Okay, I have no problem if people don't share their recipes, if they say it upfront. That is usually because it is a family secret, heirloom type thing, fine. But when they ask for recipes, but don't reciprocate, and don't say why they don't share it confuses and frustrates me. My husband has a coworker that we visited over a year ago. I am not a pesto person, but this was really good, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We recently over-bought basil because the store was out of the small package, and we thought, "Hey, let's try Laurie's pesto". My husband emailed her, but didn't get a response. He then mentioned it to her in person (while he was giving her one of our recipes!!), and she laughed and moved the conversation on. I think she has done this about other recipes. My husband shares, but hers just never come our way.
I will be seeing her on Saturday and plan to say, "Did my husband have a chance to ask you for your pesto recipe? It was delicious and I would really love to try it." and see what she says. My husband doesn't want to ask her again, and I hope that he won't pass any more of ours' along to her. She is a great person and I really like her, but this just seems strange and selfish to not at least give a reason or acknowledge the request. It's not like we are in the same circle of friends, or would take credit for it, and the recipes that my husband has shared are ones that we have had to pay for and she is getting them for free.
Has anyone else had this situation? How did you deal with it? Do you have any other suggestions for me?
Thank you everyone for your input. So, I am thinking that she may have just thought that my husband was complimenting her. Without being in the conversation, all I have is third hand knowledge. I have no intention of making her feel bad, even if she doesn't want to share, I just want to know that she is not sharing on purpose rather than not taking the request seriously. I know that she is under no obligation to share it, and while I love all those old recipes and would never claim someone else's as mine, I understand that view too. With any friend, if they heard I said something, and it didn't sound right, I would hope that they would ask me directly, which is what I plan to do, I will keep my husband out of it. I feel it is one of those things that would be in the back of my mind if I didn't ask myself. This way it can be resolved (in my head), and I can move on.
Oh, and I don't think it is store bought, although I have seen people not give recipes because of that (usually someone tattles). But she is pretty self deprecating, so I think she would blurt that out.
I will update after our visit this weekend.
UPDATE - So, while we were out and it was just the two of us at the table, I say, "Hey did my husband get a chance to ask you for you pesto recipe?" She said, "No, I'll send it as soon as I get home." That was it. My husband is a bit flabbergasted from her saying he didn't ask, but maybe they were at work and she was in the middle of something. Either way, I have the recipe, friendship intact (not because of the recipe, but because I feel like I addressed it) and no harm done. Thanks for all your advice and support.
I bet she didn't make it herself, and doesn't want to admit it. Leave her alone - she's under no obligation to share, in any case, and you risk making her feel uncomfortable.
I think all women should share their recepies (family Secrets) what we made bushes baked beans please. Woman should share everything about marriage, cooking, raising children, clothes, recepies, it's part of what makes being a woman fun. J.
I think its ridiculous too.........its like asking for advice and the person is like 'nope, i dont want you to be better at something"
egotistical rubbish
Most of the time when people are like this about a recipe and its not due to it being an heirloom / family secret recipe its because they got it out of a bottle or jar lol. she probably bought the pesto mix from a store or from one of those places like tastefully simple or home made gourmet.
I LOVE sharing recipes.. I only have one that I am not allowed to share, but I gladly share all others.. .. Just drop it.. There are a ton of fabulous pesto recipes out there and I bet you could recreate hers..
My MIL..... has never given me a correct recipe.. I do not know if she does it on purpose, but she either leaves out ingredients, gives wrong measurements or If I tell her it did not taste the same as hers she will say,
"Oh, well I found a better recipe than mine, that is what I gave you...."... Passive aggressive..
Updated
I LOVE sharing recipes.. I only have one that I am not allowed to share, but I gladly share all others.. .. Just drop it.. There are a ton of fabulous pesto recipes out there and I bet you could recreate hers..
My MIL..... has never given me a correct recipe.. I do not know if she does it on purpose, but she either leaves out ingredients, gives wrong measurements or If I tell her it did not taste the same as hers she will say,
"Oh, well I found a better recipe than mine, that is what I gave you...."... Passive aggressive..
