What Is Wrong with Me?!? :( - Sandy,UT

Plain and simple love, you need you time and thats all there is to it! PM me and we can brainstorm how you can arrange for some.

Maybe you are burnt out... and not know it... because you are (as most Moms are), always "on" and never turned off.

Seek out some help. See your Doctor. Maybe hormones. Or who knows. even stress.
You seem to be handling a LOT... and your Hubby is often gone due to work..and for long periods.
It is hard... on any Mom, if this is the scenario. You are like a single Mom.

try getting some time off for yourself.. have the grandparents or friends come over, and give you a break. And don't feel guilty about it. Then you go out, by yourself, and just relax or just what you want to do.

AND... express your situation to your Husband. Sometimes, just talking can help. You seem to, maybe, hold a lot in... maybe you just have to let it all out. No Mom is superwoman.
You seem to be handling a lot. At some point...we ALL need to let it out and just vent or have a break.

Being a Mom is like being on stage ALL THE TIME... always "on" and never having room for "error." But we are all human. And, being "on" all the time, does wear down one's spirit at times.

Its probably just stress....

My friend, has 3 kids, and a husband that due to work, is hardly home and he travels a lot. She would just cry too, literally, because of the burden. Her Husband got her a part-time Nanny to help alleviate her. And for her to just go and have alone time or "me time." It helps her immensely. She is a good Mom and very caring... but her life was not her own... nor did she have any respite. And she needed it. But like we all do.

Take care,
Susan

What you first said about how you are ginuinly happy and everyone sees how great life is...and you cry at night,,,,I used to be the same way..I would cry myself to sleep or I wouldn't sleep at all and I would break down for no reason at all..or I would get mad at the littlest thing...granted I don't/didn't have child..stepson now...but I was really depresse..and I would NEVER talk to anyone about how i was feeling and what I was dealing with..Then I got with my soon to be hubby and I just let it all out and bried to him and told him everything out! I felt so much better!! I think you really need to get it ALL OFF your chest...Let it all out to someone you trust..You need a break..Get a babysitter and get out of the house for a couple hours a day a few times a week, You deserve some YOU time.!

Sorry H.,

Does your medical insurance cover counseling, it might be worth a try. The stuff you are describing as symptoms will be good (or bad, depending on how you look at it) enough for most insurance carriers to see a need.

Separately, when I've felt that way, i've found that taking a St. John's Wart supplement and a B-complex every day helps a ton as does getting to the gym (even if I don't work that hard, being alone for an hour or so feels great).

I hope something helps.

T.

I had a big long answer and lost it. So here it is in a nutshell.
I think you sound stressed out and worn thin. Nothing is really wrong with you! You just need some alone time, some time when you aren't responsible for the well-being of anyone but yourself. I remember how amazing it was to go on a date with my husband after he'd been working until the wee hours every night for 2 months. We saw a movie and had dinner, but the amazing part was that I wasn't in charge of ANYONE. I could feel the stress peeling off, although I almost started to freak out, because I knew it was going to take more than one date to go away completely, and more dates weren't likely to happen.

And one night of good sleep isn't going to work, either.
See if you can let some things go--simplify! Then focus on getting to bed early. Sit your kids in front of a movie (AAH! Not the dreaded television!) or after they're in bed, lock yourself in your bathroom. Take a long shower (and shave), then smear something strange on your face, paint your toenails, and put on clean pajamas. Do nothing until the movie is over, or just slide into bed.

If that sounds marvellous, then my diagnosis was right. You are worn out! Remember that you have to take care of Mom so she can take care of the kids.

H. - You have a lot of good advice. Definitely go see your doctor, but have you actually tried crying? You say you have the desire to cry, but have you actually just broke down and let it out? Sometimes our body needs to release and a good cry can do wonders for how you feel. Also, sounds like you are going through big life changes, like being a full-time single parent most of the time, which can cause a huge amount of stress, whether you are ready for the change or not. Try the suggestions the other mom's provided, like doctor, exercise, eating healthy and getting plenty of sleep. But also just try crying and let it out, you may find that is what you needed.
And don't worry about your kids hating you, they will always love you, as you are their mom and main caregiver. Good luck

L.

