When Is It to Soon?

He should have been put in the bassinette as soon as he came home from the hospital. Usually a parent keeps the basinette in their bedroom for awhile, but by now, the baby should be in his own bed in another room. You are asking for trouble later by holding him while he sleeps. Mother of 3 - grandmother of 5

My kids slept in the bassinet right from the start. The sooner you get them used to being in something, the easier it will be for you. It may take a couple of times of him crying it out...or laying him down after he's asleep, but I suggest get started.

Congrats on the new baby!

My first son slept with me until he was about 2. My second son slept with me until he was 1. I don't think it makes them clingy or more dependent. When I transitioned my little ones, I put their crib next to my bed so they could see me all night. Then I put their toddler bed in my room beside my bed. Eventually they moved into their own room at 2 and 3. I would lay down beside them or sit down and hold their hands until they fell asleep. Now I can put them in bed, say "night-night" and walk to my room.

They still get up now and again from bed. I simply walk them back to bed and tuck them in with their favorite toy. Off to sleep they go!

M.,
First of all, I feel like I need to point out that sleeping on a couch or recliner with a newborn is a risk-factor for SIDS. There are, however, safe ways to bed-share with a baby. Just as there are safe and unsafe conditions for crib/bassinet sleeping, there are also safe/unsafe ways to bedshare. One important safety factor is to be sleeping on a firm mattress away from pillows. Unfortunately couches and recliners don't meet this safety standard. For more complete information on bedsharing safety you can go to the attachment parenting international website or the La Leche League International website www.lalecheleague.org
Dr. William Sears has a number of books out that address infant sleep (the most comprehensive is his Nighttime Parenting Book) He says that the best place for the baby to sleep is the place where everyone sleeps the best. For some families this is in the same bed or room as the parents, for others this is in a separate room. Remember that your baby has been sleeping with you for the past nine months -- his entire existence. He depends on you for warmth, food, and comfort. Additionally humans (along with other primates) are a type of animal known as a "carry" species. We have dependent young who are carried in order to stay near us. (
See Meredith Small's Our Babies, Ourselves for more info on this.) I think it's telling that no other primate species sleeps separately from their infants. Our concern around sleep arrangements is a cultural one not an instinctive one. Therefore, I don't believe that there is a time where children "need" to be pushed toward independant sleep. This will happen on its own; although it may be a much longer timetable than most American families are comfortable with.
Remember, you are the expert on your baby and your family. I encourage you to research the issues surrounding safe sleep, and then to follow your heart in meeting the needs of your family. Good luck!

Wow you have gotten a ton of advice.

I let my son sleep with me until he was 3. I'll never do it again if I have more kids, he slept with me for that long because it was so hard to break him and get him in his own bed. Well I was kind of poor for awhile so I could only afford a one bedroom apartment, that didn't help at all.

I know its easier to let them sleep with you, they sleep so soundly cuddled up with you, but if you stop now you won't have to struggle with it later. And believe me, it is a tussle, he still wants to sleep with me (he just turned 6) and every night when he goes to bed I have to tell him I have work to do and can't lie down with him.

3 years later and its still an issue. Moms have been sleeping with their babies for millions of years, yes it is slightly risky but then so is driving a car for that matter or eating slightly under cooked red meat, we take a lot of risks every day. Its really up to you if you continue with it or not. But coming from someone who has dealt with the end result, I really think you'll be better off, you and husband both, if you just keep the baby in the bassinet. Swaddle him really welland he should sleep okay until he gets used to not being with you, it will be a challenge the first few nights but I'm confident you can do it!

The sooner you make the transition the better!

Tight swaddling or a sleep sac can help as that makes the baby feel very secure and any jerky movements are minimized.

Our 2nd son slept in a car seat for much of his first year. He liked being buckled in. So if the bassinet is rejected, you might try having your baby sleep in other places that he is use to napping in.

If you end up having problems transitioning, I'd recommend this book: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

It helped us when the boys got a little older and were having sleep issues, but it covers infants too. I had a problem with interrupting my sons' sleep thinking I was helping, but what I was really doing was causing him to sleep poorly... and thus be cranky a lot.

Good luck with the transition!
A.

Do it now! Don't wait. It will be much harder later. Start during the day when he naps, and transition into nights. It may be easier for you to do when you are not sleepy too. When he falls asleep in your arms, put him down. If he wakes right away, rub his back or tummy and speak softly or hum a lullaby until he falls back asleep, but leave him in the bassinet. Don't pick him back up.

If he has any sort of schedule, you know when he is sleepy. Put him down at that time and rub his back or sing softly. This lets him know you are close by, and he can relax and sleep.

Keep the bassinet close to your bed. Eventually, you may be able to just say a few words or hum from your bed and he will go back to sleep on his own.

It shouldn't take but a few days. Babies adjust quickly.

I know holding our newborn babies is the best thing in the whole world, but let him cry a bit. It may sound harsh, but babies need to learn how to soothe themselves. We just can't hold them ALL the time.

Congratulations on your new baby and good luck!

My girls slept in their cribs from day one. That way, they always knew where they were supposed to sleep and there were never any issues about sleeping with us or sleeping on the couch, etc. If you don't want to continue holding him, I would stop now. They quickly figure out how to wrap us around their little fingers! My advice is to set the stage now for the type of sleeping arrangement you want to continue as your child grows. Good luck!

I understand how you feel. Since your son is only one month old I dont think there is anything wrong with what you are doing, that is exactly what I did minus the husbands help.
After a while I put him in bed with me only (because I knew I wouldnt roll over on him) and I think that bonding is important plus it was easier to respond to him. He has taken naps by himself since around 2 months, in my bed, always on his back. I told myself that my son was going to be in his crib by 4 months and then it was 6 months now he is 6 1/2 months old and I am still sleeping with him. Some people have a problem with that, I dont. I guess my advise for you is if you plan on having a family bed or sleeping with your son for a little while, its fine what you are doing. I think eventually he will sleep on his own. But if you are really wanting to sleep with you husband only now, I would start using the bassinet soon because it will make it more difficult for you to let go of the baby at night & him of you. Also that way you can see if thats what works for you both, you may be surprised.

