When to Have "The Talk"

It's time! You would be shocked to learn what they hear from other kids at school at this age! You can do it in stages and see how it goes - not too technical unless he asks for more details.

Hi N.:

I don't know what your religious affiliation is, but there is an AWESOME series of four books called, "God's Design for Sex." Here is the link:

http://tinyurl.com/6nvvxo

The books allow you to introduce portions of "the talk" a bit at a time depending on your child's age and development. In our school district, our kids were shown "the movie" about puberty in 4th grade and I wanted to make certain they learned things from me first.

Good luck!

My daughter is 11 - she has started to really ask questions especially if she see's or hears something on TV. My doctor also told me at her 10 year check up to have "the talk". Even though I thought she was too young to know a lot of information I made the decision to be extremely honest whenever she ask something. This has actually worked out well. I can tell she feels very comfortable asking me about anything. She also now trusts me with what I tell her to be the truth. This honesty has brought us closer and built a bridge in our relationship where I know as she gets older she can feel she can talk to me about anything. I don't tell her I will explain it to her when she is older. We discuss it at that time. I think each child will handle "the talk" differently, but I do believe parents should be honest. Kids are growing up too fast and you don't want to be too late with any information that could help them make the right decision. good luck - use your instincts - they will guide you to the right decision for you and your child.

Hi N.,
I ditto what the other two said. Our school district also covers puberty during school starting in 4th grade. The American Girl book that was mentioned is great, I bought it for my daughter this past summer after looking through a ton of selections at the library first. For girls, the American Girl version was the best option. I didn't however realize they made one for boys or I would have bought that one too for my son.

Good Luck...I'll be looking for that book now too.
M. M.

I think that there are a lot of great books out there that talk about sex, and you can go to a bookstore and spend a little time picking out what you think would be best and use the advice you get here as to what to look at first.

Other than just the sex talk books, there is a great book out for girls by American Girl and I recently saw that they have one for boys too. This isn't going to talk about sex but it will talk about taking care of your body, this might be a good book to look into also. I know my son was a bear to get in the shower from about the age of 9 or 10 until 14.

There is a great book out there called, "What's Happening to Me". I used this book as a tool to speak with my son, who is now 13. I did start reading this book with him when he was 10. My son, like yours, is very intelligent but a little immature - even to this day. The book has cartoon type illustrations and a very easy read. As my son became older, I read further into the book. My biggest suggestion is to keep the air open for discussion. I find this is very helpful to my son through his puberty.

A little about me:
I am married, work full-time and a mother of a 13 year old son, an 8 year old daughter, and a 5 year old daughter.

Hello N., In my humble oppinion there shouldn't be just "one" talk, it should be an on going, matter of fact, discussion of the transition from childhood to manhood. That includes so much more than body functions, but respect, resposability, charicter, accountability, and yes sex. How to treat women, and to know that sex = the possability of bringing a child into the world. Both should be given great thought and respect. Your ten year old son will be a legal adult in 8 years, he is more than half way there, and that is not much time to learn all that a man needs to know. But in the end he will make his mother very proud if you take the time to teach him. Good luck.

N.,

My local library has great books about the human body written to children. The books explain a lot about what happens during puberty and the job of each part (not just the genitals). This might be a place to start.

Good luck!

-C..

N., yeah tough one, i heard by the age 9 they shouild know things, most kids now a days are going through sooner then we did as kids, ive always been there for my kids and answered what ever questions they have had, the school will also give a program, that helps out too, if your child is homeschooled, then i would say teach him while a bit young so he is prepared when those things happen to you , and being a son, he may allready know stuff, just dont want to tell you, so dont be surprised, D. s

Hi... My son is very immature for his age....
I actually started with just asking him questions... have you gotten any ummm... hair in your arm pits? He giggled and said no. I said ok and let it go.... I'd let him field me questions regarding the changes in his body... but not push to much. I didn't start discussing more until he went to the 6th grade sex ed class at school. He repeated 6th again this year and will go through that class again to have the subject reenforced. He had a hard time understanding it well the first time.
If he's not ready, I wouldn't push it too much... Take your time. He's ten.... My son is 12 with developmental delays and just starting puberty now. We field questions as they come along. I don't want to overwhelm him with to much info.

