What's the Proper Etiquette for Hand Me Downs?

I would tell the ones that are upset to come and get the stuff they gave if they want it back and sell what's not picked up. Welcome to Mamapedia

Wow, so they gave you stuff, you've stored it all this time, now they expect YOU to sell it and give them the money?
I'd tell them look, I'm putting it all out there, anything you want back you can come pick it up and keep it or sell it or do whatever you want.
Let them know if they don't pick it up before the yard sale you will be donating the items' profits to the cheer team.
I can't believe people can be so stingy, selfish and ungenerous :-(

Offer to give back what was given to you. Tell them to pick it up by X date or you will be getting rid of it. It is absolutely ridiculous to expect you to sell their old items and for you to give them the cash from the sale.

(When they gave it to you, did they ever tell you they wanted back? When I give something away, the person I gave it to is the owner and can do with the item whatever they see fit.)

I often sell hand me downs when I am done with them, but for bigger items I will usually check with the person who gave them to me first. "We no longer have use for the table you gave us. I was planning on donating it to the cheer team fundraising sale, unless you wanted it back?"

ETA: I know oftentimes when items are handed down from family the intention is for that item to stay in the family. For instance, I have antiques that were handed down from my grandparents to my parents. They have been passed around between my siblings and I. I would not sell them without first offering them to my siblings, nieces or nephews.

If your family really wants their junk back, tell them to pick it up this weekend and anything not picked up will be donated to the yard sale. Normal people wouldn't expect this, but they've already shown by their reaction that they're not being normal so go ahead and let them do the work of coming to retrieve their belongings by a certain date.

If you know who gave you the item it won't hurt to just double check that they don't want it back. I usually never give away anything I would want back, but not everyone is the same, and it can depend on the item. For example I gave my glider rocker to my friend when she was having twins. My boys were older and no longer nursing so I didn't need it. But I was so thankful when, after no longer needing it herself, she called me and asked before taking it to the thrift shop because I found that I actually regretted giving it away and I was thrilled to get it back. I wouldn't worry about it for small items, but anything large or more expensive I would just give a quick curtesy call, and if they want the items back tell them they have until donation day to come and get them, otherwise they go to the fund raiser.

I agree that your family members are being ridiculous! When you are dealing with the ridiculous and unreasonable, you have to be very clear.

Here is what you do: You tell them that you will NOT be selling items for them, and that THEY must come and pick up the items they want back by ______(give them a FIRM date). Any items not picked up by that date will be DONATED to the cheer team yardsale. That means if they don't pick them up by the specified date, the items will be sold as part of the cheer team yard sale with ALL profits going to the cheer team. Make it clear that there are no exceptions to this.

I find it appalling that they wanted these hand me downs back after GIVING them to you.
That they really expected you to give them money out of the cheer team fundraiser profits? Truly unbelievable.

ETA: DO NOT give them the option of creating a booth/table to sell their "reclaimed" items at the cheer team fundraiser as someone here suggested. Really? What if other families did this? There would be no profits for the cheer team. It's a fundraiser! If your family wants to take back and sell the items they gave you, they can do all the work to prepare the items, advertise, set up, and hold the sale on their own time!

Whoa! Wow! Why they think it's your job to do all this work of selling and then give them the money is beyond me! That's some gaul...

You tell your family too much, G.. Time to stop giving them so much info. They are ridiculous.

When you give clothes, gifts, food, WHATEVER to family or friends, it is theirs to do with what they please. Same thing when they give it to you. Don't let them start this stuff with you. It will never stop if you don't say no to them now.

I would give them their items back. If they want to sell them, then they can go to the work of setting up a yard sale, pricing, advertising, and actually getting people to buy the stuff. It is not your job to sell their old stuff for them.

ETA: Technically, sure, it's your stuff to donate to the cheer sale. But people gave me baby stuff and when my kids were big enough that I didn't need it anymore, I offered it back to the giver before I sold it in a yard sale. Clothes - no. But bigger gear like the stroller - it just seemed like the right thing to do. In your case, I would put furniture into the similar "bigger stuff" category. I would have offered the items back before donating them.