It is never too soon, but trust your gut. I didn't do the co-sleeping, I wasn't comfortable with it. My first only lasted in the room with us for about a week - she just made too much noise and kept me awake. The second lasted a little longer in our room and the third only slept for a couple of nights before moving them into the crib in their own room. We had various issues with all of them, but they are pretty good sleepers now and do a good job of getting themselves back to sleep. My sleeping "bible" was Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Child. I loaned it out and can't remember the author off the top of my head. It didn't feel as rigid as Babywise. I used to nurse mine to sleep and then lay them down - that was part of the bedtime routine. Then gradually they would go down awake and be okay. My youngest (18 mos) still cries when I lay her down, but it only lasts about 2 minutes and then she's quiet and sleeps through the night. Hope all of this advice helps. Just know that whatever you decide, it is your decision and you are making the best one you know. Good Luck and Good Sleeping!

There is a book I swear by...it's called On Becoming Baby Wise
The basic consept is this:

SLEEP - put him down awake…..if you have to wake him up before you lay her down…start a ritual like something you would say like "You’re my little sleepy boy…you go night night…." Etc….

EAT - the moment he wakes up…feed her. DO NOT LET HIM SNACK….try and get him to take FULL feedings at one sitting…once he starts to become a snacker it's hard to get him back to the full feedings……

PLAY - keep him awake as long as you can before you let him go back to sleep. believe me all the work in the beginning will pay off.

Remember....3 days make a pattern......in 3 days you will see it working.....you and your husband need your time....so that your baby can see the bond the two of you have as well which will then give him more security.

Good luck!

Tonight! You will create bad sleeping habits if you continue to hold him each night. If you or your husband is sleeping while holding the baby that is extremly risky. The bassinet is exactly what this time is for. You can put it in your room or anywhere but he should start sleeping in it soon. Before you know it he'll be too big for it. There are wedges that you can buy that always worked well for both of my girls. I would swaddle them tight and the wedge would hold them on their side and give them the comfort that they needed. I liked the wedge a lot because the idea of face up and face down freaked me out.

While it is absolutely divine to hold your baby while he sleeps, you are doing him a HUGE disservice. I have friends with teens who have major sleep and anxiety problems because they never learned to fall aspeep/back to sleep on their own. It will be really hard at first listing to your baby cry, but he will learn to fall asleep on his own, and you will all be much happier and healthier.

I would sit back and try to enjoy this special time. You won't be able to hold that baby in your arms forever, and you will look back and wonder where the time went. It is ok to sleep with your baby! Check out Dr. Jack McKenna, he is a wonderful resource and actually says that sleeping with your baby reduces their chances of dying of SIDS... Of course, no smoking in the house, only with mom, safe bed, ect... are important. It is instinctual, and if you continue to listen to your instincts they won't let you down! I have slept with 2 of my 4 boys and would sleep with all of them if I had it to do over. I get more sleep that way, as well. They sleep better, I sleep better, everyone wins!

check out ezzo.info

Several mommies post questions about co-sleeping. I always feel that the mommies that advocate co-sleeping sort of get attacked on here. There is NOTHING wrong with co-sleeping. We co-slept with my dd till she was 4 months old, and she will still come into our bed occasionally (she's 1 now.) Co-sleeping is wonderful! I nursed my dd and it was so much easier to have her in our bed than to wake up and get her. We all got much more sleep! Ok, enough about me! Your son is still very very young. He's just used to having the closeness of mommy and daddy. Some babies need that more than others. If you choose not to co-sleep, also totally acceptable :), try swaddling your little guy tightly at night. He may just like the security. It may take some time to get him used to sleeping in his bassinet. You can also start during the day to get him used to it. Once he's used to sleeping in the bassinet during the day, then you can start putting him in it at night. I hope that helps! Always remember that YOU are the one that knows best for your family!

M.,

There is no need to force sleep issues. As long as you are content, just hold the baby. It will only last for a short time, and soon enough you will hear the words, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Read www.askdrsears.com for more detailed sleep information. I slept with both my boys when they were tiny and we have no issues now.

Best wishes,
K.

Co-sleeping is safe. In fact, babies SHOULD sleep with an adult. It is not safe, however when you do it on the couch or chair. The baby could slip down in the cracks and suffocate or fall off onto the floor. Please, cuddle up in bed with your baby and enjoy a safe night of rest. If you are breastfeeding, even better. You can just roll on your side and latch the baby. This might take practice if you haven't done it yet. You can start by sitting up, latch the baby, then slide down to your side.

I really encourage you to keep your baby in bed with you until the child shows signs of readiness to sleep alone. This will likely be close to school age. If you are not willing to do this, you could start transitioning your baby into his own bed, but be prepared for being up more frequently at night. People don't like to sleep alone, even as adults. There is no reason why your baby should have to. Also, there has been lots of research done to show that sleeping with your baby actually reduces the chance of SIDS, as long as you do it safely. Check out http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html . Good luck!

For me, personally, it was always too soon, lol. We're big fans of co-sleeping, it's an arrangement that works so well for our family. Here's a good article to read by Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

I had my 4th baby 4 months ago & didn't even bother to assemble the crib, which has been packed up in the basement for years now. :)

ETA: in response to another post. If Satan is a reader, he most certainly has a copy of "On Becoming Babywise" on his shelf. Terrible, terrible advice.

I have a 4 year old daughter and a 11 month old son, and they both slept with us at least part of the night until they were 6 weeks old. At 4 weeks- 3 or 4 hours of sleep is good- my kids would sleep that in a bassinet, and then after they ate, I would get them back to sleep in bed with us. At about six weeks I started putting them back in the bassinet after feeding them. There were certainly a few rough nights- I might have to walk with them or rock them a while, but I stayed consistent by having them sleep at night and nap in their cribs. They both are wonderful sleepers, so I would say it worked well. They both also used binkies to sleep with, so that might have helped. It's very important to get the babies sleeping in their own beds if you want to have your own bed back. Some people like sleeping in bed with their toddlers with their husband on the couch... to each his own I guess.

I'm not sure about when it is too soon, but we waited too long with our first born and paid dearly with an extended "sleep training" session at 14 months of age. When our daughter came along we vowed not to make the same mistakes and it wasn't easy - we were tired and just wanted to sleep. Here were some things that encouraged her to go to sleep and stay asleep on her own. When she would get out of the bassinette to be fed I would put a heating pad on low in her bed so that when she was laid back down it would be warm and cold sheets wouldn't shock her. Secondly, we let her sleep in her car seat for a while as a newborn. She seemed to like the more confined area, it gave her security. Finally we swaddled her for quite a while - longer than I thought that she would like it. All of those things together made it so that we did not have all of the sleep problems with her that we did with our son. Hope that helps.
J. R

My daughter co-slept with me in my bed (though I had one of those arms reach co-sleepers next to me, which I would move her to when she was sound asleep) until she was about 7 or 8 months old. She became very restless at that point and I moved her into her own crib, first next to me, then in my room but further away, and then to her own room. She was sleeping in her own room by 9 months.

