Ok, so first let me say, I know this is going to upset a few people- you have no clue what it was like for me. My MIL and FIL live with my family. My FIL is depressed and doesn't get along with one of my dogs (J). J always barks like crazy when he sees, hears or senses my FIL. But has never hurt or bitten my FIL. (J is a small 15lb dog) So when my FIL comes downstairs (which is rare, because he stays ALL day in bed except to eat- not joking) we put J in the cage and in the office.
Well on Friday, while I was at work and my MIL was watching my baby, I got a phone call that my FIL snuck past my MIL, who was occupied with my son and poured a pot of boiling hot water on J- while defenseless and in the cage. I immediately came home and told my MIL to tell him to get out of the house before I got there because I was going to physically harm him- which I don't need to do because I am 13 weeks pregnant. But I was THAT upset, I don't think I would have been able to control myself.
He is gone- and not coming back. After that, none of us, including my MIL, feel comfortable to live with him. Clearly something is wrong with him and I will have that sort of person around my kids. We have since changed the locks and he will not be coming back.
Now to my question. I am taking my dog to the vet tomorrow because now we can see where the damage was done (before you couldn't tell where the water hit). - which is primarily in his face no less. Do I tell the vet what happened or do I tell them that it was an accident while I was cooking. I in NO way want to cover for my FIL, but at the same time, we are not pressing charges or anything. Clearly I know this is animal cruelty, but I feel having him out of the house is good enough. We don't need to cause any further drama within the family.
Will the vet make us report it, or charge him? If not, I will tell the truth for sure.
I am beside myself that some one could do this to an animal- and to J, who we call "sweet pea" no less.
Thank you all so much. I am going to tell the vet the truth. And you are all very right. I they report it and he gets in trouble, so be it. I do not plan on ever seeing him again for any reason ever. And if for some reason I do, ie: at Christmas or something, I will not even acknowledge his existence. He always made threats to my MIL that he was 'gonna kill dog' (which he never took seriously, obviously) an she always told him that if he did anything to him that he would have to find a new place to live. So I guess he knew what he was getting himself into.
Also just so you all know he has been on pain meds since it happened. He tore his ACL a few months ago and had left over meds from that.
One more thing. I spoke to the vet that day and they said that as long as he was acting fine, there was no need to bring him in. He has thick fur and like I said we couldn't tell where the water hit. I thought it was his backside until I saw the listers develop 2 days ago. I again spoke with the vet today because he has been licking and scratching a lot and I went and picked up a cone for him to wear so that he couldn't scratch and lick. Then when I got home today and saw that he has clearly been doing that all day, is when I called to make an appointment. I have been cleaning him everyday and keeping a very close eye on him.
FIL sounds like he could have early stage Alzheimer or something else. However, the fact that he did it on the sly means he knew he was doing something wrong. Or perhaps he has always had latent tendencies towards other mental illnesses. He definitely needs help. So glad you are going to tell the truth and if anyone is brave enough to step in, they need to help father in law if he will accept it.
What he can do to a dog, he can do to a human. He needs to be psychiatrically evaluated, and placed in the hospital. His actions are abusive, and he is not safe to be around anyone at this time. Where is he now? It's certainly not appropriate to have him out and about in the community. He is clearly a sick man.
As for the Vet, tell him the truth.
I definately believe you need to press charges on FIL. He is a sick man. Hopefully he will be arrested and placed on a psych hold. This ois not something to mess with I believe he is a danger to himself and others and needs to be hospitalized.
I really feel like the truth needs to be told. I think the vet needs to know this was water actually poured over the dog. (An accident would not result in the same damage, I don't think.) If the vet knows the man is out, the locks are changed, and he can't ever come back...I really don't see why they would try to take it further.
Remember, the vet could suspect your story, if you lie. Guess who will be reported...YOU. If you lied once, you will be hard to believe, when you tell about your FIL.
Oh, and the dog barked at him, because he could sense his darkness. Dogs KNOW when a person is dangerous. You've got a good dog there, he was trying to warn your family. I hope the little guy is OK!!
ETA: I wanted to add, that I would personally press charges. Just my opinion, though.
DONT WAIT TILL TOMORROW! Can you imagine the pain that poor dog is in! Find a vet with emergency hours and take him in right away to get him something for his pain. For me it would not be a question or fear that they may report, I would have already reported it myself!!!!! But please don't wait to see the vet, can you imagine if you spilled a pot of boiling water on your face and you had to wait to see a doctor?
Always the truth.
