Would You Tell Your Husband. - Redlands,CA

Hello, I was married for 43 years. My husband passed away two years ago. I never had to worry about him making a big deal out of things like this, so I told him when they happened. However, if he is going to make a big deal, I wouldn't tell him. It's too bad you have to keep this from him, but, it won't change anything for him to get upset.
Good luck.
K. K.

If you're heading off a gigantically overblown reaction, then no--don't tell him.

I would probably tell mine, and he would slightly over-react, but knowing MINE, I'd tell him.

I would tell him...but he would not make a huge fuss over it.
If I thought he would...I might have a different answer. ;)

This is a good lesson for all of us. Our spouses feel they cannot tell us things because we over react..

This is also the reason children try to lie to us. We need to stay calm with these little accidents and not make it all such a big deal.

This way people will feel safe telling us the truth.

The right thing to do is to just tell him. But also later let him know you were hesitant, because he goes so overboard with his reactions..

Or you could just pretend you never noticed and say oh, no! I wonder who hit our car?!!!

Things like this happen, adults should not overreact to these normal events.. What are we teaching our children when they see us lose it over normal accidents and mistakes?

Honesty is always bet, but as Jack Nicholson said some "people cannot handle the truth."

Definitely don't tell DH!

Ignorance is bliss and he'll probably never see it. If he does, just smile and leave him to wonder how it happened. 'Least said soonest mended as they say.' If he's 'car fussy' he's only going to take it out on you, or worse, pursue the lady you forgave.

You have very good reasons to be 'economical with the truth.
' You took a decision because you were impressed with the lady's honesty and waiting like that demonstrated how much she cared. 'To err is human to forgive is divine.' What good can come of going back on that?

Let me tell you of a person of whom I read in the papers. He returned to see serious damage done to his car during his absence. Then he noted with relief there was a card trapped under the screen wiper blade. It read:

"The guys watching me write this think I'mm leaving you my contact details. Hard luck buddy!"

I would most likely notice the damage as I'm the one who washes the cars. I would ask. I would HOPE that she would tell me about it. Although if it was my wife - she would come home and say "P.! Guess what?! Someone had decency today!!! They bumped into our car and waited. yes! waited for me to get there and give me their information! How utterly refreshing!"

I don't understand why he would make a huge fuss if it's a small ding. Stuff happens. It's life. Get over it.

Wow! How refreshing to hear of the lady who waited to give you her info. That is rare these days for sure!!

No, I wouldn't tell my husband. He gives me a hard time for door dings as if they were my fault in some way. My response goes something like this, "Oh, I must of gotten that at Wal-Mart on one of the days I went to get your 5000 2-liters of diet Dr. Pepper you just have to have each week!" Ha!!! He has eased up a little since I started pulling out that line.

Nah! Don't tell him.

I don't think you're horrible, but why wouldn't you tell him? I would tell my husband... It would just be part of our conversation about the day. Like I said, I don't think you're horrible, but I don't get not telling him is all.

To your question of horribleness: Nah, you're not even close.

To the unasked question: Honesty is always the best policy. The truth will come out eventually.

I'd tell him because I tell him everything of note that happens to me during the day. I'd tell him in a matter-of-fact-I've-already-handled-it sort of way, and my husband would not think twice about it again. If I say I handled something I handled it and he drops it. Not everyone is the same though. However, even if your husband is a fusser, tell him about it so he can fuss over it now instead of discovering it himself a month later and then blow up twice as bad because you didn't tell him the day it happened. That'll only make you look bad because he's going to pop his lid either way. At least let him pop over the dent, and not the fact that you didn't tell him when it happened. ;)

It depends on your husband's personality. Me, I can tell my husband just about anything. He wouldn't blame me or hold a grudge. He would shrug it off and move on. Now, if something like that happened to my mother, my father would have been nasty to her about it and probably not spoken to her for weeks even though it clearly was not her fault. Whatever causes the least amount of grief for you is what is the deciding factor here. It's sad when you cannot be 100% honest with some men, but I get where you are coming from if your husband is one of those difficult men.

Good luck in whatever call you make:)

i wouldn't lie about it. if he asks, i would tell him the truth.

You did the RIGHT thing TWICE......sorry your husband blew up....you didn't deserve that....but Blessings to you times TWO.

Blessings....

i wouldnt tell him either ifv hes gna flip out about it n if he happens to notice pretend youre pissed off and say omg how did that happen

Lies beget lies!
My opnion is you married him and knew he fusses and honestly know his personalitiy and unless he's abusive in any way you should tell him
You're not horrible but honestly that attitude will J. keep you in the habit of lying and hiding things to avoid discomfort. It will become natarual to withhold information to avoid little consequences. My ex did it and became a compulive liar. It started out simple, he didn't want to hear M. complain or fuss and his mom raised him that way and then the little lies turned to big ones.
I'm not perfect I lie at times, everyone does, but I try not to.
I want the saying 'No lies, J. Love" tattoo'ed on my one day. Im big on not lying to the one I love, and witholding info is the same as lying. Don't get M. wrong you dont have to disclose every fact but if you're purposely not that's much diferent

I would keep my mouth shut :)

My husband would make a huge fuss, too. I understand. I did the same thing when I scraped the bumper when I hit railing where the shopping carts are stored in the parking lot. He never noticed.

