We have recently put our house up for sale (yay!, if you read my previous post) We are, of course, asking a lot less than what we paid for it due to the economy. Because of that we have to short sale. To make a long story short, our next door neighbors are very upset because we have it priced so low. Our neighbors are people who we considered friends. We would hang out outside together on the weekends at a bonfire etc. I thought the wife and I were good friends. We watched each others kids, went on walks, would hang out. Anyways, the husband got mad when I made a comment about how we are going to lower the price of the house until it sells (we have had 2 showings in 2 weeks, so we know it is still priced too high) Instead of calling us and talking about it, he called our realtor and threatened him--not physically. The family supposedly wants to move too and thinks we are affecting the price of their home. The mom wont even look at me. She wont walk her daughter to the bus stop anymore. she hides in her house/garage while her daughter is standing on the corner. Im not sure if she is mad, or embarrased. I am out there, if she wants to talk she has every opportunity too.
Now on to my question. Our daughters are best friends. They play together a lot. I told my husband I dont want their kids over here anymore and I dont want my kids at their house. Knowing that somebody who was our "friends" could betray us like this, I am just not sure what he is capable of. I worry about if his kids hurt themselves at our house, what would he do. It is getting nicer and I figured they could play together outside. Therfore if something were to happen it would be on common ground. My husband thinks I am nuts and we shouldnt make the girls not play together just because their dad is an a---. What do you think?
Just to add** We know we have our house priced still a little too high, just because of the amount of showing we have had. The houses in this area have sold for a little less than what we currently have our house listed at. We had 2 foreclosures on our street last summer, that is what drove the prices down. Their house is paid for too, BTW and it is not currently on the market. I have no clue when they are planning on putting it up for sale, and really had no idea they were going to. They have been talking about moving for years.
My question is more about the kids. I just feel like I needed to give a little background to help you understand what is going on. I do realize the kids have nothing to do with this situation. I am just more worried about what the dad is now capable of. If he is capable of threatening our realtor, what would he accuse us of if his daughter was hurt while under our care. Am I overreacting?
Thank you ladies for all of your answers! It seems like kind of mixed reviews. My question wasnt about whether or not we are doing the right thing selling. I already know we are trying to do the right thing. It sucks that we have to make others mad for something that is really out of our control. My lovely neighbors reactions did give me more of a motive to want to get out of here though :-)
My question was more about whether you would let the little girl over to your house if you were in my shoes. I have just decided to take it day by day. She is over playing nicely right now. It sucks because I dont want to break up the girls friendship, and am not trying to. I am more worried about the father suing us if something happens to his chid while she is over. I will just say a prayer and hope we can leave sooner than later. This is definitely not a family I will be keeping in touch with after we go. Unfortunatly, if we do get stuck here, we still have to live next door to them.
Thanks for all your help!
I am capable of threatening a lot of adults...I would never threaten a child. You know this man, you have hung out with this man, you have broken bread with this man...would he REALLY hurt your child? Deep down you do know the answer to this question.
L.
I would let the kids play. Our neighborhood had a big drama over one couple putting up a black chain link fence for their dogs (that I could barely see, it looked fine to me - I preferred not to have the dogs relieving themselves where my kids play). Their immediate neighbors tried to have meetings with them to get them to change it to a wood fence (too expensive) and they complained that they had to now plant expensive bushes to hide the "eye sore". In my opinion, a mountain out of a molehill, but the stress they put the poor couple under. Tell your neighbors that you would LOVE to sell your house for more than you paid for it, that you are taking a financial hit due to the economy, not just to screw everyone over. They seem to be taking it personally, when it is just the way things are. No one is entitled to a certain return on their investment, it is all a gamble. I look at it that the total house expense is xxx and we divide it by yyy years we lived there and hopefully it was a nice place to "rent" for that length of time.
Ahh summertime neighborhood drama.... all is normal in the world.
This is standard in every suburban nieghborhood in the world. In your situation it's over the pricing of the house - but it's always about something.
