What Would You Do? Woman Asking for Money to "Feed Children"

There are public assistance programs for people in her situation. I'd wonder why she wasn't taking advantage of them.

And, no you're not cold hearted. I wouldn't have given her a dime, either. I donate to worthy causes when I am able, so I know my money is going somewhere legit.

I have given cash before. The last time I did I gave a twenty to this guy, I just had a feeling it was the right thing to do. So I did, and he sat on the ground and cried because he was so grateful. There are some people that really do need it, and I try and trust my gut when it comes to those types of situations.

As a general rule, I don't hand money to strangers. I've been asked for money and when I offered to buy the food instead, I've been refused.

I had a man and woman approach me in the parking lot as I was putting my groceries in my car. I quickly closed the hatch and locked my doors as they were telling me their son, who she was holding in her arms who was filthy and very skinny, was sick and needed diapers and asked me for money. I said I would take them into the store and buy them what they needed. The mom handed her son to the father and followed me in. As we were picking up diapers, wipes, tylenol, etc. I told her that they needed a new approach b/c it can be intimidating and scary to have people come up behind you as you are loading your car with groceries. She apologized and said she hadn't thought of that and would be more careful.
I won't give cash either. I have given bags of dog food to people on the corner with dogs, I have given food if I have groceries in the car, I have given bags of fast food and I have taken them to the store. But never cash.

I saw a show on this once on Dateline or something where they figured out how much money these people were making and it was a shockingly large amount! That's why when I'm approached I just say "sorry, I don't have any cash, good luck". And they immediately walk away because they know its a numbers game and someone else will hand them over cash.

About a month ago my kids and I were sitting in our van in the Target parking lot, while I waited for them to finish eating their (gasp) drive-thru food before we started shopping. For at least 10 min I watched a woman go through the lot explaining her story to people, quickly flashing a rumpled up invoice, and then either receiving or not receiving cash. Finally she came over to me and knocked on my window. I rolled it down and listened to her story... "We are from out of town...our car broke down...we had to empty our checking account to get it fixed...we don't have enough gas money to get back home to Wisconsin..."

I told her that I just needed to run into Target to buy some milk, but if she just waited by my car, I would come out within 5 minutes I would drive across the parking lot to the gas station and fill her tank for her. Hmmm...guess who I couldn't find when I got out of Target, 5 minutes later?

I NEVER carry cash. I always offer to purchase something for the person, but never hand over money. If they are legit, they will accept it. If not, at least I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

We all have to be on edge now. If her kids are still in diapers, then, where were they? With a paid babysitter? Non existent? I prefer to give actual food items. One man was begging in front of a 7-11 one very cold night (in a wheelchair) - I came back with some food and gloves and he couldn't have been more grateful. I see someone asking for gas, and I smell a scam immediately.
Follow your gut. I probably would have done the same as you. Donate to a food pantry or something this weekend - karma - you know where your heart is and you'll know where your donations go.
FLOWER.

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I would have done the same as you.

Were you visiting WA today? There is a woman that does this ALL the time in the Fred Meyer parking lot. The first time she was crying and told me that her abusive husband kicked her out of the house with her three kids and she had nowhere to go and wanted to know if I had money for a hotel for her. I asked her where her kids were and she said they were in daycare (it was 8pm). I told her that I needed to get my groceries home but I lived close by. I would meet her in 1/2 hour (gave a place to meet at) and I would personally drive her and her kids to a hotel and pay for it. I came back 1/2 hour later and there was no sign of her or her children. I saw her again at the same Fred Meyer about a month later and a man was buying her 3 meals at the teriyaki joint. I started talking to her and telling her that I had come back looking for her and her children and where were they? She said they found a shelter in Seattle (about 1/2 hour south of where we were) and thanks so much for the offer to help. I looked at her a bit funny and said, well since you are in Seattle I would expect not to see you here anymore than, right? Haven't seen her since. Did I mention that she was there the YEAR before with the same sob story? SOme people are just like that! They find a good spot where the people are generous (or suckers) and they come day after day with the same story until it doesn't work anymore or the shoppers wise up. If anybody ever tells me they are hungry or I see them digging in the trash for food I will ALWAYS buy them food but I will not give out cash. I also point people in the direction of the food bank since I volunteer there and know they help with food, bills, rent, ect.
L.

