When/how Do You Trust Another Teen Driving Your Teen...?

When they're 25 and they carry their own insurance!! If the teens who want drive are responsible ( and don't have access to any alcohol or drugs)try letting them go out for a brief time during the day and set a curfew. If they can handle that, extend the privledge.
Most kids are not ready to handle the responsibity. My son who is 22 now...is STILL EXCLUDED from our insurance for very poor driving choices while in his teens. There is evidence that the brain is not fully wired to handle quick responses and does not have the ability to judge what is dangerous behavior. This is why teens think they are invincible! Missouri has a graduated system...you get more priviledges with age. We all need to teach our kids that driving is a priviledge, not a right. More parents should be willing to drive our kids around for a few more years, for our safety and theirs! Good Luck!

Follow your gut... don't let your daughter ride with these kids. They don't sound mature enough to be driving a car. If you have the opportunity, you might "take a trip to the store" and just happen to follow them. It would give you a first hand view of how they behave on the road. When I was a teen, I never knew when or where my mother would show up. She would fully admit "Sure, I follow you. I need to know that I can trust you". It sure kept me on the straight and narrow. I'm glad she did that. My 17 year old has his permit now, so we still drive him where he needs to go. There is only one of his friends that I will allow him to ride with. Only because I have watched her driving and I trust her judgement. Remember, she's your daughter and you have the responsibility to keep her safe. It is none of your in-law's business. Some days I think it would be easier having a 3 year old again. This teenage parenting stuff is tricky! :)

I am terribly overprotective in this regard. My sister was killed by a 16 year old driver. The new driver had gotten her license that day and was taking her aunt and little brother out for a spin. She broadsided my sister. That was a long time ago (I was 10 at the time...it's been 23 years) but it has given me a healthy fear/respect for driving and you can never be too careful.

Stand your ground.

so i really don't have anything useful to add except - i'm so sorry those kids (and their parents) are putting you through this. but considering your daughter is only 14 i'd say you have every right and reason to put your foot down. i don't blame you and i don't think you're crazy! too bad the adults don't have enough respect for you to accept your decision maturely and back you up. of course, if they were the kind of people to do that, then maybe their kids would be a little more respectful too? just my two cents. stay strong! she's ONLY 14!

I don't. (period) Unless they've been driving for a couple of years. If they have had a wreck sometimes they are more careful. But I still like the driving time rule. It just won't be happening with my kid beside them. My kids are 16 and 17 and don't have licenses yet either. I want them to know what their doing.

Have you seen the State Farm commercial? Oh my. :)

If you know that there are discipline problems why would you let them hang out? Don't succumb to peer pressure teacher. :) Isn't that what we've been telling our kids for years. I have heard a hundred times how other parents don't do that. I don't care. My kids have not been in trouble, or seriously hurt. With all the parents allowing drinking and everything else going on in their house because they want to be their kids friend. I think I'll just stay my kids parent and go from there. This way if anything goes wrong - I did all I could and did not enable a fall.

L. B

Good Morning P., Your not the crazy one by a long shot. Considering the history you have shared.

Our son's are grown married with children of their own now, but letting them drive wasn't that hard for me. I took them both out in the country and taught them to drive. When we moved to TX in 98 our boys were not old enough to drive there even though both had legal license's in Ks. Our oldest decided to wait the one yr until he turned 18 to get his TX license. Our youngest decided to take Driver's ed to get his. He was 16 so he would of had 2 yrs to wait. Our youngest is the best driver in our family ( his brother would say NOT ) lol Our eldest has a lead foot with many of those pretty little colored receipts that go along with a visit from a police officer. None as a teen but many since reaching his supposed maturity.lol Did i mention he loves to build race car's ?! ;)

You know your child better then anyone. And by what you have mentioned about the cousins, my kids wouldn't be getting in their car at all. I rode with most of my son's friends in TX it was a way for me to see what type of driver they were before allowing the boys to go with them. They all called me mom so it wasn't to hard to get them to run me to the store or somewhere. If you can trust the kid then you (Me at least) can trust they are a responsible person behind the wheel.

Good Luck and stand your ground with comments. She's your daughter and you are protecting her from harm as the Good Lord planned.
K.

