Why Are Certain Answers Being Removed from Mamapedia?

See, that's the thing...things have been reported many, many times with the moderators doing absolutely nothing. Now, you all come back and say that you will delete any comment that is unhelpful? That is WAY too subjective and will lead to many comments that ARE actually helpful being deleted. Adults know that they must cherry pick on Internet sites and take the helpful and leave the rest. This stinks of a level of censorship that I am not comfortable with... Frankly, you will lose traffic on this site with this approach. Don't believe me? Just compare the level of traffic on this site now to that of 2 years ago...

Will you notify the person BEFORE you delete their answer so they can edit?

If not, than you're going to lose a lot of people.

We take the time answer questions because we care. If you do not give someone the opportunity to delete a profanity or whatever, than you are tone policing, which is, frankly, disrespectful and petty, and you are going to lose a rather large batch of users.

well, i appreciate you at least notifying us that you want the site to transform into a puffy marshmallow without the edge and snap that adult women need and enjoy from each other.
thanks for turning it into preschool circle time. that's what all us bitches needed. a nice paternal 'play nice or you get sent to the corner' speech.
i'm so disappointed. it seemed for a while as if the new team was really shaping the site up.
khairete
S.

This is kind of the cutting edge vs the bleeding edge of moderation.
It's going to be a work in progress - and I expect the line will waiver back and forth a bit.

Some people are going to be offended no matter what you say or do.
Those few individuals are not capable of not being offended and you often can't see them coming until you post a seemingly helpful comment - and then they blast you with "You're so offensive - you attack my parenting - you are all a bunch of mean women" - and you really have to question their mental health at that point.
They only want posts that support their position - and sometimes their position is pretty whacked.
They LIE about asking for 'help'/'solutions'.
They want someone to tell them their unhealthy choices are ok and/or normal.

So - how far is the site willing to go to 'offend proof' the site?
There's a fine line - over moderated (EVERYTHING deemed offensive removed regardless of the degree of sanity of the offended individual) vs under moderated (I consider Yahoo to be an example of no holds barred, can be rather vicious comment community) - and if you lean too far in either direction the site will lose traffic.

For the most part - I think we do alright at our current moderation level.
Sure there are a few cases where things go too far - but you're always going to have a little bit of some of that - just as long as it's not an all day every day thing - we're doing alright.

As owners of the site it's totally up to you to decide what is or isn't a waste of disk space.
Just consider that every once in a great while a little conflict can be a good thing.
It's a matter of finding that just right balance.

Well, if you want a sanitized version of this group?....boring.

What made Mamapedia so great when it first started was that we could express ourselves freely. Did some posts turn into firestorms? Sure. That happens in a democracy. It's messy and it works. Truth gets told. People have openly come back and said "wow, thanks for the perspective". I have learned from this site, as have many other moms. I think I would be a lesser person if some of my own more inane posts hadn't been met with 'what the heck are you thinking?' Yeah, it stings for a minute, but we are moms, most if us are mature enough to handle feeling peeved for a bit if it means growing as a person.

What I'm wondering, honestly, is who is served by inane cheerleading only? I would love it if the Admin would actually *listen* instead just handing out guidelines. It comes across as very heavyhanded and sexist, giving women 'rules' for socializing which would rarely ever be directed toward a mens forum. Why can't women discuss parenting with the same fervor as men direct toward sports? The fact that disturbing posts, which are reported as requested, are ignored in an effort to "make nice" to the general public is dysfunctional thinking.

As many of us stated in Suzi's post about posts getting removed, we, the regular users, would not like a watered down and 'supervised' version of life. Instead of addressing our concerns via conversation (which is how women work, generally-- was ask questions and with each other), you are talking *at* us and only restating rules. I'd love it if the men were brave enough to trust us to govern ourselves and to listen to those who have been here a LOT longer than they have.

ETA: just for contrast, I'm including a link to something I wrote about 5 or 6 years ago:
http://skyteahouse.blogspot.com/2010/10/how-to-post-answe...

I've been here for years since Mamasource and I've made many friends on this site, some of whom I've met personally and have close friendships with.

Many moms on this site have been by my side in the Internet world for the last 3 months of hell I've gone through to support me and lift me up when I'm at my worst.

I am the type of person to say what I believe and I firmly believe that if you personally could not look at someone in the face and say what you just typed, then go back and edit.

