Which Kid Should Share Their Bedroom? Crib or Toddler Bed?

Hi N.,

I have three kids that are girl, boy, girl. They are 7, 5 and 1 now. I had originally put the girls together and gave my son his own room. My older daughter was very excited to have the baby in her room in the beginning. That was until she kept getting woken up. I was also afraid to have the older one woken up so I would quickly get the baby. That created poor sleep for me and poor sleep habits for the baby. I have since moved the 2 oldest into one room with bunk beds and have given the baby her own room. In 1-2 years, the girls will go back together, but I needed the baby to learn to go back to sleep on her own without making my older daughter too tired to make it through the day at school.

Just my input. It is tricky. Hope everything works out OK.

C.

I think the 6 year old should get her own room. She is the 'little lady' of the bunch and will be more appreciative of her privacy over the next years. She has put in her dues, so to speak. I also recommend two cribs. I am TOTALLY with you on the no-co-sleeping...my bed is for me and hubby ONLY!!! hehe! As long as my 2 year old will tolerate the crib, he's staying in it!

~L.

Have you thought of putting the baby in with your six year old for now? The baby will not get into her things, will not break anything or get into anything dangerous, she will just sleep in there. Plus your six year old will understand more about how to act around the baby. You said your toddler likes to climb into things, what if she climbs into the babies crib in the night? She doesn't understand that could be dangerous but your six year old is much more likely to listen to the safety rules that you will have to set out, and understand them.
You could always get the bunk beds when the baby gets closer to being a toddler and move them all around so your middle daughter shares with your older daughter then, that way your middle daughter will be a bit older and more likely to understand responsible sharing.
You don't have to pull the mommy knows best card with your husband but just lay it out to him as you see it with all the pros and cons of each idea. Have him do the same, you never know you might both agree in the end :)
Good luck, you'll both figure it out in the end.

I personally think you should put the toddler and infant in the same room as they are so close in age and your older child will soon want a room of her own.

I think you have been given a lot of good advice from the other moms here. I think one thing you will really want to think about here is the baby's schedule and how it would affect your other children if they were to share a room. I am the mother of three girls too (5,3, 11months), and the baby got her own room here. Babies have such different schedules from older children with their daytime naps and waking during the night. If you put the baby into either sibling's room, it could be a little difficult for them to accept that their room and their "stuff" was off limits for periods of time in the middle of the day when baby naps. The might also be awakened in the middle of the night when baby wakes up. Just some things to consider.

I also agree with what another woman wrote about possibly sacrificing the guest bedroom. If I had an extra room here, my oldest two would probably be separated because putting two girls to sleep in the same room brings a whole new challenge to bedtime ;) You could always combine children when your guests are there.

Also - an alternative to bunk beds might be a trundle bed. That would keep your toddler a little closer to the floor so she doesn't end up falling from a bigger bed as she adjusts to a "big girl bed."

As far as talking with your husband about the difference of opinion, maybe the two of you could sit down and make a list of ALL the pros and cons of each living arrangement. If you put it all on paper, it might help you both to see what would work best for your family.

Good luck with everything, and congratulations on your new little one!

I just know how we have done our children. Our 2 sons have always shared a room (24 months apart) As they have gotten older we lofted the oldest and put the middle one on a bed under (L shape with the 2 beds) We now plan on lofting him and moving the baby in. As the oldest one matures and begins to need his own space he will be the one to move into his own room and so on.

We put the "dangerous toys" such as little legs in sealed plasitic totes the boys can get out when they want.

Just hpw we did it and it worked fantastic for us. They are all super close!

I have 2 opinions..
First my daughter is now 6 and she would flip out if she had to share her room with her little sister(shes 17 months) and Im not sure I would, at this age I think she deserves her privacy, this is also a space where she like to read,draw and watch her tv..alone.
I think its important for kids to sometimes have their alone time,the little one tends to follow her all day and sometimes she just needs"her space".Again, just my opinion but I would not put her in the older childs room.

2nd..
How often do you have visiting company? If you say several times a month then yes I understand why you dont want to utilize that extra room. However, if you only have company a few times a year I would surely turn that room into your new nursery. Its awesome of you to want to provide your friends and family a nice place, however it may be the best idea to use the room to benefit your children. If I were a guest somewhere I would be fine sleeping anywhere, a kids room,couch anywhere. So perhaps you may just need an inflatable bed to move wherever you may see fit, your oldest can sleep in your 22 months old room on the inflatable while your company sleeps in your daughters room. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Well, I would ask the 6-yo what she thinks so if you do place the two of them together, she had a chance to give her opinion. Honestly, I would probably place the newborn with the toddler. The toys will be the same for quite a while, as the kids will be closer in age. Just try to make sure the little ones do separate things together with the older sister.