Every child and family is different. Do what feels right for you, and trust your instincts. One thing I know for sure, a well rested (as well as you can anyway) mama and daddy are as important as a well-rested child. Sleep will give you the patience to be the best mother and father you can to your child.

You don't have to give up the sweetness of having your baby sleep in your arms, just find a way to do that and get the rest that you both need, as well. There is nothing better than nursing without having to get out of bed and waking with your partner and child right next to you, in my opinion. Enjoy this time.

good luck!
T.

M.,
I am a grandmother(Nana) of nine--ages 10 months to 9 years old. Bonding with your child is extremely important in these first months of life. I feel if your son needs to be held close to either you or your husband, there is nothing wrong with your sleeping arrangements. However, keep in mind the safety issue also. Make sure your baby can't fall out of your arms while you sleep or don't roll over on him. If you still want this closeness, I suggest putting a Snuggle sleeper in your bed. Your baby can sleep between the two of you and still be safe and secure in the sleeper. Hope this helps.
Nana

looks like you may never get him in his own bed... he should have been there already.... its worse as they get bigger.... as a first time mother... you just have to let them cry if they aren't already sleeping when you put them down....

believe me... my daughter is 4.5.... we had her in the bassinet right away...but let her sleep with us occasionally..now she just wants someone to sleep beside her... never ending...

good luck...

get him in his bassinet !!! I know how awesome it is to hold them while they sleep...just dont hold him for the ENTIRE sleep period... LOL...

E.... now single mother of 2... who falls asleep in daughters bed after reading books and saying prayers.... YOU don't want to be here... LOL

It sounds like you and your husband are very attentive to your baby's needs. Kudos to you!

Have you considered a co-sleeping arrangement? Maybe putting the bassinet right next to your bed so you can still be very close? Or, even sleeping right next to your baby right in your bed?

I know this plan doesn't work for everyone, but we sure love it. Both my girls slept right next to me until they were about 18 months to 2 years.

Just a little encouragement here. Midwife SummerW. and kathy I are absolutely right. Both of my girls slept with my husband and I from the beginning. The 3 year old sleeps in her own bed now (but still in our room) and the 22 month old sleeps in her crib(in our room too)for a little while, then around 2 or 3 in the morning she gets in bed with us and yes folks nurses! She goes right back to sleep. Big sister did this as well, no problems here at all as far as we feel. So do whatever you and your husband are comfortable with. But yes, co-sleeping in bed is safer and you'll sleep much better too. And definately check out Dr. Sears website too!

Well, I can only tell you from my experience. I have one son who is 21 months old now. I think I slept with him in my bed with me, on my chest, until he was about 2 or 3 months old. His crib was in my room with me but he just wouldn't sleep in it. I was fine sleeping with him, because I felt closer to him (and could hear him breathing - I was a paranoid first time mom!). After about 3 months or so I started to transition him into his crib. He didn't do so well at first, but after a week or so he started sleeping great in there. Up until 3 weeks ago he slept in the crib all the time and now he's in his big boy twin bed.

I think you have to do what works for you. I also was worried that he'd never sleep anywhere but with me, but I didn't have that problem Ever child is different. Good luck!

Oh Honey, you've already created sleeping problems. It's going to be a rough week or so, but get that baby in his own bed! A bassinet right next to you will work (easier for nursing anyway). Trust me, it will be easier to do now than when he's 2-3-4-5. I used the BabyWise system and LOVED it. My kids had very few sleeping issues.

I would suggest getting a book called Baby Wise...it talks about following a pattern that really seems to work. I can't remember exactly, but I think it is feed them, read to them, play with them and then let them rest. The book teaches you how to recognized and understand the signs that your baby is giving you...really noticing the signs when they are tired (sometimes yawning, sometimes a rub of their eyes) and then placing them in a crib so they learn to comfort themselves and fall asleep on their own...I have three kids (7, 5 and 2) and I wasn't as good with my first as I was with the last one. I do find that it may be hard to listen to them cry, but it really is much better in the long run if there is some kind of routine to follow for everyone. Of course, if the baby is colic then I am not sure how this would work...if you like your doctor you can always ask them for advice. It must be hard on both of you because you aren't getting very good rest this way. Hope this helps in some way. Best of luck
K. S

M., I put my kids in the bassinet from day 1. They are usually too big by 6-10 weeks depending on birth weight. If your bassinet is like mine was, it can tip when they move if they are too big. My husband & I also held our son while he slept if he would wake up in the middle of the night. It got to the point he would not go to sleep unless he was held. He is now 9 and has just been sleeping in his own bed for the past few years. My daughter was just the opposite. She did not want to be bothered while she was sleeping. She is still this way and will sleep all night in her own bed. From my experience, it was much better for us to just have them sleep in their own beds. I hope this was helpful. Take care!

I say this HALF jokingly, but, BREAK THE HABIT QUICKLY! lol...I have THREE girls, and the first two are 2 and 4, and JUST STARTED sleeping in their own beds....They started sleeping in my room, and then when I told them they couldnt sleep in my BED anymore, they chilled out on my floor. So when my third daughter was born, Shes slept in her own bed from day one. lol!

<3Ashley

M.,
I highly suggest you start now. The younger they are the easier they adapt. You son might fuss at first, but it shouldn't take much time to get him in the habit. What ever you do, don't put it off any longer or else you will have real trouble on your hands!!
B.

I am really new at this whole mom thing. But i can try to help as much as i can. My baby is about 3 weeks old... she has been sleeping in her basinet for about a week.. she spits up a lot after feedings, so we would put her in her bouncy seat after she ate... we want her to start sleeping in her crib soon so we had to start putting her in her basinet. I usually change her, feed her and then put her back in the basinet... i try not to hold her too much righ now...