P.,
You are right, if you are seeing/hearing they are irresponsible and disrespectful they are not ready to be transporting your own child around. (Personally I would not be allowing my child to be driving when they are acting like that. Driving at that age is a priveledge, especially if I am paying gas and Insurance.) I still have a 17 year old who has not shown good enough driving ability, and he drives pretty well, to allow me to take him to finish his Driving test. His decisions are not always on track and sometimes makes poor judgement calls. (I want him to arive alive and safe and present in this world, not dead, so I will continue for the time to work with him to instill better judgement while driving in order someday he will be a awesome driver.) It would be easier for me if I just took him and got his driving test, he would pass, but I would worry each and every time he got behind the wheel about his judgement from time to time. I want to know that he will do his best to be the safest driver he possibly can be. (Each time he improves so it won't be long now.)
As mothers it is our responsibility to raise our children and keep them safe. I would lay down ground rules with your daughter for riding with others as Mom and Dad need to know who she rides with, and Will have the final say who they allow her to ride with. I explain to my Teenage Sons that I love them immensely and I would not like to have them hurt because of someone's carelessness +/or stupidity. Accidents do happen but that is what they need to be, a true accident, not due to carelessness/stupidity whenever possible. I will not let them ride with peers until We know the child and have been around them for a bit to watch how they interact or react to things. My Sons have heard this 'lecture' for a while, just like not riding with strangers as a younger child we just have continued explaining about wiser choices as they grow. There will come a time when we have no say of who they go with. (after 18) I hope by then to have enough commen sense judgement instilled into their brains by then. I know they will have some poor judgements from time to time, and I have stood by and let them endure some of the consequences of those poor judgements already, with some guidance of what they could do to get through what they must get through right now. They have to understand that as Adults when we make a poor choice that no one usually rescues us and there are consequences to what we have done, good or bad. Talk to them ahead of time about making a poor choice of picking a wrong driver to ride home with. Give them pretend stories and talk about a variety of endings. They will still believe, as at that age we all feel invinsible and it will NEVER happen to Us. A couple of times my boys have suprised me by doing the right thing already. They told me later that it was because of the talks we have had and they thought for a minute and realised that the person driving was perhaps not the person they felt comfortable coming home with. So I get a phone call, they need picked up from where they are.....a much safer, happier ending.
Good luck, I feel for you.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER RIDE WITH ANY TEENAGER YOU DO NOT TRUST. DO NOT GIVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE. GET YOUR HUSBAND ON BOARD WITH THIS TOO!!!

P.,
It is not worth it to try and "keep the peace" with your relatives if it means putting your daughter at risk. I know it is hard and your family may be unforgiving, but it is YOUR JOB to look out for your daughter's safety. She needs you to do it, even if she objects! Just be matter of fact and don't make ANY exceptions!
Good Luck and God Bless!
D. - a SAHM of a 17, responsible driving teen, 14 and 9 year old.

My daughters were only allowed to do "in town" driving for a year after passing drivers education and getting their licence. We live in a small population town that is 10 miles from any larger town at the least, 20 miles at the most, depending on what town you are needing to drive to.
During that time, they were not allowed to have anyone but family in the car(parents/siblings). On the restricted part of the license, it was only to and from school.

They had to have permission from us to ride with anyone else. We used our judgement on whether they could, and sometimes the answer was no.
You really don't have to explain yourselves to your relatives if they do not respect your rules. It would never occur to me to question another parent as to why they made a rule about permissions for their children.

I had one sisterinlaw who would not let her children spend the night at other people's homes. She never explained it, I never questioned it. It just was their rule. In some ways I understand it in today's climate of permissiveness, you never know what other people will allow the kids to do.

Stick to your guns, driving is a serious responsibility, with serious consequences for failing to carry out that responsibility.

Trust your instinct. If it makes you uncomfortable just let them know. You can tell them yeah, I know probably nothing will happen, but if it did I would never forgive myself for allowing her to go. Why take a risk? I have found myself using that line on my own family when they thought I was crazy to buckle the kids into their carseats for a short drive on a back road. They'd probably be fine but it just isn't worth it to risk their safety and possibly their lives. Stand your ground, you are doing the right thing.

You have one child and your job is to protect her. You're not crazy but if you want, you can let them call you that. Just shrug your shoulders and say, "Call me crazy". If you are uneasy about something, than trust your Mom's Intuition and play it safe. Put it this way, once you do decide to let a teen drive your daughter, make sure the teen has good grades. Usually that's a sign of a responsible kid. Don't give them a chance to give you a hard time, just change the subject or have a certain phrase, like "Call me crazy" (then change the subject). They can 'parent' their children and you will 'parent' yours. God Bless.

