What Would You Do? - Cleveland,OH

My friends and I send out Venting Emails. We just say what is bothering us and usually by the end we feel better.

I've left the house and went shopping and bought myself something that I've been wanting or a cheap movie and then had an icee or soft pretzel.

Shut myself in by bedroom and watch a movie

Somtimes a nice long hot shower.

Well, you did one thing right now... writing to your moms group helps. :) I know it's hard, and I am often feeling tired and stressed. As a single mom, it's doubly hard, in my opinion (I am one) - when I am really stressed, I listen to my favorite music and try to accomplish a small task that I want to do... or I just take a power nap if I can. In those horrid times when I have yelled at my son because I was overwhelmed and stressed about something, I make it a policy of talking about it with my son soon afterwards (within the hour that it happened) and ask him how he felt, and then apologize and tell him that he did nothing wrong, that it was my fault for losing control and raising my voice, and each time it happens, I resolve to do better. Not saying I'm perfect (far from it!), but I think being aware of what is happening is important, and you definitely sound aware and willing to do what is best for your family. Take care, and treat yourself well every day.

xo.

Here are some suggestions:

* Go for a long walk, preferrably at the end of the day when things are calmer out side and the nighttime sky gives me something beautiful to look at.

* Write up a gratitude list. When I am extra super upset, I try to write down 100 things that I am grateful for - it takes a lot of time but it's great at diverting my attention from what I am not liking to realizing how blessed I truly am.

* I drop 3 drops of my favorite essential oil (peppermint is especially soothing) in the palms of my hands, rub my palms together and then bring them up to my face so that I deeply breathe in the essence and exhale for the count of 10 several times. I close my eyes while I am doing it also to get the full soothing effect. This is really great for times that you only have a few minutes or can't get away.

* Sometimes I tell my children and husband that I am in a foul mood and need them to be less loud, less fighty, less whatever. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't but at least they've been warned.

* Sometimes I give myself a self-imposed time out to figure out what the heck has got me so agitated and figure out a solution. It's not good to let things fester and go unresolved.

* I'm also a big fan of yoga as a stress reliever. It's the only activity that I have ever done where I can literally shut off the world around me and just focus on just the movement of my body.

* There are a handful of movies that I can't be in sucky mood when I watch them: Bridget Jones Diary, Breakfast at Tiffany and My Big Fat Greek Wedding to name a few. The good thing is that I've seen these movies often enough that I really don't need to pay a whole lot of attention to them.

* This may sound odd, but I've also found coloring in a coloring book can be a good distractor and, if nothing else, that page that I just colored may be my only real accomplishment that day so at least I can be proud of that.

Hope this helps. Take care.

Get out by yourself, or do something by yourself.
If you have a partner/Husband, just say you NEED some respite. A Mom taking care of herself is important... kids can feel vibes and they get affected by our emotions.

Other than that, exercise helps too.
Or for PMS... I take "Hyland's Calms Forte-for adults", or "Natural Calm."
Here's a link on it:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3...
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3...
You can also get it at any natural food store or Whole Foods.

Stress... is when we are just at the end of our patience or burnt out.... Mom's typically are always "doing" and expending energy and not thinking of ourselves much, but for everyone else. So give yourself the okay, to think about yourself too. Its okay. Don't feel "guilty" about it... or that you have to justify yourself for it.

And learn to just say "I am pooped out/stressed/burnt out" etc. But not in a "blaming" way. Then maybe, your family will realize, how you feel and help... and pick up the slack around the house or with the kids.

Or, just stop... just stop doing. And let things go or get done later. So what if the house is a mess right now. It will be tomorrow and everyday. We do NOT have to be "perfect" or like "SuperWoman."

When I am feeling stressed/grumpy.... I will actually tell my kids "Mommy is a little grumpy now... I need to rest. So I am going in that room for a moment... " and they do understand. But I makes sure I tell them it is NOT their fault... it is just Mommy needs some rest or whatever. So its like I give myself a "time out."

all the best...
Susan

Find something YOU enjoy doing - preferably nothing family or kids related. Sports are great for stress relief. I play ice hockey at least once a week all year long and 2-3 times a week during the season. In the locker room and on the ice, I'm not 'mom' or 'wife', I'm ME. Even though most the women have kids and husbands, we rarely talk about them. We talk sports, politics, tv shows, whatever. I can have the worst day ever and come home feeling renewed and recharged and back in control.

Most moms I know play soccer, volleyball, hockey or basketball frequently and say it helps them with the stress. Others exercise by rollerblading, running, working out at gym (away from home is key), etc and say it really helps them. The few moms I know who don't play sports on a regular basis are the most stressed out moms I know (and not much fun to be around, to be honest).

I like the predictability of my hockey schedule - just looking forward to hockey night can get me through a few rough days. Leave the kid(s) at home with hubby at least one or two evenings a week and do something for yourself. Some people can stand being with their kids 24/7 for weeks/months/years at a time, but I'm not one of them (I do love my kids dearly) and many moms I know lose their mind and get too stressed without breaks from the demands of being 'mom'.

I always find going outside makes me feel better. If the kids are bugging me to death I take them and go to the park or beach and just forget everything else! I also find my time at church every week really centers me and helps me focus on my blessings and forget about distractions. If you don't attend church maybe some other very peaceful activity at a set time each week to focus on something outside of your "bubble" will help. I find as a Mom and wife I get very stuck in our little world (sigh, mainly the house!) and the details get tiresome and I have to mentally or physically step outside of it occasionally to get perspective and see how great my bubble really is. And that it doesn't matter if some little thing didn't get done or cleaned. The people and the things I already have are fabulous and their love is a blessing every day.

