I was wondering what guidelines/rules you set for the grandparents when they are watching your kids?
My grandmother picks up my two girls (3 and 6) every Sunday at 10 and takes them to church. After church they go to lunch at her house and hang out for a few hours before coming home. Up until now the only rule we have imposed is that she not cater to the girls during lunch. I told her they eat pot roast. They said they didn't like it and she gave them hot dogs. I pretty much told her not to do that again because the standing rule in our house is they eat what is prepared or not at all. I'm not a buffet. Other than that no real rules other than stay in contact.
This past Sunday we expected them to be home by 3 or so. That came and went and we figured they were having fun so I called just to see when they were going to be heading home. I just got the answering machine. She has a cell phone but won't pick it up while driving so I figured they were on their way home. They finally arrived home at 6 that night without a phone call (after we tried to call several times and only received the answering machine). Niether one had a nap except for 20 minutes in the car and if my youngest falls asleep in the car she is long overdue for a real nap. My grandmother can handle this kids but she is getting up there in years and I was concerned that something might have happened.
I am not looking to extend severe rules but I was going to mention to her that if the girls won't be home by 2 that she give them a 1-1.5 hour nap at her house and call us with an approximate time home so that we don't worry.. What kind of rules have you imposed? What else would you have done differently?
ETA: Okay, my 6 year old does not need a full nap but she needs down time, usually quiet time where she is coloring or reading or watching TV. Not running around plyaing like the maniac she can be sometimes :)
Sheesh. You say you know they are well cared for and safe.
Just because you don't make them an alternate dinner, doesn't mean she can't. Her house--HER rules really
Can you not just mention to her to let you know what time she'll be bringing them home?
Honestly, this doesn't seem like a big deal to me.
I think if you have a set time they are supposed to be home then it is an expected thing. If it is not a set thing then you need to decide what is expected. They thought they had the kids for the day, like always, and just didn't thing about it being later. A phone call would have been very nice, where were they when they weren't answering the phone?
As for what they do at their house for lunch, that's grandma and grandpa's choice.
If the kids want hot dogs why can't they have hot dogs. Maybe grandma and grandpa can just fix hot dogs and sides every Sunday and save the pot roast for a different day. The grand kids are not supposed to have a "parent" kind of relationship with the grand kids. It's their job to be special loved ones.
If they are late every week, then address it. If just one time something fun came up and they lost track of time, forget it. As for naps, schedules are great, but if, on the weekend something better comes along, oh well. If grandma is cooking, she should be able to serve whatever she wants. I wish my kids had grandparents they could visit with, not to mention having the day to myself once a week! Whatever you do, don't offend them! You don't know how lucky you are!
We don't impose rules on grandparents (with rare exceptions).
Spoiling, fixing 4 different lunches, candy, no discipline - we figured that's all part and parcel of the grandparent experience.
A couple days adjusting back to reality, and it's all good. One buffet at granny's does not a picky eater make. :)
I love, love, LOVE getting to watch my grandson. My daughter doesn't expect me to follow rules, and if she did, it would take away a lot of the fun of having him. She will say things like "I've been working hard with him on staying at the table while he eats, can you help me with that?" and that sort of thing. In your spot, I would ask her to let you know if they will be home later than 2, so that you can plan your day accordingly!
Sounds like this situation is a win-win, really & other than asking her to call if she's going to be late, I can't understand why you sound upset. She wants to spend time with the babies, you like the break once a week (come on, admit it, you like it, lol).
She's an adult & raised kids who obviously came out the other side alive. I tell my kids on a fairly regular basis that I'm not their grandmother, or their friend's mother, so they shouldn't expect me to treat them as if I'm a different person. Different sets of rules when with different people is quite all right & teaches kids some ways of the real world in my opinion.
My only request when someone else watches my kids, especially for free, is to return them alive.
As far as food - I have learned to let that one go. My MIL watches our kids sometimes, and she has different rules than us, and I've decided that's fine. It's one meal out of the week.
If your kids try to get you to make them a hot dog, just tell them that at home, the rule is....
As far as the phone call - I'm with you. Just explain to them that you worry if you don't know what time the kids are coming home. Plus, you need to plan dinner, baths, bedtime, etc. Remind them to keep a schedule.
As for naps - again, I've learned to let that one go too. My inlaws are notorious for serving dinner late. Yesterday we arrived at 5 (as they asked) for a bbq that was supposed to be served at 6. We ate at 7:15. My kids generally go to bed at 7:30... and my oldest has school today... oh well. Life goes on. I admit I used to get pretty worked up about schedule and stuff, but now that my kids are a little older (3, 5 and 7) I've loosened up a bit.
Life is short. Grandparents are not around forever. Try to relax and enjoy the break, and let them enjoy their grandchildren as long as they are able to watch them.
J.
My rules...Just bring them back alive and have fun.
They are gradparents - let them have fun with the kids...yes grandparents do cater to the kids...this is what most do.
Missing a nap once isn't ahwile isn't going to hurt anyone.
