What Should I Do as a Dad? up a Crick! Thanks in Advance!

My first period happened on the way to Florida with my folks, and I love the beach and being in the ocean, so there was no hiding why I was not in the water. The timing was awful. Not only that, the restroom vending machine was out, and my mother had to go ask at the gas counter to buy supplies. My father bought me a pen with a smiley face on it as a way of letting me know he cared. No need to discuss the details, but to acknowledge that I was becoming a woman and that was ok with him.

He also bought me a dozen roses for my 13th birthday and said he wanted to be the first man to give me flowers. He died in 1998, and I miss him! He was really good at being a father of girls!

I remember when I got my first period. I knew what it was (we saw a video in school that went over everything) but I would have dug a hole to China and back before I told my Dad. I can talk about anything with my Dad and he will listen even if it's something he really can't help with but there are truly some things a girls just doesn't want to share. I wouldn't worry about it too much. There will be plenty of things that she will need to tell you as she grows older and there will be even more things she won't share with you.

Sara B said exactly what I was going to say!! Don't go there, she'll be mortified!!!! Just give her a little space- it's hard for a girl to get used to. She's still Daddy's girl though :)

You are sweet but for the love of God, DO NOT say anything to her or do anything. Just go on like normal, because it is a normal, routine thing. Respect her boundaries but don't treat her like there's something different about her. She's still you kid, and you can still hug, tuck her in at night, etc. just like before.

There is nothing you can say to her about this that wouldn't make her want to crawl under a rock and die. No "congratulations you're a woman now" or "my baby girl is all grown up" or anything. Zip, nada, nothing. Think about it - would you have wanted to die if you mom commented on your first erection, morning ejaculation or pubic hair? Right. This is in the same category. Don't take it personally, but her privacy is what's most important here. Just be you regular old cool dad self. And good for you for asking!

I was (and still am!) a daddy's girl. I didn't want my dad to know, mostly because I thought it was totally gross. (still do). I didn't even want to tell my dad that I was pregnant because then he'd know I have sex. (I had already been married over a year).

You should take your cues from your daughter on this one, and not let your feelings be hurt.

I agree with your wife. Sorry! Let your daughter maintain her dignity and privacy. Don't treat her any differently. Be the great Dad that it sounds like you are.

Welcome to this site. Bring on the Dads!

R., you sound like an awesome dad! But, your wife it right, this is something you should stay out of. You can be involved by being compassionate and understanding when she is cramping and having the monthly ups & downs. She will still be Daddy's little girl. I'm afraid if you try to intrude on this delicate subject, she may distance herself from you and you don't want that. This is the beginning of a possible change in your relationship. How you choose to react and be proactive about those changes will help determine your future relationship. Relax dad, she's becoming a woman...um on the other hand, get ready for a new and exciting, hormone filled roller coaster ride...Good Luck! Your daughter is lucky to have you!!!!!!

Ok, I have not read any of the responses sorry if this is a repeat, however this is just one of many signs for the both of you that "daddy's little girl" is growing up ... I would say to stay out of it; but a "womanly" pendant or ring or pair of earrings or bracelet or all of the above (depending on your finances) would be nice. Give it to her as a "I see the young woman you are becoming" gift and talk about the grown up things she has started to do and talk about what you expect to see from her as she continues to blossom into womanhood. I think if you address it from this angle and support her w/out discussing her period she will understand that you understand and are HAPPY to see her grow up. For "daddy's little girl" sometimes it's difficult to grow up.

listen to your wife! This is the time where girls really cling to the mom. Treat her like you would if you didn't know. She's probably not acting intentionally distant but this is a confusing/embarassing/growing time for young girls. When she gets used to this new concept she'll come back to daddy until something new happens, but I promise she still loves you.

awww, sorry dad!! I never really thought about it from a dad's perspective before! But I think your wife is right, just let her be about it. It is woman stuff and it is an emotional time and it is kind of gross and makes you feel kind of yucky, so not really something that is something you might want to talk about with any male. I think you would be fine to just ask her tomorrow how she is feeling and maybe make her a favorite breakfast or something cool like that. Do you guys ever go out on your own to a movie or something? Maybe go out together and just have fun. I think you acting the same toward her and just being her rock of a daddy that she has always counted on is your best gift to her. My mom told me once that she and my grandfather were very close but when she got her cycle he wasn't as affectionate and she never understood it and it hurt her. We gals aren't always aware of the message we send out at that time, especially at the beginning!! Even if she seems to push you away, she NEEDS you! And she needs you to be the same as always bc her life is changing lots! I have boys, and I am their world, I am sure at their coming of age I will be in your shoes!! Hang in there :D So great to have dads on here by the way ;)