I pray. Read my Bible. Make sure I'm getting my half hour of physical activity (usually walking). Listening to relaxing music. And sometimes talking to a good supportive friend(sometimes more often than I think)

There are times that I have to leave my kids with my husband just to go to the grocery store and this often happens late at nite if the day just didn't go well and I need time I leave him to care for the kids.He doesn't do it much just tonite for ex. of not taking it out on the one you love I handed our baby girl over to him he is trying to undress her into play clothes he had no idea that her dress contained buttons on the back he is hurting her he says well this is what happens when you give a man a babyI don't change baby clothes all day long. I wanted to flip and let diaherra of the mouth go.
I love this new scent from Bath and Body works Vanilla Berry it is so calming I have bought quite a few bottles the other day.If it works like it has been then it'll be my everyday stress reliever.Getting enough sleep is a huge factor for me bed no later than 9
I hate it when days run together meaning I had the same frustrations as I did yesterday snapping at my kids yelling at them and touchy min. patience I don't want to be that mom.
Have you taken up anything for yourself a new hobby getting into a hobby you once did in the past getting outside even if it is as a family(the sunshine helps)At the end of the day I tuck my kids in bed tell them I love you god bless you sweet dreams goodnite see you in the mornig lite.
Must add this I started buying Milk Duds again my all time favorite candy and indulge!!!

T.,
Sounds like you might be in desperate need of some "ME" time! Go and do something for yourself, by yourself. It can be extravagant (mani-pedi-massage) or simple (30 minute walk at a nearby park). I'd bet that whatever you choose, it will feel like a 3 day weekend in the Bahamas! LOL

Funny you should ask that. I was super irriatable the other day--like PMS but not the right time for it. I snapped at my kids all day. My husband gave me a look when I snapped at my daughter for no good reason and it was like holding a mirror up to what I was doing. I didn't like what I "saw" and heard, and wouldn't want anyone else treating my kids that way or treating me that way. Take a piece of string and tie it on your wrist like a bracelet as a reminder. You just have to make a conscious effort to watch what you say and how you treat people. You wouldn't treat strangers that way, or coworkers, or your boss, so you know you are capable of controlling yourself--it's just easy to be comfortable enough to let our emotions take the best of us when we are with our family. Any time you feel yourself about to snap at your loved one or say something you know you will feel bad about later, you have to just be aware of what you are about to do and stop yourself. Take a deep breath, walk away, whatever. I know some people have given you general tips on how to reduce the stress in your life, like going for a walk.... but when you are super stressed and are in the middle of making dinner and your child says or does something irriatating, you can't exactly head to the gym that very second. But you CAN be aware of your own actions and emotions and CHOSE to be kind (or at least be quiet!)

Make sure you are getting enough good (non-junk) food, rest, and exercise. Take walks, now that the weather is nice. It will help relieve stress. Also exercise like yoga or types that emphasize breathing will help...

And if needed, go get counseling. It will definitely help to talk to someone who is neutral and supportive.

T.
Truthfully I would check out my nutrition and find out what I'm lacking. You may be in need of something as simple as a good supplementation. I am with Shaklee and I know that these symptoms do not have to run your life and I also know that I have been there and done that...I won't go on meds...just leads to more meds. Try something natural and find a difference that works for you. Would love to talk with you more. If you're serious...let's talk!
S.

I love to go and work out at the gym. It gives me lots of time to rethink my day and figure out all of the positives that I overlooked.

Crank up the jams and dance with your kids! Nothing makes people feel better than dancing. It's a good, healthy way to work off some steam. Give it a try and see if you don't feel better.

PRAY AND READ MY BIBLE. It helps me to get perspective and get the focus OFF what ever is going on. It ALWAYS helps. Might want to journal and "self discuss" some PRODUCTIVE ways to handle the stress......working out, taking a walk, Yoga, reading, tackling a major project, cleaning, etc. This way, you feel like something got accomplished DESPITE your frustration. It helps relieve stress, too!

You ALSO need to communicate to your family that you are stressed/frustrated or whatever, maybe why and then ask for HELP. If they can help fold laundry, do dishes, etc. it will help you and helps them to take some responsibility

I tell my husband that I need alone time from him and the kids. I get in the car and go window shopping, treat myself to a meal and dessert, opt for a pedicure or anything you feel pampers yourself and then come home relaxed and ready to conquer the world as mommy. Or just working out for an hour, swimming, soaking in the tub and tell hubby and children to let mommy relax and have an complete hour of silence. Hubby tends to the kids and in no time I feel better. Good Luck! Remember taking time for yourself is important because we do not want to take it out on our loved ones.

I know it's cliche, but a hot bath (as hot as I can stand it without it actually hurting) with bubbles, and candles and music and a really juicy novel. A book that is absolute fiction, no self help, no redeeming quality other than to grab my attention and take my focus off of my own stresses and worries. When the water gets cold I heat it back up again. It is the rule in the house (and my husband backs me up on this) that I am unavailable until further notice.

I always feel better afterwards. Much more relaxed, happier, I smell pretty and after doing the lotion thing my skin is smooth. I feel like a female again and not just a mom or a wife but a real live GIRL.

It's like a vacation in my head.