Worst Nght Ever and Feeling Beyond Exhuasted. Support/suggestions Welcome

for the first couple weeks of my DD's life, she wanted motion to sleep. It makes sense when you think about it....after all, you were in motion when she was sleeping before birth. We didn't have a swing, so we would put her in her bouncy chair and bounce her. Still didn't get much sleep, since we had to stay up to bounce her, but you can 'doze' while doing it. lol. (a swing would probably be the better option though...)

J.,
First of all -- it gets better! This time when you are not feeling well, recovering from a major surgery while trying to acclimate a new human being to this world while at the same time providing her sustanance from your body and be a mom and wife at the same time is without a doubt very tough. I went through it 10 months ago and it does get better.
About the nursing, she is falling asleep after one side so she is getting enough. I typically fed one side per feeding and my daughter nursed anywhere from 10-20 minutes each feeding. (She was a very efficient nurser -- my older daughter would take twice as long to nurse one side!) If you are concerned about her intake or want to know how much she is actually getting you could do a weigh-feed-weigh at your lactation consultant or pediatician's office.
Also (speaking from experience) keep an eye on your mood/symptoms and get help if you need. I had post-partum depression with my second even though I did not have anything after my first. Exhaustion plays a huge role in feeling the way you do, but if you feel significantly different than you did after your first I'd find someone to talk to. Don't be afraid to ask for help (both from your family and friends, and professional help) when you need it. This is a tough time and you will get through it and sleep again! I am a huge fan of breastfeeding and all the benefits to you and your baby but acknowledge how challenging it is at the start. Eventually you and she will fall into a better rhythm and be more confident nursers. I mean you both have less than a week of practice with it. Be patient with yourself as a beginner. Take care! You can do it! Good luck!

Yes, the first 6-weeks are tough. Our pediatrician advised that the baby has to be at least 12 pounds to sleep through the night. Until then, it's 2.5-4 hour increments of sleep. Try to sleep whenever the baby does. (I know--Easier said than done when you have another child too!)

Newborn stomachs don't hold that much food. As long as you're getting 8 wet/dirty diapers, he's eating enough. Nursing one side at each session is normal. Try to remember which side you nursed last time and give the other.

Make sure you're eating enough calories and protein. That will help with you not feeling so tired.

Congratulations!!

You're getting lots of great advice. I just wanted to offer support. I understand how you feel. I was induced and it didn't go well. After making very little progress for 24 hours, and not being able to sleep during that time, I had a C-section. The nurses then woke me every hour or 2 for one thing or another. After 2 days of this, between the lack of sleep and hormones, I was like the girl in the Exorcist. My husband had to close hospital doors, ask me to shush, and do damage control with the nurses because I was so PO'd with the nurses. We went home as soon as possible and I was so exhausted I was delusional. I was calling my child by the wrong name. It was AWFUL!!!!! This was not at all how I thought I'd be spending my first few days with my child. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband, also equally sleep deprived, who did everything he could to give me rest and relaxation. After about 2 weeks we got into a groove and things began to fall into place.

It's terrible for you right now. I completely understand. Just SLEEP! Your only job should be to nurse and sleep, nothing more. Call family and friends and ask them to entertain your other child. You need help and support right now and everyone wants to help! TAKE IT!!! I hope your husband is able to be home with you right now so you're able to get support from him. As far as the nursing goes, my daughter wanted to sleep through feedings too. We would have to undress her, tickle her feet, speak loudly, rub her legs vigorously just to try to keep her awake. It was frustrating and I felt terrible about having to do it because she was so little! I nursed on one side for about 10 minutes and then moved her to the other breast. Sometimes she nursed on the 2nd and sometimes she didn't but she gained weight so that's all that mattered. At about 6 weeks old she started sleeping through the night. What's happening with you is completely normal. Little babies need to eat every 3-4 hours. Sleep when she sleeps NO MATTER WHAT!!! I know it's extremely difficult when you already have a child at home. Again, that's what friends are for. Make them get over there and help you! This will pass. I promise!

