What Motivates You?

This may seem counter-intuitive, but whenever I need a real boost in the housework/homework area...I watch TV! Somehow, watching Ina Garten make something beautiful on the Food Network, or watching Clean Sweep or Trading Spaces on The Learning Channel can inspire me to just get up and make my place a little nicer!

KS,

I don't know if it's a motivation thing, but if I don't clean and take care of the kids nobody else will. Some days it's really hard to get up off the couch and do anything.

I guess one thing that helps is that I have my son in several sports through the local YMCA, and I WILL NOT disappoint him because "Mommy doesn't feel like it".

I know the bothell YMCA has a Parent/Pike class for younger kids. There is also a Water Tots class that is geared towards getting younger kids used to the water and being comfortable in it. Maybe that is an option for you? Some days knowing that "today" is the day that I get to play in the water with my daughter (she's 1) gives me something better to look forward to instead of what's going to cause the next tantrum from either my daughter or my 4 1/2 year old son.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

KS-
I also have a nearly-2-year-old daughter and a wonderful husband and I can very much relate to your question. I have found that one way to keep myself motivated is to always have something outside of the daily chores and homekeeping and child rearing that I am interested in. To have something of my own, that makes me feel like a woman or a person contributing and interacting in the world beyond my front door, something that increases my skills or furthers my own goals helps me keep the rest of my life in perspective. Also, to keep a day planner and manage my time so that I can see accomplishments helps. One other very important part of my motivation is a strong and supportive group of friends. We watch each other's children, have play dates together, go shopping together, and spend time doing activities where we can talk about everything and anything. And most of these things we do together are with the kids in-tow! This way we can bounce thoughts and ideas off of each other--other women who are going through the same phase of life an the same time and facing the same challenges. I would encourage you to find friends like that. It's like this website, only much better because it's in person and more constant.
Overall, I don't know if it's possible to always STAY motivated, but that's okay. I've come to the conclusion that while I feel better when the house is clean, it doesn't mean I'm a failure when it's not. And while staying on top of the chores is always better, sometimes it's more important to just do something fun or relaxing together than to spend the time cleaning. And life happens in moments. When you recognize the moments that you cherish, then you have the fuel to keep you motivated for the rest of the everyday hum-drum of life.
A few other small things that work for me--
Open the blinds and curtains in the morning and let in some natural light; listen to good, uplifting music during the day, not the TV; go for walks; keep a journal; play--actually play with your daughter; attend church or do something to cultivate your faith, prayer or meditation can really help you refocus; exercise, it increases your energy level and your ability to do the things you want to do. Focus on your relationships with others, people are the best motivators because they can show you how to be the person you want to be. Also, spend time dating your husband. Stay in love and remember what it is that brought you to the point of being a mother and a home maker.
Okay, I hope this isn't too preachy. These are just the things that came to mind and it's hard to know the right response when there really isn't one single answer.

All my best-
C.

Hi Ks,

I am in that very same trench right with you. I'm learning slowly but surely that it takes much less energy to start a task if it is part of a routine. If you just automatically take a load of laundry and toss it in every morning on your way to the kitchen for your morning coffee, you'll have a load of clean clothes ready to go into the dryer before you're even fully conscious!

The idea of inviting people over is a great one too.

Take it one step further and enlist a friend to be your "home keeping buddy". Decide which day of the week is best for both of you to be your "grocery shopping day", "laundry day", "dusting and vacuuming day", "planning day", etc. Call each other to ask, "How's that dusting coming along?" This will make you accountable to another human being and help with your feelings of isolation.

I'm convinced that our generation was done a great disservice. We were raised with the idea that home keeping is not a job to be desired or proud of when done well. Consequently, our parents did not teach us the right way to do many of the tasks involved in keeping a home, or the reasons for doing things a certain way. Only if you were raised by your grandmother were you taught to take pride in a well-scrubbed kitchen floor.

Believe me, my kitchen floor is in no condition for anyone's grandmother to brag about, but I am slowly learning to value the time, brain power, and skills involved in keeping a home that I can be comfortable living in and inviting people into.

Realize that in order to maintain a home that you feel proud of on a daily basis, you will have to overcome what your mother didn't teach you, what society doesn't appreciate, and the fact that so many of the activities involved in keeping a home are mundane and seemingly never ending! That's a lot to overcome. But you can do it. I'm actually making tangible progress, and that's saying something!