I live right across the river from NYC. I worked there for many years. You get some sorry sad story at least three per block. If someone is hungry I buy them food when I can. $10.00 of groceries can go far. A few cans of beans, a bag of rice, and a few other items can go very far when you are hungry.

I determine what and how I will give. I'm not swayed by a sad story and I'm a Christian. I use my own wise judgement. There are times I do give cash but few and far between.

I would have offered to take her into the store to purchase some food items, but would NEVER give cash.

Definitely my kids would have food first too! Something fishy about that when you don't see the children with the mom. You did the right thing. I've had that happened to me as well, in a parking lot at WalMart. You did the right thing. You just never know, she could have been someone who was going to luer you, and her partner could have attacked you. They do this in broad daylight now. You followed your gut instinct....GOOD GIRL! :-)

Thats a tough one. If you wanted to help, I would say "Tell me some items that would help, and I will go get them for you" (If thats feasible)
That way, you are willing to help but calling her bluff if she's just trying to score some cash. It's an uncomfortable position to be put in. So I understand your reaction, I'd probably do the same thing. You almost have to think out these scenarios to know what you would do. BUT, I also feel like if you give out of the kindness of your heart to someone who claims to need help, then YOU are being a kind giving person. If they are lying, shame on THEM. Not you!

I tried the cloth diaper thing and sorry, but no thanks. Also, the cloth diapers are expensive if you don't have them.

I try very hard to ALWAYS have dollars in my van and I felt HORRIBLE yesterday when all I had was my ashtray full of change. It was probably 2-3 dollars maybe.

I give it if I have it. I've given 10's and 20's when I have it. It's not for me to judge.

I agree. I might have said, depending on the vibe I was getting from her, that I would take her into the store and buy her things to make a meal for her children. but to give money, sorry no. I know that not all people asking for money are using it for alcohol or drugs, but unfortunately the bad apples do ruin it for everyone else. i also would do food over diapers. nasty as it may be, i would rather use some towels or dish rags or something to make clothe diapers to make due until i could afford it before I would let my kids go hungry.

and also, unfortunately you also have to worry about your safety as well. if she was lying or a thief she could have stolen your wallet when you were trying to help. I know I may sound cynical or coldhearted, but it is the truth that the few ruin it for the many.

I guess I would come across very rudely but I don't appreciate strangers approaching me so I would already be in defense mode.

Then I would tell her no.

I would probably go so far as to tell the store manager or call the non emergency police line to let them know this is going on in the parking lot. The store owner should know so his customers are safe.

I'm with you... I'd choose food for my child over diapers. Her story does not make sense

I agree with you about diapers vs food. And I'm on team " no cash.". My brother is in a position to hire day/ unskilled labor. For the past twent years, whenever he comes across someone begging, he offers them a job. If it's during working hours he offers to take them immediately to start work. If not, he offers them his business card ( which includes n 800 number) and tells them to call and he will give them a job. In over twent years, not a single person has taken him up on the offer! Not one. Not even the ones with signs saying they will work for food. I find this very telling. I would always offer to buy food before giving cash.

I am all for helping someone out, but I would not have fallen for that one. That's what food banks, food stamps, and WIC is for. I wonder what would have happened if you offered her a gift card to the grocery store and had seen what her reaction was. But even if you did do that, she could use it to buy alcohol (if they sell it in the grocery store, not every state allows it) or candy or whatever. Or offered to actually go in the store with her and buy the food yourself. I would have just done the same thing you did - I've had people come up to me and ask for money for food, for gas, etc., and I just tell them, sorry, I can't help you right now.