Just let your family know if they want anything back that you are selling in the fundraising sale to come over on x day to pick up what they want. I think it is silly for someone to get upset over that. My mom has gotten upset with me when I got rid of something she gave me that I no longer use. I didn't realize I was supposed to keep it forever or hand it down to another family member. Now that I know she feels this way I ask her if she wants anything back before getting rid of it. She places sentimental value on everything. Luckily she is the only family member that is like this.

Your husband is right.
When they gave the stuff to you - it became yours to do with what ever you want.
They do NOT get a say in what ever you do with it.
You sell it and keep the cash and donate it to the cheer team.
If your relatives want money from the sale of 'their' belongings I'd think about sending them a bill for storing the stuff for them all these years.
If your family is going to be like this, then don't tell them anything about yard sales till after the fact.

You will not be getting money for those items. You are helping the Cheer Team get money. Perhaps your family would be less upset if you told them how the Cheer Team will use the money. You will not get any money nor will they. I don't understand why they think you're getting money. Actually, I don't understand their attitude at all.

I think you sell and donate the money to the cheer team.

Didn't they give you these items? They are no longer theirs.

If it's going to cause huge problems though - if you feel this is just going to create a saga (if your family is like that) then pack it all up and give it back to them and be done with storing it.

My mom sends me stuff from her house to sell all the time - she doesn't want the hassle and just wants it gone. But a lot of it is worth money.

My sister's in-laws bought a bed for her and her husband years ago. They bought a new bed last spring and were required to return the used bed! I was SHOCKED. It was a flat out GIFT and his parents wanted the bed back. When he loaded the bed and brought it to them, she said never mind. HA! I would have left it in her driveway.

If you have had it that long, it's yours. I'd sell it and not give them the money.

If I am understanding correctly, some of your family members want you to give them money if you sell what they gave you years ago? I wouldn't.

If this is going to cause an ongoing issue, give then a deadline to come pick up the stuff if they want it back. Make it clear that the sale proceeds go to the cheer team and you will not be giving anyone cash.

A gift is a gift. A hand-me-down is a gift unless there are precise terms set like, "I'm lending you this for Susie to wear, but when she's done with it, if it's still in wearable condition, I'd like it back when my Ashley is that size." And that ONLY applies to a hand-me-down, something the giver actually owned and used. If they buy a new gift and give it to you, it's yours to do with as you wish. And most gifts/hand-me-downs for kids don't necessarily survive to be passed on a second time.

So your family wants you to go to the trouble and work of a large group yard sale (advertising it, setting it up, getting the stuff there) but then they want to take the money out of the hands of the cheer team? Guess you didn't see all the strings attached to those gifts, did you?

I'm not sure how your family all found out about this sale business. I would suggest an email to those who LENT you things, saying the girls are done with them and they are having a fundraiser, if you want your LENT items back, come get them in the garage by X date. If anything was a possible family heirloom, perhaps something that was in Grandma's house for years and has sentimental value to someone (even if there's no commercial or resale value), I'd offer that up. I wouldn't list specifics, I'd just say there's a great cause that can benefit your kids and others, and you don't want to inadvertently donate something that's important to a family member. I wouldn't even bother with things that were new and clearly a gift. If anyone brings that up, it's up to you to decide if you can "find" that particular item to give it back to them. Otherwise, I'd be vague - I wouldn't list what you have, just say there is a storage unit full of things. Period.

Call them up and tell them that if they want the stuff back to come and get it. Tell them that all the money is going to the fundraising cause, so if they don't want to donate the stuff, you can't store it anymore... give them a deadline and tell them that anything left will go to the cause.
I don't accept items from my dh's family anymore..they usually want it back and frankly it's too much of a hassle to keep track of everything. Plus, I can't guarantee what condition it will be in when returned... so I just don't take it.
I actually find a lot of good deals on Craigslist or at yard sales I go to.

If you put in the time and energy to clean and sell something, the money is yours (for you or the for cheer team). If a family member does not want you to sell something, give the item back - at least it won't take up storage space in your house.

One idea: invite your family over for lunch one day before the cheer sale, to view all of the items you are planning to donate, and give them that moment to take anything they want AND ask them to bring anything from their homes that they could donate! Could be a fun way to make everyone happy and get some extra stuff for the cheer sale.

Oh my word, they want the money for what you sell. How nit picky.

If they are this nit picky, I would tell them they can come pick up whatever they gave me by a certain date and if it is not picked up, it goes into the garage sale.