So, keep at it, but don't feel guilty that you're not there yet. Guilt will only slow you down.

Additionally, don't do it alone. Put an old sock on that 2year-old's hand and put her to work dusting the surfaces without breakables on them. Suggest to your husband that one Saturday a month should be spent doing the seasonal or yearly maintenance for your home. If you use Outlook, you can program vacuuming the refrigerator coils as a reoccurring appointment that happens every 6 months.

Finally, to support you in your efforts of establishing routines, setting your priorities, and to answer the question of how to fold a fitted sheet to make it look as tidy as the flat one, get a hold of a book called Home Comforts. There is so much information in this book that it is a tangible reminder that no one can do it all, perfectly, all the time. Use it as your home-keeping bible and reference book. It's awesome.

Sometimes if I can't stand my slovenly self any longer, and decide that something must be done, I'll start by opening this book. Pretty soon I'm off the couch doing something productive.

Let me know how you get on.

D. T

Hi K S, man do I know how you feel!!! Isn't it great to hear that you are not the only one who feels a little/or a lot overwhelmed sometimes??
first of all, there are days when I don't clean my house at all....and i'v got two young boys that destroy my house, daily. Sometimes it's just more important for my sanity to NOT do anything for a day (although, now that I think about it, I'm always doing stuff, sometimes I just put it off).
I think though, when I look at the laundry I do everyday, I just have to say to myself, "SELF, if you don't do this today, you have twice as much tomorrow" and then I decide if I want to do it all tomorrow or not. Sometimes I do it all on the weekend!!
I think that as women we often think that we need to be doiing "something" all of the time, especially if we are SAHM's. We don't want the house to be a mess, or dinner not to be made because we are worried that someone might think that we have done nothing all day!! You are raising your daughter, when you have the time and energy, do the rest! You said your hubby is wonderful, then he will understand, and don't compare yourself to all the other mom's you know.
I feel like if you have to get someone to organize your life for you, you've got too much on your plate. Get up, feed yourself and daughter, shower, play, eat again, read, go to library, daughter down for nap (you rest if you need to), play some more, get dinner going, spend time with hubby. There ya go. If you have extra time in there (maybe nap time) to get a couple of household things done, GREAT, if not...OH WELL.
Relax, know you are not alone, if you feel like you are drowning, take a deep breath and look at everything you have been doing and drop something, you are doing too much!! Much luck to you, L.

I really like breaking big jobs into small tasks since it is almost impossible to complete a project while caring for a small one at home. Also it is important to have a sense of identity outside of being a mom. So I highly recommend getting a part-time job. It is great to get out of the house, and when you are at home it makes that time with your little one that much more special. I work during the week as well as on weekends, so my husband gets a weekly reminder of how "easy" it is to stay at home. It helps to be organized & use a calendar (I like an on-line calendar such as Google, I can access it anywhere). Once in a while don't forget to put yourself on the schedule by having a massage or a get-together with girlfriends.

On assignment and a stay-at-home mom in England for 2 years, I learned a restoration technique from American moms. We allowed ourselves an occasional "couch day," ie, lay on the couch, cry, watch movies and Oprah, cry some more, and pull ourselves together with a nice hot bath and a nap before the kids got home from school. Then I'd set the alarm a little early the next morning, get up and dressed, and be ready to start early to get the house picked up, vacuumed, dusted to make up for my day off, but not worry about "everything." I'd get out of the house around 10 or 11 and be home in time for another nap before kids got home. This schedule is a bit different when they're babies because you need to sleep when they sleep, but the concept is the same. Being away from family and what used to be Home, be sure to get enough rest first, then move on to getting a few things done, then get out of the 4 walls. After that, I agree that visiting or having someone over every few days is very helpful. I also went to the library to learn about my childrens' development at different ages so I could be more in tune with what was going on in their lives, and to pick up ideas on how to treat myself and hubby to different meals, decorating, home-grown flowers or food, etc. A few sports or lessons with your little one(s) are also helpful for connecting with others, but not booking things every day, so you can allow the couch days once or twice a month. Once things start to roll along, there are interesting directions to go and hopefully friends to share with. And you can ask you mom or mom-in-law to come visit and spend a little time with you, too!

