Worried - West Chester,OH

Hi S.. Congrats on your pregnancy. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. Me and my husband were devastated. 6 months later I got pregnant again and I was so worried. Every doctors appointment I would hold my breath waiting to hear the heartbeat convinced that they wouln't be able to find it. But everytime the baby was fine. I was really worried the first trimester, because that is the most common time to lose the baby if it is going to happen. Then I relaxed a little the second trimester because I could feel the baby moving. Then the third trimester I got horribly worried again because I could not believe that I would give birth to a live baby. I was convinced that something would happen during birth and I would lose the baby. Then I had her, and I held my breath until I heard her cry and then I just started bawling. I was so happy that she was o.k. I guess I am trying to tell you that worrying is natural after what you went through, and nothing is going to ease your mind until you hear that cry and get to hold your baby. I am sure you and the baby will be fine. Just try to relax and know that whatever is going to happen will happen weather you worry or not, so you might as well enjoy the ride. But the truth is you WILL worry the entire time no matter what. I have a healthy three month old little girl, and you will too! Best of luck and God bless you and your baby!

all I can tell you is to talk your fears out with your hubby, chances are he's having the same types of thoughts. Its completely normal to have all those fears, just try not letting them rob all your joy from your pregnancy. I had 6 miscarriages then got pregnant with my son, the last one only 4 mos before he was concieved. I was scared the whole time, but once I hit 4 1/2 mos I was a little calmer since I'd only been able to carry that far before. *HUG* if you ever need a shoulder to vent feel free to send me an email.

Well, whatever happens, it's beyond your control. I try to always let go of the worries that come along with things I can't control by living in the moment. There are millions of women out there who have multiple miscarriages that end up giving birth to a happy healthy baby. My friend had 3 and then was pregnant, and what they did was wait to tell everyone until after her first trimester. That way they could finally feel like they could celebrate it, and also were saving themselves from a lot of sad phone calls if she lost the baby.

I also have another friend who at 39 weeks, went to a OBGYN appt, to find that her baby had passed. She was a wreck, but about a week later, I talked to her and she was doing fine. I said to her "I'm so proud of you that you've accepted what's happened and been able to completely move on, but can I ask you how you did it?" What she said made total sense. She said "After I got home I got on the internet to see the statistics of how many women have the same thing happen, and once I saw how common it is, I realized that it's just a part of life that I had to accept and move on from." She realized that it was just nature's way of things, and I was so proud of her. Probably about half of the women I know have had atleast one miscarriage. Think about it not as "something you lost", but "a natural, albeit disappointing, part of the beginnings of life." Then, with your current pregnancy, just remember that there is nothing you can do besides wait until an appropriate time to spread the news, and other than that, you need to let what's happened in the past, STAY in the past, so you can enjoy your pregnancy right now.

Congrats on your pregnancy :) Have you been to your Dr yet? If not I would make an appointment immediatly. My sister had two miscairages prior to having her youngest daughter (3 pregnancies in one year) & I worked with a women who had a miscariage & was pregnant again within two months. Both babies are doing great, one is 3 years old & the other 2 years old. The best advice I can offer is to put it in the hands of God, for He gives us the children He molded for us. Now, that is very hard to do I admit, but I do believe in positive thinking. If you are missing the little one you carried you might want to consider a memorial of some type for yourself like a few poems & possibly a few pictures to put in a little scrap book. I hope that helps some :)

First I want to say congrats on your pregnancy. Secondly I have never been in your situation myself, but I have a very dear friend who went through it. She and her husband wanted children so badly and began trying to have a family. She had several miscarriages, and each one was harder on her than the one before it. I remember how scared she was to even have hope that things would ever work out. Every time she got pregnant she was so scared. She did eventually have 3 beautiful children, twin boys and a little girl. When she was pregnant she tried not to get her hopes up until she got into the second trimester at least. I remember one of the things she told me that enabled her not to give up completely. She is a Christian. She told me that she belived that she would one day meet the babies that she miscarried when she got to heaven. She pictured them there with God waiting for her and her husband. This helped her not to feel like it was all for nothing or of being afraid to get pregnant again. Don't know if that helps you out any, but I just thought I'd share. Good Luck.

I had a miscarriage 2 years ago, and it took us a year to concieve again, even after trying for so long I went from being terrified to elation back to scared in minutes. I didn't feel comforted until I started feeling the baby move regularly. Even now at 8 1/2 months I have moments of fear and depression, and check for spotting everytime I use the bathroom.......which is often haha It has eased up a bit..but I don't think you ever truely get over that fear or loss, but the moments of joy and excitement become more frequent and fear farther apart. It takes a lot of faith, prayer, and love from your friends and family. I take a lot of comfort in being able to vocalize my feelings to my husband, we have had wonderful open discussions, it's great! Our doctor is wonderful, and he's very understanding and helpful!! Hopefully you have a similar support group, talk about it with them, and don't hesitate to ask your doctor questions, that's what he/she's there for! congratulations, and good luck!!!
Lea

S... believe me when I say everything happens for a reason and you may or may not understand it at the time. I have a son who will be 4 this month and then at 24 weeks on our second pregnancy we loss our baby girl.. I still had to deliver and hold this lifeless baby and go home with a box and still baby hormones flowing. It was awful.. However after I realized that there was absolutely nothing I did wrong and I came to terms with it, I was okay. Again I got pregnant and I remember going to the first appointment and the doctor couldnt find the heartbeat right way.. I started to shake my foot and cry & there it was, she found the heartbeat.. I let out a big breathe as a sigh or relief & my doctor looked at me and said it would have been easier if you were breathing..lol!! I was holding my breathe the hold time in fear.. Not funny at the time but funny now that I think back bout it. Needless to say we had a baby girl born on Jan 1st of '07! It was hard b/c I don't remember really anything of that pregnancy b/c I couldn't let me 'guard' down. Then again my husband and I got pregnant and I miscarried at the beginning of this year. That was a walk in the park for me. I'm not in anyway dismissing your feelings or what your are going through, but from what i had gone though there was no hearbeat yet for me, and no ultrasound, no movement.. so it was esentially okay for me. I did get back on the nuvaring to jumpstart me period over again and somewhere at the end of April my husband and I ended up prego again.. My due date is Jan 28th of '09 and i'm scared as hell right now b/c this is the weeks we lost our other baby. Considering that we had a healthy little girl after we had a stillbirth still does not put your mind at ease. I still worry and that's okay and you'll be okay too.. trust me! All I can say is try not to worry and enjoy it! I'll keep you in my prayers! Good Luck with it!

HI S.,

Congratulations on ur pregnancy.

My dh and I went through yrs of infertility. Many, many miscarriages. Six, to be exact.

When I found out was pregnant with my now 2 y/o daughter, he and I were in shock. In reality, I didn't want a baby shower, I didn't want to buy ANYTHING.
For some reason, after everything we had been through, I didn't believe I would ever hold a baby in my arms.

41 weeks later, in the hospital, after a cesarian, I held my breath.
Surely she wouldn't survive, after all the losses, ectopic pregnancy, loosing my tube and ovary, shots, IUI's, how could this be real?

Then I heard her cry. I still couldn't believe it, I only got a glance from afar.

So... once they brough her to me, I held her and I was in shock, I really honestly couldn't digest it.
It took me a year.

It really took me that long to believe she was here to stay.

With ALL THAT ;) being said.

I totally understand you.

Just remember that anything is possible. Also remember that history doesn't always repeat itself ;) Thankfully.