with my daughter and she sleeps great now at 3. I mean the odd getting out of bed, but its the "odd" one, not every night.

The longer you keep this up the harder it will get. You assume that in the next , what?? 18 months give or take a few, your child will have the ability to reason. Not going to happen. Shane said 20 and I think that is wishful thinking LOL. Best I can tell ya is train now, the heck with the new neighbors, and get Junior back to sleeping on his own. Good luck.

I would get him in a toddler bed to avoid falls, and get your DH back in the marriage bed. If he comes to you at night put him back to sleep, or put up a baby gate. If he cries at night just put him back into bed and keep doing it until he learns. It may take some time, especially since what he has learned so far it that if he just keeps crying you will give into what he wants (ie, dad in his room). Now you have to re-teach him that it is in fact you that makes the rules and not him. Best of luck

Good news is since you already got a mattress you could just use that on the floor rather than buying a toddler bed.

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We did the same thing you are doing for over 2.5 years. Eventually we'd had it and said this, "This is our new bedtime routine. Daddy will read three books and turn out the night. He will sing one song, put you in your bed, and leave the room. We will not lie on the floor next to you. You need to stay in your bed and sleep by yourself." (Kiddo was almost 3). It took three nights - the first night he cried for ten minutes, then slept through. The second night he cried for 5, and then after 20 minutes of silence I (like an idiot) crept in to cover him up. He was still awake! Then he howled for 20+ minutes (that sucked for me) and slept through again. The third night he let out a howl as my husband walked out of the room and that was it! Smooth sailing with just a few ripples here and there since then - and it's been almost a year.

Explain to your neighbors what you'll like to do and see how they react. Maybe they're taking an out-of-town vacation soon and you can re-train him while they're away.

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All behaviors that are needed to be taught to our children, must be instilled...and how are they instilled you may ask....by teaching them as early as they can understand. And do not be fooled, children understand plenty from very early on. They push the envelope and see what they can get away with and when we are lacking sleep or annoyed, we let them get away with plenty...and they know it and use it against us. You need to start teaching him now, because by the time he grows older enough to converse with, he will have developed the nasty habit you wanted to rid him of in the first place. At which point you will have a child who will not reason, but argue. You should leave him in his room, alone, to sleep. You will have a rough couple of nights, but he will come to know whathe needs to do. The more you give in, the more he will take advantage of you. Try starting a new routine he will like, a story at bedtime with him cuddled against you so he'll feel safe and explain that this is the new routine and mommy & daddy need to sleep in the grown up bed in their room. Give it a try and good luck!

Why don't you just move the crib to your room?

Who are the parents here? Who's in charge? Looks to me like it's your son. You need to establish a new bed time routine and explain to your son the first night what's happening. He's perfectly old enough and smart enough to understand that he needs his own sleep space and that Mommy and Daddy need their own bed and room too. He's not going to like the change at first but you can't let your fear of his reaction keep you from making this change. It's not healthy for him or your marriage. If he's afraid, he'll wake up and call you and then you can soothe him back to sleep. He needs to learn these skills now so that they're easy for him later. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

Look up "Dr Ferber" and "Ferberizing." Ignore "crying it out" because most people have absolutely no clue what it actually is.

This is what I thought too, so we let our older girls stay in bed with us. They're now 4.5 and 3 (!) and, as much as I can give them reasons that they need to stay in their own bed, they can give counter-points. hahaha.

I'm hoping they'll sleep in their own beds all night before they get married...otherwise that might get awkward ;o)

I think it's easier the younger they are, before the habit really kicks in. But I also agree with Dana, if you guys are ok with the situation, move the crib to your room so you can all get sleep together.

I totally understand your logic, but I personally have to disagree with it.
I think it's so much harder the longer you wait.
You can't wait for the magic day they just understand your reason for something. That could take the next 20 years. And trust me, it will take that long over certain things.
Your little on has YOU sleep trained. Well, your husband anyway.
You invested in this routine. You bought a mattress for your husband to sleep on next to your child.
I would have invested some time talking to my neighbors and letting them know they might hear some crying at night, I would have invested in some nights of listening to crying so that I could have my husband in my bed. That investment might pay off sooner.
That's just my opinion.
Everyone does their own thing, I respect that. I just think it's harder to change a habit the longer the habit is in place.
Kids really can be happy and secure and have a bed time and sleep in their own bed and know that mommy and daddy sleep together because that's the way it works.
It's a matter of routine as opposed to trying to get a little kid to grasp an abstract concept. They want what they want. When they don't get it, they don't like it. They don't have to like it. It's okay. But, it's still the way it is.
Again, it's just my opinion and I mean no offense to anyone.

Best wishes.

Check out Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" series. Lots of good advice there, for a variety of ages.