Just ask that she give you an approximate time and call if it will be much past that so that you can plan accordingly.
we don't have to many rules for my mother in law when she watches my son. it's her right to spoil him some. when he was younger i had to put in some rules such as for nap time and feeding schedule but he is 10. and he knows right from wrong and how he should behave. if "grandma" wants to cater to him more power to them. she is 86 and become a grandma for the first time at the age of 76....and i'm not going to take that away from her!!!
Outside of health concerns (my dd still has some food sensitivities, and one of the boys has bad seasonal allergies requiring meds), I don't dictate anything but "have fun!"
That said, the situation of returning your girls home so late without a phone call would have made me angry. The food, again, other than medical issues, I don't address at all. Grandparents should be able to spoil their grandchildren. I guess we are lucky, I've never had cause to complain about any of our kids' 6 grandparents when it came to how they cared for them. I've only ever given them a list of what the kids can't eat because of sensitivities, which all of them had <5yrs to dairy and soy. But a hot dog instead of pot roast? I never would have asked about it.
You are so lucky to have this arrangement, choose your battles wisely.
Eh...grandparents are meant to spoil. I'm not too much of a stickler when it comes to any of that. Although, ideally I would love for them to follow my rules I also know grandparents are meant to spoil children. Can you think back to your childhood and remember all the things grandma and grandpa let you get away with...I can. :)
My only rule is that they have fun. It's their grandparents. When my son was younger, they would often ask what to do about naptime, foods, and bedtime. I'd let them know what works for me, and they would figure it out. They raised me and my brother, so I feel kind of silly giving them rules to follow. I guess the only thing I don't want my son to do is drink soda. That's about it.
For them, they aren't the parents, so they really enjoy just having fun and spoiling my son. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm with Dad On Purpose: one day every so often is pretty negligible.
We do not have any relatives within close enough distance to watch our Kiddo. Once in Kiddo's five years, my folks have watched him solo--- and they were beat, tired. My guess is that if it's *your* Grandma watching the kids, she is likely going for the path of least resistance. She wants to give you a break--which is awesome, so many other people do not feel this way about their grand/great-grandchildren-- and she's likely choosing the easiest way possible to do it.
OK they should have called. As far as everything else goes, the best memories are those that are created with grandparents. So they had a hot
dog. Kids will remember that always. My son and DIL really let us have
free reign. We do not go crazy, but we do spoil them just a bit. Hell that's
what grandparents are for. Remember I said a bit. We do not go overboard
and let them run the show. We are not that crazy. My grandson knows he
can have cocoa krispies here. That is OK with his Mom and Dad and he
feels like he is special. It is the little things that make the memories. The
no contact is a biggie, everything else is nothing to be concerned about!
Let them have fun even if is breaks a few of your rules. Life is too short.
I would mention the nap and calling you if you are going to be late. Politely say "DD needs her nap or she is really cranky can you help me make sure she gets one when she is with you. Also, please call if you are going to be late, I worry and want to know you are all okay."
As for the eating thing, grandparents always spoil their grandkids. My MIL is always buying fun foods for my kids and catering to their whims when she is watching them. I figure they know my rules and can have fun at Grammy's and it won't harm anything. The one rule I enforced with my MIL about food was healthy snacks. She used to only do sweets and chips but I had to put my foot down and say she needed to do healthy snacks. One treat a time is enough not 3 things of cookies. She did comply with that rule, so I was glad to let my kids be there and loved by their grammy.
I absolutely disagree with the ones who say "one day is negligible" in terms of kids and schedules. You aren't talking one day, you are talking one day EVERY week. The kids need their naps, if that's what you say they need. There is nothing fun about cranky kids, and the grandparents don't see the cranky, the parents do. No one wants every Sunday night ruined b/c a grandparent thought it her "right" to disregard what mom and dad knew was best for their kids. I do everything in my power to be sure the kids who nap get naps. We don't skip them on vacation, at grandma's, anywhere. And the kids (and we) are happier for it. You need to let grandma know that nap time is at 2p, so either they are home, or she naps them, period.
As far as the food thing, let it go. That one won't change how you are when they are home. You simply tell them what you always have: you are not a buffet, and this isn't grandma's house!
Well, MY grandparents don't watch the girls. MY grandparents are in their mid-to-upper 80's. My Gram falls and hurts herself at the drop of a hat and can't drive any more. My Grampa has no patience for children after half an hour.
As for my kids' grandparents, I don't impose rules on them any more since they're out of the toddler years except for certain food rules regarding food allergies and intolerances and trying to avoid certain behavioral triggers for my autistic daughter. I'll leave ADVICE for them rather than impose rules.
The only steadfast rule is that I'm able to get in touch with them in emergencies and vice verse. Otherwise, their house, their rules. The girls are expected to be on their best behavior.
ETA: I forgot to address something. The fact that they were so late in bringing the kids home without contacting you or being available for contact is a huge problem to me. They HAVE a cell phone but leave it off or won't pick it up? Then they need to check the cell frequently for messages. What if something had happened to your or your husband, let alone the kids, and you had to let THEM know rather than the other way around? Had your parents tried contacting YOU and not been able to get in touch with you, would they be upset with YOU?
