Wiping Their Own Bums!

My kids have been wiping their bums since they were potty trained. They use regular tp for when they pee and we have flushable wipes for poops.

In the beginning, I would "check their work," but now they are 5 and 3.5 and they usually do a great job. Anything they "miss" will get clean in the bath. :)

He'll never learn if you don't teach him, and he is certainly old enough.

Someone else said it best, "practice makes perfect." My son is 5 and still wants me to check just in case. Most of the time he does a decent job. He wipes first, then I check. Eventually, he will be confident enough to use his own judgement.

Hi R.,

I found that my sons couldn't reach their backsides very easily and didn't always clean themselves thoroughly. I would clean after them to be sure and stopped when they were able to do it thoroughly themselves.

I just had a thought that they could have reached through their legs since they don't have to be concerned about that approach since they don't have the danger of infection as girls do. I wonder if that would be easier or not.

We use toilet paper for the big clean-up and wipes for the final clean (less friction = less irritation, better job), and a last use of toilet paper to dry. We have a small wastebasket next to the toilet to dispose of the wipes - they are wrapped in t.p. before disposing them. The basket is lined with a plastic bag and all is disposed. No smell. We have a septic system so we don't use flushable wipes.

: ) Maureen

Hi,
We are at the same stage with our four year old. I'm having him do one toilet paper wipe and one wet wipe then, I finish. Honestly, he doesn't get the poop off and tends to get it everywhere but, I figure practice makes perfect. I do imagine it's going to be two or three more years until he's totally independent. I totally agree with the mom who stressed getting your husband on the same page.

Oh boys! I have a 21 month old boy and one on the way. I dread the whole potty training thing. We haven't even started yet but I think soon we will.
All I know to tell you is that I know many kids who at 4 are still having their bums wiped for them even GIRLS! But I think you should start letting him do it himself but then "check his work, LOL! Then if you also have to do because he did not do well enough that is okay. Good luck with your 2 little guys. I am so happy I am having another boy.

We use the moist flushable wipes for our son. Then before he pulls up his pants, I check. If he didn't get it all, I finish.

Hi R. - I'm curious to see what responses you get for this! My son turned 4 in august - and he's 100% potty trained, however, he's HORRIBLE at wiping. His tiny little arm can't reach his toosh to do it properly! LOL I mean I know he has to before he starts kindergarten - so I'm curious as to what techniques would teach him.

I don't remember in all honesty how my oldest son learned when he was that age. Although - at 3 - he learned not only the potty part but the wiping as well. Strange.

Good luck!
C. B.

Take heart - my 9 year old still doesn't always do a proper job, and leaves "skid marks" in his undies. At home we tell them to wipe 2 or 3 times with toilet paper, and then finish with a wet wipe. But of course at school they don't have the wet wipes in the bathroom. My husband makes our son pre-wash his own dirty undies in a pail before we add them to the rest of the family's wash. In hopes that it will be enough of a deterrent to help him remember to wipe good. He sure doesn't like the job. It sometimes works - don't give up!

That is a funny one! I have to say honestly, my son is almost 6 and he still needs help! We have tried but he yells at the top of his lungs for someone to come to his rescue. My daughter was the same way. Some kids are more mature than others so you will just have to work with him. He will get it. It just takes some longer than others.

My son is 5.5yo & I have him wipe his own bum. However, when he is home I do it for him after he thinks he's done. The problem with the wiping until the paper is clean is your toilets getting clogged. So I generally have him do one dry then one wet. Sometimes he does ok on his own & sometimes not so much. It's something that takes practice. Good luck...

I suggest using the flushable wipes! They worked great for my two boys...I didn't find pieces of toilet paper on the floor or in their underwear and it was more gentle and it got them in the habit of wiping thoroughly and not be messy. They are older now and we no longer use the wipes, but I'm not grossed out at laundry time either. Good luck.

Start ASAP! The less you have to do the better! Just explain to him that you wipe until the toilet paper is clean. Then that means you done. With my son I had him do it then I would check. Then after a while he got pretty good at it so he does it now. My son will be 4 in Feb. Flushable wipes are good to use too. They tend to get more of the mess at one time.
HTH
Jen...

R., my son is eight and still asks for help now and then. By asking gentle questions we discovered that he was afraid he wouldn't clean himself thoroughly. I assure him that he can, and I stand there as he wipes himself, and then I might wipe him once myself to show him that he is completely clean. I also talk with him about how we all clean up nicely in the bath or shower, and that there is no harm in missing a little. This response may be of help if your son continues to ask for help as he gets older. One important point - my husband needed to be on board with this and not humiliate my son by saying only babies need help, etc. We argued about this at length, and for an intelligent professional man, his strategy was absolutely the wrong approach with this child.

