Two and a half years ago, I was plunged into a pretty deep depression on news that my husband had been unfaithful. We reconciled, I forgave, we both had counselling and he has remained faithful to me since then. But there are times, still now, that certain words, places, names, even music, trigger something in my brain. That terrible, sinking feeling - sick to my stomach, head spinning, heart breaking all over again. Sometimes the feeling passes quickly, sometimes it hangs around and can ruin the whole day. Does this happen to anyone else? Have you been through something terribly painful and have times like this? I just want to know that what I'm feeling is normal and that I'm not just "holding too much to the past".
Thank you all. It's good to know that I'm normal.
no-anger took care of the sick feeling-it squashed the love away-and when the end came-i didn't care anymore. I will never love anyone again-outside my family that is-not worth the effort. no hard feelings, just not going to be abused and moving on.
My ex cheated on me. After that I forgave but every time there was this feeling. Sometimes I was right, he was cheating again, others not.
You are human, cut yourself some slack.
I think it is perfectly normal.
My dad cheated on my mom 20 years ago, they reconciled and are still married. To this day my mom still has the problems you are describing.
I asked her once why she does that (she will start saying mean things) and she said, even though she has forgiven him she can't banish it from her memory.
I myself have similar issues only dealing w/ really bad mistakes I made as a very young woman.
If you can-give it to God-only He can take it away.
It would be a lot worse for me if I didn't give it to Him every time it becomes an issue.
Hugs and prayers!
Oh honey, I give you so much credit. What you did was very difficult.
It's normal to fall back on those negative feelings at times.
It's called being human.
Give yourself the credit you deserve, the self- love you deserve.
You obviously reconciled for great reasons.
Since he's truly sorry (we all make mistakes), knows he made a severe
mistake, you've been able to give each other what not a lot of people
can do: a 2nd chance.
Do this for yourself: Tell yourself that when these negative, nagging feelings come up you will give yourself 15 mins to wallow in self pity, sadness & sorrow. Then you will move past it for the day not giving it another thought. When it tries to come back into your head that day, say to yourself "Nope, done for today. I'll deal w/that feeling tomorrow."
You're giving it some credence, an outlet, recognition & observance which is healthy.
You've decided to move past it and move past it you shall.
It sounds like you're both in a good healthy place so I hope this helps you and I wish you both the best!
Much love sent your way honey! :)
Keep the positive feelings moving forward!
oh yes. any smells, scenery (even if completely unrelated to the 'past' but something about it) brings me back. a lot of things. and i don't think it ever goes away. i have not experienced unfaithfulness and i am sorry you have but i don't think it's something you 'forget.' you do forgive and manage to move on but i doubt you forget.
You can't turn off your 'triggers' but you can 'redirect' them, when it happens think of how good things are now in your life, that I have found is all I can do, we ALL have these moments whether we admit it, face it head on, deal with it & move on or not that is another story. You will be fine, it is normal...Blessed Be
It's normal and common. You can message me here if you need to talk about it more. I struggle with these things, too. Others who have "been there" tell me that the more time passes, the better it gets. Anti-anxiety meds help me a lot when the rare occasion presents itself that I can't handle on my own..
That said, did he and is he doing everything to help you trust him again? Did you get all of your questions answered about the affair? Did he take your concerns and feelings seriously and did you guys talk it out to death? If the answer to any of these questions is "no" then you guys still have work to do.
There is a certain band I used to love that I will NEVER listen to again. And I had to throw out all of his clothes that were a certain color. I still want to torch that fucking picnic table in that park, too...
I haven't been through that type of thing. But, I have been through some very sad losses. I think it sounds like you're doing the best you can. Some things just can't be rushed. You have to know you are still grieving when you get those emotional reminders. Give yourself permission to do so and you will heal faster. I think it's better to face your feelings when that happens. It gives signifigance to what is important and even tho there's forgiveness there - you still have a memory. It takes time. Just like in a death of a loved one - the grieving comes in waves. Don't feel guilty for it at all. You are normal. I wish you the best in healing.