I'd say you are depressed. If you are at home with the kids all day, it can turn into a rut and when you find out that hubby is going to be gone for so long, it makes things even harder. You are not alone though. I know that one, because my hubby has worked for over a year out of town and it is hard day in day out. Do you have family or friends that can step in and give you a break? At least you'd have something to look forward to. You need some alone time to make you feel good. But, for starters, I would call your family doctor and explain what is going on. You didn't mention how old your youngest is, I just thought of post partum depression. Call your doc and see what he can do to help. At some point, all moms go through depression. It's normal.

I hope you feel better;)

M.

It sounds like you have the signs and symptoms of depression. But that's something a doctor needs to diagnose. You are under a great amount of stress. Are the kids in school or could you put them in a preschool part of the day (maybe mornings) to give you a little bit of a break ? I would go talk to
your regular doctor though. They can give you some more information on how to handle things. Good luck !

First of all, you're going through a lot of stress! That can definately cause you to feel like breaking down. Crying actually can release some of those stress hormones. It is perfectly okay to tell the kids mommy needs a few minutes, and then go in your room and cry for a bit. They don't need to see you as always composed (especially if it is coming out in other ways like you mentioned - it's far better for them to hear you cry.)

Do you have anyone who can give you a break? I know when my husband was gone for long stretches of time (drove truck over the road and gone for 3+ weeks, then home 4 days) I needed a lot of other support and time to be me without the kids. Love my kids, but I was a much better mom when I could have a few hours a week to myself.

I would talk to your doctor, like others said. But I would suggest asking for a referral to a good counselor before going on any meds! Often situational depression can be dealt with through counseling (and learning good ways to cope with everything) and meds aren't necessary. Of course, if counseling alone doesn't help then you might need something more, but it's better to try without first, in my opinion.

Get your thyroid checked. Mine got real low after I had kiddos and it can make you SUPER nutty.

I'm with the others. Get to your doctor and get some time for yourself that isn't after the kids go to bed. Make sure your husband understands what's going on - without placing blame on him for not being around. I had the same issue with turning into mean mommy with no control over it...totally NOT who I am at all. Medication to get the chemicals in my body corrected and I am a new woman. Having battled depression in the past, I could put a name to it and get to the doctor, but I can't imagine what it feels like not knowing what it is. If you don't have a good doctor or if you go and he/she dismisses it to lack of sleep, find another who will listen to you. Ask back here for suggestions if needed. Also, take a pregnancy test to reassure yourself that you aren't pregnant. And if you know you are an introvert, you definitely need to get some time to yourself to recharge. If you are empty, you have nothing good to give to your kids or your husband.

Very possible a chemical imbalance, but also clearly you are overstressed to the point of breaking. Is there no family or close friends nearby who can step in for you a couple times a week? It is absolutely essential you get a break. No sleep on top of everything is pushing you over the edge honey. No one can trudge through this day after day with no break and be a good mommy. I call bs on those who claim they can. One thing you can do at home is the "mommy is in time out" trick. When your bedroom door is shut or if a red piece of paper is on the door, they are expected to not knock, whiine, etc. Don't know how little but they can be corralled in their crib, behind a gate with safe stuff to play with, etc. One mom claims earplugs work wonders. She can hear the major stuff, but the clash of constant noise is dimmed and she can think straight. Most of all though, you need breaks regularly. A weekly thing you must set up at all costs. What you do is your thing....go walk, scrapbook, sob, garden, etc. But it will get you through to have a scheduled time for you to look forward to. Also, you need to cry, so don't try to stop. Counseling would be great too, but I know how hard that is to fit in and get a sitter, etc. Hang tough cherie, there is nothing wrong with you. You just need a break. Hugs.

Hello - sounds like it could be related to lack of sleep (I turn into a monster if I get sleep deprived). Or it could be hormonal... I don't know how old you are, but some women go through really extreme stuff when they hit perimenopause/menopause. And that can happen early. I would probably check in with your OB/GYN, or a counselor, or both. And give yourself a break. If you can, find a way to take some time for yourself and relax. Good luck and take care.

It's hormones. Try Sam-e.

