My boyfriend is currently in a induced coma stuck on a ventilator. when we first got together he warned me that his sisters were some humdingers. since he has been sick they have tried to take his daughter from, tried to turn his daughter against me. her mother went and picked her up and brought her right back to me because she said she knows that he would want their daughter here with me. And that she fully trusted me with her daughter(mind you me & her were at BIG ODDS with each other before my boyfriend got sick) but she admitted that SHE would rather her daughter with me then his family. But since he has been ill( last tuesday) his family has basically tried to shut me out. I have 1 sister thinking i should be up there with him 24/7 and another that told me to my face"your nobody and nothing, we're his family!" and his mother is stuck in the middle. But because the "your nobody" sister went to visit her and kept trying wake him up and talk to him and dthe nurse got tired of telling him that he needs to rest and be left alone. his mother won't let anyone visit and now i cna't even call and check on him. but my boyfried and i signed papers stating that all medical information could be realeased to me. his mother is next-of kin but does she override my papers we signed before the surgery? I am at a lost. and i am pissed that they would shut me out. we live together share everything together. and none of these"family members" are going to be running to help nurse him back to health when he comes home!
My BF came off the ventilator today just fine!!! THANK GOD!!!!. I decided not to worry about the paper we signed because i felt that it would just rock the boat even more then it was already rocking. but when he is up and running i will be letting him know what his family did. thank you ladies for your comments and prayers!!!!
Hopefully he will pull through this crisis and come home and be fine. When he does, you might want to see about visiting the justice of the peace and have a simple civil wedding. People say they don't need a piece of paper, but in the situation you are in now, it's worth it's weight in gold. It gives you power and rights that his other family members can't override.
This is a tough one, but even though you share a relationship with your boyfriend and he signed medical papers for info to be released to you, based on his current situation/condition, you are not legally binded to him to make decisions on his behalf. You are pretty much stuck in the middle of your heart and the technical issue here. I would try not to fight with his family per se, it is their right by blood, no matter what the relationship he has with his sisters or even if his M. thinks you're the world. That is just emotions and feelings, your heart and love for him, playing it's part. Legally if you had been married, that would be a different matter. So for now, I would just do the best you can as a caring girlfriend and leave the medical issues to the family. You have access to how he is doing and you can always visit him, but unless there was something in writing legally, not sure there's much you can do.
I would call the hospital director to see what rights you have as far as the paperwork you signed. I'd also take a deep breath and just let the family do what they want. Becasue your BF will be released and go home with YOU. And after he is well you can tell him what happened and he can deal with his family. You just keep your mind on him, his daughter and you and give the lunatics aka his family a wide birth.
Even if the staff won't let you be in the room with him, you can still go there every day to get the updates and watch him through the window. As long as you are calm (ish) the staff won't interfere.
Bring your papers with you each time you go. It's not your job not to upset your quasi-SILs.
Remember... the staff goes off of paperwork. The papers you signed might not be readily available to the nurse on the phone, but a big red NO VISITORS via next of kin will be. They're just trying to be ethical. So take your papers to prove you have the legal right, smile, and don't make a scene (if they deny you, even with your paperwork, ask to speak to the Hospital Administrator in charge, but be firm rather than dramatic until you get into the office... and then STILL, the calmer and more determined you are, the more headway you'll get). As you become the "calm & sane one" in the nurses' minds... the more freedom & kindness you'll get.
Bring your papers with you and call the house supervisor at the hospital.
My heart goes out to you! My father was in a coma for 32 days. He had simple surgery, something went wrong and he basically became brain dead in a coma. My father was re-married, so my step mother was his next of kin. She called all the shots. Me and my sisters had to sit by helpless. We had no legal rights to make any medical decisions for him. It didn't seem right. We were his children, we had known him longer than his new wife. We knew better than she did what my father would have wanted. But, unfortunately, as unfair as it is, that was the law. There was nothing we could do. It is heartbreaking to sit by and have no control while someone else makes the decisions for your loved one. I know the pain you are in. Unfortunately, my step mother signed the papers to shut the life support off and my father died. Luckily, it sounds like your BF will be ok, and come home with you. I pray that happens. There is nothing you can do in the meantime. Just go visit him when you can. Take excellent care of his daughter, and pray he comes home quick. Do what you know he would want you to do. This will all be over soon and you will be able to tell him how his family acted and treated you. Maybe then you two can get married, or have papers drawn up to prevent anything like this from happening again.
Just stay away from his sisters. Concentrate on his little girl, and pray for a quick homecoming. I will pray for him too! Hang in there. Things always get worse before they get better, so hopefully this is the worst of it and better things are on the horizon. Best of luck to you and your BF.
Unfortunately without being married you don't have the next of kin rights. What papers did you sign at the hospital, did they just give you permission to know what's going on with him, or did they also exclude his family from making decisions and knowing what's going on. If they just include you in the information then the rest of the family will have a say in his care and you'll just be one of many of them in the decision making process. Talk to a patient representative or social worker at the hospital to figure out how this all is.
About his daughter, unless he's given you permission (legal paperwork) to raise his daughter at the exclusion of his family, it doesn't matter that he wants you to and her mom agrees, the courts will go with the family on this one, unless you could prove neglect on their part. Again speak with the social worker at the hospital about this one, they can give you the best advise.
Sorry this is such a mess! Best wishes!
If you have legal papers stating that medical records & information can be released to you, then you should be able to get information at any time - you just have to bring those papers to the hospital so they have them on file. There is, however, a difference between getting information, and making decisions regarding his treatment. The hospital should have someone that can review the papers with you and help you with what you can and cannot do regarding his treatment. Unfortunately, that won't help you with the family issue - and it's unfortunate that they would cause more drama with their son right now, so just hang in there. Hopefully once you produce those papers and they are forced to deal with you as well, things may get a little better.
sounds like his family is too much.. i would check with the hospital administration about all this because they can tell you who trumps whom and if you are on top, you can have them all only over during visiting hours and you can spend your time with him freely... and if the girl's mom is on your side you may have a case within the family courts to deal with that (assuming they share custody)
you need to ask a lawyer but pretty sure you have every right as his mom to be there good luck and stand your ground girl!!!
