My 5 year old son is currently on day 3 of a week with no TV or video games. He bit his sister not 2 hours after being told if he did it again there would be no TV for a week.
Anyways last night before bed he started running a fever and had body aches. He is staying home from school today as Kindergarten has already started for our district.
My question should I allow him to lay in bed and watch TV like I normally do when he is home sick...or stick with his punishment? As you mom's know, no TV punishes Mom as well as child.
Any thoughts??
Edited:
Okay...first of all the only days it is a TV free for all is on sick days...other wise it is limited time per day, less than 2 hours. Yes, 5 is a bit old for biting but according to my pediatrician as long as he is under 7 it falls in the typical range as long as it is not something he does as a first line of attack. We have had trouble with him biting off and on sense 18 months. (He hasn't bitten in close to a year, but it seems to be a behavior he has decided he wants to try out again to see if we will still object to it.)
Right now it is his sister when she has provoked him by pinching or hitting him (she gets in trouble too)...he hasn't left a mark on her and i intend to try and keep to that way...first offense was right before bedtime and so he went straight to bed with no reading of bedtime stories. We reviewed what happened the night before the next morning and then he did it again when she provoked him.less than 2 hours later. I had to make it an extreme punishment because well, the behavior has to be stopped. No TV or video games (which he plays with dad while I fix dinner) are highlights of his day.
I still haven't decided what I am going to do, yet...as he is still sleeping...
Final edit: Sister just turned 3...and she is still learning to play nice...she is firmly placed in a time out, which she cannot stand...then she apologizes to her brother...I think the best lesson she is learning is not to pick on people...if even her fun brother can get mean with her. She adores him and I think that is part of the problem, she wants his attention all the time.
Well, my son actually answered this question for me...lol My daughter was watching her morning Go Diego Go...while I showered and dressed. My son stumbles into the doorway to my bedroom and stops short..."could you tell me when her show is over so I can come lay on your bed?" he asks and wandered back to his bed. I followed to check on him and take is temperature. He tells me..." I really wish I hadn't bit sister...I really want to watch TV today!" I empathized with him and told him that I knew next time he would make a better choice.
I always follow through with my punishments and this one would have been no exception...except this is my child that hardly ever gets sick and I usually end up with a quasi-sick day too, snuggling and watching Curious George and Clifford...I know those days are coming to a close. He is currently napping on my bed wrapped in our special quilt my grandmother made that always makes you feel better when you are sick. His temp is over 101...so no school tomorrow either...I have the library books and jigsaw puzzles ready for later today and tomorrow.
I will continue with the consequences of his punishment...especially sense he expects me too!!!...can't mess with that!!
Stay with the discipline!! And next time set the discipline with something that might be more appropriate for a 5 yr old and something that works better for you. If you dish out the discipline then don't fold. Plus biting someone at the age of five is never acceptable!
I think the punishment is fair...and I would not allow him to watch it today even though he is sick. And I do understand that is more of a punishment for you, but in the long run its setting the bar. Hope he feels better soon!
Unless there is some sort of underlying medical issue, biting at FIVE is completely INAPPROPRIATE. I applaud you for a real punishment for a something that is a serious issue. He is a little guy, but he can do some serious damage with his mouth and this behavior must end.
I don't think you should give in. Even my THREE year old remembers when I lapse from the usual rules--no matter how I feel in the moment, I always regret it later. Punishments for kids are ALWAYS punishment for the parents too...it is the sacrifice you make. He needs the extra sleep.
Maybe a quick run to the library for a book on tape?
Response to edit: I have a biter too...so I know what you're talking about. Our peditricians would disagree, mine said that she shouldn't be doing it at age three. Period. Guess there really isn't one right answer.
Never issue a punishment you can't stick with. If he's really that sick he'll want to sleep anyway. And if he's not that sick, his punishment won't do him any harm. It's not good for a 5 yr old to be addicted to TV or video games whether he's sick or not. You might want to think about limiting both to a few hours a week even for good behavior. If he was running around outside and tiring himself out, he'd have less energy to be biting his sister with.
