What Should I Do? - Aurora,CO

You know he really did not mean to ruin your spinich. I would not be too harsh. First, you let him help you in the garden so he did not think it was off limits to him. Second, he was just trying to help. He said he will not do it again. Do not hold this against your little one. You let him know you were not happy with what he did, he said sorry and promised he would not do it again. Leave it at that and show him some love. I would still let him help you with some things in the garden, just let him know you do not want toys in the garden and maybe only let him in there when you are around! Show hims some love and drop the issue.
J.

You need to set your son down and explain (in language that he can understand)why you were so upset with what he had done in the garden. Be sure to stress that you were upset with what he had done, but that you still love him. Have him help repair the damage (if possible this season). He probably thought he was helping you and your reaction and rejection of his apologies and hugs could cause problems. Let him know that you were upset and having a difficult time dealing with him and the situation at the same time. That is all a part of parenthood, unfortunately children will sometimes "plow up you garden, stain you new carpet, tear your new sofa, write on the newly painted wall, etc., etc.". You need to express to your child your disapproval for his actions while still letting them know that you still love them.

This was not misbehavior. This was misunderstanding. Your child was just doing what you taught him to do. He "helps" you in the garden and he watches you pick the ripe and ready to pick things. He didn't know that the spinach was not ready. Being mad at him in this situation is not fair. I think you need to apologize to your son and tell that if he wants to help mommy with the garden, that he needs to get you and you both can work on the garden together, not to work on it himself. I am not saying that he messing up your garden is okay. But he thought he was helping you. Use this mistake to teach him.
Lashing out at him and not responding to his apology is teaching him that he can hold grudges and not to have a forgiving heart. Your child deserves to know that you still love him in spite of his mistake. Remember, you make mistakes too, and if you apologized, you would want forgiveness too.

I think it's good to teach your children at a young age. It's good to teach him that he needs to only pull up weeds, and pick fruit, but not uproot plants. Once you've taught him the right thing, hugging him and saying kind things will not take away what you've previously taught him, especially if you repeat yourself and help him understand you are serious. Children can still learn and understand while being treated with love and affection.

None of us are prefect but never with hold love or forgiveness when he is that upset about messing with the garden.

He sounds very sensitive and you should tell him now that no matter what he does you will not stop loving him. A garden will grow again but a little one never comes back from growing up.

I have done the same. So don't take it to hard but make sure he knows he is loved.

Next year why not give him "a Piece of dirt" to grow his own garden and he can do whatever he wants with it.

C. B

I think allowing him to help is awesome. I also think it is fair you scolded him. He was trying to help but by the age of three it is a great time to teach "we don't touch other peoples things without asking". We all do the scolding and feel like slugs afterwards, lordy I know I do at times. You can reassure you that you appreciate the help, that he is sweet however when it comes to anything that belongs to mommy for him to please ask first. You use it as a learning lesson for you both, teaching boundaries of what is okay to do and not to do without asking. Be consistent though, if you told him no about the squash then don't cave later, he will get mixed signals on if it is okay or not.
Tell him you are not angry he tried to help, but upset he didn't ask first..there is a difference. Lot's of hugs and reassurance, explaining what you were upset about and letting him know everyone makes mistakes and he now knows then all is good! HUGS

We've had some trouble with over-zealous boys and baby plant. We had to explain that you have to be very very gentle with baby plants or they won't grow. We also fenced off (with $1.20, push-in plastic fencing sections) a part of our garden that they can push their trucks around in. It's a boy NEED to dig and dump and push dirt around. They almost demolished our zucchini before that. Now they stay out of it.
Something I've learned is that kids don't understand prolonged punishments. So not letting him garden with you won't make a bit of difference, except that he'll feel rejected. Just make sure he understands WHAT he did wrong, and tell him that you want to help him not make that mistake again. He did apologize and showed remorse, so you need to accept his offering of a broken heart. Give him a hug so he knows that you still love him (he's still learning to judge how bad his offenses are, and worries that he's done something unforgivable).
Something I learned here on Momma Source is the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is when you're mad and you want to do something to your child to make him feel bad for doing something. Discipline is correcting a child when he makes a mistake or poor choice, and helping him avoid that mistake again.

Hey there, what a hard one to deal with! I have a 2 year old who loves tractors and I would guess he would do the same thing if we had a garden. Sounds like you handled it well. If it were me, I would have hugged him and accepted his apology. He was trying to show you that he understood you were disappointed and wanted your acceptance. But, being firm and letting him know he can help WHEN you give him the okay. Just make it something you do together and coach him to ask before he helps. In the end, he thought he was doing something right and was going to make you proud. They are just a little to young still to understand the "order" of things.
Enjoy your garden, I'm jealous!

You need to let him know he is not in trouble. He should not do that, but like you said, he honestly did not know that it was wrong, so therefore it is not his fault. Ask him not to do it again, and be careful in the garden that you point out the things you do want him to do and the things you don't want him to do. My son saw me pulling up weeds and proceeded to pull up a marigold and I don't think I handled it much better. That said, he probably started crying because you caught him off guard. It is much easier to take when you knew you did something wrong, than when you think you were helping. You don't have to tell him right away that's not what you wanted, you can come to us here on Mamasource first.

Where were you when he had the time to go and rip out all your spinach plants without you noticing? Sorry, but I think you kind of over-reacted. Yes, he was wrong to rip them out, but he is too young to know that, he was probably trying to emulate what he had seen you do in the garden digging up the dirt. I would not have ignored his apology, that just seems childish. He honestly didn't know what he was doing was wrong, especially since you have let him "help" out there in the past. I agree you should have explained what he did was not what he should have done and why that was wrong, and that he should ask you before taking anything out of the garden in the future. I can understand you being angry, but really, you should be angry with yourself, not him, since he was out there unattended long enough to do the damage in the first place.

Hi,
My son (also 3 1/2) and I have been gardening together for the past two summers. Last June he pulled out one of our tomato plants and was so proud of himself he could hardly contain it. I explained to him the differences between the weeds and the plants and I helped HIM plant a new tomato plant and now he has tomatoes on it and has enjoyed watering, pulling weeds and all that fun stuff all summer long. For me it was just a tomato plant he pulled, you can't put a price on a child.
Peace, T.