Well Dad's are more than welcome! Ok I think you need to get over your daughter not telling you about her period. I am very close with my dad and I NEVER tell him women stuff...EVER EVER EVER! She doesn't really need your reasurrance at all regarding this one. Sorry you sound like a great dad but some things are for girls only. At this age it can be embarressing for a young girl to have her period so try not to be so sensitive.

I think it's a great reason to take her out for an ice-cream and have a daddy talk with her about making good choices about school versus friends versus boys... Versus boys that treat her well and boys that don't... About pursuing relationships that make her feel confident and cutting ties with friends orboys that don't. How to dress in order to look the best from a guy's point of view (not a lot of makeup, not revealing clothes, etc.) Alot of men think this talk should come from mothers but honestly, it is holds more value when the conversation comes from dad.

Most females of any age are very uncomfortable talking about their periods with anyone. Especially the men in their lives. The best thing you could do for her right now is buy her a candy bar (choclate cravings) and say 'I love you' and let it go.

She's lucky to have you.

You sound like a fantastic dad! Congrats on having such a wonderful relationship with your daughter!

Please don't take your daughter's actions personally. Your daughter is most likely a little scared and a tad embarassed. Periods are just one of those things that moms have 100% experience with and dads don't. I can't speak for everyone but the first period doesn't come with a feeling of accomplishment or excitement--it's not something we want to announce to the world. She's full of very mixed emotions and possibly bloating, cramping, and uncertainty... give her some time.

Just continue to love her, support her, and don't treat her any differently than before. Let her come to you when/if the time is right for her. Keep doing what you've been doing!

You've said it simply and well put; "I just want to tell her I'm happy for her and reassure her how much I love her" Do it :) write it in a special card or start her on a new journal and put it in her room or mail it to her. I don't think you necessarily have to have open conversation about it unless you need to. If you do want to have your wife run the interference that you would like to have a grown up conversation with her. I think it's beautiful you want to be involved and she is very lucky to have you.
Good luck Papa, from a Daddy's girl too.

okay, dokey! You've already responded, but here goes:

You are an awesome Dad! Keep up the good work!

& now for my stories....My niece lives one week w/ Mom & one with Dad. Her 1st period was with Dad. She told him, he asked if she needed supplies, & off to the store they went with his girlfriend. He stayed in the truck & girlfriend was happy to help. My niece was 100% a.o.k. with the whole event......but my Sis was heartbroken! We told her to get over it. Her child was well-cared for & that's all that matters.

As for the whole opposite sex thing: I have 2 sons...ages 14 & 23. I know waaay more than I want to know, but that's a.o.k. with me. If they want to share (details about puberty), then I have to suck it up & just listen/deal with it. My DH & I have been married almost 30 years.....& our sons know that I cope better with most biological issues than Dad does. I will admit....it can get pretty weird, tho' !!

Of course, the fact that they thrive on "shock value" does play into the whole situation! That said....sometimes with touchy/sensitive issues, a little bit of humor goes a long way! All this said, sometimes you just have to go with your gut instincts & not play along with the party line.....Peace!

Oh god, I can't even imagine how embarrassed I would be if my dad had said something to me when I got my first period. Hell, I didn't even tell my mom cause I was so embarrassed. The only way she found out was when she realized that her "supplies" were missing, and since I am the oldest daughter she just assumed it was me and bought extra. Lol

Don't say anything :)

Dads are ALWAYS welcome on here as far as I am concerned. Us Mamas need a Daddy perspective more than we realize!

That being said, I know you have gotten your responses and you have decided to not mention it to your daughter. I totally agree with your decision, I got my period when my mom and dad were away and we were with my grandparents. When my parents got home, my grandpa announced it to the whole room and it was horrible. I just wanted it to never be mentioned again.