It is very common for a baby that young to nurse to sleep every time. I felt like all I did was nurse and eat the first few weeks with all of my babies. Make sure she is getting enough hind milk, feed her until she lets go of the nipple, it's very common to only offer one breast per feeding at this age. If the breast is "empty" and she still wants more, switch her to the other breast. Over time your body will self regulate the milk in each breast to conform to what you baby needs.

As long as she is wetting enough diapers, she is getting enough. What YOU need to do is REST. Sleep whenever the baby sleeps, make sure you have enough help around the house that all you have to do is feed the baby and take care of your own basic needs for the first couple of weeks. If you don't get enough rest, you will be at risk for mastitis and not healing well from the c-section.

All your baby needs right now is to nurse on demand and sleep when she needs to. Keep her in bed with you during the night so you can just roll over and nurse her instead of having to get up, or keep her in a bassinet next to the bed so you can reach her as soon as she is hungry. Have your husband change diapers during the night, too, so you don't have to get up.

And remember, breastfeeding is a learned skill for both baby and mom. It takes time to become the 'easy' way to feed. The first 8-12 weeks are the hardest, but after that, it's a breeze. It's gets better, I promise. Please please don't push yourself to keep a clean house, you should be spending your days on the couch or in bed resting. Get a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and spend your down time reading.

I can't answer all of your questions, but I wanted to say that I always just fed from one breast per feeding, all the way through until my daughter weaned herself at 11 months. I bet she is getting enough, by nursing that long (I don't remember ever timing nursing, just let her nurse til she was done and usually asleep).

I slept with my baby in bed most of the time, so we both could get some sleep.

Hang in there!

We have two daughters, 4 year old and 7 month old. I nursed both as long as I could using mostly the football position because to be honest my breasts are large to begin with and the milk made them HUGE. I was afraid I would suffocate them. I alternated breasts each feeding and would start with the breast I ended with the last time. Both of our girls slept in the cradle swing with the seat reclined for safety so that their heads wouldn't roll or flop over. I put the swing right next to the head of my bed so I could keep checking on them. My oldest developed pneumonia at 6 weeks and our DR recommended we put her in the swing to sleep since she couldn't lay flat...and viola she slept through the night. From that night on she slept in the swing for months and basically trained herself to sleep without being held. I would put her in the swing around 8:30 after feeding and she would sleep until around 5:30 am. Baby #2 started off sleeping in the swing and initially slept 3-4 hour stretches without feeding. I think she started sleeping through the night from 10 pm til 5 am at around 3 months. Do yourself a favour and take a nap whenever she is asleep. Sleep deprivation can cause your milk to dry up. I know this is hard to do, every time my child slept I would try to do a load of dishes or laundry or vacuum...the normal house cleaning stuff and finally I just said to myself..."Hmm the house could be spotless and you'll be too exhausted to enjoy this time with her or the house can be a bit messy and you can be rested enough to really enjoy her." She won and the housework waited :D

It will get better! You are dealing with a lot right now, so hang in there! I think you were incredibly lucky with your first; what you are going through right now seems more typical for newborns. It sounds like what you are doing with breastfeeding is correct. I usually fed for 15 - 30 minutes at a time. I would keep a damp washclothe with me to rub on my son's face to wake him up long enough to feed. The time your daughter can feed will get longer which will lead to her being content for longer as well. For now, you may be feeding constantly, but it will get better. Just try to sleep when you can during the day to make it through. I would look into joining a breast-feeding support group....I found one at my local hospital. They're free to everyone. It will give you a chance to talk to experts as well as other moms who are going through the same as you. I couldn't have made it through without them.

Goo luck! I promise this difficult time will pass. Just try to do what you can to make it through for now.

:)

Congrats on #2! And like so many of the other mammas are saying-This too shall pass! I think it's pretty normal for babies only 5 or 6 days old to want that attention and being held a lot. They are all warm and snuggled for 9 months-it's tough coming into this big cold world ;) I don't know how you feel about co-sleeping but I did that with both my kids and I plan on it with #3 (due in April) I found it to be a life saver especially with breast feeding. I started napping them in a crib after a few weeks and then started putting them in the crib at night ~6 mos for the first half of the night until they woke. Eventually they just started sleeping through the night.