I'm the youngest of 3 girls. We are all 4 years apart. My middle sister and I have always been close because we shared a room as kids. When I was in 3rd grade I finally got my own room and my middle sister had to share with the older one. That was because we moved to MI and there was a tiny pink room. They shared the big bedroom. This was okay but my middle sister always feels jipped because she never had a chance to have her own room as a kid. Just something to keep in mind for later years. As smaller kids though, I think it was fine for us to share. We are still close now. I'm starting to be a lot closer to my older sister now, but being 8 years apart, that was hard as a kid. Honestly, I only have a few particular memories of her and I when I was little. So, just try to make sure that each older sibling gets to spend quality time with the youngest to encourage bonding. It will be a lot easier now than later.

I hope this helped. Congratulations on your third blessing. :-) God bless!

I would say that if you have the luxury of having a guest room, then it would be better suited as a bedroom. The cons for each scenario are very important reasons to protect the newborn. Having a six-year-old share a room does not mean she will learn to share. It may just cause unnecessary battles.

I have three boys myself. The first two are 20 minths apart and the youngest is 5 years younger. Until we moved into a home where each child has their own room it was my oldest two that shared a room because they are so close in age. I found that the older two are so close that there are times they actually act like twins. Is your 20 month old out of diapers yet? It would make sense to me to keep needed supplies in one location instead of going room to room for them. The younger two will more likely be closer to using the same types of toys at the same time, too. I'd give your oldest her own space. She's going to need it when the next one comes along and she isn't getting as much attention as before.

Good luck - S.

I know it's nice to have a guest bedroom, but unless you plan on guests being arod all the time, you should think about using that room as well. at least for a few year, and then change it back to a guest room. When you do have guests they can take a room, and then have the other children share for those times.

i know when i go to my sisters i get a room and my nieces are displaced for the night or 2 i am there, but my nieces wouldn't have it any other way. its always been that way and they think it's fun then to bunk together the few times a year i am there.

your baby will be up and unless you put the todder and the 6 y/o together you will have one of them up. Also your toddler and baby will have different nap schedules and if in the same room, you won't be able to put them to naps properly.

I would ask the 6 year old how she would feel about it. Make sure that 1) your husband agrees with that and 2) your 6 year realizes that her preference is not going to make the decision. I would also bring your concerns to your husband, for example choking hazards to the toddler, breaking objects. See if he has any suggestions for overcoming those "obstacles". Maybe a bookshelf that you can put those choking objects on the higher shelves (that only the 6 year old can reach), some shelves on the walls for breakable objects. Work with the toddler on respecting her sister's "shelves", at the same time give the toddler some shelves as well - and make sure the 6 year old respects those shelves. I would lean towards moving the two girls that sleep through the night into one room - to allow them that full nights sleep. I know from experience that having a toddler and infant in the same room creates a bad sleep pattern for the toddler (she woke up every time her sister did). It would also teach the older sibling to share, something it sounds like she may struggle with today (and I could be wrong there). Just some thoughts.

N.,
We had this problem as well. We have 5 little girls ages 9,4, twin 2 y/o and a 13 month. When we had the twins everyone had their own room except they shared and that's how it still is. And even though my 9 and 4 y/o feel like they want to share a room, I have always stood by, no because there is a big age difference. So my 4 y/o and 13 month old share a room. That is where I see your problem too, is 6 and 20 months is a big age difference compared to 20 months and a newborn. I would feel it's best for the younger 2 to share because they are going to be into more of the same toys then a 6 y/o and a not even 2 y/o. Also the 6 y/o is in school and needs sleep, not having a 2 y/o waking up and keeping her up half the night. Whatever you decide, remember you can always change it, but it's something that you do want to get them ready for now so they can adjust to it.
Good Luck
S.

I recently had this problem with my boys. When my youngest was about to be born I told my oldest that he got the choice of whom he shared a room with (his is the biggest) He chose the baby over my than 4 year old. It works better because he will be quiet in the room when the baby is sleeping and knows to stay out. He understood better than what my now 5 year old did. I would ask your oldest daughter whom she'd like to share a room with. That way she gets to pick her roommate. I don't think your 20 month old will be a good companion for the baby as far as keeping quiet and not waking the baby up.

Like a few others have written, I would suggest putting the baby with your six year old, especially if your toddler is still napping. My daughter was 5 1/2 when my son was born and she was THRILLED to have the baby in her room and be my helper. There were a few nights when I was truly exhausted and she came and woke me when the baby needed me! Like I mentioned, if your middle child is still napping, those daytime routines are imortant to consider as well as night.