My motivation comes from remembering how much harder it is if you wait then have to do it all at once! Sometimes I just do one thing each day and that makes it hard to get behind.

When I did have a serious motivation problem they thought I had depression. Turns out I was hypothyroid, which can make you feel sluggish and fatigued. It's worth checking!

It makes no sense but I get motivated when I know company is coming over. I host my mom's group periodically just to force myself to clean house (re: tidy up).

I used to be a nanny/household mgr (re: paid housewive w/o conjugal duties) for 15 years. When I got married I was tired and it was a hard adjustment to do something I got paid VERY WELL for "nothing".

When I know company is coming over. I really want my house to look nice. My husband helps a lot too. When the house get's really out of control we'll have a sitter come over and spend a morning cleaning together.

C. WAHM to 4 y/o virtual twins...and certainly by no stretch a Martha Stewart type person.

I've been dealing with that too! I'm a stay-at-home mom and for 4 1/2 yrs we lived 1200 miles away from family. I am not naturally a motivated person (at ALL!) and doing these things takes A LOT of work, but it HAS to be done!
Here are a few tips to getting motivated!
Silence Complaints! Don't let anything negative come out of your mouth! 77% of everything we say is NEGATIVE. Keep it ALL positive!
Shape Up! Exercise, sleep, and diet are VERY important. Make sure you're exercising 30 min. 3-5x per week. (Trust me it will do WONDERS for your outlook on the day!) Make sure you get a GOOD night's sleep . . . (go to bed earlier!) Make healthy food choices.
I've found that doing these things REALLY help. Keeping up with a schedule that includes a wake up time, exercise, devotions, shower, time to get ready (hair done, make-up on) chore list, and bed time really helps me get motivated to face the day.
Every morning I tell myself "Today is going to be the BEST ONE EVER!" and then it's easier to make it the best!
You are NOT alone! YOU CAN DO IT!
If you'd ever like to talk my email is ____@____.com
- A.
Oh, and CRANK UP THE TUNES!!! That always helps me get the boring housework done!!! :)

Hi KS,

I had the same issue when my daughter was 6.5 months old...I had stayed home with her until she was 4.5 months old, then I went back to work full time. But I'm a teacher, so when summer rolled around, here I was, this very "on the go" and hyper-organized woman, feeling trapped at home even though it was a temporary break. I had never let my house get so messy, or had so many days when I just took care of myself in a minimal manner!

What helped me (besides going back to work... I found that really helps me the most) was to have a daily schedule. Nothing carved in stone, but we got up at the same time as my husband, had breakfast as a family, got dressed, and said bye-bye to Papa. Then my daughter and I would have a little morning routine, nap-time, afternoon routine, nap-time, and late afternoon routine before my husband came home. I never declined dates with friends or opportunities to do things outside of the home because of my daughter's nap schedule (she's a very flexible kid), so I felt like we had worked out a "system" that fit us. When my husband got home, I'd give him "decompression" time from work and then we'd eat dinner as a family (usually out of the house because it was so much easier). Then, he always took over the evening care of our daughter.

I'm a big "list" person too, so that was my evening activity, making my list of things to do the next day. I also gave myself a daily house routine and each day I spent about 15 minutes on a given "chore" for various rooms. (Ex: Mondays was sweep/mop the kitchen and bathrooms day, Tuesdays was dust/vacuum/windex the living room, family room, and hallways day, and so on) My husband willingly does all the laundry (I am SO blessed!). That was so much easier than trying to get all the cleaning/chores done on a weekend day while my husband was home to watch the baby! Plus, I'd much rather play with them on the weekends than clean!

I still was thankful to go back to work in the fall, and my daughter transitioned well back to her daycare routine. Now I know how we'll start out this summer from the start.

Also, make sure to take time to enjoy doing things that are just for you. It becomes so easy to just think of ourselves as "moms" or "wives", we are somehow guilted into feeling selfish if we want to do something that is purely for ourselves as individuals (sometimes even other mothers make us feel that way!). Truth is, your child is her own person, your husband is his own person, and you are your own person. Get a mani-pedi sometime with a girlfriend, or go out and try someplace you've never been before for happy hour. Even if you don't drink alcohol, many placess have wonderful food specials and treats during happy hour. Sometimes those little things are just what we need to help us feel like ourselves again and feel motivated to take on the rest of our responsibilities.

