What to Do About Second Grader Behavior

I have a hard time believing that the teacher is providing SO much candy/pop/treats, that it is having hours of evening impact on his life (and yours). If it is really this extreme and this often, I think something else is going on.

Two of our kids cannot tolerate sugar or caffeine so I get that you want that to stop - and I agree that teachers shouldn't just hand out treats daily arbitrarily. What we did was brought in a box of Oriental Trading "treats" to the teacher to hand out in lieu of candy. It didn't cost me a fortune and I brought enough for her to give to the WHOLE class instead of candy - so my kids weren't being singled out. We did a lot of fun pencils, little spinner tops, erasers, etc. The teacher was happy to have something else to "bribe" kids with and not have to pay out of her own pocket, and I was happy to have the sugar madness stop.

I disagree that he can't "help" his own actions - that is just giving him the idea that he has no accountability for what he is doing (and in fact, you are already shifting the blame to the teacher, to sugar, to corn syrup, everything but your son). 8 and 9 yr olds are old enough to be given consequences and understand why. I would try a 1.2.3 magic method for at least 30 days to see if there is any improvement.

Finally, why don't you volunteer once or twice a week for a few weeks in his classroom. See if there is a bully situation or some other trigger as to why this behavior came out just this year.

This is more than a sugar rush. Yes, that's WAY too much candy, and I would for sure address that with the school. And soda, at school?! That sounds REALLY off.
Even so, second grade is harder, there's more sitting still and higher expectations. He probably comes home completely wound up just from being in class all day. Putting him in karate or tae kwan do to work off some of that extra energy and improve focus could help, but those are expensive and time consuming activities and may not be a possibility for you.
The bottom line is he is too old to be throwing fits. I simply wouldn't put up with that. I'm actually very concerned when I see a child much past toddler age who hits and kicks and screams at his own mother. And destroys things. That is NOT sugar. I think you need to seek help NOW. If the school has a counselor or psychologist start there. Or ask your pediatrician for a referral. He's only going to get older, bigger and stronger and then what are you going to do?

ETA: after reading your SWH, I too feel that this is less a "sugar" response than perhaps a behavioral issue. And again, it may tie in with the teacher's methods. The teacher may be rewarding classwork or good behavior with treats. And your child may be reacting to NOT being given treats for basic good behavior at home.

A good way to stop tantrums is to ignore them completely. Or when they start, stop whatever fun thing is happening (the park, a little league game, McDonalds, or reading time with mom or dad) and call an immediate cease-fire to any interaction with your child. This means eye-contact, scolding, talking, teaching, yelling, or even showing frustration on your face. Then when the tantrum stops, even if it's just for a moment, you make eye contact, you say something pleasant like "I hope it's nice weather tomorrow" or "I think the spaghetti sauce that I made for dinner tastes really good" and you interact. If your son destroys property, he loses property (his own). But not with screaming and scolding - with cold common sense. "You ripped up your sister's drawing so you will lose all your crayons and books." "You threw your Batman bedspread and things from your room all over the place, so now you will have a plain blanket tonight, and I will remove all of your toys and belongings from your room. You may have a mattress on the floor and a blanket. That's all." Say it calmly and quietly. And DO IT. And then tell him how he must behave in order to earn things back. Make each punishment fit each crime. Don't tell him to go to his room and read if he has kicked and punched you when you read. Tell him to sit or lie on his plain mattress with no books and no story time at all.

Teaching and managing behavior starts at home. There will always be someone who goes against our preferences (grandma who lets them eat cookies, a babysitter who gives them too much time on the computer, a teacher who rewards with candy...) but those are just obstacles, not the root cause. I still think this teacher's methods are really weak, but it doesn't sound like she's 100% of the issue.

Original answer:

Wow. That's just so unacceptable! (On the teacher's part, not your child, I mean). This teacher is actually handing out soda and candy in class? And watching youtube? I'd be furious.

Have you gone above the teacher's head? Does the principal know that the second grade is being taught by youtube and a Party Queen? Does the school board or superintendent?

Even worse, I feel, than handing out soda is the message that the kids are getting, about school and learning. This Party Queen is potentially telling the kids that learning and education happen where party beverages are consumed, where candy rewards are the norm. Of course his behavior reflects that at home. You tell him it's time for bed, or time to feed the cat, but you don't do it with a can of Pepsi and a handful of gummy bears. You tell him that simply because it's the right thing to do. But now he knows that soda and cookies taste good, and that's how you get things done in class, so why not try it at home?

I would speak to the principal, since you've already done the proper thing and talked to the teacher directly. I'd talk to the school board. Do any other parents have similar problems?

I would also ask your son's pediatrician to write a strictly worded letter, giving doctor's orders that your son is NOT to consume any beverages at school other than milk or juice at lunch that are provided by the cafeteria, or water, etc, that you send with his lunch or snack, whatever the situation may be. And include candy in that letter, too.