Do you have family that can help in the meantime to help get you thru this tough time? And the c-sect just makes it worse-make sure you stay on top of pain meds so you can get around easier. Just remember one day at a time-and don't be afraid o ask for help!.

Best wishes
R.

J.,

I completely understand your feelings. I have four children, and I was the sleep-deprived pacifier for all of them! I promise you it will get better. You are in the hardest stage right now, and you just need to get through it. Your main jobs are to nurse your baby and sleep. Take any and all help you can get from family, friends, neighbors. This is a stage that will pass! I remember wishing I could just get two hours of sleep in a row. My first baby (now 14!) was much like your daughter; he never slept for long, and he always wanted to be held. It seemed like just when my head hit the pillow, I would hear him crying again and need to go nurse him yet again (now he sleeps like a rock until noon, if I let him, LOL). Your daughter is probably getting enough milk; it's just that newborns need to nurse a lot. It's helpful if you just put yourself in the mindframe that you need to power through the next 8 weeks, and then life will settle into a better routine and you'll get more sleep. Like others have said, you need to take care of yourself and sleep when the baby does. I often nursed the baby to sleep on my side and then just slept with the baby. I'm sure you feel like you have lots of responsibilities beyond nursing and sleeping, but you need to put as many of them aside as you can temporarily. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, and please know that many understand your exhaustion and frustration. I'm pulling for you!

All the best,
H.

Just wanted to give you a 'virtual hug'. It's so hard when you don't have a baby that sleeps well. I remember being told, when I was 'new' at breastfeeding, 20 minutes a side. I literally had a clock in front of me the first few weeks and concentrated on getting him to feed. I also remember the lactation consultant gently sprinkling luke warm water in his face to wake him when he fell asleep mid feed. It got a lot easier as time went by and by my third child, I felt comfortable not timing it at all.

Have you tried putting her in a swing to sleep? When my 17 month old first came home she did not sleep well but I put her in her swing, which was shaped like a cocoon (it was a graco) and it was the only time she gave me more time to sleep.

I have also had three c-sections so I know that on top of that baby not giving you any rest, you really actually need to be able to lie down and recover.

Any way that your husband can 'watch' the baby while you sleep? If maybe you pumped or bought a little formula so that you could get more sleep, it might help.

Wishing you that things get easier fast.

J.!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! on your little girl!!!

I am sorry you are going through this - my first slept the night through at 6 weeks, rarely cried and was an all-around HAPPY baby!! My 2nd son?! NIGHTMARE!!! Both were preemies...the first was 6 weeks early just had jaundice - we were prepared for his early arrival...the second - 4 weeks early, stopped breathing, born with pneumonia and HATED his daddy for the first year...urgh!!!

I'm surprised the lactation consultant has told you to only pump a few minutes. Our nurse and lactation consultant BOTH told us to pump after nursing and pump til they are dry...I pumped after nursing as well to help with the hind-milk. If you are engorged, she may not be able to latch on (this is MY opinion...) make sure that her tongue is on top of her bottom lip and that bottom lip is OUT, like your breast is a cup she is drinking from, we have our lips out too...

Both of my boys were NICU babies and were put to sleep on their bellies in the hospital - that's how they needed to sleep when they got home too...

If you lived closer, i would come over so you could get some sleep!!! I'm sooooooo sorry that you aren't feeling well on top of all of this. I would nurse her for 15-20 minutes, then switch breasts to help YOU...rouse her - it's okay- let that belly get full. Relieve your stress and take a warm/hot shower, pump your breasts so you don't get any infections (another thing I'm surprised your lactation consultant didn't have you do) and try to take a deep breath. Sleep when she sleeps. DO NOT give up on breast feeding!! I know it can be a VERY frustrating experience, but don't give up!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

You have my hugs coming to you!!!

