my husband and I were eating out and he was holding the baby and I was wiping her drool and he held her finger and had her do this gesture to me that he learned from a friend who he told me he used to do when he was mad at someone like while driving. It's kind of making a circle with your finger and whistling. He has always maintained he does not know what it means but my past conversations with him I conclude that it is the equivalent of shooting the finger or saying up yours. I asked him why he did that and he said it was just him playing around. We were not
having a bad moment at the time but I just find his behavior upsetting
and don't understand why he behaves this way. So lets just say that what I conclude it means is right would you be upset?
Thanks everyone for sharing, I tend to be very sensitive and have difficulty tolerating this type of behavior added with my ocd triggering me to obsess about what this behavior means and not being able to accept that he is just playing around.
@sunshine, He made the baby direct this to me, does that change anything in your opinion?
@ JL He is not doing an okay sign, he is pointing the finger in the air making a circle in the air and whistling, I am pretty sure it is his friends way of either shooting the finger or saying up yours, although I have never been able to get him to tell me what it acutally means.
Will try not to obsess or continue to be upset, I have been mad at him ever since, even after I talked to him and he offered his explanation of he was just playing around.
seems harmless.
Maybe I am too easy...but my hubby more then once gave my the infant bird..or pointed it out when they were doing it themselves.
I think this is one to try and shrug off.
He was probably just trying to be funny or cute and it didnt come across like that....Bad joke timing probably:)
That means the person is nuts. Not a finger.
Not clinically nuts mind you, the behavior is nuts. I do it when my kids are bouncing off the walls if that helps.
Were you perhaps trying to wipe an endless stream of drool to the point where it was like damming a river with toothpicks?
You dont understand why he behaves this way? He is a man- he was joking around apparently you are incredibly uptight- seriously he could have done a lot worse like actually gave you the finger or told you up yours. Relax
I think Sunshine and Valerie answered this perfectly. No, it wouldn't upset me. It sounds pretty typical of a man being immature and not worth getting upset over. It's minor.
The twirling the finger while pointed in the air and whistling means something different to me than to you. It means, "so life goes on" or "no big deal." A similar gesture with the same meaning is saying "whoop de do" while circling the finger or not.
Circling the hand in traffic usually stands for "get moving."
I wonder if you've gotten the "signs" confused. I would work on not allowing myself to think first of the possible negative connotation. It sounds like you expect your husband to be negative and so perhaps more is going on than what you wrote to us her.
If he's critical much of the time I suggest you both read about "non-violent communication." It will help both of you be more aware of how you say things so that they're more helpful than hurtful.
I looked up J.L.'s web sites and none of them describe the gesture that you describe.
I agree with Sunshine.
I personally don't think it's that terrible.
Considering the amount of women on this site that have to endure their husbands calling them horrible names, I really don't think this is something to be upset about.
We all do things that later we realize are not the best choice. Be thankful that what your husband did was very minor and not directed at you.
edit after your "so what happened". No, it doesn't change my answer since it didn't seem to be intended as malicious or abusive. I really think you need to put his actions through the filter of your admitted oversensitivity and OCD tendencies. Since you don't actually know what the gesture was intended for ( I have never heard of this gesture to indicate "up yours" or giving the finger) I would try to let it go.
I wish you the best of luck!
I think it's cute. He was pretending a bad attitude on the part of the baby. That's playful and his way of saying he was on her side. That's his sense of humor and attempt to make you laugh.
Just like if I were doing the spit shine to my son and my husband was behind me making the crazy symbol. I would think dad is still a kid at heart and mom is the grown up so lets all laugh at mom. I would laugh too.
I think you should pick your battles. Men can act like children, so just treat him like a child and ignore this kind of behavior. If it really bothers you, then wait until the heat of the moment is over an calmly let him know how much it annoys you and ask him not to do that to you anymore. If it continues, then he's just pushing your buttons. Don't let him. :-)
He was joking around, let it go.
No, this is one of those things to let go. he gave you an answer and that should be the end of it.
If my hubby does something to upset me on purpose or does something rude to get my goat, I completely ignore what he does so I don't give him the satisfaction of a reaction from me. It works most of the time. =)
It seems pretty obvious he was teasing and he wasn't meaning it rudely. My hubby is a bit more like you in that he takes jokes seriously too often. He's trying to learn, though! But, when he grew up, he was basically an only child (older siblings much older and gone). His parents had no sense of humor, so he never learned how to laugh things off like that. I wouldn't have been upset, but I wouldn't personally have my baby flip anyone off. It's something we don't do as a family...so, from that angle, maybe I would get after my hubby a little and tell him that's not appropriate for a baby to be doing. So, if that's the case for you guys, I can see why you'd feel frustrated at him. But I wouldn't be offended or anything...just more seeing it as inappropriate without being angry (and might even laugh at him but tell him that it's not appropriate).
If it bothers you make sure you let him know. Try not to overreact but if you didn't like what he did say so and ask him not to do it again in front of you.
...maybe he is an unrefined person?...just a thought...sometimes this kind of people do things they see without thinking and they just think they are acceptable, even funny, little things (and they are not). Just tell him to stop.
I would just let the baby drool on him from now on. If he doesn't want you to be in his space when he has the baby, then he either cleans up the drool or it gets all over him.
But, I hope he's not the kind of dad that teaches the kid all the 'cute' naughty behaviors..... look out. It's cute to see them do naughty stuff as a baby - not so cute when they are 4.
I agree with a poster below. We use that gesture to indicate kookiness or nuttiness. All in lighthearted fun, of course.
With all due respect, Ann...please lighten up. Life is going to be a long hard road if you take every little thing to heart like this. Please save your stress for something worth stressing over.
If you mean finger in a circle like we do here to say "Okay".... I've been told this means "F@%^# you" in countries like France or other French speaking cultures and never to do it while traveling.
It's apparently an European thing and most definitely not a nice thing for little girl to be doing. It might be viewed as crass and shocking. And if you or dad did it to the wrong person (especially considering how diverse the US these days), you may find yourselves getting the stew kicked out of you. In fact, my understanding is it's even worse protocol-wise to do this to a female than male...sort of like calling her the forbidden c-word I suspect. Shame on dad. :P
UPDATE: Here's confirmation that it's bad news and then some:
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/hand-gestures-in-different...
http://www.reidsguides.com/t_cm/t_cm_gestures.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_gesture
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A-ok
No I would not be upset at all. I would probably laugh and "tell" the "baby" that nice girls dont' act like that...Your husband was probably just kidding. I hope if he was insulting you he wouldn't use a baby.
Just sounds annoying to me. Tell him to knock it off or you'll shove your foot up his A**! That's what I tell my husband when he annoys me on purpose.