Yes, I realize that this might mean that your son will be the only one in 2nd grade that doesn't get a soda or a candy treat. But his health and well-being, and that of your family and home, are more important. Try telling your son that the soda and sugar are bad for his health, and that by drinking low-fat milk, or white grape juice, or water will help him to grow strong and healthy.

I'm sorry, but your child is acting this way bc you refuse to hold him accountable for his actions. You blame his teacher, sugar, etc. When he snuck out of his room in August, was that his teachers fault too? Either your child has a mental/behavioral problem, or more likely, HE needs to be held accountable for HIS choices. I don't think your child suddenly developed a condition the second week of second grade. He may very well have learned some new tricks from his peers, and be paired with a more permissive teacher, but that still goes back to you as a parent holding him accountable for his choices. I don't see how you can even begin to blame bedtime violence on candy 5 hours earlier - that's just ridiculous. 4 pops in 2 months made your kid a violent out of control rage-a-holic? You've def got a problem on your hands, I'd suggest you focus on your child rather than his teacher. Tell him no more candy, he's not 3, I can't imagine she's shoving it forcefully down his throat. Speak to the teacher AND principal(why you haven't don't this already is beyond me)... and get into his pediatrician and a behavioral therapist. In the meantime, I'd quit giving him a pass on his behavior. He needs an immediate, predictable consequence for ALL his naughty deeds - no matter how inconvenient that may be for you(leaving a bday party, grocery store, etc). Good luck.

I find the candy/treats thing at your school so strange - at our school, there's none. If there's a special day at our school, we have to send our own treats in - whatever we feel we want our kids to have. So if it is movie day, we have to send in our own popcorn for example.

You tube - our kids watch educational videos (there's a math guy that comes to mind) during computer lab. Otherwise, no. The links are up for the parents to check out and watch with our kids.

As for my kids being hyper or needing to get that energy out once home from school - outside they go, sports, activities, trampoline, park, bikes, etc. When they were very small, they would come home and do homework and reading right away with snack. Once they hit a certain age, they had to blow off energy or else it was just painful. So maybe switch up the order he does things. Wear him out first.

Same for bedtime. My kids had to go run after our evening meal. One of my boys had to shoot hoops forever. You could hear him bounce that ball against the house. Only after he'd exhausted himself could he come in, and crash to go to sleep.

For some kids, getting that energy out goes hand in hand with being able to concentrate and their moods. None of mine have ADHD. However, if they sit all afternoon in class and don't get out or do gym - they can be little terrors by end of the day. Throw in sugar ...

If you keep track of behavior during break and it seems to show pretty clearly that he does behave better, I think you might need to go to the teacher again. I know that our teachers use candy (like one or two pez pieces or a dum dum - once in awhile!) among their rewards, but it is very rare and really a reward. What you are describing sounds like a daily thing. If, if, if, you feel this is truly the case, you need to talk to the teacher again.

You might also speak with your pediatrician about it. It sounds like his reaction is more severe than some, and your doctor might be willing to write a letter to the teacher saying that your son cannot have those types of rewards. Your probably can't say he's "allergic," but the doctor might be able to write it in such a way that she takes it seriously. If you don't get anywhere with the teacher, talk to the principal. There really should be a way for you to limit this at school.

I would be very hesitant to punish your son over this (especially if it is a result of things that happen at school). He has no control over it. Yes it's important to teach him how to behave, but this is just too far beyond his control. It's expecting too much of a 7 year old.

Heidi made some really good points about caffeine and kids with ADHD. But keep in mind, ADHD is a neurological condition, where the brain is wired differently. Caffeine (and stimulants - which is what many ADHD meds are), help the brain waves react differently and more in tuned with society. If his challenges are truly caused by sugar and caffeine and high fructose corn syrup, then it's not ADHD and caffeine is probably not going to help.

Take notes about his food intake, sleep patterns and behavior before break and during break and call your doctor. Make sure your doctor agrees with your conclusions before talking to the teacher. And if your doctor disagrees, find out why and discuss what to do next.

I think it's great you are trying to deal with his hyperness as naturally. Our son is very hyper but has gotten better as he's gotten older. I am not sure what you do for punishment when he does act out. I am a firm believer in spanking is they are way out of control like that. I know not everyone is and that's a personal choice for each parent to make for themselves. Have you tried caffeine? When my son was younger we would give him caffeine and it would mellow him out. He drank mountain dew one night at a restaurant and everyone was telling us he's going to bounce off the walls. NOPE he fell asleep while sitting at the restaurant waiting for us to finish. If he get's Sprite he bounces off the walls. I know you said you try to keep the corn syrup out of him so you could do coffee. Not sure if you would be willing to try that and see how he does. We saw a big difference. The caffeine is a upper just like ADHD meds without the bad long lasting side effects. His Dr told us that if it works it's so much better than meds.
I would go to the principal if the teacher is not listening about the sugar that you have requested him not to have.

Good Luck!