She either bought it & didn't make it herself, or it is a 'secret' recipe.....
in either case, its no big deal to just admit it.... but some people have a hard time saying things.
Just stop asking her... she is obviously not going to share. And her history of not sharing is habit.
Personally, if someone asks for a recipe of mine, I share it... and if I did not make it and bought it from a store, I admit that too and laugh about it or saying that I didn't have time to make something from scratch, but I like this product too!
all the best,
Susan
Maybe it was store-bought and she doesn't want to admit it!
I actually think it is a self-esteem thing... her pesto is what makes her special, but if you start making it too - she is no longer special... I have met folks like that and it is frustrating...
BTW I just made pesto from my garden basil - 2 cups (packed) basil, 4 garlic cloves (and 1 or 2 more if you really love garlic) 2/3 cup pignoli (pine nuts), and 1/2 cup parmesean cheese (I use fresh grated, or cut into chunks and let the processor handle it), salt and pepper to taste. Throw the garlic and cheese into a food processor then pulse to chop it up, then add the basil and the pignoli, salt (I never use more than 1/8 -1/4 tsp) and pepper, process until all chopped up. Then add olive oil btwn 1/4 - 1/2 cup until you get teh consitency you like.
Enjoy!
I wonder if she doesn't want to share the recipe because it's store bought pesto and she'd like people to think she made it herself. I'm not sure. I agree that it would be a little annoying if I was willing to share recipes with someone and they never reciprocated but I would let it go and not make a big deal of it unless she asks for another recipe from you. In that case, I'd decline to share the recipe she requests and when she asks why, you could tell her that you've helped her out quite a few times and she has not returned the favor.
The pesto that my husband & I both enjoy is made by Buitoni and is found in the refrigerated section at the grocery store. It's good right out of the jar, but I like to add a little salt and some extra crushed garlic to it. (Also yummy if you add a bit of milk or cream to make a creamy pesto sauce.) Maybe you would like it and then you won't have to worry about asking your friend for her recipe anymore. I'm a little puzzled why she won't just share it with you though. That's pretty odd. Most women are happy to share recipes.
fresh basil, pine nuts, olive oil, garlic, parmesan cheese, salt and pepper. Chop the basil, nuts and garlic, and cheese in food processor, then stream in the olive oil to emulsify.
I wouldn't ask that lady again. She clearly doesn't KNOW what's in Pesto. I also wouldn't share anymore recipes without nudging her a bit. If she inquires about something you've made, tell her I'll share if you share. But don't ask her directly. You don't want to strain a working relationship for your husband.
YES.....MY MIL makes a great Shepard's pie, my husband only likes hers. So one time while the family was together I asked her for her recipe. She looked me straight in the face and said "NO I will be the only one making that for my son" I knew she did not really care for me ,,,,, now I knew how much!!! I told my husband what she said and of course he doesn't think HIS mom would ever act like that. I told him he would have to ask for it then. She gave it to him!!! But she left something out because he did not like it!!! Sneaky!!! He said I did something wrong to it........NOOOOOOO she left an ingredient out!! LOL !!! Now I bye it premade from our local store and he loves it!!!
You know... I've typically found that *most often* when people won't share a recipe (without the whole "family secret" thing up front)... it's because it's storebought and they're passing it off as their own.
There are so many wonderful pesto recipes and many others on-line from the "Food Channel" and other sites, I wouldn't give this a second thought.
If you have recipes that you are proud of and want to share....Go For It!
Many people have their family recipes that have been handed down for generation that they will not give ALL the ingredients. Some won't give out the recipe at ALL.
Your husband's co-worker clearly does not want to give out her secret...I agree with your husband and would not press any further. I kind of makes you seem too needy.
Lastly, I would not be surprised if many mamas’ here don't have an equal or BETTER pesto recipe they will love to share with you.
Blessings...
Wow...... I know some people are like this. Okay, their thing, but then why would she ask you for a recipe. I really understand your confusion and frustration.
I would not bring it up again, but the next time she asks for one of your recipes I would laugh and say, "When you hand over that awesome pesto recipe I will be glad to share." Then change conversation.