I've never heard of people wanting money for hand me downs. Once someone give you something it is yours to do with as you please.

I have some things from my grandparents that were handed down over time (cast iron, art, etc) but those are special items and if I ever decide to get rid of them, they will go to my daughter or whomever in the family that might want to keep them in the family.

It most certainly is ridiculous for them to ask for payment. If in the future your family gives you gifts that don't compliment your taste, it may be safer for you to say 'no' thank you.' You're attempting to raise money for your daughter. Ask yourself why your family would rather profit off this event than to see it go to your daughter's team. Thats pretty selfish. The other thing you can do too is to allow them to have their items back. But I honestly don't think that'll bring them enough satisfaction.

If they want them back, give them back. I would never ask for a gift back, but obviously they would. If they want money, they can sell them. I would not go through the work of selling them and then handing over the money-that's ridiculous of them to expect that!

This is nuts. Technically they gifted it to you and therefore it is yours and you get to decide what to do with it, even if that means throwing it out. However, in the vein of not causing a huge family mess I would put all the stuff you plan on selling in some bags/boxes/etc. Tell your family they have one day to come and get the stuff they want and the rest you are donating to the sale. Do not give anyone any money, that's just silly. If they want it, let them come and get it, you're getting rid of it anyway and they are family. I wouldn't make a big deal about it and I wouldn't constantly remind them to come get stuff they want. Put it out there and move on!

I have done a variety of different things with hand me downs. As for clothes, some, I have handed down to someone else. Others I have donated to goodwill or local organization.

When I have something bigger that I received as a hand me down and no longer need, like a stroller or bike or infant swing, I typically ask the person that gave it to me if they want it back. If they say no and give me permission to sell it, I usually do give them the money. I personally feel guilty selling something that was given to me as a hand me down and then keeping that money, unless I no longer had any contact at all with the person who gave it to me.

I was actually kind of annoyed with my sister in law, as I loaned them several larger baby items (swing, bouncy chair, etc) and said something like "let me know when you're done with them." I don't know what she did with them, but she no longer has them and never let me know when she was going to get rid of them. I would have liked them back, as I had another friend that could have used them. So that was disappointing, but not so much so that I ever talked to her about it. What's done is done and there was no way of getting them back. It did teach me to be more clear when giving something as a hand me down though if I want to get it back when the other person no longer needs it.

Anyway, if your family wants their stuff back, give it back. If they want it sold and aren't willing to donate the money to the cheer team, then tell them to collect it before the sale and sell it themselves, otherwise tell them you will be donating the proceeds to the cheer team.

I can say, from the opposite side, that often I pass down things that were special to me in some way. I enjoy seeing the kids wear them and I feel happy they got to have them. If they don't want them I'd rather they simply tell me they just got a bunch of clothes given to them and that they do not have room for more or that they can't use them. So that my feelings don't get hurt while I hope to see their kids in something I gave them.

On the other hand I receive a lot of hand me downs for both our girl and the boys. I appreciate all I get and I wash/dry/fold/hang every single item in that child's closet. If they want to wear it they can absolutely do that. If they do I snap a photo of it and make sure to post it and tag that person that gave it to me to let them know our kiddo wore it.

When it's time to pass things on, to other kids I do just that, pass them on. I think if they want them back I'd sure hand them over. Keeps me from having to manage them and they can do what they want with them.

I do have to say that children's clothes and items don't have to fit your style though. Especially clothes. Kids can wear them whether they match "you" or not. Kids need old yucky clothes to go out and play in, to wear to the park, to go fishing in,. they need to have clothes they can completely go play in a mud puddle in. That's what the clothes that are older and out of date can go for.

If you don't like the clothes and stuff and they want them back, give them back. Donate money to the fundraiser and your time. That means a lot too.

Does your family live near by? Ask them to come and sort out their items, goes through the work of pricing and tagging the items, and then create their own booth which they can manage during the hours of the sale. Otherwise, I would simply say: The proceeds of this go to support your niece's school. If you would like us to sell those items and give you the proceeds, please call her and tell her that that is your decision.

(Added: I think once you demonstrate to them that you aren't running a retail shop for them, that they are expected to do the work themselves, they'll back off.)

Perhaps your family is struggling financially and don't want to reveal this to you. That's the only explanation I can think of.

They gave it to you. It's yours. Sell it!