I just really felt compelled to add though, that this does not mean you do not talk about sex with your daughter. I am sure she already knows the whole story and maybe you have had the discussion or your wife but a daughter NEEDS her father's input here, just as a son NEEDS his mother's input. It is critical that she knows how you feel about what she will be facing with boys and what your expectations are of her.

I know I am totally stepping outside of an answer to your question, I just felt that avoiding the period talk could lead to no discussions about her sexuality and she needs her daddy here.

Good luck! And thanks for being a GREAT dad!

As a girl I NEVER talked to my dad about any of this kind of stuff. Just like you probably never talked to your mom about having wet dreams of other boy stuff. It just comes with the territory. It is not a sign that she doesn't love you or trust you. It's just something a mom helps her daughter with.

Hi R.,

Let Mom handle this one. It's no reflection on your relationship. She's distant because she's hormonal. It's going to take a while for those to settle and for her to get a handle on them. Give her space and time. That's what she needs!

M.

When I started getting boobs, my dad cracked a Dolly Parten joke. I was a late bloomer and awkward looking... it was totally humiliating, even though he intended to kind of break the ice and I cried and wore baggy shirts for like a year.

Give her advice on boys and changing tires/oil on the car and stuff.. stay out of this arena unless she comes to you.

As a mom of two girls I think you should have an open and honest line of communication with your daughter. You can offer her insight into the male mind that no women can. To do so, you need to be able to talk about sex and boys and bodily functions with out hemming and stammering in embarassment.
As far as her starting her menstrual cycle, only she gets to decide who and when anyone else knows. She probable went to her mom because her mom knows about it from experience. That doesn't mean that she won't talk to you about it. I think you could have a general conversation with her about things/changes that will be occuting over the next few years in her life. Her period being on of them, as well as boys, sex, drugs, etc. Make sure she knows that you are there for her and just because you are "dad" she can still talk with you about ANYTHING! Perhaps she will tell you about her starting her menses.
Don't be upset that she went to mom about this one, instead be greatful that you have such a wonderful relationship with her.
One last thing, you said she has been a daddy's girl since day one, which is wonderful. Just make she mom isn't being left out of the relationship too.

Hi R., Nice to see a dad on here :) I would suggest taking a deep breath and allowing her some space now. It's such a "girl" thing it makes it hard to share with dad. It's what makes her different from a guy and that can be a weird thing to wrap your brain around when it's first happening to you at that age. Hormones are flying! She is feeling things that she herself doesn't understand. I remember feeling kind of alone and odd at first even though some of my friends were in the same boat as me and I had my mom's support. It took some time to realize that I was still me and I would be alright. She may be backing up from you now but in time if you respect her privacy she will again come around to you. Be normal if you can ;) and relax. Let her come to you when she is ready is the best advice I can give you. And by the way, your a great dad ")
C.

Dads are very welcome!

I agree with your wife. You sound like a great dad, but this is a strictly female thing where male involvement is avoided. As much as I love Dad, we avoided this subject unless it was necessary to mention it and when I did mention it I usually used hints and euphemisms.

You sound like an amazing dad. I have to agree with the other ladies...this is one thing you do not want your dad talking to you about!!! It does not mean you are not close, its just one of those private womanly matters.

i am with mom. stay out of it. she is cramping bloating, tired, and probably scared. Some things don't need to be discussed with dad. Expect her to act like your wife on her cycle. she will probably cry easily. I never discussed my periods with my dad. And I was a daddys gir. Even when the cramps were so bad I would wake up in the middle of the night crying eat a whole bottle of midol and still hurt. I would just tell him not to worry about it go back to bed. I did tell mom though. Somethings dad needs to stay out of.

I think it is totally sweet that you are taking the time to seek advice regarding this. Awesome!

When (if) she wants to talk to you about this, she will. It likely won't change the relationship at all. Just keep being the same awesome dad you've always been and let you know that your door is always open.

She'll be 30 and still be your baby girl. And, there's nothing wrong with that and I bet she'll cherish that thought forever!

Oh my gosh, you are SO sweet! Try not to take it personally because it's NOT. It's a super awkward time - even telling her mom was probably weird. It's freaky, embarrassing, gross, and all that. She probably has no idea how to talk about it, and may not think you want to hear about it. It's a natural thing for her to go to mom for "woman" stuff, cause obviously she's a woman ;) but you will ALWAYS be her dad.

