What Do You Think (TMI???)

What a judgmental prude. She'd be absolutely horrified at my sexual history. I almost want to find out who she is so I can tell her, just to see if her head explodes.

wow, how judgemental. not just of her but anyone to judge someone else because ofwho they have been with. I mean who cares. When someone offers to pay my bills,keep a roof over me and my childs head, feed us clothe us and evrything else then i would almost, ALMOST care what they think. just think of her as "another bites the dust"!

maybe next conversation, follow up with how many women ;) LOL who cares what anyone thinks? People are rarely honest on this topic, bunch of prudish virgins apparently...

Oh geez! Tell Mother Theresa to lighten up and let God to the judging! You dont need to be friends with her anyways. I would never judge a person based on what you said. If thats her criteria of a friend, shes going to have a lot of looking to do.

lol,she thought 2 men was too many!? She would think i was a total prostitute. I was with 8 men before i got married. They were all relationships, but that doesn' t really matter I wasnt hurting anyone (quite the opposite actually, hahaha). I dont know one single woman in my circle who have had less than me, that is my age. I know one woman who has had the same amount. I also know women who have kept it under 10 but that is mostly average for our country. Hell, my best friend in the world has had over 100 men.

your 'friend" has probably had more men than she let on, or she has serious prudish issues to treat you like that.

LOL nicole p....kaboom!

I have only ever been with my husband, by my choice. I had to break up with a lot of boyfriends, because they wanted more. Ultimately, do I wish everyone believed that is the best way? That a lot of unwanted pregnancies, STDs, unnecessary heartache and hang-ups could be avoided? YES! However, I realize not everyone will believe what I do. Not everyone will care what I think. I am OK with that. I am not shocked that people have other partners, nor does it cause me to not be able to look at them. What's funny is when most woman find out I've only slept with my husband and we waited until marriage, they assume we have a boring sex life and must wonder what it's like to be with other people! I get judged for NOT sleeping with more men. Just goes to show, we can't care what people think.

I do find it sad when woman have been with dozens of men and I think it shows a lack of self-worth, but I would never think badly about them...because, I simply can't be in their head and life. I have NO idea what I would do, or what choice I would make if I were in someone else's shoes.

PS.
In response to another posters remark, I think waiting was a VERY wise decision for me! Can you say rude?!!! In addition, we married when I was 24 and I did NOT rush to marry him "just to sleep with him." Believe it or not, some people have an ounce of restraint and don't have to drop their panties the minute they date someone....and they don't do stupid things like marry just to sleep with them.

snork! if you horrified her, i'd have put her into an apoplectic fit!
:D khairete
S.

Bazillions of women, religious and otherwise, have had loving sexual relationships that did not end up in marriage. And quite a few of us have even had passionate relationships that did not exactly include love, but at the time, we found them irresistible for any number of reasons.

It's human. It's forgivable. And hopefully, we learn from these experiences. I certainly have.

If you can forgive yourself for your relationship, that's what counts. She can have her judgments in a wad – if she's comfortable with it, that's her business, not yours. ;-)

She sounds like a serious judger. Is she a Christian? I am, but I have found over the years that Christians are the first to judge and the last to help when something is wrong.

My non-Christian friends were way more helpful and kind to me through my divorce than my Christians friends.Some of them wouldn't speak to me anymore or look at me. They abandoned me and judged me when I needed them the most. I would say you don't need a friend like her because that's not a real friend. (And incidentally, I'm as whorish as you I guess, since I was with one guy before my ex. And now I'm with another guy. So "three.")

It's not you, it's her.