I think you are exhausted, overwhelmed and probably deprived of decent adult interactions. Talk to your doctor and consider a temporary anti-depressant. I can also recommend a couple of "natural" options.

Then get yourself some help with the kids and find an outlet where you can not only get a break, but something that truly is fun and/or interesting for you! YOU! Take a class, take lessons, get a part-time job that's fun, start a womens group, bookclub, knitting club or all the above! Don't start anything that requires work, keep it fun, whatever it is make it fun or something that just really gets you excited!

I am sorry you are feeling that way and I completely understand what you are going through. I definitely recommend speaking with a doctor about what is going on. If that is not a possibility, I recommend trying an herbal supplement named St John's Wort. It is an herb that promotes happy feelings and can definitely help lift your mood.

As a mother of 4 with a husband who works out of town for weeks at a time, I know how exhausting it can be to care for the kids days in and day out. If you know of anyone willing to watch your kids for a few hours a week, take advantage of that. I am sure that your friends or family will understand and try to help all they can. Good luck!

Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.

~S.

Oh, H., so sorry you're going through this.
I agree with most everyone with a slight twist. I haven't slept through the night in over 6 years, so I totally get where you are. I'm sure you have severe adrenal fatigue, which over time will mess with your hormones and even your brain chemistry. There's nothing wrong with you. I have treated my issues naturally and can recommend some great natural remedies. However, I'd have to talk to you first to narrow your symptoms to make sure we treat the right thing. The symptoms you are talking about could be adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalance, brain neurotransmitter imbalance, or a combination. You want to make sure you treat the root and not the symptom. Happy to talk to you further if you thing the natural route is the way you'd like to go!
Hang in there--you're asking for help so help should arrive any minute now :-)
J.

When my youngest was about 2 1/2 I started feeling very similar. I have never had depression and wasn't super depressed but very tired, just wanted the day to end so I could have quiet and sleep. I was sad because I felt like I was not enjoying the family and missing all the fun stuff because I was in my own little tired place (mentally speaking). Then I was also having some anxiety issues which I hadn't had since college. My doctor checked my thyroid and it was completely messed up. Ends up I have this hoshimoto disease which is a virus that attacks the thyroid and caused hypothyroidism. hyper/hypo thyroid issues can cause all kinds of weird stuff...depression, anxiety, anemia, weight gain/loss, trouble sleeping, etc. I would talk to your doctor right away...no reason for you to continue feeling this way. Good luck.

Sleep deprivation could be a huge factor. It also sounds like you have some symptoms of depression which can come on for no reason (crying, increased irritability). Hormones, fatigue, stress, these could all be triggers setting you off into a depression that may seem to come from nowhere.
I would suggest a few things to try.
1) maybe see a doctor about possible depression. I went through some pretty bad post-pardum depression and then again when i got pregnant again. Just figuring it out and talking about it helped. Nobody besides my husband had any idea that i was balling most days, and It didn't go away but it helped. I didn't want to take any meds because I was nursing.
2) have your thyroid levels checked
3) think about some strategies for getting your kids to sleep through the night. This is a whole new subject that I won't delve into but think about it. Can you keep them in their rooms even if they wake up? Do you HAVE to get up with them? etc.
4.) try exercise. You may be too tired and fatigued but it might help. For me working myself out really hard helps me relieve stress in a big way. I have also found that yoga is a huge stress reliever. Sometimes at the end of a session i will just want to cry and I realize its because i have been holding so much stress in and yoga helps get it out. I don't know what ages your kids are but it might be something you could all do together. Young kids love doing it, although they can't do it for too long:)
5) think about your iron levels, anemia can cause extreme fatigue
6) try venting in a journal as some self therapy. It may help. It also might help you figure out your emotions, which I know can be hard.
7) pray a lot for help, comfort and strength, and energy
8) try to look for humor in your daily life with your kids, laughter seems to help a lot.

Its hard to be a mom. You get so busy meeting everybody else's needs that you forget to take care of your own (I even seem to forget what they are sometimes:) and husbands aren't always good at knowing how to meet them either and yours is away a lot which makes things a whole lot harder and complicated. I truly hope you can find some help, I feel for you. Good luck with a solution.