No you are not horrible.

Everyday, dings and scratches happens to a vehicle.
I would have told my Husband.
But, you decided not too. As it is hardly noticeable.

We have dings on our vehicle, that I really have no idea where they came from. But I have had the experience, of a grocery cart that was in a parking lot... rolling into our van due to the high winds. And our vehicle got dented. The rolling grocery cart, hit our vehicle before I could run to it to stop it. It was an empty cart.

The lady waited for you for 1 hour.
She had her ethics on her shoulders.
You told her don't worry about it.
It was fine with you.

I'm very blessed to have a husband who is very charitable, and who also would trust/respect my "executive decision" if I chose to let someone off the hook, so I would tell.
However, if he would make a deal about it, I wouldn't bother telling him. I think you were kind to have mercy on her. I've got a friend whose husband is a total control freak and gets upset about E V E R Y T H I N G. If I was married to that, I would never tell him anything. Not saying you're married to a guy like that, but I can certainly see why it's not always necessary to bother.

I would have told him about this one, especially because it wasn't my fault! It's probably not going to amount to enough in repairs to even bother with an insurance claim (or even fixing it), so why keep it from him?

Your call, but this hardly seems worth witholding. When/if he notices it... what will you say then? Probably a lie, right "Oh, I don't know. Someone must have dinged me in the parking lot." Not the truth. Worth it? Probably not, at least not to me.

well, yes. it would feel very weird and deceptive to me not to tell him. i certainly don't need to pour every detail of my life out to him, and there are plenty of things we both know the other's not very interested in that we spare each other. but i don't conceal things from him because i'm trying to avoid his ire over anything. the cars belong to both of us, he has a right to know.
but all relationships are different. i guess if it feels okay to you, it's okay. it's really not some great horrible lie or anything.
huge kudos to the lady who was honest with you, and to you for being kind to her.
khairete
S.

It depends on what i'd think his reaction will be, but probably not. I wouldn't want to deal with the headache.

I backed into the garage (unopened) and bent the door a little. I went with the "i'll wait and see if he even notices" approach, mainly because I knew the teasing and snarky comments would occur for at least 2-3 years and I didn't want to have to listen to it. He never noticed.

GASP! Don't worry, I don't tell my husband EVERYTHING either. I would tell him about this because he would definitely notice- if I get a ding or small scratch, he usually sees it before I do. If he were like yours and likely wouldn't see it, I wouldn't bother telling him. Why deal with his reaction when you don't really have to?

Does your husband own the car, or is it in your name? If it's in his, I think you must. If it's in yours, maybe not, but I couldn't imagine hiding something like that from my husband. Not that you need to report to your husband, but hiding something would remind me of being a teen and trying not to get in trouble with my mother, and my husband isn't an authority figure. We are equals. He is not the boss of the family. That's just me. I'm also pretty sure that I would tell my husband because I know that if the situation was reversed, he would tell me even though there's nothing I need to do about it and probably wouldn't notice on his vehicle.

I keep stuff like this to myself..me personally

I tell my husband everything. So, yes...I would tell. But, it sounds like you have your reasons and I can also see why you wouldn't tell him. You took care of it with the lady and decided not to report it etc. Problem solved :)

I would probably tell him, endure the wrath for about 2 seconds (because my husband would for sure yell and obsess like it was MY fault) and tell him to "Shut up (yes, although I am not proud of this fact, I do tell my husband to shut up because trying to be nice about it or even just walking away never yeilds any kind of result and if I'm not yelling or cursing he's not listening), the cost to fix it isn't even worth the deductable, it wasn't my fault, and I don't want to hear it. At least she told me so you can pop it out!"

If he asks, then I would not lie.

I know how you feel - my husband can make a big stink about little things too and sometimes it is just not worth the hassle. Personally I wouldn't say anything, and if he notices, I would just play dumb and pretend you didn't see it before. If he was the type who didn't overreact to things, by all means I would let him know. But if it's going to be a big too-doo, I wouldn't tell him. I don't consider that being deceptive in the same way spending $500 on a shopping spree, or going out with girlfriends to the bar, and then lying about it is being deceptive. Even when I've been upfront with my husband about something, he still gets bent out of shape instead of appreciating my honesty or cutting me some slack. Is it fair? No, but that's his personality, and one of his less-endearing qualities along with all the good. Not worth the headache, IMO.