I am actually surprised by the responses so far. So many responders are far more conservative than any woman that I have actually met in my life. I can only think of one friend that was with only her husband (she is now divorced). Most people I know need a hand or two to count their past partners and I know others who need a lot more than that. You can avoid one night stands and still end up with a couple of partners. A lot of people are waiting longer to get married and that allows time for a couple of serious relationships along the way. Of course I would not want my daughter to be a slut.....but I would rather my 18 year old daughter have protected sex with her long term boyfriend than to marry him that same year just because she wanted to sleep with him but remain a virgin until her wedding day. I should say though, this is what I think now...I actually don't have a daughter just one awesome son. I think this woman is ridiculous to judge you for having two relationships and if she is judging you for this I doubt she is worth your time.

i think she needs to get over herself. some ppl were young and dumb and believed in ppl then got hurt. sometimes ppl were raised differently. sometimes choices got taken away. just because someone has only been with their husband doesn't make them better than anyone else or anyone else someone who should be ashamed or whatever that has her not able to look atyou. I may not be proud of some of my decisions & relationships but that doesn't mean I'm a horrible person.

Too bad for her, her husband is probably terrible in bed and she's jealous that she didn't find that out beforehand.

I wonder if her husband has only been with one woman.

Good grief.
I won't give any numbers...but let's say it was more than 2. Shall we? It was also far less than a lot of other women I knew. And I was pretty much considered a "prude" and "too picky" when it came to men...at least according to lots of good good friends who always told me I should lighten up. They weren't crazy promiscuous either. I didn't start dating my husband until I was 26. I was the last of my roommates (at age 19) to "give it up".

Do I regret some of my history? Of course. Like every other aspect of my life... I am not perfect and have made many mistakes. I've also been incredibly blessed, and now that I am a little older and have more perspective, recognize that yes it was wrong, while at the same time, I wouldn't be the person I am today without my history. So... there you go. My husband and I didn't wait until we were married to be together either.
Do I hope my children show more restraint? But of course. Will I be devastated and not be able to look at them if they don't? of course not. I hope for better choices for them than the ones I made when I was young, immature, somewhat impulsive and sometimes stupid.
Do I regret ALL of it? No. Would I do it all again? No.
Older and wiser. :)
oh, btw, I'm a Christian, too. The fellow Christians I know, recognize that we are ALL fallen humans in a fallen world..... the only difference between Christians and non-believers, is that Christians recognize their place before God and what He graciously gives/does for us. It rains on both the crops AND the weeds. :)

omg, i think that's cute...that you've only been w/2 people! :)
her reaction was WEIRD! geez!! i wouldn't expect anyone to act like that these days...judgemental much? lol!
anyway, yeah girl, i don't know anyone who's only been with two people. even my VERY CHRISTIAN and "prudish" friends have been w/a handful of people...i mean there's a serious high school boyfriend, maybe 1 or 2 serious college boyfriends, then your fiancee/husband. that's not a far stretch to have a couple! no girl, it's not "just you!" :)
post made me laugh though! :)

Oh, for heaven's sake.
You've been with two men in your entire life and she won't look at you anymore?
You aren't exactly a harlot. By any means.

I work with the nicest lady. She is elderly and very much a grandma type. She has been married twice. GASP!!!!! She has had sex with two men.
(That we know of). :)
She's been married to her second husband for 49 years. They just had their anniversary.
Your past is really no one's business so perhaps you should keep things under your hat. Not out of shame, but in case you run up against another person like this.
Good for her. She's only been with one man.
What does that have to do with anything?

I have a friend whose mom has been married and divorced 6 times. She has it in her head that it's not okay to have sex out of marriage so she marries the first guy that pays her any attention. Each marriage, not surprisingly, has ended disastrously.
I mean, she's been cleaned out. Bank accounts, her car stolen. But hey, she was married.
I don't understand people's thinking or rationalizations sometimes.
I hope you won't fret about it too much.
This is just about the least shocking thing I've ever heard, personally, so I wouldn't let guilt or someone else's judgement get the best of you.

What a strange reaction. Is she Catholic? :-) I have only been with my husband (he was my first, I was his, we were 19 and 21), but I was pretty sure that it was rare to be that way (unless you are a traditional Catholic, which my husband and I were both raised to be). I don't regret it at all, I think that it's awesome that my first turned out to be the one I married, but I think it's strange that she would judge you like that. It's none of her business! I wouldn't judge anyone based on how many sexual relationships they've had, because we are all adults and make our own decisions. She's a little weird.