My kids were sleeping in the bassinet the night they came home from the hospital. That's what they are for, to have them close you you at night. If you're holding them when they sleep you may have a problem breaking this habit. At 4 weeks my kids were in their own room sleeping in a crib.

I would say the sooner the better. You are getting into a very hard habit to break and it's easier to let them learn earlier rather than later. My sons and I shared a room but he slept in his own bed MOST the time from birth. He was close, I could easily wake up and care for him. I breastfed so we never had to leave the room at night. I also had a rocking chair in the room. I would doze off, but never very long. I didn't feel safe sleeping in a chair with him. I would sleep with him on my chest in bed occassionally also when he was sick or needed more comforting. But he is not too young to start weaning to sleeping on his own.

I would start now. We never slept with our son and don't plan to with this one mainly because neither or us could relax with a tiny baby there. Honestly he started getting moved to his crib about 4-6 weeks, and when he woke at night I brought him to a bassinet in our room.
We did rock to sleep for about an hour every nap and every night...never again! He wouldn't go to sleep without it, and if you couldn't get him in his bed without waking him you had to start all over again.
I would be concerned you and your hubby are going to exhaust yourselves holding a baby so much and possibly get stuck in that pattern for longer than you want.
Just try naps or half the night to get him used to the new space. He may love having the room to stretch and his own space!

We always slepted with our children. Alot of people say it is a big no no but... My seven year old and four year old are awesome sleepers! They eventually want big kids beds and move out easily! I felt more comfortable with My babies in bed with me! In fact my youngest got whooping cough at four weeks old and My doc said you must sleep right with him for his safety! It's ultimatly up to the way you feel if your comfortable not sleeping /holding him then use the bassinet and crib later with a monitor. Every mom and baby is different it's what you are both comfortable with!

Hi M.,

I say let it be for now. With our second son, we started him off in a bassinet, and at about a month he decided he HATED it! He kept us for literally for 4 nights straight. Then out of sheer exhaustion I had him laying on my chest one night in bed and we both fell asleep and slept for 7 hours!!!!! He stayed in bed with us until he was about 5 months old. I put up a safety railing on my side of the bed, and he slept between me and the railing. Yes, I know there are a million people that will say that it isn't safe, but I just felt it was right for us, and I enjoyed our special time together (being the second child, he doesn't get much alone time with me!). When it came time to get him into a crib, we started off with nap times, and I would put an item of my clothing in with him for the smell. He is almost 5 years old now, and we have never had any sleep problems with him at all. He very rarely is up at night, and usually sleeps from 8pm until 8am.
So my advice is, as long as it works for you, enjoy the snuggle time! Just be safe and watch any pillows or heavy blankets. If you feel that you want to get him into his own bed, be consistent and patient. He might feel more secure with one of those baby bolster things up against him.
The main thing is to do what is right for you and your husband! Good luck!

try wraping him a little tighter in a blanketaand then maybe having a rolled blanket bsided him when you put him down might have the effect that you are holding him have good day and sleep

Just a note about your hands-free daytime...get a pouch or sling for him. He'll love being held so close and you can get things done for longer than the hour you have in the bouncy seat:) PM me for places to get good ones.

Put that baby down!!! I know how hard it is to do, but trust me, you'll thank me later!!

I would say NOW! Our daughter started having her firstborn sleeping with her and now he is almost 3 years old and will not sleep anywhere else. She has a 9 month old daughter and put her in the bassinette from the beginning. She has tried everything, but her son absolutely will not sleep in his own bed, so she shares her bed with her fiance, her son and all her sons toys. You have to let children get used to a routine quickly, and that makes it harder to change.

Can I ask why you and your husband are holding him when he sleeps? No offense, but out of everyone I know with kids I haven't heard this one before. I did hold my youngest daughter quite a bit, but that was bc of acid reflux and lying down made it worse for her so I put her to sleep in her carseat so she would be inclined. If there isn't a medical reason for you to be holding your son while he sleeps then he should have been in the bassinet from the first day he came home from the hospital. Not to mention you can only use the bassinet for the first couple months before you need to switch to a crib. Good luck.

Both of my daughters were in their cribs on the very first night that they came home. I read On Becoming Babywise and it was the best thing I could have read. They each slept through the night at 8 weeks because I followed the methods in the book. The main premise of the book is not using props to get the baby to go to sleep. You don't rock them to sleep or feed them to get them to go to sleep. They teach themselves to sleep. It doesn't mean that you never rock them or hold them. If you start doing it now your life will be so much easier. It is also very helpful as they get older because putting them to bed isn't a struggle and it makes it so easy when there is a babysitter because they have no sleep issues. My daughters are now 5 and 8 and they are still great sleepers.

M.,
I hate to say this, but he should have been sleeping in that bassinette when he came home from the hospital!!!Now he is used to being held to go to sleep, he's had 4 weeks of practice-now comes the hard part for YOU, you and your husband have to break him of this. I'm amazed you guys have lasted this long. Start putting him in his bassinette/crib for naps while you're still awake and have time to react to the problems ahead. Who knows he might actually like stretching out and getting himself comfortable to sleep!
Good Luck!
Keep us posted.
R.

I agree with some other women: do it now! We put our daughter in her own crib on night one and therefore haven't had to deal with those issues. She is very clingy at times and wants to be held a lot but she needs to learn soon that she isn't the boss. Get her on your schedule the sooner the better!

Try putting the baby in the bassenett at nap time....it will help the adjustment for bed time

Hi M. maybe u could try putting him in the bassinet during the day
while he naps to see how he reacts after he gets to sleep
once maybe u've rocked him and he is already asleep
also u could get one of those things that sounds like the
mothers heartbeat don't remember what it is called though
check maybe BabysRus or somewhere else that carries baby
products & supplies from ____@____.com let me know

My husband and I did the same thing. The sooner you can get him to sleep in the bassinet the sooner things will start to seem a little more normal. You need that time together at night even if you are not awake. I know that sometimes I hated for night to come. I know that when we get things back to normal (as normal as you can with a newborn) I felt so much better. I have 4 bio. children, 1 stepson, 1 adopted son and an adoptive daughter on the way!