You've gotten a ton of good answers, and I agree you should go to the doctor. Being stressed and exhausted can lead to depression. You need a break, do you have any friend or family that nearby that you can take a night off. If not next time your husband is home you need to get him to take over for you so you can have some you time. Also as a side note, don't worry about you kids hating you. It is natural to feel guilty when we have a bad day with the kids, but they love us in spite of it. I know I am thankful that I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and at times I feel like I do not deserve it because of how awful I was. I went through a point where all I did was yell and be short. I had a chemical imbalance that once I hit bottom and realized I needed to be treated I went on medication and we all were able to heal. Best of wishes to you.

It sounds like you need a break...I don't know any woman who can go that long without a break. I am prone towards depression (which is similar to what you are describing) and things that bring it on are stress, feeling overwhelmed, not having enough down time and lack of sleep. The good news is that once you find a way to make some time for yourself and to nurture your soul, you will feel rejuvenated.

It is impossible to be a good caretaker without first taking care of yourself. Although it is natural for a mother to put her needs second, try putting your needs first for a couple of days - take a warm shower, eat a tasty meal, read a book, serve yourself first...women sometimes have to learn how to treat themselves well because we are taught to be martyrs, but we have needs just like everyone else.

From past experience with dealing with this I can safely say with confidence that lack of sleep can do AWFUL things to ones emotions. Even if your getting a "decent" amount of sleep, sometimes interupted sleep night after night after night can really catch up with you. Being exhausted makes you snap at other people or your children and cry alot too. For me, if I dont get 8 hrs or more a night, I'm VERY moody the next day.

However, depression can also cause these issues as well. If you do get the chance to catch up on sleep and still feel this way, I would seek a doctors advice. You definitly sound like you've got alot on your plate.

You definitely sound exhausted. That can lead to depression, for sure. You didn't mention how old your kids are, but you may need to tackle their sleeping issues, so you can all get needed rest. I second what others say about finding a way to get some time for yourself and taking care of yourself. I know that's easier said than done, especially if financial concerns prevent you from doing preschool, getting a babysitter, etc. If that's the case, maybe you could team up with another mom or two, and work out a way to all give each other a day off every week? If you are depressed, don't be ashamed or anything, it happens to a lot of us. But some more rest and a bit of you time might do the trick!

I haven't read all the responses, but I did see one that suggested a doctor - always a good idea. But, while you are waiting for the appointment, try something. Get out of the house. I don't know what you do, or what your social life is. Mine is greatly lacking (social life), but I also tend to get MAJOR cabin fever. I feel like crying all the time, turn into a b***h, and am pretty much a not nice person. Sometimes all I need is for my husband, son, and I to go out to eat (we are paying off debt right now, so we rarely do this, and it doesn't have to be expensive), and sometimes it is just the weather and I just need to go to the park or have a playdate with the parent of one of my son's daycare friends. Sometimes I truly need a girls night out, which is harder for me to arrange with so few friends, but have the battle is truly recognizing what is going on. I know I am frustrated and want to cry, but my husband is usually the one to suggest the reason. Try it, what can it hurt?

Hi,

it's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is depression. It's just like how you discribe, logically you should feel fine, but emotionally/chemically you don't feel right. I get bouts of depression myself and I and everyone else would describe me as a happy and very optimistic person, but it does happen once in awhile for whatever reason. This is my first time responding to one of these, but I feel passionate about this. It's okay, these things happen. But the number one thing I recommend is SEE A COUNSELOR. It is so liberating to meet with and I mean LIBERATING! You are able to talk openly about anything on your mind even the thoughts you are ashame you have. They all need to be expressed and a counselor helps you through it and will help you to understand why you may feel what you do, clarity, and peace. Remember emotions buried alive never die. You have to acknowledge your feelings, even the ones you don't want to admit, before you can move on or overcome them.

Remember it is not shameful to get help. It's needed to help you to feel complete once again and it not only serves you, but serves your family. You can find a counselor through your church or even the yellow pages. Also the most important thing to remember is to find a counselor that fits you and your needs! They need to fit your needs. Don't feel obligated to meet with someone you don't feel comfortable with. This not about them and their needs, it's about you and your needs and a good counselor knows that.