My neighbors were all upset with eachother when they were both putting additions on their homes - whose house was higher, whose window looked in to the other's bathroom or bed room, one copied the other person's color of siding, blah, blah-blah, blah-blah. Then it's the lawnmower, or the sprinkler or the dandilions - or the older kid throwing a rock at a younger kid, or pulling a bathing suit down.
Sounds to me like the dad is nuts - and the wife wants to avoid confrontations - she's married to him - she knows what he's like. I'm with your husband on this one though. The kids always seem to get caught in the middle. They did nothing to bring about this issue, so please, let them play. At some point you'll have to talk to the mom - one of the kids will skin their knee, either on your driveway or theirs... Be casual - we all know what took place, no need to re-hash it. Just talk about the kids need at that moment and move on. This will probably be the last Summer you hae to deal with them - but realize you'll find new crazy neighbors where you move to. ;o) Just sayin...
It's just an unfortunate situation all around. Whatever price your house sells at directly affects the value of their house, so you ARE in effect messing with THEIR finances. They probably see it as "you don't care what price you get, you just need to get out, who cares that it affects all the surrounding home values". We actually had neighbors do the same thing - they weren't in any financial difficulties, they just moved to a bigger house and had enough money that it didn't matter what price they sold their house at. They listed it at $200,000 BELOW its value and it sold in 6 days, so yeah, waaaaaay underpriced. But they got it off their books, which was their goal. It also wrecked the home values on our street as it became a comp for everything else. There were a lot of bitter neighbors (us included) because of it.
Your situation is different, so that being said, if the market dictates you lower your price, you gotta do what you gotta do. It's too bad your kids will be affected by all this, too. Maybe it's time to distance yourselves a bit and only play when you're coincidentally outside at the same time - no inviting them over or letting your kids go over there. They WILL sense that something is wrong. Be cordial and polite but not overly friendly. Once you move, you can sever the relationship for good, because there's a pretty good chance your neighbors won't forgive you or get over it. It really is a difficult situation...
Leave your children out of it.
It is your house you do what you need to.
And they can sell their house the way they need to. That mom is being juvenile, do not join her.
Money makes people do stupid things.
That said, I don't see any reason in dragging the kids into your disagreement. It's like you're using your daughter to escalate the situation.
What about you, hubby & daughter GO OVER, knock on the door and discuss it all like adults?
From your description, the dad is a nutcase and the mom is embarrassed. Since she is hiding from you, I'm guessing she is not mad so it might be worth trying to talk to her... you used to be good friends. I'd probably let the girls play together. I'm a little surprised that your neighbors aren't keeping their daughter from playing with yours. Perhaps they are not so mad at you as they are at their situation.
I agree with your husband, not so much the nuts comment since I don't know you well enough for that judgment, he is right that the girls should not be drug into this. What you are doing is just as immature as the husband calling realtor.
I think they are jealous that you put our house up first and are mad that they are going to be taking a loss on their house. I think they are afraid that someone less desireable might move into their neighborhood. They also might feel betrayed that you are leaving, and they are losing friends. That being said I would talk to the mother by herself and tell her that you are sad that this is what has become of your friendship. Let the kids play together. I wouldn't hurt the kids for the juvenile behavior of your "friends". As for the father he is an a** and maybe your husband and him should talk together on mutual ground so as not to ruffle any feathers and see what happens. If you both are not comfortable with confrontation then take the high road and smile and wave and be happy. Let them be mad and upset, life is too short to deal with idiots such as these. Once you move you won't have to see them anymore.
I would second Laurie A.
Unless you witness them being immature or mean to your daughter, or if your daughter tells you they say something mean to her then I wouldn't involve the kids, I think moving is already tough.
About the sale, well, I understand why they feel intimidated for your low cost, but they can either sell cheaper, trust that their house has something yours doesn't and so is sold more expensive or take the house out of the market until your sell yours.
I think keeping the girls apart is too dramatic. The economy sucks and it's hurting everyone. They are hurting just like you, and they were probably counting on getting X amount for their house so they could afford to move. You probably are affecting the price of their home. I'm not saying you are bad, but if your house sells for less, so will theirs, unless they have some upgrades that you don't.