Both my children slept in a bassinett next to our bed from day one. Swaddle him well in blankets and if needed put other blankets under the "mattress" of the bassinett to elevate his head.

put him in the bassinet I Rocked my babies until they went to sleep and thenput them down in their beds. He will sleep better and so will you.
C. Motheof three

Your post indicates that you are ready to change to the bassinet so now is right time. Perhaps you could swaddle him and hold him until he falls asleep and then place him in his bassinet. I am a total advocate of talking to your infant so sell him during the day that" this is what daddy and I are going to do tonight. . ." Who knows what he understands??? You might also put him in the bassinet during the day when he is awake so he gets accustomed to the "view" and feel. Who knows, he might even take a nap?!

I only co-slept with my oldest child and it worked wonderfully for us, but my husband nixed the co-sleeping with the next three. He was afraid of roll over accidents. They do sell these nifty co-sleeping walls that protect the infant when in the big bed, but we never used them.

A.

Don't do it. Stop now. I slept in a recliner with daughter until she was 3 months old because she cried and startled herself awake everytime I laid her down, had to let her sleep on her side, it did the trick while she was a baby. I have a son who is going to be 4 months old next week. He slept in the cradle every night after the first week we were home. He does sleep on his stomach because he sleeps long (8-10 hrs at night) and very soundly. He sleeps 10x better than the 3 year old.

Hi M., boy do I know how you feel. My daughter is now 5 months, but she always slept sooooo much better on my chest at night. I started putting her in her bassinet after holding her about 2hrs, and that seemed to help ease her into the bassinet. Now I can lay her in her crib drowsy and she goes right to sleep. I hope you figure it out soon because it may be really hard at first, but trust me they will learn to love their own bed. B. W.

I had my daughter sleep in her pack n play outside our bedroom for the first 6 weeks (I had a c/s and couldn't go upstairs where her bedroom was until after this time). I used a baby monitor the first night even though she was literally 10 feet away and I was awake the whole night. I heard every moment, coo, cough,etc. that she made. The next night, I turned off the monitor and I slept much better. Of course the monitor went back on, once I moved her upstairs to her crib in her bedroom at about 8 weeks. If you hold the baby to sleep at night of course the baby isn't going to sleep well in a crib. They aren't used to sleeping by themselves. I know that every parent has different views on sleeping however I could never sleep with my baby in bed because I would never sleep! I would be too afraid that I would roll on the baby or that the baby would suffocate in the blankets. Plus, forget about ever having sex again!!! (even though at 4 weeks postpartum sex is probably the last thing on your mind). I would suggest swaddling the baby and putting him in the bassinet during naps through out the day. That way, you can practice during the day when you are already awake. Then begin trying to get the baby to sleep in the bassinet at night once they realize they can sleep without being held. Good luck!! I know it's easy said than done so hang in there!!

Dear M.
i am a 66yr. grandmother I raised to wonderful childrem a girl and then i had a wonderful son. i let my kids sleep with me but not at first . I adivce to you is to start putting the baby in his/her bed now for the longer you let the baby sleep with you now the harder it will be to let the baby sleep by him self . just put the baby bed next to yours or put a monitor in the room with you and the babys it sure will save you problems later on. from experience i know it will be better for the baby. When i was small we lived in a 2 bedroom house large ones where you could get two double beds in each room and always the two smallest ones sleep with my mom and when the next one came along the oldest one got kick out and i got kick out several times for my mom lost five babies between me and my baby sister and it really hurt everytime i got kick out. i had one little brother to live a month and i hated him because he took my place in bed with mom. and I have felt quilty all my life for that I know that it wasn't my fault he died but i as a child though it was. but anyway I believe it better to start them sleeping by them selves from the begining that way you don't hurt them when it time for them to move from your bed to theirs. I am glad you have a wonderful stepson.I know you can learn to love them as your own if they will accept you.i have 3 stepchildrem but they are all married and have childrem and grandchildren of their own I really love them and fell like they do me .Me and their father have only been married 3 years but was suppose to have got married 47 yrs ago. long story . well good luck with the baby and the stepson and May God Bless you and hope you will have a long and happy life together .i have only been her 3 yrs. and don't know a lot of people yet hope i have been of some help to you thanks for listening to me
a grandmother

My daughter was like your baby. Not sure if anyone has given this suggestion but I bought an AMBY bed. Their website is www.ambybaby.com. You might also find one on Ebay. I'd sell you mine but I'm using it with my nine month old son. My daughter transitioned into the crib just fine. My son has to sleep in a pack n play at the sitters house so he is having to get used to sleeping on something flat and hard. I'm sure he sleeps better in the Amby bed. He really enjoys his bed. Even if he has a bit of a hard time transitioning, just him sleeping good early on has been worth it.

M.,
I don't think you can harm/spoil the baby by allowing him to sleep on you and your husband during the night. However, I don't think it is too soon to move him over if you want. I HATE to get a bad habit started especially when it comes to sleeping. I think that any time you can transition him into the bassinet - you need your sleep!!! (you don't know how much you miss your sleep and how it affects your personality until you get a full night's sleep!!!!) I NEVER slept well when I let either of my children sleep on my chest. Place the bassinet in your bedroom and then you are able to get to him when he cries at night and you can sleep together with your husband again. If you want to transition him slowly into his bassinet, I would recommend letting him nap in the bassinet during the day for a little while. Good luck!

HI M....I remember when my sweet girl was a babe, and I loved cuddling and holding her. She slept in her cradle right next to our bed for a month or so - then was in her own room with the baby monitor right next to her crib. Your little guy is ALREADY sleeping ONLY when he is being held - you need to transition him now...and he probably WILL cry the first night or two - and then it will stop. He should be napping in his bassinet in the AM and the afternoon also...the bouncey seat is fine for short naps. My girl would cry in the afternoon when I would put her down for her much needed nap...I called our pediatrician's office and the sweet nurse asked..."is she dry...is she fed...is she comfortable?...if so, put her in her crib, and mom get yourself a cup of tea and go sit on the porch...she will learn to go to sleep." That is what she did, and I enjoyed my tea! And you are right - you need to stay connected to your husband - everyone will get better rest and sleep in the long run! Blessings! S.

one more thought.
I put my kids in a bassinet right beside my bed from the very begining. I sleep really light, but my husband is a very sound sleeper, so I was afraid of having them in the bed. If it is right beside you, you can still have him close, but he is learning to comfort himself a little. Just a thought. Good luck.

Sleeping with your baby can be dangerous. If you fall asleep too...baby could slip down between you and the recliner or couch. Possibly suffocating him. Not something you want to wake up to!

