For those that read my other post, I had to find alternate childcare for my daughter on short notice because my normal babysitter has a brother in hospice that is dying. She flew out of state today to be with family. I put my daughter in drop-in care at the daycare center that my son goes to their afterschool program. Today was her first day and she did wonderful. There was no crying and she seemed to enjoy herself.
I accidentially left my cell phone at home today. When I got home, I had a message from my original babysitter asking how my daughter did today. She seems to feel threatened about my daughter going to this daycare center. I understand and I felt guilty leaving her a message about how well my daughter did today. I really try hard not to lie about things like this. I feel guilty, but I was LITERALLY backed into a corner regarding my original babysitter's emergency time off. She gave me 4 days notice to find alternative care. We have NO family local and NO friends that do not work during the day. Neither me nor my husband were able to take off given such short notice. This was the obvious solution and it seems to be working well in the interim.
I don't know why I feel guilty here....logically I know that I have done nothing wrong in this situation. While I understand why she felt the need to take time off, she also has to understand that this puts me in a bind and I have to do the best I can in the situation.
Thanks folks...I really needed the encouragement here. We have had this babysitter non-stop for going on 6 years (March will be 6 years that she has been keeping our kids). When we started, she did have back ups in place for stuff like this....now she has no back ups. This wasn't for a long weekend type thing. This was her leaving today and not being ready to watch my daughter again until next Friday...so 7 days that I had to find alternate care for my little girl. With only 4 calendar days to address this, YES it was hard to make other arrangements for that amount of time. I am worried that she will choose to stay out of state longer than she initially told me. Right now I am paying drop in care prices, so that just CANNOT continue. I think that it is likely that I will be pulling my daughter out by this Fall at the latest so she can attend VPK.
You are right that I am mixing business and personal here. We have had this babysitter for so long that she almost is family. I hate to be like this, but I cannot take off of work on such short notice frequently.
Loyalty is a good thing. Guilt is a useless emotion unless you KNOW you have done something wrong and do something to correct it.
Blessings...
I would just send her a text saying your daughter did fine today, and that you hope she (the babysitter) is doing okay, that you're keeping her in your thoughts/prayers as she goes through this difficult time, yada yada. Just quick and to the point about your daughter. I wouldn't lie or sugar coat it, it is what it is.
in my daycare policy handbook, I recommend that all families have backup in place. For short notice emergencies (as in drop everything & run to the hospital), I also list my neighbors who will come in & wait for the parents to arrive. My daycare families KNOW that they have to provide their own backup. This is to prevent distress to the children. I may know my friends/family, but these kids do not. It's always better if they're with familiar faces.....
Please don't feel guilty. You have to do what is best for your own family, as does your babysitter. She made her choice, & you made yours. Please look at her phone mgse as proof that she is worried/cares about you & your child!
Now here's the sticky part: in my handbook, I clearly state that if you take off, then I still receive pay. In this case, your sitter took off....albeit for an emergency, but still it's her choice. Therefore, I do not believe that you are responsible for paying her. My rule is "if you take off, you still pay. If I take off, you don't pay". (my 2cents worth :) Oh, & I will add that most of my families do still pay me out of the kindness of their hearts with extreme emergencies....as when my Dad died. Full pay from all of my families, even though they had to also pay for alternate care. Kindness beyond belief!
& since you've had issues in the past.....& your daughter seems to be enjoying herself - - then maybe it's time to give notice & switch over to this new facility. It eases your time....having both kids in one place. & as I said before, you have to put your family first. Peace....
Have you answered the question yet? If you haven't, punt the question. Tell her that she shouldn't be worrying about stuff at home, that she needs to just concentrate on what is going on there. It is a bad time with her brother's circumstance.
And please, stop feeling guilty! This is not a cross for you to bear! This is a business arrangement. She is not your sister or your mom. This is your babysitter. Sometimes blurring the lines between friends/family and business is a bad idea.
Dawn
Apparently she thinks nothing of leaving you in a total bind & expecting compensation for it, so I don't know why you feel guilty about anything.
You need to be upfront & honest with her about this type of thing happening again. She needs a backup caregiver, and to rewrite her ridiculous contract, which only protects her, and really has no benefit for the parent.
My first thought us she has a lot going on and maybe the sudden leave and all is just getting to her. Im sure she wants your daughter to be comfy but if it was me I would reassure her all is fine and and look forward to her getting back.
If you really like this sitter, try not to read too much emotionally into a message - keep in mind that you can see or hear all of someone's facial expressions or emotions in a text message or even a voice mail. It may be that your regular baby sitter has a genuine interest in your daughter & is curious how she did because she recognizes that it was a disruption to her routine and could be really rough on a little kid.
Having said that, your sitter SHOULD feel threatened. She had an emergency for which she provided no notice or alternatives. You've found an alternative that may actually be a possible long term care solution for your daughter which may threaten her employment with your family. She's likely worried that she'll need to extend her absence but still wants her job back!
I would say
"oh my goodness she did so fantastic today. I'm so glad she has had such a good experience with you that she was able to transition so nicely in this situation as well"
I certainly wouldnt feel guilty! My son was at an in home daycare for his first year, she was closed exactly 1 day ever..... because the roads were closed and there was a state of emergency.
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. But if she has been with your family for so long and I'm sure cares for your daughter, do you think she could just have been calling as she was genuinely just curious about how she did at daycare and wanted to make sure it went smoothly?
I personally think it sounds like this woman is going to do this to you quite often. I remember that she took extra time off earlier this year and I wonder if all this is worth it?
In 26 years, we've burried my stepfather, my father, and my sister. I took almost nothing off for each or nothing. We provide our own back up when possible. My family didn't all attend the funerals. That's how we handled 2 of them and we closed for one day only with my step father.
Furthermore, I'd gone through 3 pregnancies and NEVER taken any time off for any appointments, being sick, or giving birth, other than the 2 days in the hospital. Twice, we provided our own back up for 1 of those 2 days. I even drove myself and 6 kids to the hospital last time and they hung around with us until their parents came.
My mother had knee surgery once and we covered that too. I had a cancer scare that turned out to be nothing. We covered that as a family as well.
I think that you need to move on and don't feel guilty.