Who am I to judge? I know nothing about the person asking for money at the street corner except that they are asking for money. If I have cash handy in small bills, I give some. I have the lowest income I've had in my life since I got out of college almost 30 years ago, but I won't miss an occasional $5, really I won't. What they do with it is their business. Who am I to judge... And I'm not a Christian.

I've seen a mother beg a couple of times with a sign...Don't give money but have run through the drive thru and given them food. At the time they seemed genuine in needing it...Who knows. I just try to do the right thing and show an act of kindness.

You are being self-righteous.

She made a choice to buy diapers and asked for help providing food.

What you would do has nothing to do with her choices.

Dammmmm we complain when people are on entitlement programs and complain when they "beg" for money to feed their children.

If many on here are as giving and compassionate as they claim to be, why not go back in the store, buy a few things after asking her what she wanted to buy and if not in agreement, make a suggestion and set a spending limit?

It takes courage to "beg" and put the pride aside. She was doing it for her children. Why drag her children around the mall lot. Some of you say play it safe, she shouldn't be in a mall lot, but then you question why her kids weren't with her.

I always give what I can and if I don't have it to spare, I say sorry, maybe another time but I am not going to make a person feel any lower than they are already feeling just by the fact they are "begging" strangers.

It's best not to question people who are begging and just get away from them. She's waiting for you to take out your wallet and then grab it and run. She's scamming, don't get involved in conversations like that.

If I have money and feel they are truthful. I have given cash, bought food,even ciggerettes and beer for a young couple. You know, I was in getting ciggerettes and beer at the time, They were scraping their money and bickering, and heck, it broke my heart. Reminded me when I was young stupid and in love with the wrong guy. If a cold one and smoke make them feel better for an evening of less stress, then fine.

I am not always so generous, but I guess for me it comes down to gut feelings, I have been down and out before. I know how it feels, and how terribly hopeless it can feel at the one moment in time. But YOU do have to be careful. I am not friendly in the parking lots, not the place for it. And there are plenty of times when I am just not in the mood for other people messed up lives.

If she can buy diapers, she can buy food. Although, if it were me, I would have bought food first.

You did the right thing. Never, Never, Never give cash. Depending on the situation and how quickly I could think at the moment, I may have given her something from one of my bags or told her where the soup kitchen was located.

One of the biggest scams in this area a few years back was gas. One time, I told the guy approached me in the grocery store parking lot saying he need money for gas to get home, I told him to meet me at the gas station 2 blocks away, then his story changed.

I would have called the store from my cell and told a manager. Panhandling is a crime. I have done this before and I know the manager gave the person some free food. It wasn't much but I called to ask about it later and she told me. They didn't lose anything by giving the few items.

There are food banks and social service agencies to help people. If she truly needed food for her kids she would be at a local shelter or other place asking for help. She was probably wanting some cash.

I would probably have offered the food in my grocery bag. I've done this before (although not this specific situation). But I've also given money to people in very apparent need. It's usually just $5 or $10 because I don't carry more cash than that on me. In addition I donate to the food bank regularly.

I don't give cash to people like that either. You never know. I DO donate regularly to our local food shelf, both cash and food donations. If she needs food - there are options available for her to get help.

J.

if someone asks for help, i help them any way that i can. if i'm in a hurry and i do have a $5 in my pocket, i will give it to them.

I understand. I do not give cash either. Sometimes I feel bad because I think what if they really are in a bad way, but you never know...I have gone and bought someone food and brought it back. Most of the time they've disappeared. One time I was in the Wal-mart parking lot about to go into the store to buy diapers for my baby. I only had $22 left until payday. This lady approached me and started asking for money, saying she and her sister and their kids needed food and were broke. I had a couple one dollar bills so I gave them to her. She then began harassing me saying, "I know you have more...I know you have ten dollars, give me ten dollars...blah blah blah". Needless to say it freaked me out! It also ticked me off and made me regret giving her ANY amount of money. I wasn't about to give her the last of my money and make my child go without. I prefer shopping at Target now. I have never had anyone approach me and ask for money there, but Wal-mart's parking lot is always full of "homeless" people. I assume they are homeless, but for all I know this could be the way they are making their living. Sorry to sound so harsh, but I've seen too many liars.