M., this really is the best time right now to start making the baby sleep on his own.If you and your new husband don't break him now it will be much harder later as he get's older.B/C he will continue to become custom to sleeping with you both and you guys will never get any real rest.My advise to you is when he is just napping make him lay in his crib.Or as soon as he start to look like he need a nap lay him in the crib he has to get us to it b/c right now it is unknown really to him.At night give him a nice warm bath and a warm bottle this will help him to sleep better doing the night.And will give you and your husband some time together b/c you both need it. I hope this help you both.

Here is what I did...maybe it will help.
With all my children I keep the bassinet next to my bed. I was always there if my children needed me. My oldest daughter actually was done with her bassinet when she was 4 1/2 weeks old, because everytime her arms touched the sides she would wake. Then I put the crib in our room for a few months. With my other children I would put the baby in the bassinet at the beginning of the night and then after the first feeding I would co-sleep until morning. This was the best of both worlds for me. And I found that after trying this for a while, they slowly started sleeping longer before the first feeding. They could still hear us breathing, but was in their own bed. Another thing I did was wear a t-shirt or thin sweater for a day, then pull the t-shirt over the bassinet pad. This helped the bassinet smell more like mommy. It has worked well for us I hope it is helpful for you.

Very curious to why you and your husband would be holding your baby all night.

Little about me: I am a SAHM of 4 wonderful children. Girls are 5 1/2, 4, and 2 1/2 mo. Son is 22mo.

Giving in to what children want will most always cause a problem for the parents somewhere down the line.

If you enjoy sleeping with your husband, put him first. The children will benefit from seeing YOUR LOVE for EACH OTHER.

Start now. The sooner that you teach your son to be able to confort himself and fall asleep on his own the better you be. You have to ask yourself if this is a pattern you want to keep up for the long term? I can't imagine anyone is getting an good qaulity sleep under the current circumstance. It may be tough for the first week but stick to your guns and before you know it he'll be sleeping in his bassinet.

C.

the sooner the better! I think you have to make a decision to either have him co-sleep with you or have him sleep on his own. stick with what you decide on. my son, now 11 months, slept in his crib from day one. he never knew any differently and was fine with it from the beginning. you might have to go through a period of adjustment since its nicer to cuddle with mom and dad then sleep alone - don't wait too much longer if you want your little one to sleep independently!
good luck!

Lots of responses M. and they all seem to range, here's my 2cents...

Do what feels right. I am 35 and we have a 8mth old. We started off sleeping together on the couch so I could sleep while he nursed every 3 hours. We have a bassinet but he was too big for it by the time he and I were ready to transition to it...sooo, I started with nap times in the crib (with the occasional nap with mommy). That was at about 4 mths. He is 8mths now and generally spends 3/4ths of the night in the crib by himself, when he first wakes aroun 3am -5am, that's when he comes into bed with us. Put it down to laziness because I am sure if I rocked and nursed him he would be go back to the crib. There are some mornings he nurses in bed adn becomes waaaayyyy to squirmy so I put him back in the crib and we both get another 2-3 hrs of sleep.

As to working around the house, Daniel loved being carried around in a sling, it was fantastic! I bought the mayan wrap and still use it when we shop.

good luck!

M., I put all of our kids in a bassinet next to our bed from the time they came home from the hospital. The last two stayed there until they were about 3 months old and then we moved them to their crib. Sometimes they may need a little extra cuddling but I believe that in the end it's best to try and start them out with good sleeping habits. The only thing that I have to go on is that when my brother had his first son they let him sleep in bed with them. Once my mother had to go and watch him while they were out of town, I believe that he was 1 at the time, and the only way that he would go to sleep was if he slept with my mom. Needless to say, she didn't get any sleep because she had problems sleeping with a child and He wouldn't sleep in his own bed because he always slept with his parents. When they had their second son...they put him in his own bed from the beginning.

You obviously have to do wath works for you and your family and you know what is best. The only advise that I would have would be that the sooner you start to allow him to get use to sleeping on his own and still feel safe the better you will be off in the long run. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Have you considered a co-sleeper that you put in between the two of you in bed. That way everyone can be in bed sleeping and maybe he could get used to sleeping on his own gradually and then transition later to a separate bed. We never had one of these but my son spent the first couple nights in a "homemade"one in between my husband and I. We kept him up at our heads to be safer instead of in between our torsos. Just an idea to get your baby used to sleeping on a mattress.

M.,

I definitely agree with Pam, Baby Wise is an excellent book if you are looking to get your baby on a good eat, play, sleep routine. I always recommend that book to all my expecting friends as it worked great for my son and I am continueing with the routine for my daughter. Everyone has their own opinions on this, but both my kids slept day one in their own cradle in our room. I nursed so I wanted them close in the middle of the night, but also wanted them to learn that they could sleep alone. Sounds like he is slowly getting into his own routine. I have found with my two kids that a solid routine doesn't usually happen until closer to 3 months. I have my daughter (5 months old) on a routine: naps around 9:30 am for about 2 hrs, 12:30 - 1 for about 2 hrs and then to bed at 7pm. We then wake her up at 10pmm for one last feeding and that will take her until 7am. And I have been doing this for almost 2 months.... I think the key is learning their tired cues and not waiting to long so they are overly tired. But the first couple of months it is rough because they are up a lot anyway. So relax and just enjoy this time and look forward to months three and four to get them into a good routine. Enjoy your little one!!

Hi M.,

It is never too soon! The sooner you stop this the better. If your son is in a bed (bassinet) right near you he will still be able to smell you and should sleep well. (As well as any newborn that is.) If you keep holding him while he sleeps you are doing him and you a disservice. He'll never learn to be able to self soothe. My friend didn't believe me about this and she has a 5 year old who still comes into their bed every night. She is afraid of being alone and it has really caused some marital problems in the home.

Good luck and you can do this!

A book I have heard many talk about and read some myself is called, "On Becoming Baby Wise"--Sorry I don't remember the author. If you need me to look let me know. I think it would be very benificial for you to read. Many say they don't go by it real strictly but is a very good baseline. It would be wise to get your precious bundle sleeping in his bassinet right away. It will make a difference for both you and your husband. I do understand however, that when you are desperate for sleep, you will try about anything. Hang in there, it will get better!!