I would say follow your daughter's lead. Don't make a "thing" out of it, but maybe get her something special - something that says I love you and also has a bit of "young woman" to it, as opposed to little girl - a necklace, etc.?

You are the role model of how men should behave, of how to have healthy relationships, etc. Just keep doing what you're doing. You will always be special to her - things are just a little different.

I remember when I first got my period I was very shy and awkward about it. I definitely would not have wanted my Dad to mention it...and I did not mention it to him. ;) And I was (and still am) a daddy's girl. There are some things that are best left between a mother and a daughter. :) Kudos for being such a loving and involved Father. :)

You sound like an awesome dad, and your wife is certainly right on this issue. Now more than ever, be there for your daughter with all of the love and energy and ideas for fun things that don't have ANYTHING to do with this transition. It's hard enough to go through this without having to discuss it with anyone who can't fully relate. She still needs you, maybe more than ever, but just be your normal self with her and don't make her feel weird about anything...even though she's going to seem a little different to you. She IS growing up, and it's just a part of the awesome process. She'll always be daddy's little girl, always and forever, and you have a million beautiful moments ahead of you. Cheers.

Well first you sound like an incredible dad. Good for you. I am very close with my parents ...always have been. But truthfully even though I have always felt confortable talking to my parents about anything since I was a small child. I would of been so embrassed as a young women discussing this with my dad.
Just be supportive. Let her know you are there for her. I would not really address the subject if she brings it up and most likely she will not bring it up. Just be supportive. You sound like a wonderful dad. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her father.

I don't think anyone has mentioned your physical relationship with your daughter. You mentioned continuing to hug your girl. She might be the kind of girl who still loves to sit on your lap or snuggle while you watch TV. I have no personal experience in this area, but I read an article authored by a man that said one of the difficult things a man must endure as his little girl grows up is that her physical affection may lessen or change. As she becomes more aware of her body and she reaches puberty, she may feel awkward about sitting on daddy's lap, etc. I don't know how common this is, but I thought I'd mention it so that you're aware of it and don't take it personally if it happens, esp. since you WILL always see her as your little girl. It just might mean you have to find slightly different ways to show affection.

If you have a son, would it be you or your wife who would talk about nocturnal emissions with him? I plan on letting my husband handle that and I'll handle the menstrual cycle with our daughter.

My parents were always open with us and my dad talked to my sister and I about puberty once, trying to help prepare us, but I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. It's an embarrassing subject to a kid no matter what, but even moreso when talked about with the opposite sex parent. I was embarrassed to even tell my mom I started my period when I did and I begged her not to tell me dad. She said okay, but now that I'm married with kids I know she told him.

not to worry, your daughter was probably horribly embarrassed, she will tell you about her "friend" when she ready to.
K. h.

You've gotten lots of great advice, and I have to say I agree with your wife. When my older daughter got her period, she wanted to tell me, but only when my husband had left the house. In fact, years later she said she would have preferred he weren't even in the same country because she really didn't want him to hear anything! It's just a girl thing. Don't let it hurt your feelings.

Just because it says "mamapedia" does NOT mean it's for WOMEN ONLY!!! Men's opinions and outlook are valued - by me!!

AAWWWWW - what a great dad!! My dad and I are close - however, I don't talk to him about my "girl" stuff...not that I couldn't - but it just feels "funky" to me.

doesn't mean she doesn't love you...just means she's growing up...the teenage years will be the hardest on your relationship with your daughter as she tries to push her limits, etc.....just stay the course daddy!!!

You are ABSOLUTELY welcome here! You sounds like a great father! I remember when this happened to me. My parents are divorced, and live in different states. It just so happened I was visiting my dad when it did. I was so scared and didn't know what to do. Instead of telling him, I asked to go to my grandparents house and ask my grandma about it. I love my dad very much and am very close to him as well, but I for some reason did not feel comfortable talking to him about it. My grandma helped me, and did tell my dad, and I felt better that he knew. I just didn't want to be the one to tell him. So, don't feel bad-she still loves you! It's a girl thing!