Be honest with them. Let them know that you are under the gun for X reason, your house isn't selling, and you have to do this for your own sake. You can't afford to keep it on the market. Let them know you aren't doing it for convenience. Chances are they aren't actually mad at you, but at the entire situation and the economy. A lot of people count on getting money from their house; losing money when selling a house is hard. And it takes years to recover. And they can't live in as nice a place. Let the girls play. If they are old enough, let your daughter tell her friend how upset you are that you HAD to lower the price, you know it's bad for you, bad for the neighborhood, but you have no choice. It will get back to the parents.
I think their calling your realtor was a way to avoid confrontation with you since they know it isn't your fault.
Try to ratchet this down and not get so het up about it. Send them a letter or something.
I would let them play together. Ignore the drama. You can only make the decisions you need to make about your home for yourself. Did your realter show you comps? If you calue the friendship, maybe you could show those and indicate days on markey verus price, just to try to clear the air. The husband needs to grow up and stop takign his stress out on your family.
Way to go Leah! I personally don't think it's any of their business when/if/what you sell your house for. I guess you're probably just going to have to facilitate the girl's playing until they get their heads out of their butts.
GOOD LUCK!!! And you won't get stuck. Think positive!!! It was hard work and a lot of hassle, but we're so glad we left there. :) Living where we do now makes it all worthwhile!
I think the mother is embarrassed more then mad by how you describe her actions.
About the kids, let them be friends as always. To do anything else would punish the children and honestly I don't think you have to worry about them accusing you of anything, they would have to have some proof and it would put their daughter through a lot if that were the case. They may be mad but they haven't stopped the kids playing together so they are drawing the line where it would hurt their child. I would keep extending a hand in friendship and smile when you see them. This too shall pass, even if it is when you move out of the neighborhood.
I think it is fair to not have the kids over at either home for now, they are correct that your selling price will effect theirs but that is part of the "game" with selling/buying a home. I think the wife is probaly emberassed by her husband's actions as well, I would be but then again my hubby would never get away with doing that. I think you have to simply keep the peace until the move.
no you are not over reacting these people are just jerks. The housing market is in the toilet if you can sell your house for what you owe anymore that is a bonus! And if their house is paid for what are they bitching about. Personally I would talk to them, ask him why he called your Realtor exactly what their problem is are they mad you are moving or something else. The behavior is just ridiculous
I think you are over-reacting, but the situation sucks for everyone involved. Your lower price will affect the value of their home because they live right next door, so it does suck for them - but they are over-reacting too. It's too bad because you've all lost a friendship.
No! Your not over reacting at all! When it come's to YOUR home and how much YOU want to sell it for then it's nobodys business but YOUR OWN! And your realtor should of filed a police report since your neighbor called and threatened him.. What a low class act to do! I can somewhat understand why some neighbor's would get mad if someone were to sell or lease their home out only because we have the same situation here in my neighborhood...Our neighbors had to move asap only because her husbands job was transferred to Texas...The problem is that they leased their home out to "trash" (sorry to say soo!"...They are racist and low class, they sit outside in their front yard playing some kind of hard core rap music and drinking liquor and beer! Not only that, their kids walk around the neighborhood making crued racial comments to the other neighbor's kid's and threat's... That is something I can understand being mad at.
Now when it come's to the girl's, they should still remain friends and should have NOTHING to do with this whole situation. I would also try talking to the mother and ask her what did you do to her and why the shady-ness all of a sudden? It's soo sad when you have two little girls, innocent girls that can't even play together anymore because of something so crazy. I would'nt have your husband go and talk to the father only because god only knows how thats going to end up!? But I hope everything turns out the way you wanted it! Also, be patient when selling your home! You definately don't want to have regrets about selling it too cheap either! Good Luck!
You and your husband need to go together and talk nicely to your neighbor and keep the kids out of it.
The price at which you sell your house has to do with the economy, not your neighbors! It sounds like your neighbor's husband is a bit of a bully. I would continue to invite their kids over...your kids don't have to go over there.