I had a really hard time getting my baby to sleep through the night at first. She didn't like to lay flat. So, I put her in her car seat and set it next to our bed. Once I did that she started sleeping through the night. It's not a bad thing to let them sleep in a car seat or bouncy seat. They won't sleep if they are not comfortable. When it came time to switch her to her crib, we got a crib wedge, and it has worked out well for us. If your baby has any amount of acid reflux or indigestion, sleeping propped up might help.

Congratulations on your new baby. The first one always teaches you the most. You are almost guaranteed to be creating sleeping problems with your current arrangement. I have three sons, 10, 8 and 5 and they never slept in bed with me. They stayed in the bassinet from the day they came home and were only in our bedroom for about a week. They were sleeping through the night at 2 months and they have always slept in their own beds. You have to be willing to let them fuss and cry a little in order to learn to sooth and comfort themselves. I can promise you it is worth it. Your husband will probably be thrilled to have you back as well.

Hi M.

I am a 41 yr old mother of 3 and trust me when I say, do not continue to let him fall asleep with you holding him. I know he's so little and so sweet, however, you will regret it later on. He needs even at this age, to learn how to put himself to sleep. The reason I know this is because I did the same thing with my first child. I had to rock her to sleep every time she went to sleep for 2 and 1/2 years. This included bedtime, naptime and every night when she woke and couldn't put herself back to sleep. I was exhausted, she was exhausted and my husband was exhausted for 2 and 1/2 years. My 2nd child, I immediately put him down once he was fed and dry and tired. I let him learn right away how to comfort himself and put himself to sleep. He still is by far, my best sleeper and we were all much more rested. Which was a good thing, because when he was 4 months old, I was pregnant with my 3rd child.
I KNOW how hard it will be and you may not be able to do it. I also know how stressful it is when you are the sole source of a child's sleep. I wish you all the luck and strength.
Congratulations! on your new son.

your baby needs to be sleeping in the bassinet now. I liked holding my son a lot when he was an infant, but he slept in the bassinet from the first night he was home. For severaly years I rocked him to sleep then put him in his own bed for the night.

I won't bore you w/ a long note here as I see many have responded already, BUT I have to say....Put your baby to sleep on his own NOW!!! You will be creating problems for him and you and your husband if you wait any longer. You can keep the bassinet in your room close to you, but you need to let him learn to sooth himself and learn to fall asleep on his own now! If you and your husband pick him up everytime he cries you are headed down a path that will be very hard to change. You will know by your feeding and changing schedule that he is clean, so not crying b/c of a messy diaper, or satisfied b/c you have fed him, so not crying due to hunger, etc. Crying b/c he is tired is different and he needs to fall asleep on his own...and he will! It's a wonderful thing! You and your husband should sleep so you have energy for the next day!!!

Hi M.,

My name is T. and I am a nurse and health coach. I also do compliementary home spas with BeautiControl.

For safety's sake the baby needs to sleep alone and in the basinett on his back. You can at times put a small wedge to slightly put him on his side. Baby's often suffocate because of being held by a parent and the parent falling asleep. I know it is a comforting thing for you. You have got to put the baby in a crib or bassinett. don't take any more risks.
Congratulations on having a blessed baby!

the earlier you start trying to put him in his own bed, the better. you will probably have a couple sleepless nights, but it will be worth it. he probably still has his nights and days flopped, but once he's about 10 lbs. he will sleep longer at night between feedings. we had the same issues with our son, but i tried to put him in his own bed from the first night we came home. he slept in between us in our bed for a couple weeks but eventually moved to the pack-and-play. he is now 4 years old and has been sleeping through the night since he was 2 1/2 months old.

It is never to soon, my husband and I started with put the kids and the crib as soon as they come home from the hospital. If you feel it is time to put him in his bassinet do so but remember it my take some time because he has got use to you or your husband sleeping with him.

i did the same thing for the first mo. but you know just have to do what you got to do otherwise youll be stuck with that a lot longerthan you wanted it is very hard but you will get a system going i put her in her bassinet when she was 4 weeks she slept there till she was almost 3 mo. now she sleeps in her crib i know its hard like i said but she must learn to self sooth as well let him cry there for 15 min then soothe him for about 15 min than try agian like i said you got to do what you got to do but anyways this was what worked for me and my daughter i hope you could use this or find something that works for you and your son well good luck .

Start now. If you want him close to you, put the bassinet next to your bed. I used to reach over and fall asleep with my hand on my little one. It is so hard to let them sleep by themselves. I can't say that I have been all that good at it. Both of mine still like to come into our room at night. They are 3 and 1 now. Just do what feels right to you. You can't love a child too much and they are teeny for long.

Hi M.,
Don't you worry about your son suffocating? I know everyone thinks it will never happen to them but play it safe and put the baby in a bassinet next to your side of the bed. That's what I did and it made me sleep ok knowing I could just wake up and look at her to make sure she was ok. Sometimes, I would sleep with my hand touching her just to comfort me:)
Then, when she got older, we had a huge master bedroom and her bedroom was upstairs and I couldn't put her upstairs by herself so we moved her crib into our room until she was 1. This helped me a-lot:)
My daughter just turned 4 and won't go to sleep without me by her side rubbing her back. I wish I would've done some things different when I had the chance. I know it can be so hard at the time:) but try to be strong.
I know they also have a bed thing you can put in between you and your husband so your baby can sleep with you and there is also something like a pak-n-play but taller and it slides right up to your side of the bed and the baby can lay right beside you I hear this is also nice if you are breast feeding. I would check out Babies R Us.
I hope this helps:)
Congratulations on your new son!!!!
T.

My son was born 7 weeks early he was at Rainbows in Cleveland for 4 weeks. When he came home at 4 weeks old immediately he was in his bassinet. I had my nights when I would let him sleep on me for about an hour or so but then right back in the bassinet he would go. I would try asap to get him in that bassinet. He is getting use to sleeping on mommy and daddy. There is a music box thing that plays the sound of the heart beat (which by now he is use to hearing because he lays on your chest) that might help transition him. but I would start trying to get him in there tonight. Just let him cry for a few minutes if you can handle that and see how he does. But I think every night even when you put him back to bed after his feeding you should try the bassinet. He is ready. My son was only 5 lbs when he slept in his. I hope this helps.