I can find quite a few recipes on allrecipes.com and have found some good ones I never knew existed. Where I use to work people would share their recipes and we even put out a company cookbook. I also had a family member (my grandfather's sister) who would never pass down her recipes. When she died, they died with her. It's such a shame! A good recipe can be almost like immortality, but we'll never know exactly how Aunt Rosie did those few special dishes.
I think it's great to ask fairly directly, but just once. Saying "I loved the pesto you made, are you willing to share the recipe?" This does give her the out to say it's a family secret or whatever. If she says no or skirts the issue, I'd let it go.
But I also agree- lots of times I think people don't share the recipe because it's store bought!
I think your idea of bringing it up to her on Saturday is the best. If she is resistant still, then just let it go. You can choose to share recipes in the future with her or not based on the response. I say let it go regardless, some people are just funny about sharing their recipes, who knows why. I would venture to say that if it is that disturbing to you then why duplicate her behavior. I wouldn't give it much energy.
Good luck.
How frustrating! Recipes are such a good icebreaker, conversation starter and invoke such personal memories in each and every one of us.
Our dog ate my husbands birthday cake from my MIL one year, so I called her to see how to make it. My MIL was so happy when I asked her how to make her family's traditional birthday banana cake with this sticky yummy frosting, she actually came over to help me! Not even her kids had ever asked for this recipe.
When my mom passed away that is the first thing I told my brother and sister that I wanted were some of her cookbooks. I love having handwritten recipes and had to laugh when I found over 79 recipes for chocolate cake. Funny, I don't remember eating that much cake as a kid! :)
I think your plan for Saturday is brilliant, if she says no, try Tracy K's recipe and you can make it to your liking.
I read a few other responses and it probably is because it was store boughten food. She doesn't want anyone to think she is a horrible person or to know what she did. I would just brush it off and see if you can find a great receipe else where. If you don't want to share the receipes with her then just let your husband know not to do it anymore. Good luck.
She just might be one of those people that doesn't want others to know she can't cook, and so passes store bought, restaurant bought, or other people's recipes as her own. When you ask her again and she doesn't give it to you then don't worry about it, just find one of your own that tastes delicious.
There are a few really yummy pesto recipes online. I really trust www.pickyourown.org they have a lot of really good recipes. The dill pickles I did last year taste better than any you can buy in the store.
This is just my two cents ... my husband's mother is an incredible chef, and has toyed with the idea of opening a restaurant. So, all of her recipes come with the caveat of not sharing them. I usually have no problem sharing any recipe I have, so I'm a little embarrassed when someone asks me for one of her recipes. If this coworker is embarrassed because she has to keep it a secret for someone else, she may not feel comfortable explaining everything. Maybe when you see her, mention the pesto recipe again, then ask if she can share the recipe or if she feels uncomfortable doing so. Give her the benefit of the doubt, as you've already said she's a nice person overall.
She probably bought it & tried to pass it off as her own! haha
How annoying!
If she isn't responding and you think she may not want to give you the recipe then you shouldn't keep pressuring her about it. Regardless of whether or not you think it is selfish.. it is still her recipe and she may want to keep it for herself. Sometimes people want to be known for a yummy recipe. If every one of their friends starts to make it as well then the recipe doesn't seem special anymore. Instead of asking her again for the recipe, why don't you ask her if she would make a double batch next time she makes it and share some with you and your hubby. I bet she would be over the moon that you asked.
I would ask her one more time in person, just to make sure she thought your husband was giving her a compliment and not a request (which for th eway you are saying I doubt is the reason, but just in case).
If she doesn't want to share then just don't give her your recipes anymore, maybe she would change her mind after that.
If you were able to test any of the ingredients of her pesto, you may be able to find it in the internet, or even better.
Maybe even bring it with you and tell her you find her recipe, she may say "not is not, mine has ..."
;)
EDIT: I am with you Laurie, I ask my MIL for my husband favorite dish and when I did it it didn't taste the same, I think is because that is the only recepie that I have hear my husband compliment her for.
I found the recipe in the Internet anyway.