You cannot give in. SIck or not he's still in trouble. He'll learn from that and think of other ways to get out of punishment in the future. Trust me, I did it to my mom. We never give in to our kids and they know when we say they are grounded, they are grounded! I would let him lay in bed and look at/read books. Anything learning.
I would start with offering him books to read, some coloring, etc. Exhaust the non-tv options and tell him if he is really good, stays in bed and rests, then you may let him watch a little TV later. You know that when your kid is sick, some extra sleep is the best thing for him and TV can stimulate him more than help him rest. That alone would be a good reason not to indulge the habit for the whole day. The punishment should be respected by you as much as possible, lest they no longer be respected by him.
Instead of looking at no tv as a punishment to mom, no TV also makes for an inventive mom as well.
IMO, I say no tv. And then you can catch up on those things that need to be caught up on while you child is in bed...sleeping...cause if he's well enough to be up and running around under foot, he's well enough to take to school and finish out the day.
Good luck to you.
For me it would depend... how badly to you NOT want him to start faking being sick when he gets in trouble the next time?
Kid's minds are amazing. He won't do it on purpose... but his mind will say sick = no punishment. And he'll try it. A lot. For awhile. He may even make himself sick by getting so physically upset/ wanting to be sick.
I personally don't think there's a wrong answer to your Q. But either answer has consequences.
We've all made these kinds of choices to suspend or end punishment. It usually backfires on us. Your son is well old enough to not be biting! I would draw the line with that one. I wouldn't let him out of bed for any other reason than to go to the bathroom and eat. In fact, I'd make him eat in his room. He's sick and in trouble. He's made his bed and needs to lie in it.
How adorable that he followed thru with the consequence himself (in your update). I'd have said to stick with the punishment. Yes it's hard on mom, but it would have shown your lack of abiding by a rule/consequence that you yourself set.
Good luck. Hope he feels better! Have fun playing puzzles and reading books. Give him special 'sick treatment' like a ginger-ale or go buy Battleship or Memory. I was sick a lot as a kid and learned to LOVE playing Memory.
I just have to ask how old his sister is, and why she doesn't get the same punishment, as she's provoking him. I can understand non-equal punishment if she's a toddler, but if she's close enough in age to know she's pushing his buttons, then I would nail her just as hard for her behaviour.
You must be doing something right if he followed through when sick :)
Stick with the punishment .......sick or not he will own you if you give in. Next time make a shorter punishment. One you can live with also!!
Wow...I think a week of no TV/video games is too much. He is 5...I try to stick with the rule of how many minutes for how old they are. He does know better than to bite, but he is still a little guy. I would have a little chat with him and make sure he even knows why he is still being punished. But yes, I would definitely let him watch TV today...and I am not one to normally go back on punishments...but I guess it's easier for me when my punishments are generally for 7, 5, or 3 minutes :o).
Mom,
I would stick to the punishment since you set it. I teach young children his age and do think wthholding TV for 7 days for a 5 yr old is too lengthy, but you are the Mom. Just curious, how old is the sister who is provoking him? I hope she is a young and you are teaching not to pester her brother so much. It seems like his natural instinct is to react suddenly if she pinches him. You mentioned he has been biting periodically for over 3 yrs, did sister happen to be born at that time? Encourage your son to "use his words" with his sister rather to to be physical when she bothers him. Teach him to tell her firmly with a raised voice, "Stop! I don't like it when you pinch me". Tell him he is a big boy now and if she continues to pester him after talking to her once, he needs to go to you or Dad and let you know. It sounds like sister may be picking on him or knows how to push his buttons. I hope she is much younger than he is and doesn't know better. Good luck Mom
I know you already answered your 'so what happened'. I just wanted to add the only time I have made an exception on punishment was when we already had a vacation planned and paid for (prior to him getting in trouble) but the minute we returned home the punishment resumed.
Don't change the rules. As they get older and he is on his punishment. When he gets sick. He thinks he can watch tv.