Many of the responses before mine on this post echo what I feel is important for you to acknowledge.

TOO many times blatant flaming of a regular member occurs from a newbie and nothing happens, numerous spammers post with how to make millions of $$ by doing nothing, spammers post web links which could infect our computers, etc and nothing happens for days or if ever and now you now you want to police all the regular members and our "tone".

If you opt to make this site full of rainbow and glitter responses vs the wake up call some people want and need to hear then it won't be worth our time to try to help that mom who is crying for help to get out of an abusive relationship, that mom concerned for her child's safety during custody battles, that mom who just had a crappy day and came in for some support, that new mom with a baby for the first time.

I'll admit, my responses are not and will not be all rainbow and glitter .... My responses are from my heart and my experience. Could I sometimes word things differently, sure, I'm not perfect.

So, if you choose to delete our comments, we deserve the respect from the moderators who have not been reliable in a long time to get a heads up and opportunity to edit.

I really wish you the best with this site. It takes a balance between the members and you. Please, don't just come in on a high horse and start preaching rules because a large majority of us have been here many years. It is not going to change overnight.

I respectfully submit my opinion.
TF

So basically you take away someone's free speech if someone else is offended by it.

I agree with Nervy Girl and Suz T. This feels sexist and paternalistic. It feels like three men are horrified that a group of mommies aren't sticking to swapping diaper rash tips, recipes, and craft project ideas. In my professional career, I often have limited disagreements, even conflict with colleagues. Yet somehow I manage to maintain positive relationships, because we are adults who understand that other adults have different views than our own. In fact, conflict arises more when one is passionate about something. What would we possibly be more passionate about than our children? So conflict should be expected on a site dedicated to people asking questions about parenting. Rules about swearing and name calling are objective. Subjective rules like no "unhelpful" comments are a bit ridiculous. Unhelpful to whom?
Sigh.

So is your version of friendly only puppies and kittens and rainbows? People get offended over a lot of things and have very thin skin sometimes. I think you should consider (as Patricia suggested) allowing the poster to edit, especially if it's a longtime poster vs a first time user who probably hasn't taken the time to scope the forum out.

ETA: I find it ironic that you and Jake are from "GetIt" and really DON'T get what this forum has been, at its core, for years. There are several posters that I have seen leave, including our few outspoken fathers. Traffic is down, as I'm sure you've noticed. It must be pretty bad when the mods have to post their own questions for conversation. I see Jake has one up about what to do in DC with the snow. Is that the kind of inane question you want and approve of only? Yawn. You seem to want to choke the remaining life out of this forum.

I predict that what you will get with increasing regularity is 15 yr olds acting like grown ups with stupid, pointless and poorly worded/spelled questions and no one but other 15 yr olds to bother answering them.

Thanks and enjoy the site....

Well I have (notice HAVE) been enjoying this site for many many years...sense Mamasourse only changing my name once after the "let us post what you though was a private discussion, on Facebook for the world to see, without telling you first incident"...

I have been told one of my children was going to grow up to be a serial killer...that I was negligent in not getting my child treatment soon enough or enough treatment for other medical issues...I have been told to get off my own bum and take myself to the doctor because well I needed to go and needed the other mom's here to tell me to go because well I thought I really wasn't that sick, I was...I have been told to press charges against my children's school, to remove them from school and home school, and once I believe I was told I shouldn't have even had children...and I am sure other questionable "advice".

Out of all that advice I was able to pick out: what applied to my question, what was written by "lunatics", what was those respondent's opinions but not my own, and which advice to research further and follow...all on my own as a *gasp* adult woman and mother.

Don't get me started on private messages received that could make a sailor blush...

I feel like I have been through the trenches with this site for years the good the bad and the ugly...only now to have it finally "moderated" and told to play nice and give out glitter rainbow unicorns to everyone who posts about "could I be pregnant?" or "children's genitals" or "my child is bleeding from their eyes...should I take them to the doctor?"

Oh and some of my very favorite posts ever were totally troll posts from Dandylion...who brightened some dull days for me!!