As for the meal time prep, if your mom wants to prepare multiple "main" dishes, that's on her. She can cook whatever she wants in her own home for her guests. It's not setting a precedent for your children in YOUR home... and if your mom chooses not to do it in the future then your children will cope well because of how you handle it in your home. You're a great mom.
As for naps, well... yes, you'll get some fallout at home from how they handle that but just think... your parents are getting fallout too. ] :-)
The rules are different at grandma's.
That's part of the fun, right?
My MIL gave my kids candy and soda, something we did NOT do at our house.
But so what? The kids had a blast, and my MIL liked spoiling them.
I'd try to relax if I were you.
Don't assume something "bad" has happened just because they are late.
Your kids are plenty old enough to know what happens at grandma's stays at grandma's :)
The only thing I'd say something about here is not calling to let you know they were going to be 3 hours late. Mention that you were worried and would she please call next time.
If your grandmother wants to make herself into a short order cook and deal with cranky overtired children, that's on her. Sure, there's some fallout at home, but this is the cost of free babysitting.
Isn't part of the fun of being a grandparent supposed to be that you spoil them rotten and then send them home? Consider it payback for those times when you were a kid and refused your nap or were a teenager and stayed out past curfew:-)
Seriously, I wish my family lived close enough to take my daughter for a few hours and give me some downtime. My mom does come to visit and takes care of my daughter when I have to travel overnight for work (which is 1 - 2 times per year). I do ask that she try to stick to my daughters school and extracurricular schedule and to put her to bed at a decent time, just because all that helps maintain a routine that builds security and helpw with any separation anxiety. If it was a single weekend afternoon, I wouldn't impose any specific rules. My theory is that my mom raised my brother and me, and we turned out ok. She's qualified to watch my daughter just fine, and if it isnt' exactly what I'd do, so what? That's part of the fun of being Grandma.
I would only address the cell phone/getting in touch issue. Let the grandparents have their own rules and create their own fun with the girls. My grandmother let me jump on her bed, go bare foot and drink the last couple of sips of her coffee! Oh yeah, I got to watch her soaps with her...how else would I have been hooked on All My Children at such a tender age. lol. Her house, her rules.
Your six year old takes a nap?? Three year old makes sense but I cannot imagine a 6 yo would need a nap.
I would absolutely have a time frame set up. IE you expect them home by approximately such and such a time and if it is going to be significantly later (like more than half an hour) you expect a phone call.
Not for nothing, what if you and your husband want to do something for the day?
MY parents or My grandparents?
We(my husband or I) have no living grandparents, but both sets of parents are alive and kicking. I trust both sides completely. His mother raised 4 to college age and her 5th is now 8. My mother has raised 3, the 3rd having a few issues leaving the nest, but that's on him not her. We (husband and I) made it to adulthood just fine so whatever they feel they need to do for my daughter when she is in their care is fine by me.
For us, visits with G'ma and G'pa are treats so the routine sort of goes out the window, but that's fine for us. For you, since it's a regular set situation I would suggest writing up the girl's schedules and letting G'ma have that.
The only rule I have, is they don't shower him with sweets. I don't care if he has some. Heck, it's grandparents...I'd be shocked if he didn't!! However, they have a tendency to pump him full of every candy and cake created. That causes real problems at night. Even the next day. He has always been very sensitive to sugar and it causes major crashes for him. So there is a "moderation" rule with sweets. If they are going to give him cakes, candies, and juice with lunch...we just ask they not do it with dinner.
Well we don't have grandparents around to watch the kids...Now I don't think you are asking too much but I also know that grandparents are kinda around to spoil the grandkids so I don't see how it is hurting them at all to get spoiled one sunday a week if not less for food choice or staying out past nap time every once in a while.
Now the phone call of you are late thing...that would make me furious...even when my hubby does it...I am one to worry.
My kids are older and they spend every other saturday night at my moms house. We drop them off around 3pm and pick them up around 9am sunday to take them to church with us. I have given up asking my mom to not give them sugar. We have sugar and soda on occasion at our house, but she lets them have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner and really any time they ask her. I have given up fighting her about it and figure she is grandma and is *supposed* to shove sugar down their throats whether I like it or not! So as long as they get enough sleep and they are not physically or emotionally hurt, I guess I'm ok with all the sugar every other weekend.
all i ask when they watch my kids in their home is to make sure the kids r safe... they are grandparents so I kind of let them do what they want. Now when they watch them in my home I ask them to make sure they respect my rules and not let the kids do what the want.
I have to be very direct with the grandparents on the rare occasion that they watch the kids. For instance I make it very clear that I expect to be able to get ahold of them. I understand that it's fun to get away with a little more and have fun and the grandparents, but I do expect to know where they are, and when they are coming home. Try to set some guidelines, letting them know that they aren't any different thatn anyone else, these are the rules!
The guidelines I set are : Respect your grandparents. Mind your manners. Pick up your toys when you are done playing with them. Put your plate in the sink. Ask to be excused from the table. Say yes sir and yes maam and please, yes and no thank you.
The nap thing is definately a must. Kids without naps are very diffcult to deal with! I would just ask them to please be sure the kids get that quiet time, for everybodys sanity.