Of course another surefire way to get out of the doldrums is to have another baby! Wink, wink ;)
Best wishes for you.

Hey KS,
I used to feel the same way =0). I finally, first, made a decision that I didn't like the way things were going, then I actually got around people who are motivated (and motivating). You don't have to be on the go all the time, or super busy, but you need a goal, something that's important enough to you that you will rise to the occasion (so-to-speak). Now I have a personal coach who helps guide me (not a religious one, necessarily, as he and I are different religions). I read from a positive mental attitude book every night for 10-20 minutes. I have a very clear goal for what I want to do with my life and that motivates me to do all the rest of the things I need to do; it also motivates my family. =0) I did not, and could not, do this on my own, though. I had to find someone who could guide me, whom I trusted, and whom I didn't have to pay. =0) I am now training to do the same for others. =0)It's a passion and a lot of fun! =0)I'd be happy to listen to you and help you come up with a life-motivating goal based on you and your family, if you'd like. I also have a fabulous list of superb, easy-to-read and digest, books that would be helpful, that I'm happy to loan you. =0)
I hope this helps!
L. A. =0)
(mother of a 20 month old boy and a 3-1/2 yr. old girl, educator, business owner, artist, and happily married to my hubby for almost 13 years)

Hi K.S.
I've found some great audio books and loaded them on my ipod, try Andy Andrews' "The Travelers Gift" and "The Lost Choice" as well as his "Seven Decisions" taken from the "Travelers Gift." His website is www.andyandrews.com and I believe you can download right off the site. He is a master story teller but the overall theme of his words is a message challenging us to grow ourselves, take personal responsibilty for our lives, etc...Another great book to download is "The Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson I believe. Overall message is that in general, in all we do, we are either taking small steps forward or small steps backward. It's good. I also love to make great music mixes on my ipod because the right songs get me going. For example, on my "mom mix" I have Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful," Faith Hill's "Mississippi Girl," Martina McBride's "This One's for the Girls", etc...
Finally, to be totally honest, I think as wives & moms (I'm at home too) we all struggle with staying motivated to find joy in the repetitive, mundane chores like laundry (I don't think I'll ever get it completely done or put away, oh well). But I do try to whip the kitchen & main floor living space into shape every day & make the beds (usually about 30 minutes before my hubby gets home because I work best under pressure and if I do it earlier, it's messy again witin 2 hours:)). Then lastly, not sure if you'd be interested, but I use & sell (because I can't help telling other moms about it) two amaizng sugar-free energy/vitamin drinks. One called SPARK one called SLAM. Anyhow, contact me if you want me to send a free sample of each your way, I seriously call them my "Maid Brigade in a Packet" and "Get it Done Juice." :)
Love, S.
____@____.com
www.getslamenergy.com

It's much harder when your kids are young! That does get better with time, so hand in there. When my daughter was 3, I picked up on flylady.net
It's an awesome sight that sends you little e-mails on what chores to do each day. (For example: today is kitchen day. Go wipe down your appliances!) I loved the sight because it helped me to get organized and was free.

Good luck on whatever you decide :)

I've noticed that when I'm doing things to make other people happy, or because I'm feeling pressured by what somebody else might think, I not only feel overwhelmed, I don't enjoy the work or take much pleasure in the results. So I've made living my life a delicious experience, and I am completely selfish about it (or at least I'm often heading in that direction). I deal with quite a bit of pain and illness, which can make physical work seem pretty "unattractive," so this has been the way I at least keep up with basic housework.

Here is what works for me: I sit, stand or lie quietly for few minutes and picture JUST ONE task that needs doing. (If I think about 'em all, I tend to get discouraged.) If it's folding a load of laundry, for example, I see myself taking pleasure in doing it FOR MYSELF: I might enjoy the warmth from the dryer, the smell and feel of clean fabrics, the simple beauty of a tangled pile of clothing becoming an orderly stack of folded clothes, the freeing up of space and emotional energy in my day as I place the folded clothes in drawers. All this very real pleasure is for me alone.