I did it until my son could get himself clean! He was probably close to 5. Like you, I can't stand the thought of him running around dirty. Just make sure he can do it himself before he goes off to kindergarten. It's a long process, but they get there eventually. Good luck!

Hi Rachael,
My 6 yr old son still has me wipe him whenever he has a BM. He isn't yet "good" at doing it himself, but I don't mind....I would rather help him, than deal with his undies at laundry time...lol...
I am hoping soon though that he learns to, considering he is at school full time now, and obviously I'm not there to help then!!

Hi R.,
This is one that I've always felt the need to monitor very closely. As we have three, 2 who are potty trained and one in the process of being potty trained, I'd say that my oldest was about 5 when I was comfortable that she was consistently cleaning herself properly. However, the reality is that she was in school full days from the time she was three and responsible for wiping herself during school hours. So practice made perfect. Our four year old is responsible for wiping herself at school and at her after school program but will often ask me to wipe her bottom if she is home. It's not that she isn't capable because she does it all day long; however, I think she takes comfort in knowing that Mommy will still help in that way (especially since our 2yr old is still needing this assistance... lol). So it's certainly not too soon for your son to start practicing but I suspect he'll be close to 5 before you're completing comfortable entrusting that task to him alone. Just reinforce the necessity of washing his hands :-).

Hi,
My daughter is 4 and has been potty trained for two years. She still has issues when she wipes her own bum. Sometimes I help but I try to have her do it herself. There is often shouting and begging for me to do it but I know she can even though she does not always get everything. Like the saying goes practice makes perfect. I would have him wipe and then check if you are worried about it other wise he won't know how to wipe himself if you do it for him all the time.

:) This IS a fun one, because it made me pause and think back to when my girls were little. (I had twice the fun with twins.) Anyway, for me it was once they were adept enough to go to the bathroom with ease on their own, I did what is known in the trade (of therapist) as 'stand by' supervision as they proceeded to wipe their bottoms, then wash up afterwards. You could even make a little picture chart if you wanted to, to break down the steps of 1)get paper 2) wipe 3) flush 4) wash hands etc....It took as many 'stand bys' as I felt necessary until I was confident they were consistent with their hygienic skill. I tend to fall on the side of independence anyway as a Mom...meaning there were times I am sure they would have wished me 'to do' for them more...but NOW I have these three amazing young independent women as daughters who manage very well on their own in the world! Who knew? Perhaps those early days teaching them independence for wiping their behinds DID impact who they are today!!! hee hee. Thanks for the memories R., and have fun with your little guy...he'll get the job done eventually! N.

He should be wiping on his own now. Have hime start trying then go in and check for him. What I did was leave a tub of wipes in the bathroom. It makes things a lot easier to wupe for them. (you'll have to have them throw them in the trash) then just check him after.

Hi R.,

As a Kindergarten Teacher, I would like to point out that little ones who enter school in September who can not wipe their bums, think that the teacher is supposed to do it. I can't tell you how many little bums I've seen march out of the bathroom to request that I wipe them! They are pretty disappointed to hear that I do not provide that service in the public school setting. :) I would certainly start having the little guy practice! He will most certainly be prepared to enter kindergarten ready to be independent in that area! Good luck!

Hi R.,

My youngest is 7 and he still asks for help, thought that is dwindling down. By not helping them, they can very quickly develop a rash from not wiping properly. I'm with you with the thought of it not being done properly, and I figure at some point he will do it on his own just fine. I don't see it lasting much longer.

As for the moms who said "he should be doing it by now", Bravo to them their kids mastered this skill so quickly, but every child is different and there is no set age!!

Good luck!

I've forgotten what age our son was when he began to wipe on his own. But we did it in stages. I started by having him wipe, then put a mirror on the floor to check if he got it all. If he needed help, I'd help him. But, even though the mirror thing may sound weird to some people, it really helped him to learn what it looked like when he thought he was done wiping. He eventually was able to do it without the help of the mirror and/or us.

He also got a little grossed out if he got anything on his hands. So, I taught him to wind the TP flat around his hand. That helped him to get a good pad to wipe with rather than just a wad of stray strands. He actually used less TP that way.

Best of luck!

What we use to do, is for a poop, I would have him wipe the best he could, then I would come in and check it. They make the flushable wet wipes that are very helpful too. I think sometimes I had to assist some real messy ones until age 5. Just encourage him, and dont make a big deal over it... Buy him some dark underwear for some occasional stains and have him bathe a little more frequently.
And, Happy Bum Wiping!!

Great question R., our 3 y/o son just began this whole process, like others here, we use the flushable wipes and let him do it first then check for him. Good Luck, Thanks for a great question! M.