Would This Be Rude?

My boyfriend used to ship large items through greyhound. He said they are waaaayyyyyy cheaper then the post office. You just have to find a bus station that does it. Just wanted to throw that option out there. Good Luck!

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I would send her what is going to fit the baby first, and then just send the rest as they are needed.

I think that is really nice of you to send your clothing to your cousin. However, I do think it could be taken as rude to ask for shipping to be paid. I have offered to pay for shipping for things before, but no one has ever asked me to pay for it myself. That is just my humble opinion. Is there any way you can travel to see your cousin and meet her baby, perhaps with your DD, and then bring the clothing then?

Hi T.,

When I read your subject line, I thought...if you have to ask, it probably is.

With that being said, I think it is not rude, however you should have mentioned it as part of your initial offer.

Shipping is not that expensive, I ship all the time. If you go to the post office, not a post mart or any other type of sub-post office. Tell the clerk you would like to ship cheapest way and they will provide you a quote. You can even use one of those one price boxes and I bet you can get everything in a very small box.

I would only ship the items that are worth shipping. So if it has a stain, donate it locally.

T.,
I love HappyMama's answer, you can tell her you can't afford to get it to her, and she can help you figure out a way to do it, or offer to pay the shipping.
I don't think its a bad idea, but, I would consider it, kind of rude, to ask for the shipping. I can't tell you exactly why, I just think it is. About getting the stuff to her, could you ask a common friend or family member to drop off the things, if you can't afford to go see her? Maybe?

Shipping does add up, plus the US post office now has many rules about the box not having printing on it, so it can also cost money to purchase boxes. I sent a 11x11x6 sized box filled to the brim and it was $15.00.

In our family if i were in your situation, I would first ask if she could pay, be honest that you cannot afford the shipping. If she is in the same situation, maybe you could contact a mutual relative, your parents, her parents, a grandparent and explain this situation and see if they would be willing "underwrite" the shipping cost. Or if someone will be traveling to her town in the near future maybe they could take it to her..

Have you considered telling her that you'd love to ship the clothes, but you just realized that you can't afford to pay for the shipping? If she wants the clothes and can afford to do so, she may offer to pay for the shipping without you having to ask her to do so.
I'm not an etiquette expert, so this is just my opinion: because you are doing something very kind to help her out, it is not at all rude to explain that you can't afford to send the clothes and to ask whether she wants to pay for shipping since she would be getting a good deal in the end. If she doesn't want to pay, she won't. You also could consider whether anyone who lives near you will be visiting her soon, and have them deliver the clothes.

You're sending her clothing because she's not in a good financial situation. If she can't afford clothing, how can she afford shipping? I think it would be tacky to ask your cousin to pay for a gift you are sending her.

I liked the answers given by Laurie A and Dawn B. I think you should find a way to raise the money or have a relative take it to her, or see if one of them can pay for the shipping.

sorry, i'm afraid that would be kind of rude. i suggest doing one of those "if it fits, it ships" flat rate boxes. just do one at a time, and stuff as much in as you can.

Just FYI, here is a link for shipping rates: http://www.usps.com/prices/priority-mail-prices.htm
I don't know if it would be rude, but I would feel uncomfortable.

My cousin and I have done the same. Neither one of us have much $ since we aren't working...and only on 1 income. She had no prob paying the shipping. I sent toys and clothes my daughter outgrew and she was happy to have them. Just make sure she doesn't over extend herself though. Ask her an allowance she can handle on the shipping and send just that amount if possible. If you overdo it by a few bucks, just eat it. That's what I would do.
Make sure you explain, when asking if she can pay shipping, that you can't afford to spend the $. See if this is something that she can handle at the time.
Trust me, just because someone is better off $ than you are, doesn't mean that they can afford it any better than you can.
Unfortunately the more $ you make, the more you spend!

I would do this if you were close....depends on the relationship you have. You should judge that 1st....if you don't think it's a good idea...send what you can afford. Later mention that you have more clothes and can continue to send the clothes if she doen't mind paying the shipping, it's cheaper than buying them all.