I generally feel some eagerness to do JUST THAT ONE TASK by the time I have finished this little dream. And physical discomfort is less intrusive if I am getting genuine satisfaction out of my work. That energy may well carry me into a few related tasks before I simply must sit down again.

When I babysit my grandson, I try to model this idea for him, too. What a gift it is to learn that what we do can be deeply satisfying, when we do it for our own pleasure. There's no reason, really, that washing dishes is an unpleasant chore. When we were little girls, we probably played house and begged our mamas to let us help in the kitchen.

We only learned it wasn't fun when we saw and heard our mamas griping about having to do all the work, and feeling unappreciated and resentful. They just hadn't learned to be selfish about their pleasures, and appreciate themselves. They were doing "what was expected" of them, and had lost touch with the simple pleasure of doing for its own sake. So we learn that thinking from them, and pass it on to our kids – unless we notice what's happening and decide otherwise.

By the way, have you talked to your doc about the possibility of depression? This may or may not be part of your problem. Lack of motivation is often a symptom of depression. Might be worth checking out. People don't always realize they're depressed.

My best to you.

What a great question!
Personally, I enjoy having a clean house for my husband to come home too... I usually let it get messy in the evening time but when he comes home from work, it's clean and neat and he's so appreciative of it! I homeschool too, so my cleaning time is in the afternoon... but it's very nice to have a clean home when hubby comes home. Plus, I get the good feeling of accomplishing something :)

I just wanted to thank you for asking the question - being honest about this is sometimes tough as "stay at home" moms who supposedly have all the time and energy in the world to keep our homes ticking like clockwork. I struggle with this too on a daily basis, and found reading the other responses helpful and encouraging!

I find that when my husband is looking after our kids (3 and 20 mos) he gets NOTHING else done, and if I ask, he says "I couldn't, I was watching/playing with the kids!" Ha, if that was my answer every day when he came home from work, imagine the chaos! :-) Anyway, rather than be annoyed, this encourages me that in fact I DO get a lot done, even if my bathrooms aren't spic and span and the dust builds up a bit on the furniture.

That said, it's time for me to get off the computer (one of the biggest things that saps my time in the mornings!) and get a shower to get started on my day...

Frist I would see my doctor to see if it is lack of Moivation,Hormones or Depression.
As a young mother your body and hormone's(oh, those hormones can mess up our minds) have gone through a big change.
Your family is not close, and this is a time when you need your mother close to help you understand your new life, your body and just to let you know that what you feel is normal.

So my advice to you is see a doctor, talk to him, ask for blood test to rule out hormone problems, thyroid, iron ect ect ect.......
Join a MOPS group, where there are many young mothers who can give you some great advise, support, and a special place where you know what you are going through that you are not alone.
Talk to your husband about what you are feeling, some times if they understand it makes life a bit easier.
I also found that taking a day and splitting the house work and makeing it a fun sharing time and give you lots of laughter.
Hope this will be some help

Remember. when we are happy and smileing
God is happy too
but when we are sad and frowning
we have made satins day

Hello Mama,
These are ways that I have had spurts of motivation, although I would rather play with the kids, read, learn a new skill etc... over cleaning anyday! Look up flylady.com on the internet for great cleaning and housemanagement techniques as well as recipes and shoppping advice. Invite another couple over for dinner once a week, which should motivate you and your husband to spiff up together. Get out of the house and socialize with another friend. You could even do a trade, where you help another mom with organizing or cleaning an area in her home and then she comes and helps you. Just drinking coffee or tea and visiting with each other while doing the task makes it fun. We women need intamacy and with having a friend over while cleaning, the house gets clean and our spiritual life gets rejuvenated. Other moms feel the same way you do, I gaurantee it. It is harder to stay at home with one child too and not be bored out of your mind. When there are more kids the dynamic changes. The kids start to play together and the older they get the easier it is to socialize with them and reap the rewards. With a 2 year old, a lot of the day can be power struggles where they are testing everything. Good luck and blessings to you and your family. T. B P.S. Time Traders is a neat group that trades tasks with the community. Time is traded depending on your needs and skills and it does not need to be traded with the same person who helped you. If house cleaning is not your forte, you could get someone else to clean for you while you help someone else with reading or sewing or what ever. You can look it up on line.

I think a lot about setting myself up to succeed. Which i guess is the same as setting myself up to be motivated.