My heart goes out to you as someone who has been there. I am so grateful that I saw a counselor because it brought me peace and I feel free and completely myself. I highly recommend it! Best wishes!!!!

Keep your chin up, sounds like a tough time but you can do this. I would agree with checking your thyroid and take some vitamin D3 (2000 iu daily) especially in the winter. Make moments that you have to yourself really elevating. For example, read uplifting and encouraging things. Relax to ponder and meditate to refuel. I was getting depressed and found I was spending too much time on Facebook and other websites. I went on a FB diet and didn't look at it for 2 weeks. I also swapped babysitting with some friends. Women need to talk and it is great to get together with others. I felt so much better about everything in life. Now, I only look at facebook about 30 min. a week so I don't have that social connection but I feel a new connection to my kids and husband. Hope this helps some.

.

Oh, sweetie! Go and get evaluated for depression right away, for the sake of both your children and yourself. And if you can afford it, arrange for childcare or household help at least a couple of times a month. I did that for the year I had a toddler and a new born and a deployed husband, and it probably saved my sanity and my marriage. I used to use babysitter time to take naps!

Also, if you have any girlfriends you could trade kids with a couple of times a week, that can help, too. Having a few extra kids in your home for a few hours a week is not that much extra work, and the few hours off you get in exchange can be a real blessing.

Have you ever written down the thoughts that lead up to these breakdowns? During the breakdown, and how you calm down? It can be very telling--they can be irrational, and you can't tell til you can see it in black and white, objectively.

Definitely start by seeing your doctor for a physical. Get a complete blood workup that includes checking hormone levels. It sounds like you are depressed because of all the stress you are under. You need some help since your husband isn't around much, and you need some time to yourself. If you are sleep deprived, it will take more than one good night's sleep to see any improvement. Can you afford to get part time help with all the chores around the house? Maybe someone to come in and clean once a week or every two weeks. Also someone to watch the kids once in awhile so you can just go out and do whatever you want to do. Either with your husband as a couple or just by yourself. Have a mini spa treatment or massage. Are the kids old enough to spend the night with a grandparent or other family member once in awhile so you can go out and have some fun and then sleep the whole night uninterupted? Any of these things may help to improve your mood. If not, then maybe you can try talking to a therapist. You may end up needing antidepressants. They can really help if you need them.

sometimes depressions hits us with no apparent reason. have your hormone levels checked first, including thyroid.

Hi H.,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You have gotten some good advice from others. After checking with you doctor, you may want to consider getting some nutritional help. I am a personal trainer and wellness educator. If you want some guidance, please feel free to contact me.
I have been where you are and you can feel better.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

Updated

Hi H.,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You have gotten some good advice from others. After checking with you doctor, you may want to consider getting some nutritional help. I am a personal trainer and wellness educator. If you want some guidance, please feel free to contact me.
I have been where you are and you can feel better.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

Updated

Hi H.,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You have gotten some good advice from others. After checking with you doctor, you may want to consider getting some nutritional help. I am a personal trainer and wellness educator. If you want some guidance, please feel free to contact me.
I have been where you are and you can feel better.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

I have had hormonal issues for the last 15 years and most doctors could not tell me why or do anything about it. I suffered similar situations. I was talking to a friend and she told me about a doctor that does blood checks on all the different hormones and vitamins etc... I started going to him about three years ago and I feel like a new person. My thyroid was low and so was my progesterone level. This doctor specializes in bio-identical hormones. My doctor moved to Provo but Dr. Jones in Lehi does the same thing. It would be worth looking into.

PLEASE...talk with your doctor. I've been there,you need help to get a handle on your emotions. You will be ok! But you need someone trained in what you are going through...they will know how to help you. You may want to start with your pastor or your OBGYN :)
Take care of yourself...your family needs you & I know you love them!!

lots of good answers so you know you're not alone but one more suggestion - see a movie. I was never a movie person until I had kids and now I love them. I don't go often but it's the best total escape I've found. Even a spa - you're still thinking, worrying etc. TV at home is home. Friends are fun but likely you'll talk about the kids. Something about the big screen in a movie theater and then try to pick something that will have some kind of message or is light hearted. Often I watch and seeing different characters who I either admire or dislike, give me a new perspective. Or seeing them deal with something REALLY horrible makes me rethink things. (not that you don't have a lot to deal with). Just somehow tends to rejuvinate me.