I am so sorry this happened to your dog.
Truth, always the truth. Vets, docs, and cops always know when you are lying.
you are taking the dog to the vet TOMORROW and not today??? Sorry - but if my FIL poured hot water on my dog:
1. my FIL would get hot water poured on him (sorry - but really)
2. my dog would be in my car and on the way to the vet.
3. My FIL would be in a psych ward for an evaluation.
Good for you for kicking him out of the house. I'm sorry this has happened. I would tell the vet the truth. There is nothing to lie about here.
I'm so sorry this happened to your pooch. Please just be truthful. And then love your poor little fella to bits.
:(
The truth shall set you free....Honesty is the best policy...etc...
Just be honest with the vet--tell him exactly what you told us (maybe minus the fact that you threatened to hurt your FIL afterward), and I am sure the vet will believe you. Poor puppy, but good for you for protecting your family, and for your MIL for supporting you.
You report your husband's father and NEVER let him near your children or your home again. If he's sick, he doesn't need to be around children or animals...If he's just a mean SOB same thing....either way, he still needs help.
I'm so sorry and sad about what happened to your pet.
Again, don't cover up for an abuser....it won't help anyone.
I think you better stick with the truth on this. You wouldn't want the Vet reporting you for cruelty to animals. There are witnesses. You have taken appropriate safety measures. You did not do this to you dog. You FIL with dementia did so. The Vet will understand.
Sorry.
#1. Tell the vet the truth, including that you immediately had this person move out, that he will not be back and that you believe him to be mentally ill
#2. The vet probably does have to report animal cruelty, but those consequences are for your FIL to work out. Honesty is always the best policy.
#3. There is no way on God's green earth I would let this "man" near my children or pets ever again
I very much agree that if he would attack an animal, he may also harm a child and should never be allowed around your children at all. I would be honest with the vet. I would not lie. The vet could report YOU if you lie and he doesn't believe you. Any trouble FIL gets into he's earned.
I'd report it, honestly, to spare someone else. Sadly most animal cruelty gets a slap on the wrist. But further, you may need this reported (even if you do not press charges) because MIL may need it in court some day or you may need it if he doesn't stay away and you need a restraining order or something. I'd go a step further and inform all daycares/schools that FIL is NOT allowed to pick up your children. I would refuse to even be around him at Christmas.
Being angry at a dog is one thing. Trying to maim him in a crate is just heinous.
Tell the truth. That your FIL is obviously more demented that any of you realized and intentionally hurt the dog. The Vet should know the truth in order to treat the dog. Also, you may want to consider filing charges against him.
It sounds like there is something seriously askew in the man's brain that needs immediate treatment - before he hurts a family member.
Ummm your dog has gone without treatment for almost a week? He should have been at a vet THAT DAY!!! Just because he is on pain meds doesn't mean he's not hurting...boiling water probally left a pretty nasty burn. Would you go a week with a burn like that?
i feel bad for the dog, and also for you! THANK YOU for saying that FIL is gone and not coming back. you did the right thing.
i would just say you were not home and someone you didn't ever think would, abused him. if they ask, tell them. it's not your fault. and unfortunately you'll have to let the chips fall where they may, as Veronica put it.
you certainly don't want to lie about it. you know those wives who lie to cover for their abusive husbands...what if they could tell it was a lie? then it would be worse for you.
To be honest, I would be compelled to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. How do your MiL and DH feel about it?
Poor J!!!! And poor you.
Tell the vet what happened. No need to make excuses or an elaborate story or anything. Just say what your FIL did because it is the truth and because the vet will best be able to evaluate J if he/she knows how the injuries occurred.
Truth, truth, truth. And press charges. Maybe that will help your FIL get the help he so obviously needs. But if it were me, I would never see him again either. I know that seems harsh, but my BIL killed his dog 5 years ago through his own actions and we've never talked to him/seen him/acknowledged him since.
A serious burn could cause an infection. Why are you waiting until tomorrow?
Sweetie, I am so sorry. Something is terribly wrong with your FIL. To be honest, I would be so worried for your MIL to be going with him. What might he do to her?
I really think that you need to tell the vet. The police need to know as well because he might need to be put on a psych hold to determine if he might hurt his wife or himself. If you don't let the professionals know what he has done, he might do something terrible, and can you imagine how you would feel if you hadn't warned the authorities in advance about what happened with the dog?
Please do it. This is a cry for help from your FIL. You might think you are doing right by "not pressing charges", but if he hurts someone, and you didn't tell the truth, you could actually have someone sue you for covering for him. You certainly don't want that.