My guess is that your kiddo still has rather vivid memories of being unable to breathe well. This would tend to make him want to wake up regularly and check to see if he is safe, ie, if there is a grownup there to protect him. He may also be dealing with current breathing issues, leftovers from the pneumonia. Make sure he's been evaluated by a respiratory therapist.

Note regarding all cosleeping horror stories....they do move to their own beds eventually. We have a shared household of six kids, five of whom coslept. They are ages 3 to 14 now. They are all in their own beds.

Nothing wrong with speeding up the process, though, if that's your preference. :)

Good luck.

We never did any "sleep training". We just did what worked for us so we could all sleep.

By 14 months our daughter was out of the crib and sleeping on a mattress on the floor. One of us would lay down with her each night and read stories and then stay until she was asleep. She always slept through until morning this way.

It doesn't get easier...not in our case anyway. We decided that if they needed us at night -we'd be there. We put them to bed in their rooms - and often one wanders in sometime in the night... and it's ok. Someday they won't want to - and I will miss them cuddling up next to me. My advice (which may be unpopular) is don't stress - enjoy it : )

Definitely harder the older they get! Even at 2 months shy of 4, my son doesn't comprehend "why" he needs to go to bed! Do it know when he can't try to argue back!

I agree, that's how we felt about our kids and we coslept with them. I think it would probably be easier for you to switch the crib to your room. When we starting transitioning our daughter to her own room, we started with a toddler bed next to our bed. Once she was used to it, we moved her into her own room and let her have her stuffed animals on her bed "so she won't be lonely" (her idea), and after a few nights of tucking her in and retucking her in, she slept through the night fine by herself. Every child is different, but for us, sleep training her when she was older was a lot easier for us (she was about 3). Good luck!

It is going to get worse before it gets better.
He needs to re-learn how to self soothe.
You can explain until you're purple -- he wants his way and he's going to scream until he gets it... You can go in when he wakes up, lay him down and pat his back. Don't say a word. Then walk out.
He'll figure it out... it won't be fun... but you'll get your life back.
LBC

most of the answers here i agree with - now will be easier. you also got some really good advice on how to do it. my son is 4 1/2 and reasoning only works on the things he WANTS to agree with/understand. once he's older he will STILL want to stay with you, only he'll be able to yell louder and longer, and it'll be even less cute. add to that he'll start making logical arguments in his own favor. better to do it now, trust me! i had a stubborn one, when he was 2 he had a very bad case of hand, foot and mouth disease - he put me through hell getting him back in his own bed after that. nightmare! so i know how hard it can be. but i fully believe it's for the best. unless, like they say, you want to keep it that way till they graduate...lol.

Nope...I don't think it will be easier when child gets older...they will just get better at debating you then...hee...hee!

Check out a great book that is my sleeping bible. "Sleeping Through The NIght" by Dr. Jodi Mindel She is a sleep doctor..really knows her stuff.

It gives sooooo many troubleshooting ideas. Gives real life stories and how to fix the situation. Seriously..it is a godsend.

My shortlist would include getting into a soothing nighttime routine,turn off the lights, read a book, say prayers and do this all quietly...and say that you will check on him every 5 minutes if he stays quiet. i would go in after 5 minutes and kiss his forehead or rub his back for a few seconds then say I will come back again in 5 minutes if you stay in bed. Hopefully soon you could stretch it out further than 5 minutes but tell him 5 minutes. He needs to stay in bed but have the reassurance that you are coming back.

There are times that I have also said if you stay in your bed then you will find a surprise under your pillow when you wake up. This has worked many times when we are dealing with boogie man phases or spiders will climb in my ear phases or I will swallow my loose tooth phases. Most of these phases passed in a few nights but they always stayed in their beds.

Good luck. I understand wanting to sleep with him just to get him to sleep so the neighbors don't think you are murdering him when he screams. But it probably isn't going to get better quicker that way. Maybe you can tell your neighbors what is going on and that you are going to be working on helping him sleep on his own these next few nights. I don't know...may be something I'd do. Good luck and best wishes for a good night's sleep tonight..sweet dreams everyone!!!

That's the logic we are running with ... we just put the toddler bed in our master and made his room essentially a play room. He is 4 now and when we move to our new house we are pretty sure he will be ready to venture out on his own for sleeping ... but, yes the logic works for me too!

We switched out of the crib when my son was 3ish (closer to 4 than 3). SUPER easy transition... had to tell him to go back to bed only 2 or 3 times. And, as you say, he could easily say when something was a problem.

While that was super easy, it seems more that your problem is your husband sleeping with him?

I made the mistake of co-sleeping with my baby. She is 4 and knows she needs to sleep in her bed and flat out refuses. I feel like she will be sleeping with us when she starts high school!