Sounds pretty normal :( Typically the first few WEEKS are a challenge, especially with nursing. It is exhausting and very time consuming. As hard as it is, and as tired as you are keep working with her on sleeping without being held. Although as young as she is, it's ok right now. She needs your smell, and touch to be comforted totally normal! Your son sounds like the "un-norm" lol. My last two babies both needed to be held ALOT to the point that with the middle I basically learned to use the bathroom with one free hand! Thats why I say "work" with her. But it will take awhile.
Of course you are emotional! You're exhausted you just had a baby, and surgery. It will get better! Hang in there! Ask for help! Although you are nursing have your husband take her when you can, nap and dont worry about anything else right now but you and the baby! Good luck! I was there 4 months ago!

I have nothing but empathy for you-I know it's hard-but 3 or 4 hours at a stretch is pretty good. Try feeding her form each side evenly-start with 5 min or 7-then burp her and switch. Good luck-don't cry-it will fly by!

my son took an hour to nurse when I first had him. I had to pump too to keep from getting engorded. I never changed positions though .just sides. then the next feeding i would start the feeding on the side i ended on. my son also needed to be held a lot, wich was hard cuz i have 2 other kids. all babies are different. dont give up on nursing though,it gets better. as long as your baby isn't fussing right after he eats he is probably getting enough.this site is great but breastfeeding.com is awsome for bf q's. i lived on it for a while(this is my first time breastfeeding too). good luck

Hang in there. It will get better. I had the laying the baby down in the crib and them waking up immediately problem too. Someone suggested to me that before you lay them down in the crib to put a heating blanket in there. With my second, I would even wrap the blanket up in the heating blanket then take the heating blanket out and swaddle her with the warm blanket, it worked like a charm. I also never hanged positions when feeding and don'y believe I have ever had a plugged duct. My second baby just turned a year yesterday and am still feeding her, my first daughter I breastfed until 23mos. If anything, maybe just switch positions for the next feed. For time, my first daughter would stay latched for 30-40min and never let go. My second daughter varies, sometimes it's 10 min, sometimes 20, but significantly shorter. It does feel like forever in the beginning, when you are so exhausted and sore but it will get better. Take it one day at a time. Congratulations on your new little bundle!

I was the bottle & the human pacifier.There is no sleep right now you have a newborn ask forextra help during the day ask hubby to help while you nap or call someone else.Breastfeed babues will wake up to feed more times during the night & day it is digested better than formula.

Sounds normal that she can only really sleep after nursing if she is continued to be held. It will be like that the next 3 months. She was just inside you body less than 6 days ago... how do you think this is for her? She was warm and comforted in your uterus, hearing your breathing, heart and voice 24/7... now she's a separate person and craves and needs her Mommy for constant contact still.

She is too young to switch breasts during the same nursing session - I'd pump the other side while nursing her, then switch off the next time you nurse. Changing positions while on the same breast is a great idea!!

If you sleep when she sleeps and bed-share for awhile I think it would be best for you both.

.

Sounds like both of my kids! I don't expect # 3 to be any different. Those first few weeks were hard. Its very common for newborns to want to be held constantly and to nurse constantly and they want to sleep right next/top of you for warmth, your scent, and breathing. Some things that helped with my kids were I would nurse the baby then quickly switch a paci into their mouth once they were done feeding. My kids slept longer stretches in a vibrating chair or the cradle swing that was right next to my bed. I could put them down in these awake and they would fall asleep. I also learned how to nurse lying down so I could doze while they nursed, I am a light sleeper, and I would just have to remember to wake up to burp them. My husband and I would also take turns sleeping in the recliner with the baby on our chest. We would put a pillow on both sides so the baby wouldn't slip into the cracks. Hang in there! My first was a horrible sleeper and my second was a much better sleeper.

