When to Have My Daughter Start Shaving?

I think that once it becomes a point where she starts to feel self-conscious about it, and even you notice it enough to wonder whether she should start shaving, then let her start shaving.

Hi D.,

My now 11 year old asked at 10 to shave her legs. (I am 100% Italian myself, so I understand about being hairy. Fortunately, mine as well as my daughters is a light color). I asked her Pedi about it and he suggested using the creams like Nair or Neet rather than razors and to not do it very often. I made a deal with my daughter that has been working out fine. We use the cream right before summer starts and on special occasssions like for her uncle's wedding. I agree with the other comments about every individual having their own "right" time.

If you decide to let her, a safer way for her to start is with an electric ladies razor. She can't cut herself, and the hair is very fine still, so she won't have stubble hours later. If she is self conscious she may be trying it somewhere else, or living in long pants only and sweltering. But summer is over for a bit.
Good luck,
D.

I'm not sure when the "correct" time to start shaving is... but I started in the third grade (i'm not sure what age that is) because some older boys started to make fun of me. I have really dark thick hair and it's everywhere. Unfortuantly my 2 year old is going to have the same problem. She already has dark black leg hair AND pubic hair! ACH! Poor kid!

Just let your daughter know that once she starts she can't stop! It's hard being different... and you don't want her getting the kind of undue attention that i got...

Hi D.,

My 10 yr old daughter was the same. She turned 10 in May, and was so self conscious - she didn't want to wear shorts this summer! I don't think I was rushing her to grow up - she felt desperate, so I taught her how. She was so elated! She is such a happier person - it's funny that just one little thing can change a person! She is very good at it even...hasn't nicked herself yet! Good luck to your daughter - you'll both be happy!

J.

Hi D. -
About 6 months ago my daughter asked about shaving her legs. At the time she was in 4th grade. I told her she was still just a bit young and I would consider it over the summer. She also has Italian heritage and has the dark hair. She had asked me about it a couple more times and when I took a good look at her legs, I could really understand why she wanted to. I surprised her with a razor about a month ago. We did the first couple of shaves together - I showed her how much pressure to use, how to clean the razor, etc. She now shaves her legs once a week and feels so good about herself. Yes, kids are pressured to grow up fast but after weighing the pros and cons, I feel it was worth it to let her have this first giant step towards womanhood. American Girl also puts out a terrific book about growing up - bodily changes, etc - we've gone over it a lot and even though she's not excited about getting her first period she is prepared for it - I don't want her to be in school or out in public unprepared - like I was! For us, it was the right decision and we are also on the path to continuing to keep the lines of communication open - if your daughter feels comfortable talking to you about this, she'll continue to do so about other things. Good Luck

Hi D., I thought immediately '13' from the point of view that we parents must support our young women to concern themselves less emotionally/socially with flagrant 'outward' judgments concerning their appearance from others especially at such an early age...but then I thought each child is an individual with each their own individual needs. So, I was conflicted. I guess you (and I) are not the only one...check out http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/familylife/a/girlsshav...
Take care, N.

I also have Latin genes (Spanish) and started shaving my legs around that age. It's not fun to be ridiculed for hairy legs! I say, let her depilate.

Growing up too fast is an attitude. If you emphasize that shaving her legs doesn't mean she is all grown up she will act accordingly.

(As an aside, I don't recommend shaving. I suggest trying another method like an epilator. Painful at first but truly makes hair regrowth less noticeable and softer.)

If your daughter has asked about shaving her legs, then she is most certainly self-concious about it. My advice would be to buy her a razor and show her how to do it. My period arrived when I was eight years old- under arm hair and pubic hair arrived sparsely about 3 months before- and my mom wouldn't let me shave until I was ten because she didn't want me growing up too soon! It was painful and embarassing. Chronological age should have little to do with making the decision- it's not as if she's asking to wear makeup and skimpy clothing. THAT would be inappropriate.

Talk to her to figure out exactly what's going on. Does she want to shave? Did a friend tell her she should shave? I agree kids should stay kids as long as possible, but you don't want her learning to shave at a friend's house with their razor.

I started shaving when I was 10 because all my friends were and I was embarassed. I am thankful my mom was supportive of this! I don't think it has a lot to do with growing up too fast - I continued to dress modestly, hang out with my girl-friends - it has alot to do with your attitude and rules about everything, not just physical body care. =)

If she is asking to shave, it is a great time to start. She is becoming aware of her body and that is a good thing. Shaving will not make her grow up too fast. It will, however, make her a lot more comfortable around her peers. Do not wait until they make fun of her. Good Luck

Go for it, D.! I always thought Junior High would be appropriate, but if our children's bodies are developing sooner then we as parents should listen and support our kids accordingly (we switched to organic milk and meats years ago and possibly staved off puberty to 13.5; today's average age is 12).

I too recommend "The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls". It's put out by the American Girl publisher, but has nothing to do with $100 dolls -- the book (and their magazine) is excellent and was recommended by my pediatrician. I looked it over at the library then bought it. My daughter keeps it next to her bed, and uses it as a reference point to open up discussions with me.

My daughter asked me to teach her to shave at 12 when she started to develop so I did. She had fun picking out her own razor and foam, and takes them to swim team with her. (The newer razors with 4 or 5 blades make it difficult to nick oneself; once she's good you can switch to the less expensive razors if needed. She liked to Venus Breeze to start.)

