What's the Hardest Thing You've Gone Through...

hardest thing i went through: finding out he was a lying, cheating, douche
what helped M. get through it: DIVORCE
=)

sorry. i'm in a mood today. In all seriousness my answers wouldnt help because i kind of lived a fake life with him. he cheated the entire 12 years with the same girl.

In my relationship with my boyfriend, who will one day be my husband
the hardest thing immaginable is blending together. M. letting go of being the only active parent (when i was with my ex, he was involved but not in a parenting way) and also trying to realize their relationship is special and not trying to compare it to what i think it should be in my idealistic "fairy tale world" so much.=) so learning to coparent with someone who is not her biological parents, and taking for granted he loves emmy as his own is the hardest.

We have gone through a lot and have weathered the storms. But one of the biggest, hardest things we have gone through is the death of our baby. It was tragic, unexpected, heart-wrenching and we remember our baby but nobody else does. People dance around the issue and ignore the elephant in the room. We still struggle with our loss and the only thing that has helped is time and talking about it with eachother.

losing our daughter during her 2nd day of heart surgery,

& then <4 months later, having our 6yo son diagnosed with a degenerative hip disease.

Took a huge toll on our marriage. & the aftershocks lasted for years.

Patience is what we had to relearn. Faith is what we leaned upon.

My husband lost his job two years ago and in the process of trying not to lose everything we've worked for, it's been extremely stressful. We are not out of the woods yet but kind encouraging words, tousling his hair as I walk past him as he sits at his computer looking for better job opportunities and reassuring him that he's not failing us and that we all still love him more than anything in the world, has helped us weather this storm. I fall apart about once every couple of months but I try and do it in private because keeping positive in the face of adversity is the only way to drag yourself out of it. If you succumb to the negative for too long, you'll drown in it.

Not exactly the answer you were looking for, but here:

Common-Law ones are a bit different, but it was when my ex walked out(tried to do it while I was asleep), and let my 16 month old son scream for him.
The coward's friends even stole my son's baby clothes, furniture and stroller, and my great grandparents dishes that were given to me. Oh, and silver bullion that his own father had given to my son. I say MY SON, and not our son, because I don't believe he has earned the right for that title(even though I will use it when my son asks about him, and I will be as polite as I can be--then cuss and scream later when he's in school).

My son helped me get through it. Every day I wake up to his beautiful smile, and every day he calls me Mommy.

I weather the storms because my son needs me strong as much as I need him to know I'm here, and always will be.

My son will be eight at the end of the month, and though it's been a rough time, these last six and a half years have been blissful because My Son makes my life a joy.
I know now that I CAN do it alone, and that if I ASK FOR HELP, my friends and family will, because they know I truly need it. That last part is the hardest. Asking for help, as I've been doing it all along by myself, but still sometimes it's the knowing that makes me push myself a bit harder.

La Vita e Bella, yes?

In our marriage, it would be him being a step parent. He believed strongly that the role of father is important, and tried to be a father to my kids, who resented it. I would find myself caught in the middle and fighting him over treatment of my older children (not mis-treatment - but just not getting along). To get through it, I just tried to talk to him and be honest with him, and at times I resorted to forbidding him from even speaking to one of them. It was a tense time, but we really love each other deeply and I couldn't imagine being without him. Now we've been through several things TOGETHER that would split up many couples, but have brought us together. Such as heart transplant of a teenager, cancer and chemo of her as a young adult, bankruptcy and several job losses. To be truthful, we get along much better now that the kids are out of the house (the youngest is ours together and still at home)

Having a child with special needs. For us, it's not something that will ever go away. ADHD has run us into the ground, caused a lot of pain and anguish, not to mention a lot of money. A large portion of every day is devoted to trying to manage our son and figure out if we're doing all we can to help him (while also giving his sister enough attention). I wouldn't wish this condition on my worst enemy.

The death of our infant son. It was a long process and although you never get over it or past it in time we did learn to live with it. It has been 11 yrs and I still have my moments.

We got pregnant unexpectedly. He had just medically retired from being a police officer and was therefore unemployed and trying to figure out what his 2nd career should be. We weren't yet married (though in the process of looking at rings) so we just married in a courthouse. An unexpected baby when neither of us were emotionally ready while my husband was unemployed was HARD. A lot of insecurities reared its ugly head inside of me and it was a difficult time. Commitment, patience and communication got us through. Now, our son is 3 and things are good. Sure, we still have days when things are sucky but overall, I know I am very lucky. I thank God for my blessings every day :)

We didn't know how to argue. We didn't know how to fight fair. We cut each other down, said "You always...", and we tried to feel better by making the other feel like dirt. Through all kinds of things - his ex-wife, the stupid stuff his kids did, our infertility, and much more, we just made it worse.

We went to counseling, individually and together, and learned how to be a couple.

It helped us survive a lot of things including deaths, his daughter's decision to be involved with a drug-dealing, physically abusive gang member (including marrying him while he's in maximum security), his other daughter's marriage problems, and our aging parents.

What worked is that we stopped waiting for the other one to see the light and to change, and we individually decided to get some help to be happy, In that process, we learned to see our own faults and still love ourselves, and to make positive changes in our own views and actions. It took a while, but not as long as just sitting around blaming the other one.

Good luck.

I'm almost embarrassed to say that I can't even compare my gripes with you mamas. The worst thing I can say about my marriage is that it's quite boring at times and I don't feel as attracted to my husband as I used to. Nothing to break up over and nothing to fight about. The toughest things we're dealing with are our son who is on the Autism spectrum and my bout with breast cancer earlier this year. Both tough, but completely manageable.

But what some of you ladies have gone through? I'm so in awe of your strength. Being single parents, losing your children, working through financial difficulties, surviving destructive marriages, the list goes on. You are all inspiring. Thank you for sharing your stories.

Infertility and miscarriages. Mental and emotional despair for over 1 year. He didn't know what to do for me, and I didn't know what to do for him. It was hard, but we're stronger because of it, and now we have a 5 year old son to be thankful for because of the treatment we finally sought.

We are fortunate. For us, it was getting over our last relationships. We dated after both of us were separated; it just worked because we loved each other. But it was hard. We'd both been burned pretty badly in our marriages, and wanted to ensure those problems didn't arise again. That said, with all of those wounds, it was good to deal with that, to learn to fight fair, and to figure out how to focus on what we are wanting and needing in our relationships--and sharing that in a non-confrontational way. Learning all of these things took a lot of time and revelations, and it keeps coming, doesn't it?:)

We've weathered a lot of storms--miscarriage,crappy jobs, job layoff, dealing with personalities in the family, health issues, having a child and all the newness that brought to our lives-- so I'd really have to say that the hardest thing of it all was the best, because it created a foundation for our family. Even the worst of it--it's drawn us closer together.

For us, money stuff. Living paycheck to paycheck, perpetually being in debt, all that. Some months, if you want to see us fight to the point of tears, just open a spreadsheet.