I keep his bassinet next to my bed.. since i am able..we start with him sleeping in his crib when/if he wakes to nurse then he is in bed with me until i wake enough after he is finished and place him in his bassinet.. that way i can still touch him if sometimes he wants to hold my hand for security ( he is 4 months btw) this is what we have been doing since begining.. i also make sure not to tiptoe if he is sleeping and have tried to do this from the begining and now he will even sleep in roadhouse or anywhere busy..(today we sleep at target in the sling) good luck!

It is never too soon! Both of my boys started sleeping in their cradle from Day 1.

In my opinion it is never too soon to place a baby in his own bed. We kept our newborn in her own bed in our room for the first 6 weeks, since it made nighttime feedings a bit easier. Then we moved her to her own room and she started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. Everyone talked about how lucky we were, but really I think it is just smart parenting! As nice it would feel to have that cuddly little person next to me at night I knew it would be better in the long run to resist the urge. And to this day (she's now 3 1/2) we have never let her fall asleep in our arms. She falls asleep in her own bed and she is such a good sleeper! Good luck to you!

I think he's ready to sleep alone, are you?

You need to start now!!! and actually you might have already created some issues because he is already used to sleeping in your arms.

He is ready for his crib & his own room anytime now.

You could have put him in the bassinet from day 1. You will create sleeping issues down the line. My friend did something similar, but her son slept in their bed with them and they had serious issues until he was 13 months old. I Have put my kids in the bassinet right next to me from day 1 and my daughter was a great sleeper and my son woke up every 2-3 hours for feedings...but that is normal. Then the transition from bassinet to crib should be around 3 months. Get the book 'Baby Wise'. It will help with all your sleeping questions. It comes highly recommended by many pediatricians and people that have used it.

There is a very good book called "Baby Wise" that gives great instruction on this topic. My daughter had great reults using their advise. The sooner you get these issues ironed out the better for everyone. It is not the easiest process, but it does work and the most important thing is consistency between you and your husband.

Best wishes!

Have you tried one of those snuggly blankets. The sell them at babies R us. Worked like a charm for my son. He is now at 4 months sleeping throught the night in his crib as long as I put the snuggly blanket on him.

M., Please sweetie you don't know me & I don't know you. But you both HAVE TO STOP HOLDING HIM AS HE SLEEPS!!!!! I sadly lost my 10 month old Grandson as he fell asleep in his Daddy's arms and they both fell quietly and peacefully asleep on the couch. My son-in-law rolled over a little and the little guy burried his face in Daddy's chest and suffocated! The people at the hospital tried to bring him back but couldn't! The father is still not over it 2 years later. This poor guy felt "How much safer can my son be than asleep in my arms?" It sadly happens all the time! Look it up! Please stop today! Your baby is small he will adjust! before he was born he didn't fall asleep in your arms he will learn to sleep as he should in a crib with no stuffed animals, or frilly blankets to get tangled in. We lost a 30 yr old son and 10 mo. old Grandson within 10 weeks! An unbelievable loss. Please find another way to get your baby to sleep! Ask your doctor's they do NOT recomend to sleep WITH them. Bless you all! I'm hoping by sharing my sad story I can possibly save you the pain. Teri

Your baby can sleep in the bassinet now. My husband and I had our middle son sleeping in a bassinet when we brought him home from the hospital. If you get your son used to sleeping with you or your husband now it will cause issues later when you do try to put him in the bassinet later. I would recommend starting him now in the bassinet. He may cry for a while, but will eventually fall asleep and learn to sleep on his own without either one of you there. If you don't do it now it is going to be crazy later on and he will just cry and cry until one of you give in and lay down with him. Sometimes they just have to cry themselves to sleep. Don't wait any longer even though it may feel too soon it isn't. I have been married for almost 12 yrs. and my husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

I'd recommend the Babywise book that others have mentioned; I was able to find a copy at my local library. I suspect your time is limited; I'd recommend skimming it to find the pages that relate to the age you're dealing with currently and reading ahead to get a feel for where your headed---no need to read the whole book in one sitting.

My first child often fell asleep nursing and didn't learn to settle down on his own; then when he'd wake up mid-night or mid-nap he didn't know how to get back to sleep. He was still not a good sleeper after turning one and would get very worked-up if left alone to fall asleep.

On my sister-in-law's advice, I read Babywise before number two came along. My second is two years old now and has slept beautifully since she was a few months old. The things that were key in the Babywise approach (to my recollection) are (a)feeding the baby when s/he wakes, (b) then playing, (c) watching for signs of tiredness, (d) placing the baby in the crib when s/he is still awake and waiting at least 10 mintues before walking in to check on him/her, (e) the parent helping the baby to fall into a sleep pattern that makes sense for the baby and the family.

I have 2 boys (7 1/2 and 5) and I began putting them in the bassinett right beside my bed the first night I brought them home. That way if they stirred, cried, etc, I could just reach in and try to comfort them without actually picking them up. This didn't work all the time but they soon slept longer. I feel they also need the room to stretch when sleeping. Hope this helps.

I think you are already 4 weeks overdue for having him sleep in the bassinet. If you have issues being apart from him maybe try a cosleeper.

I think you should start putting him in his bassinet now. The longer you continue to hold him, the harder it will be to break him of it and get him to sleep on his own. It's all about habits. Most babies will stay asleep if you very, very, very slowly put them down. Go in super slow motion- slower than you've ever gone before, very gently putting him down and very slowly pulling your hands out. You'll have more success keeping him asleep this way. Another suggestion-use something as white noise in his room when he sleeps. It can be a lullabye CD, or a mobile, or heart tones, whatever works.

As he gets a little older (in a month or two), start putting him down when he is less and less asleep. That will help teach him to comfort himself and help him learn to go to sleep on his own. If you don't, you'll be sitting in his room for a half hour every night, even when he is two, until he falls asleep. I'm sure you have better things to do! This is what happened to my neighbor and her little boy. I understand your desire to spend time with your little one. They grow up so fast. The time with your husband is very important, though, and it's your time to recharge. Don't feel guilty putting him in his bassinet- that's why it is there. Turn on the monitor, and get some very needed rest. Good luck! =)

From day one both of my girls (born within 11 months of each other) slept in their bassinet right next to the bed. While getting up every couple of hours is energy-sapping and gets a little old after a while it definitely helped make sure they understood where they needed to sleep. Both of them moved into their own rooms and into their cribs at about three months old. There were times, of course, where my husband or I would hold them during the night so they would sleep, but this was usually because they were extremely fussy, etc. Best of luck!