So we've had two incidents this week with our two 14-year-olds. One somehow broke the screen on the laptop that the kids share. He came up with a semi-plausible story of how it happened by accident. I'm going to assume it was an accident and that he didn't do something really awful like punch the screen but I think he should pay for the screen replacement, It's somewhere around $50-$100. Then the other one was bitching and whining about mowing the lawn and ran right over a drain hose that we use to back wash our pool filter, cutting a big gash in it so that has to be replaced too. That's about $30-40 and she should have to pay for that.
The problem is that they have no jobs...he is planning on becoming a hockey referee but can't train until August. She needs to take a baby-sitting class before we'll let her baby-sit because she's a pretty lousy baby-sitter as-is but won't take direction from us on how to actually be a baby-sitter worth hiring.
Taking money that they received as gifts from their bank accounts causes them no pain at all because they didn't work for that.
I'd rather not have them work it off at home because frankly, there's nothing that I need done extra right now that they are qualified to do that would be worth paying someone else to do. They don't get an allowance (that would obviously solve this problem but it's too late now to have it be effective for this). I'll probably end up inventing some work for them to pay it off but I figured I'd see if there are any other creative ideas out there that will have the same impact as if they had money that they earned and wanted to spend on things like clothes or entertainment but then had to fork over to us to cover the cost of what they damaged.
I used to send my kids to my dad's house to work off debt when I had nothing. Don't know why but my dad is very good at creating hard, low paying jobs. :p
I agree that they should pay for the damages. However, they need a real consequence. Money is just money, this nebulous thing that they don't worry much about, with food and shelter and clothes and enjoyments provided for them.
JB, if I were you, I'd take away the computer for the entire summer, regardless of whether or not it's fixed. Not being able to use the computer is a big consequence that both of them will FEEL. It's easier than not letting them swim in the pool, and a pool is only usable in the summer. That's why I recommend taking the computer away rather than the use of the pool.
I am sure they will be upset because "it was an accident", but when they get older, no one is going to fix that computer screen but them, and it will cost money that THEY will have to pay. My own college age son stepped on his computer and broke his screen - it cost a lot more than what you are quoting - wow! (Great deal you are getting!) He had to use his Christmas money to pay for it, and we paid the rest. (Over $300 total.) We told him that this is the last time we pay towards fixing his computer, AND the last computer we will give him - it has to last him through his college career. He also had to sit down with my husband and make the call to the computer center and talk to them, write down the numbers and address they gave him, and handle the logistics of sending the computer. It was a "growing up" experience for him. Kids are used to parents doing all the work in that regard.
It may seem harsh to make them pay, and withhold the computer, but I really think that it is in your and their best interests in the longrun.
Dawn
Teens are so good at breaking things (including themselves). Must be part of their job descriptions.
But it's hard when you're a kid, you need to make restitution, and there isn't a way to do it. Are there neighbors (whom you know well) who could give them jobs - ironing, helping to clean, helping with yard work? I'm thinking "helping" because perhaps they would be getting a little education in a good skill while they were earning the money. Are there relatives nearby? If you are members of a church, might the church have things they could do? If this will work, there might be better lessons in it than "just" doing jobs - gripe, gripe - for Mom.
Be sure they realize - don't assume they do - that they're not having to make this restitution because Mom is mad at them. They're doing it because they broke something - inadvertently or not, stupidly or not - and when you cause damage you make it right. That's the way real grownups do things.
From the tone, I gather that you are really wanting to teach your teens a lesson. I imagine they have hit that magic age of testing you. If they don't have jobs, then they need to work it off. We wouldn't randomly pick things just to torture them. We would pick age appropriate chores that NEED to be done. At 14, you have plenty of options. In our house it would not be easy and would take a while. I'd let them know all the expectations...what chores need to be done to pay it off. In the mean time, no swimming or lap top until the debt is paid. (Meaning...no swimming at friends either or using other computers). And our kids would only get the necessities until the debts are paid off as well. NO extras.
I know you say you don't have any projects for them to do right now...but surely there is daily work to be done, right?
As for the "forking" over part....what about when O. asks to go to the movies and wants $20....answer "Sure...oh wait....you owe us $100, so I'll take that 20 off of the total and NO you can't go."?
Buy the new hose and new computer screen now if those are items that you cannot get by without, but yes, the kids need to pay you back. If they don't, they will likely not learn personal responsibility.
Write down what they owe post it on the fridge and update what they have paid back so you and they do not forget about it.
Make the kids clean out the garage.
Then make them be in charge of a family garage sale, and the earnings can go toward what they owe you.
What about the weeding, fertilizing, mowing and other yard tasks for the summer?
Have the kids be in charge of cleaning the vehicles all summer.
If they want to earn extra money, send them out to see if they can mow lawns and do yard work for the neighbors.