She's nearly 14 now, started high school today, and isn't asking to wear make-up yet so shaving didn't thrust her into growing up too fast : )

Good luck!

D.,
I suggest you take the time and use this as a teaching lessons. Girls who are put under pressure to shave their legs often begin whether mom approves or not... at that age I began shaving against my parent's will and ended up with a nasty cut and scar to go with it.

You could use the time you spend together to teach her how to dress appropriately and to have respect for herself. This is an opportunity to continue to build trust in your relationship with your daughter. The more she trusts you the less likely she will be to get into trouble or bow to peer pressure as she gets older. Perhaps make the day special and pick out a special outfit, go for ice cream or some other special treat and make it a mother daughter day. I think we help our kids enjoy their childhood by teaching them how to appropriately deal with situations they face. You can use this as an opportunity to begin talking about puberty and what she is about to face in such a way that you don't give her too much information, but that she knows she can ask you any questions she has.

Hope it goes well! Parenting at this age can be very difficult, but it is also very rewarding.

My daughter a couple years ago was same age and same issue. I tried to hold off as well but the kids at school made plenty of comments and one day came home crying. I taught her how to shave, etc. and within weeks her self-esteem was restored. I would highly recommend not waiting as it was not worth putting her through the name calling, etc. Good luck!

weel since the hair is dark and very noticable i would let her shave. Kids in school are cruel. I myself have very blonde hair that is barely visible so i still don't shave my legs.

I dont really think that there would be any harm in letting her shave a little early, especially if she has dark hair like you said. I would say that there are other things for more serious than that too worry about.

Hi D., I have battled this issue myself. The best advice that I have gotten on it was from my best friend's mom who said "pick your battles". You really have to chose what you want to be bothered by and shaving doesn't have to be that she is "growing up too fast". Really, what difference would it make if you taught her now, or next year? It's not going to affect her in the long run! I personally think that if she is self concious about it (rightfully so), you can teach her how to shave up to the knee only and still teach her to be confident about herself in many many other ways. Good luck!

Hi D.
I have a 12 yr.old as well and she has been shaving her legs since 11. The kids were making fun of her and I felt shaving was a easy solution.She only shaved in the summer when she was 11 and did't shave until summer of this yr. We'll see what she does this winter with shaving. Oh ya I also got her an electic shaver. I say let her shave.
Hope this helps
D.

Hi D.,
I had the same experience as your daughter when I was in the 6th grade. I had very hairy legs and was SO self conscience of them. All my friends shaved but my mom wouldn't let me for the same reason that you don't want your daughter to. I got so fed up with my hairy legs that I shaved them anyway,despite my mom's orders, and felt a lot more comfortable with myself.I know it's so difficult to see our children grow up so fast but I would def. let her shave!!! It really is an embarassing thing for a girl. Just as long as she realizes it's an ongoing thing.
Hope this helps! Good luck to you and your daughter:)

Wow, I've been teaching 4th grade for a few years now and I don't think I've ever overheard a conversation about leg shaving from my students. Maybe by 5th grade some girls have started to shave, but I've never seen one shaven 4th grader. I have dark hair and remember feeling self conscious by about 6th grade. My mom had me use Nair, but the chemicals in that stuff are scary! Maybe you can put it off until next shorts season if you're concerned about it being too early. That will give her another 8 or so months to mature and will give you that long to get used to the idea! Part of me says, "No! I want 10 year olds to be kids, not mini grown ups!" But, I also would hate for her to withdraw and feel self-conscious over something so easy to fix. What a dilemma. You know your daughter best.
Goodluck!

If she is asking about doing it, and you think she is able to handle it by herself, I would definately show her how. Obviously this is not free reign to wear daisy dukes, but you don't want her being self-concious and "different" at this age when kids can be cruel (especially coming-of-age girls)

You hit the nail on the head when you said you don't want her to feel self conscious. She is 10 (the pre-teen age) it's not like she is only 8 or 9. I feel if she is asking to & her friends are & you stated she is starting puberty then she is ready. I was 11 & never discussed shaving with my mom I just did it. Well the problem was that I thought she would say no so I just did it behind her back but I ended up cuting myself to the point that you can still see the scare! I never told anyone about it & some how got away with it. I finally asked my mom when I could & she said I think you are ready now. I should have just asked in the first place. Your daughter did & you are thinking of saying no? Wouldn't you rather know about it than her do it behind your back & chances are she will since all her friends are shaving.

Hi D. my daugther is 11 1/2 and she has been shaving now for a while. she has her dads portugese genes and had very hairy legs too. we bought her an electric razor and at first she did it often like a new toy but now she is pretty good about it. At least you give her an option and if she doesn't shave for a week then she obvoiusly isn't that bothered by it, but at least you can help her along. hope this helped

Hi D.,
I had the same problem when I was younger. Try bleaching for a year, before shaving. It works great, you can user Jolen or CVS brands they all work about the same.

I allowed my daughter to start shaving her legs after her first period. She was 12 years old. I think 10 is a little too young. I also bought her a little make-up kit and showed her how to apply make-up properly. After playing with the make-up for a few months she decided she didn't like make-up and to this day; she's 36 now, she'll only wear lipstick and mascara and only for special occassions. She has a beautiful complexion and I think it's because of her decision not to put on all the gunk.

Your daughter will grow up fast enough once she hits puberty. Try not to let her rush it.