For the first few weeks, have you considered keeping the baby in your room in a small pack-n-play? I have one with a bassinet insert so they have been up high, easy to put back after nursing (even with c-sections!). That way it is not a permanent arrangement and you can see how the other two might adjust or welcome their new sister into either of their rooms. Most of all - be flexible! Whatever decision you make now can be changed if cirmumstances dictate.

God bless your newest addition and your whole family!

If I had to make this decision, I would put the baby and your oldest together.
There is such an age difference between the toddler and 6 year old and given that your oldest is already having difficulty with the toddler being in her room, why force her to share her space with her? You want them to bond, but forcing them together may have the opposite effect!
Putting the baby in her room may give her the opportunity to be the "big helper" and will also help with the sharing issue. She is old enough to understand what the needs of both the baby and the household are. As she gets older, the need for her own space will increase and you can then put the two youngest girls together.
As for the bed situation, this would be the perfect time to get your toddler into a "big girl bed" before the baby arrives. If your toddler typically sleeps through the night, there is no reason to believe that she would start wandering about once in a bed. She may get up a few times in the beginning, once you lay her down, but she will get the idea that she needs to stay in bed if you just gently put her back without making a big fuss over it. If it doesn't work out before the baby is born, you can always switch her back.
K

I have to disagree with you both...:-)
In our house baby would go in with the older child.
If you put the infant in with the 2 year old it may cause sleeping issues because of all the waking and disturbing in the middle of the night.
As an older sister myself I LOVED having the ability to have a real live "baby doll" in my room. But in reality, your older daughter will probibly eventually chose to move in with the middle one. Especially when the baby gets to be around 2. :-)
My family may be odd, but we always had our own rooms available, but usually we would chose to share rooms.
Your 6 yr old will never want her siblings going thru her stuff, but the siblings will. They will fight about it often. And that is how the younger kids learn about respecting others property.
Lay out the options and let the 6 yr old choose. (No resentment of being "forced" to move in with a sister)

There are pros and cons to each scenario you recommend. A six year old's toys are dangerous choking hazards for a toddler or a baby... and it is unfair to make her "protect" her stuff all the time. A newborn will keep everyone awake, and toddler sleep is tenuous at best. Avoid bunk beds unless there is no room for twin beds. Kids do disturb each other more..... when someone in the top needs to go to the bathroom, sleepy, fall hazards are real. The bottom kid can feel closed in and claustrophobic. The kid on the bottom will probably learn how to torment the top bunk kid by poking through the slats or kicking them. Not the best idea for children too young to appreciate the dangers (ours have been separated into twin beds for all those reasons). The suggestion that I think is best is the one you dismissed right away---- the "guest room". Doubling up two of your kids to reserve a room for guests, who are only there intermittantly seems to say that the possibility of out of town guests is more important than the children who are there ALL the time. When you have out of town guests, then you can make temporary arrangements, and displace a child for the duration of the visit if you need too.... this is a time when things are disrupted anyway. But holding a room in reserve that you could be using every day seems senseless. A 6 year old should be allowed to have "choking hazards" in their room, and a 2 1/2 year old will not be able to understand yet the things that are dangerous with a baby (like jumping up onto a bed with a baby), and will innocently create dangerous situations. Both of your older children need to be able to play, and make noise when the baby is sleeping, too. The parents room needs to be the parents room, too. You are right on target there. When the 2 1/2 year old is old enough to be safe around 6- year old's toys, and old enough to learn to respect ( at least most of the time), others possessions, then it will be a better time to move those two together. Perhaps only a year or so for the choking hazard, and it depends on your child for the mutual respect issue.

I understand that you want to promote "sisterly" relationships, but you are just as likely to promote resentment as devotion. Roommates are not automatically friends.
good luck with your dilemma.
L. (a mother of 3... two girls and a boy in a three bedroom house. Our family room sleeper sofa becomes our guest room)

I always found it easiest and best to keep my newborns in my room even though you'd prefer not to. This will give more protections from a curious toddler too. I had 4 girls and eventually found it best to pair an older with a younger, but I put the younger ones together at times too. Sounds like you and your husband need to talk some things out before the new baby comes. It's hard to make these transitions.

Good for you for breastfeeding! You'll never be sorry!

Good luck!

I'm sorry but I have to agree with your husband on this one. We have three boys and we moved my middle one into the oldest one's room when the baby was born. It has worked out just fine they have become better friends. You indicated that your 6-year-old needs to learn to share better so this would be the perfect opportunity for her to learn. It might be a little bumpy for a while but eventually it will smooth out (that's what happened in our case). Also, remember that each time your baby wakes during the night your toddler will awaken with her. 20 months is still young and you might be in the position to have to put two little ones back to sleep multiple times a night instead of just one. Remember, whatever choice you make, your decision is not set in stone. You can always change things later if it doesn't work out. Good luck!