If people in the family cry foul for you telling what happened, you remind them of what might happen to your MIL and tell them that when he pours boiling water on one of their children, THEN they can come and fuss at you. They'll shut up quick!
Hugs~
Dawn
Tell the vet and if the vet files charges, follow through. Your FIL has obvious problems that need to be addressed. He has crossed the line from depressed into cruel and dangerous. What if that had been one of your children that he had been upset with? He is becoming a danger. You would be in now way "causing" any further drama. HE is causing it by his actions.
I would call the police. Your FIL obviously needs some services... this is a way to get the ball rolling. Someone who snaps like that - he could be a danger to himself or others.
Please report the incident to the police!
Good luck.
I am so sorry you are going through this! I can't imagine someone doing that to a defenseless creature. Your FIL needs to be committed and evaluated ASAP. No normal person behaves in this manner.
I can only imagine how your husband and MIL are feeling. Tell the vet the truth. Whatever consequences happen, happen. If he reports it to the police then so be it. I understand that you don't want additional family drama but sometimes natural consequences cannot be avoided.
Keeping you and your family and "sweet pea" in my thoughts.
You tell the vet the TRUTH. THIS MAN NEEDS TO BE PROSECUTED. Sorry for the caps, but please don't protect him. He abused your dog horribly and that is soooooo wrong!!!!! Please don't tell them it was a cooking accident---the vet will see right through you and you aren't doing any justice for your dog. Your vet needs to know exactly what happened so they can help your dog. Yes, the police should be involved. Its not your job to decide what kind of punishment your FIL gets--but this is so extreme and horrendous that he has to be prosecuted. What if this was your baby or had splashed on your baby because he was so out of control????Would you still not prosecute or tell the truth? Please report this and press charges. I can't see any reason in your right mind why you wouldn't prosecute. The family will have drama anyways---please do the right thing.
What an awful situation. Your husband and your MIL must take the lead in getting him evaluated, by force if necessary. He has 2 medical conditions that you mentioned. He could be having a psychotic type reaction from the pain meds. Or he could be battling a severe depression, which often follows a traumatic surgical event for a senior, which may need its own medical/psychological treatment. Or he could be showing the onset of dementia or another neurological condition. Or it could be all three at once!
He doesn't need to come back to live with you, but your husbands family has a moral duty to attempt to get him some help. Because this man lived with you, your MIL and husband are best suited to describe his behaviors to medical officials and their impact on him and on others. If he won't do it, a sibling must. Bear in mind, your MIL may feel like she has torn loyalties in all of this. She'll probably need a little extra support.
Wishing your family (including your dog) all the best!
Tell the truth - no cover-ups. Your vet needs to know it in order to care for your dog properly. Explain the whole thing. The vet will know what, if anything, will need to be reported. It depends on the regulations of your state. I'm glad you're taking the doggie in to the office. Talk to him/her about how to help your dog's emotions as well as his anatomy as a result of this event; there will be some emotional wounds sooner or later.
One of my concerns is what FIL might do next - to another animal or to a person. You may not want to press charges, but he may well need an evaluation by professionals. That isn't the same thing as pressing charges, and you don't need to feel guilty if it must happen.
I'm so sorry that this happened to your "sweet pea." How very very upsetting and disturbing.
I'm glad to see that you're going to tell the truth to the vet. If the vet calls the police and he, FIL, is arrested it may put your mind at ease a little that he's not going to go crazy and hurt you or your family due to his delicate mental state.
I hope your little pup, J, is better quickly. So so so sorry this is happening to your family.
omg. omg. your poor little dog.
i'm so glad your clearly insane FIL is out.
i think you're handling it exactly right.
damn.
{{{{{{}}}}}
khairete
S.
The vet needs to know for documentation and so he knows how to handle the dog. The dog is going to react very different now that he was heavily abused. This way the doctor can sort of predict behaviors in the dog that may cause problems there like someone walking by with something that looks like a pot and the dog running away. You need if for documentation incase your FIL does come back and does something else. Abusers can put on a really good show at being sorry and don't forget your MIL is still there, so he has to come back for her. I remember my sister, who worked in a vet's office, telling me that animal abusers eventually turn into people abusers. So be careful.
You tell the truth. There was no concioust intent to hurt the dog due to your FIL's illness. He is mentally unstable and that's all you have to tell the vet.
Tell the vet the truth. And tell him that the FIL is GONE and won't be near the dog again. If you LIE it could cause bigger trouble.
