When to Start - Manning,IA

Please, I hate to sound harsh but I was adopted and my mom was, well, nuts. Reading your other questions it makes me sad that psych evals are still not required of adoptive parents.

Doesn't anyone realize these are innocent children, not puppies? I know that there are amazing adoptive parents out there and who knows, maybe you will have your head on straight by then, but this post makes me sad.
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After reading what you added, this is a huge subject of mine, not sure why it would surprise you I would side with the child. I was not saying you would never be in a place to adopt a child, only that with everything you have gone through this year this isn't the best time to be considering and planning for huge life decisions.

One thing you have to understand about bio vs adopted, a child you give birth to has a very good chance of having a similar personality, adopted kids are an unknown. You love your son but would you love a child that is completely opposite to you, even if you did, could you understand them? My brother had a much easier time only because he was at least similar to my parents or at least my dad. Me, I could have been from another plant for as much as they understood what drove me.

I just don't feel like you have a clue of what you are actually considering.

You can start getting ready now for the ***possibility*** of adoption in the future by saving money and by getting yourself and your relationships stable. You cannot adopt from several countries until you are much older.

For single parent adoptions/married

India: Minimum age of 30/minimum age 25, 2 years of marriage
Thailand: Not accepted/age 25, 3 years marriage
Philippines: Only available for children 9+ and those with disabilities/ age 27, 3 years marriage
South Korea: Not accepted/age 35, 3 years marriage
China: Minimum age of 30/age 30, 2 years marriage or 5 years if previously married
Mongolia: Not accepted/age 35, 5 year marriage
Ethiopia: Not accepted/age 25, 2 year marriage
Uganda: Not accepted/age 25, 2 year marriage
Haiti: Minimum age of 35/ age 35, 10 year marriage

In addition most countries have restrictions on the number of divorces one may have and require travel within the country. Also, the youngest children available are often 2 or older.

With domestic adoption, the children available from foster care often have medical conditions. Private adoptions (especially of infants) are often very expensive ($35,000).

The cost can be anywhere from $2500 (foster adoption) to $60,000 (international).

Really just google adoption and read up on everything. That should keep you busy for awhile and should help you to realize if this is really something you can do versus something you want to do.

Good luck.

Hon, I don't want to be hurtful and I understand that it is exciting to have something to plan towards... but I would suggest that you get your life together before you proceed with your plans to adopt.
From your previous posts you have just lost a baby earlier this year... your relationship has been a rollercoaster and you have had health issues.
While it may take your mind off things to get into "planning mode" - it may not be a good time to add to your already pretty stressful life right now.

Almost all adopted children come with baggage (unless you adopt a newborn and even then there may be issues) and require a lot of effort to integrate into your family. Attend a workshop for prospective adoptive parents with your partner and THEN reevaluate if that is truly something you guys can handle in the next 2 or 3 years.

On average an adoption takes 2-3 years from start to finish, sometimes less, sometimes more. It is expensive, unless you adopt out of foster care calculate at least $10,000 (legal and home study fees) more if you adopt internationally (flights, hotels, more legal fees). It's an undertaking that requires your whole family to be on board (read, where is your BF in all of this? Any plans on getting married? Are you adopting as a single parent?)

You can start getting ready now, but by that I mean getting your life off the rollercoaster and creating a stable home (read emotionally stable) for a few years before you get all wrapped up in home studies and the works...

Good luck.

I hope you have an amazing career or a big, fat, fluffy trust fund because it costs about $500,000 to raise and educate one child. What is heart breaking, for real, is not being able to do everything that you want or need to do for your child-think long and hard about doing this-and for God's sake, have a partner that is totally committed to you and your vision.

If this is something you really want to do, then you need to attend classes and get educated in what you will have to do to become the adoptive parent. As others have said this is not a puppy you bring home. Once the child is in your home you are the one responsible for all of its needs. That also includes you taking care of your bio child along with this child and that you must find a way to love this child as your own. As that poem goes you did not grow in my womb but you grew in my heart.

At the time I (we hubby and I) adopted we were newly married but had a home and stable jobs. Our adopted child at five weeks old was placed with us just before our second wedding anniversary which was their minimum requirement for married couples. It took a year before the adoption was finalized. That child is now 38 years old.

Most of the temperment was normal. However as he grew up there were times I wondered what got into him. Well that would be from his bio parents. There things that came out that I feel were put in him when his mother carried him like the obssession of everyone being his friend.

You have to be ready for anything with a child you don't know the genetics about. So do think this through. You have the rest of your life to do this. At least wait until you are 28 to do it. You will have more life under your belt and the ability to cope with more than right now. Besides you are still trying to find out who you are. We older moms are not trying to dissaude you from your dream but to be realistic in do so with your eyes wide open and knowledge. As the Rolling Stones say, "You always get what you want." So think it through and talk with counselors about your goal.

The other S.

I think you need to find local resources and start attending meetings to find out if foster is a better idea for you, or adoption. And if adoption, which level of openness, how old, etc. There are much better forums for this information than here, IMO.

I will say it's usually a long process. My cousin's adoption, if you start with the first baby they tried to adopt, was more than 3 years. From the day he was born to the day they brought him home was at least 5 months, but that varies from one place to another. You can have your paperwork ready to go before you are qualified and submit as soon as you can. Some places want the couple to be married for x years or be x yrs old each.

Adoption comes with its own pros and cons. Many kids (like my cousin) are fine with never knowing their birthparents. But others (like a friend) really need to know. They mourn the loss of their birthfamily. So it's a lot more than taking in a child. This is not a short process and it shouldn't be...because it's a lifetime commitment to this person and all that comes with him or her.

I have to admit that when I read your questions from yesterday I didn't respond, because like Jo W, all I could think was, wow, this girl is really all over the place, and I was afraid whatever I could say, out of GENUINE concern for you, would be perceived as being judgemental.
I can't answer your adoption questions specifically, but from what I understand it is pretty hard for a single person to adopt, and they take a hard look at your stability, your income, how long you've been working, living in the same home, etc.
With everything you seem to have going on in your life I just don't understand how you can even be thinking of something like this right now. It's like a person who doesn't even own a home obsessing over home remodeling/design because they plan to own a home SOMEday, does that make sense? Focus on the here and now for now, that's how you build a strong foundation for future dreams and happiness.

I would start fundraising now. My friends just adopted 2 from Ethiopia and figured the costs were around $30,000. It took them 3 years from the time they started until they had their kids at home.

Sorry...deleting my response.