I just have a little advice on the bunkbeds... I have boys, which I know are very different than girls, but we had to separate the bunkbeds into twin beds because they were climbing them (even when we took down the ladder) and trying to jump from the top bunk. You might want to consider waiting to purchase the bunkbeds until they get a little bit older....

That's kind of a tough one. I'm thinking that the newborn should be in it's own room because you know that at some point you will be dealing with her waking and needing attention in the night. If she is sharing a room with another child that is already sound asleep then you have two children awake to deal with. If the roommate is your toddler then you will really have your hands full with two little ones wanting your attention. It won't hurt your older daughter to share her room with her sister. Let her have a hand in rearranging the room for her things so she doesn't feel like she is being pushed out. Explain to her that your family is growing and that you need her help looking out for her little sisters. I was the youngest of three girls myself and my older sister was very motherly to us younger sisters. It sounds like your daughter needs that encouragement in the big sister department. Whatever your decision just make sure you and your husband stand united. My best to you on your new baby.

S.

IMHO, I think that your DH has the right idea. If your oldest is stuck having to deal with your toddler, then this will make her learn because the situation will force her into it.

Also, a toddler doesn't know what behavior is appropriate around a newborn. I'd be concerned that the toddler would do something to the newborn if they were in a room together and you weren't (or dh wasn't) there to watch.

In talking with your husband, I'd be ready to acknowledge his concerns, but explain why you disagree with him. (For instance, you'd say, I understand you feel that way, but I believe that.....)

Hope everything works out for you.

Hey N.!!

Congratulations on your new addition.. it definately creates some excitement!!!

It has kind of already been said... but I think the one factor you REALLY want to concider is what combination is going to bring the best sleep to the house. Is your toddler a heavy sleeper and can sleep though those late night feedings? Can she go back to sleep if woken up?? If not you may want to have her in a room by herself or share with the 6 year old. The one thing you probably don't want is a tired mommy, infant AND toddler. That doesn't seem very peaceful to me!!!

How it worked for our family is that we had the 3 year old share a room with our 9 year old and gave the baby the room to himself. Now that our oldest will be going to middle school next fall.. he will be getting a room to himself and the soon to be 5 year old and almost 2 year old will be sharing and getting the bunk beds.

As for discussing this with your husband... I have found that treating my husband how I would like to be treated works wonderfully when we have a disagreement over something. IN the past when we haven't seen eye to eye, I found myself getting frustrated and angry with him because I thought that if he loved me he should want to do it my way. Then one day it dawned on me that maybe he is thinking the same thing about ME!! So now when we discuss things and I see that we can't make a compromise, I voluntarily say O.K. let's try it your way. (Even if every fiber of my being thinks it is the dumbest idea in the world and that it is never going to work!! I just don't tell him that!) And there have been times that it has worked out better than I expected... and there are times where he changed his mind and thought it would be better to do it "my way". But I guess ultimately what I have learned is that we now work things out for the best solution... not whose right or who came up with it.

That's just what life has taught me. I hope it might help!!
Peace,
B.

P.S. And if your a Christian woman.. always be in prayer for your husband and your family!!

Personally I think you should put the toddler in with the 6 year old. It will increase their bonding and your six year will just need to learn that she needs to share and that is what family's do. I think by putting the toddler in the newborn's room it may be a danger to the baby. EX: Will the toodler try to crawl into the crib to get closer to her sister? Will the toddler keep the baby awake or wake her after you have tried so long to put that baby to sleep? Or will the baby wake your toddler? LEts face it if everyone and you is sleep deprived veryone will be in a soar mood and it will make the household harder to get along.

I would put the two little ones together. The age space between the first two is really large and I can see how the 6 year old would not like sharing her room with her little sister. Your question about "when will your 6 year old learn how to share?" That's always a hard one for kids that are only children past a couple of years. It's my thought that kids don't learn to share til they are about 3 anyway. Since she was an only child til she was almost 5 and she doesn't like to share now with her little sister, you will have some fast talking and convincing in your future. I wouldn't force the issue by putting them in a bedroom together BUT it is important she learn about sharing as soon as possible on other fronts. Give her lots of patience, lead by example by sharing with her, lots of lovins for being the bigger sister and helper. On the bed issue, I would get a toddler bed for #2. You will use it again with #3. Then you can get the bunk beds for #2 and #3. Good Luck!