I did, however, start early in reenforcing that everything under your underwear is your business only. With kids being so precoious <however you spell that..lol> these days, I wanted him to feel comfortable with saying No to a girl...etc <or anybody else for that matter.>

You need to talk to him about everything. He is going to hear stuff at school very soon, if not already. The problem is he may not get all the correct facts and probably won't with some stuff. I did buy a book and had "the talk" with my son when he was 10 and we literally talked about everything. You do not want your son to feel like he is not "normal". I do not remember the book I bought but I know people respond with some suggestions and you could go the any bookstore and look for yourself. Good luck.

I was told by a co-worker that her child were only a yr or two older then my daughter when they started their cycles and I should have the talk. So one day at the lib. there was a book on body changes and I pointed it out and asked if she would like it then or another time. (no pressure) She decided to wait but ask for help finding it only 2 wks later. After she read it on her own I went through it with her and point out some funny things but it got her talking.
It couldn't have worked out better because a short time later she started a sport and mentioned being sweaty under her arms. I stated maybe we needed to get her own deorderant and she was excited to pick the scent. I just reminded her she has to wash it off every night and if she gets red bumps to stop for a couple of days because her body has to adjust to it. Good Luck! Start off with the little things see from time to time if he has other questions.

About a year ago we told our now 10 year old (then 9 year old) everything about puberty & sex - everything in an age appropriate way. We think it's best if you talk to him in a natural and completely informative way explaining body parts, what they are for, etc., etc.

Good luck!

Best to start now. Introduce the topic in the most basic and simple language you can. If he is a fifth grader, odds are that most of the boys are talking about it already. Joking would probably be a more accurate word!

In our school, they will be giving a "health" talk to the fifth graders. My goal is for my son to have the facts before someone else tells him. I want him to know the truth from OUR point of view. (Christians!)

Go get 'em!

S. :D

Just FYI:
Growing up, our schools had the puberty "talk" with students in the spring of 5th grade. For me, it was a bit late. I had already experienced changes, etc. It would have been helpful if someone in my family had stepped up a bit earlier.
Just food for thought.

I have a ten year old daughter...and we have had the talk in little segments many times! Even my eight year old is getting 'hair' and it is no less than shocking to me.
I am irritatingly surprised when one of them comes home and tells me about discussions at school...some of the things these kids say!
This year, over the summer, I had a whole day with my oldest, and we talked all of it...well, most! She was quite disgusted but took it all in and I got lots of questions. I used books with pictures...which ended up being good.
She now trusts me as her source, and I act like no question is a big deal even if it sends my heart racing.
I say, get to them before their peers do! Better to be embarassed then have them put in a bad spot. I just be as honest as I can without freaking her out!
Now, with my younger one, I give little information. All the sex and cycle talk is too much for her so we keep it very basic.

I have two boys and a long "talk" seemed too overwhelming for me. However I have taken opportunities to describe what is going to happen and show them differences. For example when an older male cousin had some acne issues after a visit with thier family we discussed that he is older and how that is part of puberty along with "so many other things". They asked a few questions and that helped see where they were at. Also they are big animal lovers, so we recognize the difference in the male and female pheasant for instance and then we talk briefly about the fact that there are differences in men and women. I would bring up the physical differences and they might say that women wear make up, but they are still noticing the differences and similarities that they both get acne. They have an older sister and that has helped bring up conversations as well. Just keep talking. I have noticed my younger son in more shy around girls earlier than his brother, so be aware that they are all different and pace themselves differently than their classmates.

Hi N.,
I have an 11 year old stepson. His father is very open about everything and he already knows everything. My husband even went over all the really embarrassing things like oral and gays. My stepson had been hearing the term "b.j.'s" at school and wondered what it was. I say, tell him everything and keep the communication very open.