When Do You Leave a Child at a Party?

In my daughter's circle of friends, everyone started having drop-off parties at age 6, in kindergarten. My 4 yr-old son still goes to parties accompanied by my husband or me.

Good luck!

Where it is a public place and you don't know the mom or kid at all, I wouldn't recommend letting him go alone. If you even knew the mom, it might be okay but too many things can happen to kids these days to just leave him with someone you don't know and trust. Maybe you could meet her and visit and try to get to know her a little before the party.

Don't ever let people tell you that you're over protective, many times they don't understand the responsible parent being hands on enough to watch over their own children. Stay and supervise or visit, you'll probably be welcome. Most say drop off so you don't feel like you have to stay. There are less issues when you supervise your own and you'd probably be a help to the hosting parent, too.

Have fun!

In my mind, if you can drop him off at preschool with no problem, what is the difference with dropping him off at a birthday party? I'm sure the parents have all the help that they need.

I would say at that age a drop off in a public place and with someone you don't know is not right.
I would call the mom to ask if you can stay and if not, then you little boy shouldn't go.
Trust your gut!

Hi D.,
If you are not comfortable then stay, plane and simple. What others think of you being over protective doesn't matter, your kids well being and all of your comfort levels is way more important than pier pressure from other adults. I stay with my kids no matter what age if water or swimming is involved. Parents socialize and don't keep a great eye on the kids all the time and in very public busy places, even field trips, I go. My kids are very independent and still love that I attend and ask me too if I can. It is a different world from what many of us grew up in and there are lots of ways for us to teach our kids independence without feeling we are putting them in unneeded danger.
Have fun,
SarahMM

For my daughters 4th it was a drop off at my house....however I knew every one of the kids and moms and most have been to my house on several occasions. The other parties she's been to it was the same, we knew the families and had been there before. At the one party where I sorta knew the mom and had not been to her house, I stuck around. Luckily there was another mom there too so we sat and chatted, helped out where we could, stayed out of the way when she was directing the party and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

Personally, I think drop off is OK when you know the kids and moms, otherwise I'd stick around, but would not expect to be fed & entertained.

My only response is to follow your gut. We dropped daughter off at a party when she was 5, her and her bestfriend went in together, and when we went to pick them up, there were nasty stories of kids being mean, pantsing other kids, and punishment was rediculous ( punishing the kid who got their feelings hurt) I have regretted that one for a LONG time.

If i had followed my gut she wouldn't have gone...

make sure you're comfortable. If you dont' want to leave the party then DON'T!

Since you don't know the mom at all, I'd offer to help with the party and stick around. I think I wouldn't have a problem dropping off my 4 year old son if it were at someone's house, and I knew them at least a little. But in a public place where my son only knows one person, and I don't know the adult, I'd feel more comfortable hanging around.
Besides, you'll be able to get to know the mom a little better!

When you, as the parent, are comfortable.

If he was 6 or older I might caution you not to be a "helicopter mom" because that never turns out well. However, being that he is as little as he is, and you do not know the parents, you need to trust your instincts. I can almost guarantee that at this age (my son just turned 5) you would not be the only parent to stay. Just nicely ask if they mind and offer to pay any extra cost. The one place I might not worry about is Monkey Business. As long as it is a private party, your son will be shut in a big room with the other party guests and parents. They also supply extra chaperons to help out. These parties are pretty safe as far as strangers or lost children are concerned. Good luck, and you are the mom, so do what you think is right.

I would call up the mom and talk with her. Get to know her and see what activities they plan on doing. Ask her if she is okay with you coming and staying if you don't feel comfortable leaving him. You should be very protective, but with a little give. I don't know if I would feel comfortable leaving my son yet and he is in PreK also. It depended on if I felt comfortable after talking with the mom.

I would never leave my children of any age in an uncomfortable environment. not even my high schooler. no matter what. end of story. socially acceptable? maybe not. but I have to live with the decisions I make, whatever the outcome. I'd rather be bored/embarrassed/embarrassing as the only attending mom at a party than wonder later why the hell I ever left him. but thats just me.

have to ask though, if its a drop-off party for fours, how many will there be? how many adults are running the party, and who are they? how are they planning to handle emergencies? how are they keeping tabs on everyone, friends and strangers alike, in a public place? this sounds exhausting. I'd be pleasantly in the way/sweetly underfoot .. and use these points as the reason. except I'd actively help of course. the hosting mom may end up REALLY appreciative.

A.