You are totally normal! NO ONE can function on little sleep, with no husband around and no help for months on end. I so feel for you. Please arrange for day care at least 2 days per week and get yourself to the doctor to be evaluated. You are most likely depressed and who wouldn't be in your position? You also need time to yourself. I predict that within one month with a couple days a week to yourself and time for the meds to kick in, you will be a new woman!

I dont know what it is, but I almost burst into tears, lately, too.

I;ll watch what others tell you.

Well it's pretty certain something chemical/hormonal is out of whack. You may be experiencing pre-menopausal symptoms. To be sure you should check with your doctor. It's is not unusual for women in their 30's to start having symptoms. I first began having them at 38 myself.

My first thought on reading your letter is... exhaustion! It is part of a mom's job description, I think. But since it's affecting your temper and your children, you need to check it out. Start with your doctor; get a full physical checkup and be open about your worries. This is not a waste of time and money, even if the doctor tells you you're just tired, because a number of physical conditions have fatigue and accompanying depression as symptoms; you can cross a whole lot of possibilities off your list this way. After this, you'll have a better idea of what to do next. I can tell you're a good mother because you're not blaming your children or your husband for your feelings. You love your family and obviously want to be the best wife and mom you can. Addressing situations like this rather than ignoring them or procrastinating is also the mark of a good mom. :^)

Nothing is wrong with you, we all go through our ups and downs and sometimes there is no logical answer. You are not getting enough time for you so that is just compounding itself and making you feel worse because you are thinking about it. My "friend" Anthony Robbins says, if you ask your brain a stupid question "What's wrong with me" it will search its database and eventually find an answer to a question you didn't really want an answer to. Try asking it "What can I do to feel like a better parent? What can I do to feel better about my day?" and it will help you find answers to more productive questions...I swear it works. He also says we have tunnel vision, we are what we think about because we couldn't possibly take in all the input that is around us in life. If you have found all these reasons that you feel negatively toward yourself (because you asked your brain what was wrong with you and it gave you answers right or wrong), you will continue down that path finding more and more reasons. Look for what is great about yourself and make small changes. Everyday can be a small victory and that will energize you. Last thing (from my Robbins speal) was that you will function on what you believe. If you believe that you didn't get enough sleep to function, it will be true, but if you believe that you can function just fine on 5 hours, that will be all you need and the 7 hours you may get on some nights will just be a bonus that will energize you more. Our son is 4 and still wakes up screaming, I made a social story about why babies cry at night and big boys don't because they can take care of some things all by themselves and also use their words. It differentiates between things that he can do without me and when its an emergency and he needs to use his words. It also tells him that we don't come when he cries because he's not a baby anymore and he needs to use his words. I was in your shoes and had so much guilt about my parenting because I wasn't myself, and of course that just compounded itself and made everything worse and worse. I withdrew more and more despite the guilt I was feeling. In my personal experience, I found that I was a Celiac and it was contributing to my depressed mood, but I didn't see a real change until I changed the way I viewed each day. Now I see it as a chance to excel in all areas of my life (keeping a clean house, organized finances (3 page Dave Ramsy budgets monthly, ugh), planned family time so I don't get too involved in work, make ahead/planning meals that are healthy for me and my family, finding time each week to spend with friends, taking care of my body by exercising early before everyone wakes up...etc), even if it is different than what I thought it was going to be. Try organizing/volunteering a MOPS group or something along those lines to keep your mind busy on something that is good for you and the kids ( I don't know how old your kiddos are). You may want to see the Dr, but taking prescription antidepressants may not solve your problem (it didn't help me, it just had me running for the Miralax!). It could be something else off in your body chemistry that you could fix with diet and/or exercise. My acupuncturist recommends taking a double dose of fish oil and B6 vitamins for feelings like you are having. Try finding a network of friends that you can take turns watching each others kids to have some "me time". I hope some of these ideas spark more that work personally for you. Good luck and hang in there. You will figure things out, just remember life is a marathon, you have to keep plugging away because there is never just one quick fix.