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The price at which you sell your house has to do with the economy, not your neighbors! It sounds like your neighbor's husband is a bit of a bully. I would continue to invite their kids over...your kids don't have to go over there.
They sound like nut jobs to me if they think this is any of their business and called your agent even!
If the kids are playing outside and you are watching awesome but I am so with you. Wouldn't want my kids around them. Esepcially if he's an A** or just a nut.
I would have to agree somewhat with Laurie, the neighbors are being childish. Have you talked to them to see exactly why they are acting like this and to explain your situation? I would not, under the current circumstances allow his children into your home, and simply suggest that the kids play outside or at a nearby park if thier mother is willing to accompany the children. This puts the strain on them. As for your house i would continue on the path that you currently are.
Anybody who would threaten your realtor over the price of your home is not someone I'd want to trust with my child. If they go to school together, they can play there, but you can tell your child that they can't play at the other girl's house right now. If you (and they) feel comfortable with the girls outside under your supervision, then that would be fine with me, but I'd try to be very transparent with the girl right now. There's a difference in forbidding a friendship and allowing it to continue under different rules.
There are also a lot of people who price their houses and refuse to budge and then blame everyone else. Houses are just not selling for the prices they were a few years ago and people need to accept that.
Your priority is selling your house, not pleasing your neighbors. I would forget about them, tbh. Just pretend your neighbors aren't even in the picture and focus on getting your house sold. That is the business at hand. Consider this practice of sepation for when you finally move...you won't be seeing them anymore anyway, and your daughter won't see her friend all the time once you move.
As for your daughter, maybe you can let them play outside together and noone goes over to anyone's house? Don't look at it as overreacting...look at it as keeping your family safe.
Good luck selling the house.
Don't let your own emotions cloud your judgement. I didn't feel your reviews were that mixed. The over all answer to your question is to play nice and leave the girls out of it.
Are you moving for the right reasons? As one writer stated in your last post, "moving isnt going to make you happy. sure, certain circumstances are going to change, but it isnt going to change your attitude and your outlook. right now is the worst time to pack up and move because, as you said, you're losing a ton of money."
If depression is your problem, I can guarantee that moving will not fix it and could possible make it much worse!
Perhaps they are expressing, in their own way, grief (and anger) at the end of a wonderful era and the fun you have had together. Perhaps you saw the answers you wanted to see here for the same reason.
As far as what the husband said to the realtor - it is hearsay unless he taped it. If it wasn't physical, so "he promised not to give them his business?". Who cares?
We sold our home just before the fall of the market. And we sold for a high number. And our neighbors were concerned we would cause taxes to rise in the neighborhood. Basically - It's always something!
Now, many years ago, I had a best friend (and neighbor) and we were the same age as your daughters. Her mom was a widow who remarried and the new husband moved them to another state. I knew that my mom was losing her best friend too, but I saw the joy she felt for her friend's happiness.
I saw the happy and sad tears, and at that tender age, I got it.
For my dear friend and I - losing each other was hard and our moms helped us to stay in touch. Barely knowing our ABCs we wrote the simplest of "I miss you and love you" notes and drew pictures to each other often. And our moms mailed them.
Our end result?
My friend has a namesake - my daughter, and over 40 years later - we are still dear friends!
You and your neighbors are now being the role models for your daughters, not how to sell a house, but on how to lose a best friend.
And you are both doing a lousy job of it.
What are they 5??? Holy cow! I personally wouldn't do anything. If she want's to act like the wounded puppy, then she can. You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't go to them. If they want to apologize then they can come to you. As for your daughter, why would you want her to see that kind of behavior. I wouldn't change anything that your doing, but keep letting her play outside and if her daughter is allowed out, then let them play. They shouldn't be dragged into the child's behavior. But if the mom comes over I would send her in another room or area.
Don't drag the kids into it. The adults are being jerks. If they haven't put it on the market and don't have immediate plans to, they need to shut up and back off.
If you want to have "evidence" to try to shut them up with, have your realtor get "comparables" of home sales in your neighborhood so they see what reality is re. the housing market and quit blaming you for the market woes.