Are there really not tasks at home that you hate doing or have a hard time getting to? Cleaning the blinds or baseboards, cleaning the microfiber couches, vacuuming out the mattresses and changing the linens, dusting ceiling fans and vents, toilets, etc? Assign a $ value to these tasks and give them some extra chores.
I really like Dawn's idea that the computer go away, although I'd put a spin on it... if they are able to earn the money to pay for their mistakes/damage, then that privilege may be reinstated.
It's good that you want the kids to be aware of their actions and to be mindful that money doesn't grow on trees.
Another thing to consider is that perhaps the 'pain' factor will come later when you take the money out of their accounts. It's worth rethinking... You've got a lot of good answers here.
About a little over a year ago, I had just left my house, not even 5 minutes passed, when I got a call on my cell. My husband was telling me the girls broke a window. I had to turn around and go home. I was thinking they broke one of the windows into the house and I would have to take the window out of the frame and ahve it fixed. No, they could not do anything that simple. They broke the window in the door that separates our front room from teh rest of the house. This door is a godsend because we can have just that air conditioner on to keep the room cool and save energy plus the noise from the TV can be quieted. Anyway, they were fighting and knocked each other around and shattered that window. The window is (was) about 2 feet by 3 feet or so and was original glass from when the place was built in 1913. It was the wavy type. Now I have to take the whole door in to be fix, they ahve to open the door to replace and it costs more. Sure we could just get rid of it but it adds character and we like using that door to block things. I made the girls work their butts off to "pay" for it. Make something up. Wash walls or whatever. And have the work done during free time when they could do something like bikeride or whatever that they like to do. A rainy day might not work as well as a really nice day out.
Well it depends. I mean we all break things, right? Accidents happen. The difference is whether or not this is an ongoing problem of carelessness. My oldest daughter tends to be pretty flippant and careless about things so I'm harder on her when it comes to this stuff. The first time she wrecked her laptop I (unhappily) paid for the repair. The second time she did it (doing something really stupid) I just said, oh well, I guess you don't have a laptop anymore. Natural consequences, that's my motto. Kids, even teenagers, don't NEED their own computer, if she needs to do something for school, she can use mine.
As far as jobs to "pay" for things, my husband likes to have the kids clean the garage and cars, and do yard work. Most teenagers abhor physical labor so it's a pretty effective deterrent!
I just replaced it really. My daughter didn't deliberately break things...stuff happens (for all of us). I figured that was the cost of being a parent.
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If it's really an accident I say, "oh well, stuff gets broken." If it's negligence or mistreatment, then they should pay for it.
Both these cases could be actual accidents, even when bitching and whining, so if they are not in the habit of breaking things then maybe you should let this one go with an admonition to be more careful in the future.
Have them volunteer (separately) at a homeless shelter on a Saturday morning or a food pantry. They will not earn any money doing this but seeing these underprivileged people will give them a new perspective (especially since they would have to be there for breakfast at 0500 or so). Figure 1 day = $50 and you don’t have to be there to supervise them either. In program I ran the kids where required to volunteer at least 16 hrs a week if they were in school with no job to earn money or 24 hrs a week if they were in school and had no job. I tell you what these kids found jobs real quick and when we handed them their “allowance” for volunteering they were more greatful
Just because it was an "accident" doesn't mean someone has to pay for it. After all, you weren't responsible, but somehow the repair bill is falling to you, right? So, without placing blame, they need to fix what's broken.
So, apparently at least one of them is capable of mowing lawns. So I assume the second one is also capable of it. They need to go door to door, with a flyer in hand, advertising their availability for chores and yard work. Whether one has been trained as a referee and the other as a babysitter has nothing to do with their marketability. People in the neighborhood need their dogs walked, their flowers watered, their lawn mowed, their porch furniture brought up from the basement (and hosed down/washed), their screens hosed off before being put in the windows, and so on. Their mail and trash and goldfish and cats need attention during vacations or when neighbors go away for graduations and other such seasonal celebrations.
Allowing the kids to defer paying for these things until they are employable just perpetuates the problem of carelessness. Even if the computer screen wasn't intentionally ruined, certainly there was some negligence involved, as there definitely was for the hose. I would anticipate plenty of whining about this, but you don't have to go to every fight you're invited to. Be business-like and matter-of-fact, and make sure that they are denied certain other privileges until the bills are paid. That means there's no money for trips to the mall or gas to drive them to social events, whatever else is critically important to THEM. You could fix these things yourself, and they have to pay you back. The longer they whine and procrastinate, the more "interest" you add to the bill. That's how the real world works - credit card companies add interest charges, banks add overdraft fees, you name it. There's no time like the present for them to learn this.
They will be furious but you will be training them well for the future.
