When Sholud I Introduce My B/f to My Kids

No. Not yet. Wait at least six months, preferably longer. Even the worst person can be a sweetheart for a month. It takes 1 1/2 to 2 years before you really get to see a person's true personality.

I don't think there is a time frame on this situation. I think that you shouldn't introduce another man to your children until you KNOW FOR SURE that this guy is going to be a consistent and permanent fixture in their lives. I know there is always a doubt, but you should be pretty darn sure. And, I would venture to guess after a month you don't know that. I am giving you advice as a child of divorce. It is irresponsible in my opinion to bring men in and out of their lives. It just confuses them and gives them the wrong impression of how relationships are supposed to be. Anyway, I don't mean to be on a soapbox, but I am sensitive to this subject.

PLEASE wait for a few more months! Wait till you see wether or not he's going to stick around for more than a few months. Kids as young as yours get attached too easily and when the boyfriend goes away, they don't understand. My sister waited a whole year before introducing her son to her boyfriend. She kept telling her son, "You'll meet when I'm SURE that he'll be in my life for good and will treat both you and I the way we deserve to be treated." Divorce is so hard on little ones and then having boyfriends in and out of their lives is almost as hard. They can't figure out why they go away all the time. Please wait till the relationship is a little further down the road. Or if you can't wait, just introduce him as mommy's friend and keep their time together at a minimum till you know for sure he's sticking around for a good long time!

I remember reading somewhere that many "starting out" dating type of things take 90 days ( 3 months) to figure out if this is someone you are really compatible with...many people decide that things are great or they break if off within the first 3 months...... so I would wait at least three months before introducing him to your children.

YOur children need to come first. As a mother your first responsibility is to them. I see so many children that are really messed up by the revolving door in the their parents lives. Wow you have a six month old. It must be really hard having enough to spend with a boyfriend. These ages need a lot of attention and boyfriends may resent not having more time with you. I would take it slowly so you don't get hurt too and then it may impact you at home.

Mellisa,
A month is not long enough to know a person to be introducing him to your children. I would wait until you know him through and through.
Is he pushing you to get to know your kids ? If he is beware. Real sweethearts can be real stalkers on small children.My friend had 2 beautiful little girls and thought she had finally found true love,He was introduced as Mommy'd friend.3 months later he had molested them both.There are some sick people out there and you need to always be open eyed and watch how they react around all people. Men can be very decieving and you need to know that your children will always be safe around this person before you let him into their lifes.
I don't want to scare you but these kind of men prey on woman like you with small children and they are great actors. Please be careful.
Debbie

Coming from a divorced family myself, I think that the parents owe it to the kids to NEVER introduce boyfriends to them unless the relationship reaches a point where it's getting serious and heading towards marriage. Kids don't need to see men going in and out of their mother's house, and even though it's been a year, kids aren't adults and it is physically impossible to expect them to look at it that way. I watched 2 men come in and out of my mom's life, which isn't a lot, but I still remember everything about them and how I felt when she brought them home. Kids didn't choose to have their parents split up, and so you have to remember that they deserve to have their environment be as stable and normal as possible. That means NOT having mom bring home men that aren't their dad. It will be hard enough when you decide you'd like to remarry and they meet the person at that point. Until then, don't force them to go through feelings of guilt from being around another man other than their dad, feelings of jealousy that you are paying attention to another man other than their dad, feelings of resentment because they don't want another man in their family other than their dad, and feelings of not belonging because all of a sudden their family has a man in it other than their dad. These are just a few of the feelings I actively remembering experiencing. I believe that if you choose to get a divorce when their are kids involved, that you also choose to give up some of your rights to date and bring people home like you could do before you had kids. At this point, these kids will be affected by the divorce for the rest of their lives. Atleast give them the respect to only bring someone home if you're ready to marry them and vice versa. I'm 31, and still have to deal with stupid little things with my mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom. It's not something that only affects them during the first few months after telling them you're splitting up. It's something that they will deal with for the rest of their lives. So, during this short time of their life that they're living with them, give them atleast this one.