Set a new family rule: no riding with others until you are 16. We were fortunate that we were able to also say "no dating until you're 16". & we did allow that rule to be broken when our son was 15y8m. He was simply mature enough.
Another rule we had was: once he started driving (he was the oldest in his group), NO friends in the car for the 1st 6 months. Then only 1 friend was allowed (to prevent turning around to look at the backseat passenger).
Since our son was the oldest, we did not have to deal with peer/family pressure. & in the end, you're the parent... & you do not have to follow what everyone else does. In fact, I tell both of my sons that the phrase, "but everybody else gets to"...makes my counter-suggestive personality to kick in & makes me immediately say NO. They've learned not to expect me to cave.
Good luck & you're Mom...it's up to you to keep your child safe...& this is coming from a Mom who was considered "scary" to most of her son's teen friends! & we all survived!

I am not sure where you are moving, but some states haves laws about teens driving teens. Although they are rarely enforced at least they are there, and a parent can easily enforce it. I wish more States would follow suit. I do not know the exact law, but I am sure you can google it. Here is some great info, it may also give you a little ammo for those who choose to criticize your choices
http://www.iii.org/media/hottopics/insurance/teendrivers/

I have a very responsible almost 16 year old. I don't have any reservations about her driving and getting her license, however even at the age of 16 there will be people she cannot ride with.
Our other rule for her is she can't date until she has her drivers license, we never want her to be in a situation where she feels trapped, and can't get herself home. This has been a rule in our house for as long as she can remember, I think starting these guidlines early is very important. And she doesn't fuss at all about it.
So, put your foot down! It's your responsibility to keep your children safe. And obviously you don't feel she would be safe with those kids. That's it. It's no one elses business. You are probably happy to take her to wherever they are going, until she can drive herself.
Good luck!

Hi P.!
I don't have much advice about the driving because my kids are still little. However, I am a firm believer in that you are the #1 advocate for your child. No one else in this world will protect your child like you will. Family situations with comments like the ones you experience are very uncomfortable, but in the long run you will know that you did the best to keep your daughter safe. A car is too dangerous (in the wrong hands) to take chances. Best of luck to you!

I am also having this conflict with my 15 yr old. All his friends have turned 16 and some have their license and he doesn't understand why I won't let them ride with them home from school etc. He is the youngest in his class and although has his permit and I let him drive a lot, his friends would like to take him to the movies or whatever and I usually drive him to meet them as I don't want him riding with them. I told him they need to be driving a while before I let him ride with them and MO has rules anyway that they can't have other teens with them until they have had their license for a while and I know his friends have not hit that minimum requirement yet so sticking to my rules. I do however let him ride with my 18 year old niece and 17 yr old nephew but they have been driving for at least a year and not the party type nor do they have big powerful engines to want to race. Teens need to show responsibility before I would let my kids ride with them.

Stick to your instincts. Even the best teen drivers have had accidents as well as adults so it's always a chance you take when you get on the road anytime.

We are parents of a 22 and 20 year old....we have been 'where you are' and this is how we handled it.
First of all - our own children had to have six months of 'no-incidence' driving experience before they could ever have someone with them as a passenger, except us of course. That was no tickets, no accidents. We also expected them to drive for the first three months with no radio and no phone. The no phone was a six month rule. So it was natural, to say that they could not be a passenger in a car, with another teen who had not been driving at least six months, with no incidents. We added, that if we felt that they displayed actions that were not safe, that we had the right to deem that exception. For instance, one day one of their friends, showing off, wheeled into our driveway, then when he backed out, screeched his wheels....he was off the list.
The most important thing we did, was met with parents of our kids friends, and asked them what their policy would be. Most had not thought about it....but were impressed with what we were putting in place. We suggested that if we were 'all on the same page' that it would be easier to enforce and that our kids would not feel unnecessarily scrutinized. It worked! They all seemed to want to prove to all the parents that they were safe drivers.
hope that helps

FOLLOW your gut & stand firm on YOUR beliefs! You can't let them tell you how things are/should be with your child. You need th let your child know...your serious about this matter & DON'T even ask! IF it were me I wouldn't allow her to go anywhere with them & if they weren't willing to come over & hang out with her at home then they just wouldn'y be welcomed to do anything else. You & your husband must touch & agree on how to deal with this now before you move & STICK to it! Good luck & God Bless!