Has your milk come in? Once it does (and you will know since you will look like Dolly Parton overnight!) she will get enough, but you need the stimulation from her feedings now to get going. And she needs the little bit of fatty colustrum that you are providing. Be patient, the first few days are the worst. Nap whenever she does (if you can), accept all help for your first child to be taken care of, ask hubby to stay home for a week, whatever helps you survive that first week or two. You are not alone, nursing is incredibly challenging, but once it is established you will always have the right food with you at just the right temperature and at very low cost!
My first fed 10 minutes on each side and would drain each breast, while my second would feed maybe 10 minutes on one side and fall asleep and eat much less. Do not miss the window of opportunity (your lactation consultant knows more) but if you miss nursing the week to 2 weeks after birth, your supply will just never establish itself. So while it may seem the easy way out, do not resort to formula yet. Both my daughters fed every 2 hours for 6 months until their weight was enough to make it through without feeding, and even then the habit to feed every 2 hours needed to be broken (crying it out for #1, Ferber for #2). I wore my children in a sling (highly recommend getting one). They could sleep in the sling, feed on demand because at the slightest whimper I would whip out the breast, and I could get things done around the house without worrying about baby since she was right with me. They would both "cluster feed" (i.e, feed for a few minutes, sleep, feed again, sleep, etc) at about 11 o'clock so I would just keep them in my lap while watching tv for a few hours and they would fill up. I had a recliner couch and even fell asleep a few times while holding and nursing, with pillows on both side to support my arms and baby. This may a solution for your for the next few nights in order to get some rest and feed baby. Either that or a co-sleeper. But mostly you will just have to try to get rest when she naps, and your son will survive a few weeks without mommy's attention. Hang in there, it does get better and easier.

mine ate every 2 hours and ate for about 10-20 minutes on one breast per feeding. cant remember when she slept through the night but it wasnt for awhile, maybe 2 months old. but that was probably just one feeding a night by then. my daughter had to sleep with me to stay asleep and on my chest at that til she fell into a deep sleep. one thing to remember when breastfeeding is that it is ok to give them formula or if you want to pump and have a bottle of that handy so that you can get an extra few hours of sleep once a day or every couple days while hubby feeds her to catch up on sleep so you can take care of your baby to the best of your ability. you arent doing anyone any favors by walking around with your eyes half open. have you tried having her sleep in the swing. mine slept in that and was able to fall asleep on her own while in it. it was a life saver for me and my beauty sleep.

honey, dont let the formula guy salesman fool you if the baby isnt getting enough to eat they will let you know, at high volume. if i had been able to breast feed i would have. the hormone shift may be due to the drugs they gave you,i took no drugs at all before during or after the birth of our baby, (course our baby was born in our bathroom)and i had a very fast recovery,
(checked myself out of the hospital after about 36 hours), and no hormone
downshift thru hell.
K. h.

This might be frowned upon, but I slept with my newborn right on my chest for the first 3 weeks. Just put an extra pillow under me- no blankets- and it worked out well for us. I am not a heavy sleeper, and I wasn't moving around much anyway- too sore from childbirth. Made the breastfeeding easier, and we both slept well- probably the heartbeat, warmth, mother smell, etc. I only did this with my second baby, as I was too nervous with #1. I did not have a c-section, so I am not sure I would attempt this if I were taking pain medications. Probably not good either if you are a heavy sleeper or a non-back sleeper by nature.
Also, make sure she is swaddled securely, if you aren't doing that already.
Finally, try breastfeeding no more than 15 minutes per breast. I would only suggest nursing from one breast only if you have an oversupply problem (which I did with my first). Nursing from one breast only will lower your supply, which you are trying to get established now. Also may cause problems with the non-nursed from breast, leading to clogged ducts. If she falls asleep, put a cold washcloth on her face to get her feeding done.
Hope this helps!

In your exhaustion try to count your blessing, ask for help this is the time that you need it, and remember, this is a moment in time, it is so, so hard right now but many have made it through and very soon you will be another through this tough moment. We are all here supporting you.

If the consultant says it's okay, maybe pump enough for a bottle, leave it for a loved one to be on call to the baby and you get some much needed rest. Everything will seem easier after some sleep.

Good luck. It does get better, really.

Poor mommy – those first days home with a newborn can be unbelievably taxing. Check out these short videos showing how Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block. teaches a few basic tricks to elicit the baby's "relaxation response":

How-to's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re...

Enhanced sleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk5MUOMecHI&NR=1

Interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu0TtxO-ocY&feature=re...