My daughter is 4, and I haven't dropped her at a party yet. I haven't had anyone drop their kids at any of her parties yet, either. I would think that with 4 year olds, the host/hostess of the party would appreciate having the parents hang around. I wouldn't drop your son off if you aren't comfortable with it. Besides, no one will tell you to leave if you decide to stay.

You know, I think I would have a talk with him and make sure he is comfortable with being droped off. He may be fine with it. I would also talk to the parent and make sure she had enough help. (how many kids and how many adults will be present). If both of these things sound ok, than I would let him go. With it being in a busy place just make sure there is enough eyes and help. I think at 5 your son would be fine, but my daughter is not there yet, so whatever you are comfortable with. Your son would tell you if he wanted you there:) Hope that helps. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

I think this is a great first time to leave him and what an oportunity to show the confidence you have in your son! Explain what his plan should be if he gets lost, and have him carry your name and cell phone number in case he needs it. He is going to have fun and be fine and you have to trust that it will all be fine.

I wouldn't drop my kid off! I don't believe that it is ever ok to leave your child unless you feel 100% ok with it. you could say to the mom "I think I am going to just hang out today". And go from there. Maybe an hour into it you will feel good about stepping out, making a phone call, getting a cup of coffee before returning, but do what is the best for YOU> after all, you are his mother!

If the party is at a public place, you can totally stick around. I always did when my older children were younger...I just didn't invade the party. I did, however, stand on the edge, always keeping an eye out. I've been to lots of parties with this situation that I would have loved not to attend, but you know...I also wanted my child to be safe and have the experience so I had to prioritize my wants. Wanting to not attend one of those parties myself typically came last. Also, it depends on the place...I have felt fine dropping off my children at, say, Chuck E Cheese for parties once they've hit about 2nd grade (unless I've known the parents and then I've dropped off in 1st grade). If it is at a large public place (like one of those huge entertainment places with golf, arcade, bowling, etc.) then I stick around no matter if I know the parent or not. There was one party at one of those places that my middle child attended. While the kids all had pizza and cake, my oldest daughter and I sat at a different table and we had treats of our own at the same time. I was very close and could see what was going on and could easily get good and often glances of my middle daughter (I had the baby there, too). Once my oldest hit 4th grade, I'd drop her off (at a large place), but not leave the building and go do my own thing. I've attended field trips enough to get an idea of when my children are good to go with less viewing on my part. I just make sure they either know both our home and cell phone numbers or write them down on their skin in a hidden spot with a Sharpee. I don't mind being overly protective... my brother works in human services and I've heard too many bad stories due to underprotection. I'm just not willing to take that chance. So I've gone to the parties, stuck around keeping my eyes open dragging another child with me, sometimes 2 and I'll do it with my youngest when she gets older. I may seem extreme to other parents, but really I've gotten a lot of relief reactions from other moms who were uncomfortable and didn't know quite what to do...and for any of the others, I don't really care...what other people think is none of my business!

Hi D.:

I think you can have the best of both worlds here and a couple of moms did this at my son's 4th Birthday party recently: stay for a bit (maybe 30 minutes) just to make sure your son is oriented to what is going on and you can meet the little boy and get acquainted w/the mom-thanks for inviting my son etc. Then, I would leave as long as you feel comfortable with the situation. Most parents hosting a party know-especially if it says, "Drop Off" that they will be in charge of the children and responsible to include them in the activities etc. If it isn't a comfortable atmosphere, I would state that you wanted to come for a brief period and drop off a gift but you can't stay.

If you're not comfortable dropping your son off and leaving, then don't. When you call to RSVP, just let the hosting parent know that you appreciate their offer to give you some time off, but that you'd prefer to stay, and that you don't really think he's ready to just be dropped off yet. The hosting parent shouldn't have a problem with this at all, and if they do, that's weird and don't take the kid at all. Seriously.

I have to admit that I don't know if I would be comfortable either, if I knew the parents it wouldn't be a problem. How public is it? Can you and your DD hang out seperate from the party? Let your son go and you and your DD do something in the same vacinity? I have done this on a number of occasions, this way I can keep an eye on them but not be in the way of the party festivity's.

Just a thought!

We just had my daughter's 5th bday. Half the parents stayed half left.(I work in the daycare at their school so they all know me really well) Follow your gut. If you are not comfortable... gently tell the mom that you are not ready to leave him alone. Make a light joke so you don't upset her. Offer to help at the party. Trust me at that age group extra hands are always welcome. You mentioned it is in a public place. Maybe she doesn't want to pay for parents to "get in". Offer to cover your costs.

My older daughter's group of friends just started the drop off parties and they are 8. Everyone is different. But follow your gut on this one!