I am a mother --grand-mother and great grand-mother and I would say don't introduce this man to your children until you are absoutley sure he will be around for a long time. My great grand-daughters have had one to many men come and go. So unless you are sure this is the man who you are going to marry don't subject them to him.
I would also suggest that maybe birth control might be in your best interest also!

You need to give it more time. Are you even divorce yet? If you have only been seperated from your husband for a year the children are dealing w/the lost of their father in their home and lives everyday. Keep the revolving door shut for awhile and concentrate on your children. I have no idea how you have time to date w/4 children so young. I can't even get out w/my husband and we have an almost 3 year old.

Coming from a divorced family myself, and seeing that your kids are so young, I would say: keep him to yourself until you know that you will get married. Then introduce him and see how he does with your kids. Definitely get into some type of counseling b4 he meets the kids so that he knows what he will get himself into. This is a really tough situation. Your first and most important concern should always be your kids. And kids have a hard time to accept someone else into one of their parents' lives as it is. I know that it is so tough being a single parent, especially to mulitple kids and your heart yearns for companion ship. At this point, don't introduce him until you know for sure that this is a permanent relationship. I married my hubby who had 4 kids and we worked through A LOT of issues while we were engaged but I can tell you from experience, the kids and I had a really, really, really hard time with every major AND minor transition. It didn't get easier until the kids were much, much older. We went through a lot of heartache but also many fun times together. Either way, I would only recommend it if you have a firm grip on your life, your relationship w/your kids' dad and if your bf is certain that he wants to be a stepdad to your 4 kids. There is so much more to it and you can send me a private msg if you like and have more questions...

When you are REALLY SURE he is the real deal introduce him slowly. Give them time to get to know him and adjust to him don't make them feel left out for him and remember you are thier mother you are the rule maker. If he has any issue with them he should talk to you in private. Sorry my mom moved him in quick and let him change the rules, he did stick around for a long time (20+years) but we always had issues with him. She divorced him and the day after he moved out her new BF moved in, my younger sisters (his children) are teens but resent her new BF and her its a messed up deal. She has been with the BF for 2+ years though but it was too quick. So be happy but keep the kids first and take it slow bringing in anyone new don't force him on them.

I'd say wait until you know it's long term, but before you make a commitment. I get that you probably want to see if they get along before making him a stepdaddy, but you also don't want to have them get attached and then have him leave. Take your time and get to know him well and then let them get to know him.

If you've only been seeing him for a month, you're not anywhere near CLOSE to making the introduction! Any counselor, attorney or judge would tell you NOT to even consider it until you know EXACTLY where the relationship is going. It may seem fine now, but I can tell you about numerous times where relationships don't make it three to four months or a year.

DONT get them involved or even think about it for now. See where things are in a couple of months and re-evaluate from there. UNLESS you are considering making this PERMANENT, do not get the kids involved. NOT worth it. They've already had one man walk out/leave their life. Don't allow the situation to repeat itself. One month is NOTHING in the course of a relationship. Give it time to find out how he handles stress, problems, have you even talked about child rearing, how to handle kids as they grow up, their questions, etc. I'm SURE there are a TON of things you don't know about him at this point, PARTICULARLY when it comes to issues w/the kids. What about $ issues? How do you handle things when the kids need stuff and yet one of you want something? There is ALOT to be "sorted thru" and talked about before introductions!!

Introduce the boyfriend to your kids when you think there is a very solid possibility that he will become a permanent fixture in their lives. To do so otherwise is unfair to them, in my opinion.

A month is too soon to introduce your children to a BF.
You don't want to start bringing different men in and out of their lives. You can have a relationship w/out involving your children. Make sure you know that your BF is going to be in your life long term.
You introduce your children when you are committed to your BF and he is to you. Children are fragile especially since it has only been a year since you split from your husband. And especially if your not divorced and only seperated. Your children's well being always comes first.

How often do they see their father? Is daddy dating? Have they met any of daddy's lady friends? Just curious so I have a little more background about attitudes, etc.
I would say if you are seeing him more than once a week it wouldn't hurt to invite him over during the holidays to spend a day with you and the children. Just say he is a special friend you would like them to meet. Keep the hand holding, kissing, etc., out of the program the first few times he is over and see how they adapt to each other before going the next step.