Hi T. - that's really nice of you to send clothes to her. I would go ahead and box them up for her and then find out how much shipping them parcel post would be. It may be less than you think. If it's more than you can handle, go ahead and ask if she can pay for shipping. You'll be able to tell her exactly how much it is and she can have option of paying more to have them arrive sooner.

My sister has sent me hand-me-downs, some good, some not, but I always offer to pay for them.

It may be cheaper if you could send them in a priority flat rate box, and just send what you can and what will fit the baby for now.

I would just ask, it seems only fair to at least split the difference ,since she is essentially getting tons of items for free.

Do your research to find out how much it will cost to ship them. Then call her and tell her you really want to send them, but you can't afford the shipping. Be honest with her, she shouldn't get offended because you are being very generous. Just tell her how much it will cost and ask her to send you a check so you can ship them out.
Make sure you only ship good clothing, no stains or tears. Double check everything you are sending, that way she's not paying shipping on clothes she won't want to use.
You're a good friend, there is nothing wrong with being honest about your financial situation.

I think it is fine to ask her to pay shipping. I have a friend that sends me a twenty dollar box of clothes 2x a year for my little gil. I don't mind paying the shipping at all :)

I don't think you would be rude at all by asking if she could pay for shipping. She would still be way ahead if she did it this way. You could ask her how she would like to pay, all up front and she pays immediately or send them as her baby needs them, she continues to pay the shipping each time.

I've had friends send hand-me-downs (which I LOVE and which have been very helpful) and I usually offer to pay the shipping. Once a friend sent lots of stuff, including a car seat, and found someone on Craiglist who was traveling to my area and was offering to take things for others. This woman trasported a few boxes which I picked up from her, and my friend had $20 hidden in the stuff - I knew where it was and gave it to her. Just another idea to check out.

don't ask her to pay for shipping. from experience i know that kind of thing can cause resentment, even if she doesn't admit it. tell her something like, "I thought that sending you the clothes would be a great idea, but then I looked into how much it would cost to ship them. It would cost $x. Maybe we should do something else. What do you think?" that leaves it open for her to offer to pay the shipping if she wants/can or to think of another option. maybe you can send them with another relative who will be traveling near you? there are always ways she can get inexpensive used clothes on her own, like Kid to Kid and Freecycle.com.

I don't think it's rude at all. In fact I mailed some clothes to my SIL for her little girl and she volunteered to pay shipping. It's not like you are asking her to pay for the clothes.

Personally, I don't think it would be rude at all if you asked her up front. But it would be terribly rude if you sent the clothing and then asked for payment. I'm with another poster; make sure what you send is in good condition (which it probably is, if your daughter was the first wearer). Also, if you were hoping to make the clothing your baby gift to her as opposed to just a really great gesture, I'd pay for shipping myself. Otherwise, tuck your gift in the first box.

I would not ask her to pay shipping. It sounds like she is not financially able to do so which very sad because this baby is coming into a struggling situation.

I ship hand me downs to my neice sometimes. The postal service is NOT the ONLY way to go reasonably.

We ship a lot and we've found the FedEx Ground is very reasonable. I sent a large box last month to my neice, weighing 15 # from TX to AL for $13.

Figure out a way to get it to her at a reasonable cost.

Before you go the route of asking her to pay shipping, check with the post office. They have a deal now that there is one super cheap rate per box size (no weight limit). With clothes, you can fit a ton of them in and just pay a few bucks to get it to her. If that amount is still too much then just explain to your cousin what is going on. If you come from the side that you don't have any money left to send them, she will probably OFFER to pay for shipping. She may also just say, don't worry about it, go ahead and donate them. You just never know. Needless to say, worry about you on this one and do what you can.

Good luck!

No i dont think that it is rude if you ask her to pay for shipping plus it sounds like you to are close so she probably already knows about your finances. And maybe one of her friends or family would pay for the shipping and it could be like two gifts in one.

I don't think it would be rude at all. But the way I would approach it is I would ask her if she would like you to hold on to them until you come to visit, or she comes to visit, or would she like you to mail them. I would tell her if she wants you to mail them, then this will be the cost.