When my kids got home, if they seemed hyper, I made them run around the exterior perimeter of our house 10 times before they were allowed in - rain or shine.
That got rid of the excess energy. I’d give them a healthy snack and they’d start their homework. We had rules. We did not bend those uses. If you can’t behave, you sit in time out. End of subject.

well, the sugar can't be helping. i'm rather appalled that any school is allowing a teacher to give out candy to this degree. i would escalate this particular matter to the principal and beyond if necessary.

but i've been around sugar-zoomed kids, and i think you're putting too much emphasis on what happens at school and not enough on what else is the underlying cause. it's unlikely that too much sugar in the afternoon is causing bedtime meltdowns, screaming and hitting and outright destruction.

i get that it's way more comforting to have an outside cause to blame, but methinks you need to consider that there's more going on. the behavior you're describing is extreme and unacceptable. waiting until the end of the school year and hoping a teacher change will solve it is magical thinking.

your initial strategy of 'not even bothering' is a great place to start, but if it's the only tool in your toolbox it's become an avoidance strategy on your part. for a tantrum that's fine, but if he's actually destroying things, refusing to do his homework regularly, screaming, shoving, and bruising you, you've got to strap on your breastplate and do some heavy lifting. this is a child on track for more serious problems.

a trip to the pediatrician is a great place to start. taking a hard look at your dietary habits is another, and this is where taking a hard line against the teacher jamming him full of sugar comes into play. you and your husband have got to devise coping strategies that are uniform and reliable, and use them every time. accepting responsibility for his behavior is something that is his first and yours and your husband's next. this isn't the school's fault, nor can they fix it for you.

if all else fails, you may need a professional to help you delve into what's behind this.

good luck.
khairete
S.

ETA: I just read your SWH. You're talking about 4 cans of pop in 4 months? I thought you were talking about something nearly every day! So no, 4 cans of soda are not causing this problem! If he's coming home with candy every day and you are positive it's from the teacher and not something he's getting on the bus or trading something for, then that's still worth addressing with the school. And he does need to stop tantrums at this age - even if he's eating candy, that's not making him kick you.

Original answer: I’m astounded by this teaching “strategy.” Feeding kids candy and soda all day long – or even once every day - is a ridiculous educational strategy and a poor form of classroom management. I can’t imagine how much this is costing the teacher out of her pocket – because I’m sure it’s not in the classroom budget. Does she have medical clearances on every child in the class, screening kids for diabetes, pre-diabetes and obesity? Dental problems? I’m guessing the answer is “no.”

Kids learn in different ways, so using movies might be a good tool to help visual learners who can’t follow a story the way an auditory learner does. Games are fine IF there’s an educational component to them, and kinesthetic learners will do better if they use their hands or move around, rather than just sitting at a desk doing worksheets. Having some incentives like a sticker chart can be motivators and a way for kids to track their own behavioral progress, but daily food is a terrible idea.

Kids are notoriously poor reporters of what goes on, though, so you can’t take a child’s word for it. “We watched Youtube videos all day” could mean that they watched something the teacher accessed via computer, and the kid just used that label, neglecting to tell you that they also read a book, worked at the science station, did some cursive writing, had art class and saw the music teacher. You know the classic answer to “What did you do in school today?” is “Recess,” right? So you have some investigating to do. So please allow for the fact that your child may not be a reliable reporter at all.

Also, it’s totally unprofessional for the kindergarten teacher to discuss a colleague with you, let alone use the term “Party Queen.” So either there’s some antipathy between them and the K teacher has no qualms about making the 2nd grade teacher look bad, OR this situation has been reported to the principal before and nothing was done about it. So tread carefully here.

Since you’ve talked to the teacher about cutting out the sugar (regardless, frankly, of your child’s behavior), the next step is the principal. Without saying the “Party Queen” line or mentioning the conversation with another teacher, tell the principal you are hearing reports from your child and you want to know what’s really going on. You can say there are sudden changes in his behaviors as well. You should also make it clear that you went to the teacher first, and relate what happened (and what didn’t happen) in that discussion. If you have emails supporting your point of view and the dates involved, even better. The principal can easily visit the classroom to see if there’s a big supply of these products in the classroom. The principal can also check the browser history on the computer to see if there’s a huge list of Youtube videos. Principals and school psychologists can certainly observe your child to see when his behavior starts to go off the rails during the class day.

I’m not sure I would wait until vacation to raise this issue. Allowing for some sort of partying on the last day before a vacation, I think it’s important to get someone in that classroom sooner rather than later. Your plans to log his eating and behaviors during the vacation are good but they won’t tell you everything.

Otherwise, I agree with you not to reward bad behavior. If there’s screaming or kicking, then no, you don’t sit there for that. You can consider lying down with him to read but getting up and leaving if there is kicking. Yes, it’s exhausting for you, but it does give him a chance each night to behave well, and then associate the loss of your attention with the action he just engaged in. If he’s having anxiety or some other issue, you can always look into counseling to help you with reasonable behavior management techniques. I don’t believe in spanking at all, because I think it teaches kids that big people can hit little people, and that’s a negative message. Spanking is something that parents do when they themselves are so frustrated that they can’t find the words – and that’s the problem you are facing with him to begin with.

But do get a handle on the sugar with a respectful and open-ended discussion with the principal.