We used to have pages of questions a day now we have maybe eight to ten on very high traffic day...*sigh*...I fear this new moderation is the end of a long and lovely time in my life that now might be over...I am not sure I will continue to be around much longer if I have a young 20 something man who may or may not have children possibly yanking my time consuming and well thought out responses because they might put someone's knickers in a twist...*sigh, oh sigh*...okay DougAtGetIt you are a parent I read your profile...but I am tried now and going to sign off, maybe for a while...

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/18216413324340690945#r...

Please go back and read all those posts from the last 8 hours. I hope that you'll take them to heart. I really do.

I was wondering if we will be notified if our reply has been taken down?

I think one time I figured the site crashed. Now I'm thinking maybe some have been and I was clueless!

I find that there are moms who have emotional issues they need to work out. They come on here and ask the same question repeatedly - with the same husband, same situation they can't get past, and clearly they need help. And I think the first few times moms are helpful. But I will admit, it's like a friend who keeps going back to the jerk boyfriend ... after a while, you think "Why are you on here?" because they don't like our advice. They actually come back on and tell us so in their SWH. And I think "Why do I bother with this site?". I find those ones have nothing to do with mothering in the first place. It's a woman who has issues who should be getting help.

I know sometimes mom lose it on those people. I want to. I usually go back and edit my answer because I think it will be too harsh, but then I'm always happy someone else just said it like it should be. I look up to those moms. I really do.

So to moderate too much ... ugh, I think I might lose my interest in this site.

Why don't you just wrote all of the responses yourself?
What is your definition of "helpful"?
What is your definition of "friendly"?
It's all very subjective.
This will be the death blow to this site.
I've been here for years and years, and it sucks more and more by the day. I'm hardly ever on here now. And I mean that in the most helpful, friendly way possible. Yank away!

Strange way to try to unify the members, but I guess that's what you did here.

Isn't that the point of this website? To get moms to come together?

Besides, of course, the advertising.

So, I hope you are hearing the members.

I hope you are LISTENING to the members.

And I wonder, after reading all these posts, do you in fact Get-It?

I think B has a great response to this.

I would prefer to not read snarky comments to obvious trolls or illiterate people. Sometimes people really are not in the know, but this doesn't mean the should be treated without respect. Compassion and the benefit of the doubt are good ways to approach things usually. And some people really are that uneducated.

with that said, I miss Usenet. The whole idea of "moderators" makes my head hurt. I'm almost 44. I should be able to do and say as I wish. If I offend, that's that person's problem, not mine. This isn't preschool. We are grown adults here, and to be treated like children? This just says so much about how truly broken the world is we are creating for our children.

hubby keeps joking we need to bring back Usenet. I think he's right. Long live free speech!

I think it makes mamapedia sort of a sad place now. If this continues then I don't think I'll be posting any more questions and will probably stop coming to check out the questions.

How sad that we can't post our real thoughts.

I remember there was a time when we could say what we thought and if someone wasn't grown up enough to just pass it by if they didn't learn anything from it they would simply report that answer. Then someone would look at it and decide to send an email to us to let us know it had been reported.

I have NEVER seen a regular responder say anything that I would consider flaming or down right on purpose mean.

Now I won't say I haven't read harsh answers that I didn't agree with but there have been times when I have commented and posted a rude answer. It got reported too. But that lady was very wrong in how she was treating her husband.

I won't be censored. I won't tell someone who I think might be on the verge of abusing or neglecting their child that it's all rainbows and teddy bears. I will tell them that if I was their neighbor I'd call child welfare on them so their kids wouldn't be in danger anymore. I think I actually told someone, in person, that before then I went home and made the call.

We have the ability to be hidden from each other and we can say our peace without fear of reprisal. That does allow us to say things we might not say otherwise. I try to think about what I'm writing and wonder if I'd say it differently or at all if that person was my friend, my neighbor, a classmate of my grand kids, a lady at Walmart..I try to write my answers like I'd say it face to face and not what I'd really like to say if I might if I wasn't ever going to have consequences of my words.

Words are powerful. We say things and they effect others. So we might want to try to find a way to say it kinder but we all, the regulars, do that.

We might just be put out and think someone is a troll and rip them a new one and they might really be a new mom and in distress. Then I wonder about people who get to the end of their rope and go throw their babies off an overpass then jump themselves. Were they that mom that came here and sought help? Did I fail in some way?

We do have a big thing here. We have people we recognize their names and in our own way we know who we can count on to tell us the truth.