Does anyone else have family that get upset/whiney/downright b*tchy if you have not called in x amount of time? THEN they start making stuff up in their head about why you havent called. Then drilling you about why are you mad at me? why did you kick us to the curb? In the mean time, they didn't call you either!
My sister in law started this particular rant. She has literally drilled me about this stupidity the last couple times I talked to her. "WHy have you kicked us to the curb?" "What did we do to piss ya'll off" "We start having troubles and ya'll disappeared" "You don't care about us" It's all BS and lies! AARRRGGGHHH She carried her "hurt" over this and other issues too far yesterday and I dont plan on going to any holidays ATM. That is another post though =)
Almost my entire family does this crap! My mother says it all the time about my sisters, but she refuses to call them! My sisters refuse to call each other. My husband does it with his sister. Him and his sister do it with their uncle. Everyone is being stubborn and stupid. I'm the only one that keeps saying "well why dont you call?!?" Their answer is always "They need to call me this time"
Once again -- "unexpressed expectations" are to blame!
Personally? Nah....as dysfunctional as we are...my family just picks up the phone & calls. We don't keep "phone score"--thank goodness! LOL
This is hilarious, because my father JUST left me a message today saying "why aren't you calling us, what have we done to piss you off?"
Why does it mean I'm pissed off at you if I don't call? I am busy. I have 2 kids, both of which go to different schools, one in speech therapy, one in girl scouts, and I have a job.
Give me a freakin break!!
Bleck, didn't FB and texting take care of all that?
:)
Sounds like a dysfunctional family. Ignore them. When they start giving you the "business" hang up. When you try to defend yourself you're giving them the message, in their minds, that they're right. Otherwise why would you defend yourself.
Later: I suggest this is the behavior of very insecure high needs people. You can choose to thwart some of this by calling them, knowing that if you don't they'll take it personally. Or you can take their rants personally and be upset.
Have you considered that when you refuse to go to a family gathering you are being controlled by them? Being this way gives your family member a sense of being in control.
We were the ones who moved away from home--6.5 hrs on my side, 5 hrs on hubby's side. For some reason, because we're the ones who moved away, it seems it's all up to us to be the ones who always come home and/or keep in contract via phone or e-mail. Excuse me? We get busy too. I don't always have the time, the inclination, or the desire to call people up. They can call me too. Sometimes, we just haven't done enough for there to be enough to chitchat about. There's nothing I can't stand worse than to hang on the phone when either side has nothing to talk about. I could be spending my time in other, more productive ways!
But we hear all the time how we never keep in contact, we never phone, we never blah, blah, blah. Well, you know what? You can come see us, you can phone us, or you can e-mail us. It's not all up to us to remain in contact. And we've let our family know this. My hubby's mother and brother keep in quite frequent contact, and my parents are so-so. I never hear from my sister or my brother. So be it. I guess they aren't all that interested in either me or my life.
Yep.
Whatever.
Because... they are so high maintenance.
NOTHING... will satisfy people like that, nor can anyone read their minds.
THEY can manage their own reactions, too.
Like how they expect, everyone else to do for them.
And, who the heck can control their incorrigible imaginations?
No one.
So, they are just doing it to themselves, and holding everyone hostages emotionally.
What.ever.
People like that... can only 'control' others, if others play their game.
It takes, two.
Sounds like my In laws :)
Yes! My mom is like this & it never ceases to amaze me.
And that's why I don't call them!
My mother does that. Like the phone doesn't work both ways?!?! Oh it drives me crazy.
yes...my husband's dad, who is great to us, but never sent a card, initiated a visit, etc. - when we go and visit him EACH time we are in town to visit my husband's mother, says, "I just don't understand why you never call or send a card" and gives us a terrible time. My husband is really ready to scream, "I just don't understand why you walked out on us and never visited us when we were three and four, either, but I'm sure you'll live!" LOL. It's crazy.
How funny and annoying. These folks could have just as easily called you. Go figure that one out. Phones work for both incoming and outgoing calls. The expectations are clearly out of whack.
For my family members who do that, I have figured out it is a pretense that they care--and they don't. I have stopped calling them at all.
I am not implying that is what anyone else is doing.
I did that...LOL but after several emails, texts and phone calls went unanswered by my sister... =) But we got it straightened out.
When I was younger and my parents got divorced, my dad would do that. He'd call out of the blue and put me on a guilt trip for not calling him. But he didn't call either except when it was time for more guilt trips.
My mother in law is great for that. Actually, I haven't personally talked to her in over a year. She refuses to call us, because it's the child's responsibility, but on the very rare occasion she does call (only 2 times a year for my girls bday's, she's great to say the phone works both ways...) Then found out via email that my stepFIL was in the hospital, no idea why and she email me about something else, mentioned it on the fly, and didn't respond to me when I asked why....ugh! Feel your pain!
My knee-jerk response is that the telephone wires work on both ends. However, I would respond with this -
I appreciate your feedback and am glad that you feel comfortable enough to tell me when you are upset with me. But please do not assume the worst. Sometimes life gets the best of you, as I'm sure you understand since I have not heard from you either. If you are concerned about something, just call me and ask me about it. I hope that at this point in our relationship, we can be give each other the benefit of the doubt when we are feeling insecure. Making negative assumptions will cause unnecessary hurt and is destructive to our family ties. And we don't want that. Period!!! Leading by example is VERY powerful.
I know how this goes and I keep tellling family members to TALK ABOUT IT!!! That is what we are supposed to do...not use sarcasm and comments to portray a message that should be communicated in an adult way. Good luck!
One time when husband and I went with the kids to a Saturday morning family movie, my mom (lives in another state) and sister (who lives in same city as me) decided that since we weren't answering our cells that maybe something horrible had happened to all of us - like we'd all been murdered by home invaders, or died in a car crash. We had a increasingly crazy series of voicemails both on our cells and at home by the time we called them back 2 hours later!
My mum jokes (You nevah write, you nevah call)... but no, not for REAL. Everyone in my family picks up the phone when they want to talk to someone.
Guilty conscience? I don't know why people do that. The people that I'm close to know that I may not return their call right away if it was just to b.s. and vice versa. Life gets busy... too busy to worry about and analyze about why so & so has or hasn't done this, when it's most likely nothing. I think some people like the drama, honestly, they need something be the victim about, so they can then tell others and/or post in on their FB page.
My mother is like that. All I ever hear is how I don't call her or come over, but even if I do go over there, the next week I will again hear her say how I never come over. Why should I when she seems to never remember anyway? She is also like that with calling. I can call her daily for 10 days or more and then not call for a couple of days and I hear about why I haven't called. But do you think she picked up the phone? He** no! I always tell her the phone works both ways!