I don't give money to beggers, but I will give them directions to the nearest shelter or soup kitchen.

I know you received a lot of responses, but I have to agree with you. Trust your gut. There are so many resources for women and children that are easier than risking approaching total strangers (who could pose a threat to her saftey). And yes, where were these children who need diapers? Too fishy. I don't think you are selfish at all! Some respondents have rosy glasses and I worry about their lack of street smarts.

I would have either done the same thing (you have to stay safe) or maybe, went back in the store with her and bought her some food. If she turned that down, she wasn't looking for food money.

That's really a hard one to decide to do or not to do. When I worked at the Delta reservations center in Tampa, on the boulevard coming from the airport and surrounding homes area to our building there was a ragged looking woman asking for money who wanted to go to Virginia to visit her family. A couple of the ladies gave her $5 each. We didn't see her for about 2 weeks, so they thought it had been legit. Surely enough she came back with another sign wanting to go somewhere else. When they asked her about the Virginia trip, she said she had been but now needed to go to this other location. They also later found she had a very nice car she parks on the parking lot of the mall on the other side of the boulevard while she begs. Some people make a decent living begging, but you never know, especially in this economy who is being truthful.

I have not read the other response...but I am totally with you and just about posted the exact scenario from a few days ago. I had a middle eastern man approach me with a card, carefully hand printed in English, and placed in a plastic protective wallet piece, explaining he had 4 children to feed, and was asking for money. I pointed to the nearby church and told him to go there, as I know for a fact that, that particular church offers loads of stuff to the community, and he became irate with me right there in the parking lot yelling that the church gave him nothing...such a lie.

This also reminds me of driving from Phoenix to SoCal recently, and after filling up with gas in Quartzsite, there was a man sitting right on the curb when one pulled back out towards the freeway, begging for GAS $$ posted on a used piece of cardboard. It was a short trip and when I returned a few days later, he was back at it. I thought, wow, I am so glad I wasn't fooled the first time with his fake begging. And that is probably the painful part of this type of decision making...are they real or fake beggars???

I have decided, finally, after years of giving change to people in parking lots, that there are plenty of churches and support groups that help the homeless and I know longer give $$ in parking lots to anyone..I'd rather give generously to one organization and receive the tax credit.

I would have done the same or offered to buy her some canned goods.

I probably would of gone back in and bought a few things for her while I asked her to wait outside..that way she couldn't guilt me into buying more then I could afford.Or if i had food in my bag, would of given her that then gone back inside and replaced it. Im not sure if I believe her wholy or not but if my kids had no food..one way or another id do whatever it took to get them what was needed..well no selling of body parts but you get my drift. I would not of given her cash though. Although I have done that in the resent past.

My sister who lived in downtown Boston at the time would always carry and give subway tokens (so the homeless could get out of the weather) as well as Dunkin Donut $5 gift cards. That way she did not have to give cash which often ends up being used for alcohol or drugs. I am never that prepared and also would freak out if someone came up to me in any parking lot. Even if they ask for help with a car or something reasonable I would probably offer to call police on my cell instead of helping myself. You hear too many stories of abductions or muggings. You did the right thing - come back home safely to your own family.

I get really freaked out when people approach me in the parking lot (probably too many news stories heard over the years of muggings, etc., in the parking lot have made me paranoid).

I don't blame you for not giving her money, because it could have been a scam. However, if it happens again (and just in case it does, because it probably will), you could mentally role play. Like your thinking 'I should've asked where the kids were." You can sort of counter that by saying that, yes, let's you and I and the kids walk over to the Subway or grocery store or Target (where you could at least get them a hot dog or pretzel). Or if you're not that brave (I probably wouldn't be), maybe buy some McD's or Wendy's gift certificates ($5 or $10) and have them in your purse, along with a sticky note stuck to them for the local food bank.

I think the scammers count on you being off guard and uncomfortable, and count on that to help motivate you to give them money to make them go away (aka end the discomfort of the situation).