The key for me is that i'm willing to consider things that may otherwise be expensive, inconvenient, or unnecessary if it means that i will succeed at what i want.

That means i'll buy a nice stroller if it means i'll take it jogging, or good smelling cleaning supplies if it means i'll use them. I'll go out of my way to do something with a friend, because i know i'm not going to let my friend down, even if i would just skip the activity if left to myself. Or i'll bake cookies because i know i'll do the dishes while i'm waiting for the trays to come out of the oven.

Everyone has their own little things, but i think most of us have something that will coax us along. (If you don't, its time to talk to your doctor about depression.)

Other things that work for me are setting concrete goals, and making lists where i can record progress. (I currently have a 'sticker' chart for one of my projects, where i get a sticker each day that i do work on it. Cheesy, immature, yes, but its a good reminder to stay on track.)

I too found myself not motivated and not wanting to do things (okay I still do at times). My first thought is possible bout of depression, and second is supplements. I struggle with depression and when not being treated it can take an act of god to get me to do anything. I would be perfectly content watching tv and not cleaning up the house (I cant stand a messy house). Another cause can be low iron, or nutrients in general. I would suggest to go in for a check up and voice your concern to your dr. He can do a quick questonare to rule out depression, and can do bloodwork to check your iron levels, also he may want to check your thyroids too. Vitamin B is good for an energy booster. I like to take Ultra Mega Womens Vitamins from GNC, and it helps alot with my well being and my energy.
I too dont havea ny family up here, they are in California and Texas. It is hard not having them close by, I know how you feel!! It is very difficult being a SAHM. You tend to the children, clean up (which you find yourself going in circles doing), and everything else for your family. Try to sneak some very much needed "ME" time. Go hang out with a friend (without your child), window shop, read a book, take a bubble bath with soothing music to drown out the noise of the house, go for a walk, etc. The key here is do something just for you without the kids and hubby. This helps to recharge yourself, and may also help to get you motivated. Try to senak some Mommy /Daddy time too and go on a date! I know it is hard not having family near to leave her with. Friends are always willing to help out!
Anyway I wish you the best of luck on this!!!!!!

I have a posse of girl friends who remind me that I am okay and I do the same for them.
I beleive that
Moms are doing the very tough, heavy work for the country and the world. We are trying to make loving, responsible and caring human beings who enjoy life and are filled with joy. Some of us are trying to get them to pick up their trash and we all want our children to live meaningful, satisfying lives. We do this for them, ourselves and for eachother. When it gets right down to it, we create our own inlaws and neighbors.
Some times I add up all of the job I do and assign them monetary value. Cheif Financial Officer, Corperate Partner, Community Liason Officer, Executive Chef, Early Childhood Expert, Waste Management, Home Health Care Provider, etc. etc.Give them all their real value and add it up. Makes me feel better.
We totally freakin ROCK and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" it is said. Rule on my sisters.

I like to invite company over regularly, and that gets me motivated to keep up on my house, because I want it clean when they come over. Also, having one day of the week for specified tasks helps too. I know that every Thursday, I do laundry, and it keeps me in the routine, just like a 'real' job would. Turning on my favorite music every morning also helps keep doing the dishes for the thousandth time more enjoyable. Also, enlist your little girls help. She's old enough to help set the table, unload dishwasher, fold washclothes, match socks, etc. Make it a game for her, and you'll have more fun in the process. Also, if I dress sloppy (sweats/slippers), my day will be sloppy, but if I put on jeans, shoes and and a 'working' shirt it is amazing how much I get done in a day.

I am so glad someone had the guts to ask this question. i find myself in this rut myself and then my hub wonders what we do all day long cause i hate cleaning. i will have spurts where i do it and then it is gone. No advice but thank you!!

Hi K.S., what it worked for me is having a week plan and trying to follow. Just look at it as a job and follow your schedule. You can include anything like gym, kids museums, going to a park, cleaning time, taking a bath, romantic and etc. Make sure there is time for you, time to play with your girl and be with your husband. Even if you miss doing things it will give you a feeling that you are doing something and you are organized. Start your mornings like you will do if you have to go to work - shower, breakfast, dressing up, even putting make ups on. It will help you feel good and look good. Don't forget - "Happy moms, happy kids!". Good luck!