Wow! I think you'll be surprised, I'm sure most moms here have been with men before their husbands. I was with quite a many men before my exhusband. I wasn't a loose hoe or anything, but I did have my promiscuous phase. It's totally normal to have premarital sex... technically it's not the purest thing to do but in today's society it happens a lot.

You do not need to be friends with this person. I was with three before my husband but I was his first, so of course I wish I could take those three back. They were awful anyway! lol 2 is nothing to be ashamed of. Now, if you were S. from Sex and the City, I may question your judgement just a smidgen. But then I'd get over it and love you anyway. :)

Just read Bug's answer again and that'll count as mine :o)

Well, I've only been with my husband....but that's because we started dating at 16 and have been together ever since, not because of religious beliefs.

This woman sounds WAY too uppity and judgemental for my taste :) And you know, the number of people you've had sex with (whether 1 or 100) really has nothing to do with who you are as a person. I mean, she's ONLY been with one and seems like a righteous snob....

She is judging you in a way that real friends do NOT do. Let her go, she is fake, phoney and not worth your time. It sounds like you are happily married and have a good life--- don't sweat the small stuff, that was way in the past and it really doesn't matter anymore.

Take care,

M

She's a hypocrite, and who knows, she may even be lying. Ignore her. Sexuality should not be labeled as "bad" - it's perfectly normal and healthy. I am very happily married, but my husband and I were not virgins when we got married, and he and I had been with previous partners. To be honest, I'm thankful for that. It takes all of the "what ifs" and worry out of the marriage. My husband and I know that we are sexually compatible because we know what sex with other people is like. We also do not have tendencies to stray, because sex for us is very satisfying.

Consider this: she may be in a sexless, unhappy marriage - lets be honest, not everyone has good sex. If you haven't tried it until the day you get married, you may be literally signing your life away. I have been with the same man for six wonderful years, and have never had any desire to stray (him either) not just because we love each other, and we are committed, but we also are happy in the bedroom. Anyone who tells you that sex isn't important to a marriage or relationship is lying.

Honestly, it's not her place to judge you. I have only ever slept with the guy I am engaged to... but that's mainly because I was never with anyone I felt close enough to take it 'all the way' with. I know LOTS of very good, God-loving people who are about as devout as can be who have slept with a heck of a lot more than 2 people!!!

The woman sounds like a Pharisee.... someone to avoid, not good friend material. Bleh.

There is nothing to be ashamed about - being with another person before you met your husband. I really cannot understand why some people and religions make such a big deal about such a natural, normal and necessary part and function of being a human.

She doesnt seem like a very happy person. Now that you know how she feels about "life", it should help sway you to not pick her as a close friend.

Well, let's just say I partied way too much in college and you can count my numbers on two hands. In the past 11 years though, only my husband. I was just like many, and we never judged each other. My friends now know my history, because I never hid anything. My history helped me become who I am today. I have no regrets looking back at all. :)

Well she's in the dark! Perhaps she should go to a convent to find some friends. Sounds like they suit her taste in friends more.

Oh god... Um... I'm gonna go with 6-10. I know at least 6, but there were a few crazy nights of partying that I honestly can not remember what the hell happened.

Now that I have found the guy I am with now (Even though we aren't married or engaged), I wish every day that I would have waited for him.

But ya... 2? I can assure you, that you are not a sl*t. Lol :)

haha i wish i could have talked to this woman. i would have killed her. to the best of my memory (which really isn't good at all anymore, blacked out a lot of my teenage memories because they were horrible.) i had been with 55 men before my fiance. i started when i was raped at 15, and i am now 27. i have also been with 7 women. yeah i was promiscuous. but i'm OK with that. i hope that my daughter, step sons, and any future children my fiance and i have together will not follow in my footsteps, but if they choose to, i will definitely make sure they are protected. sex isn't a bad thing. yeah i know its not the most christian thing to do, but i also look at it as the book was written so long ago, it needs some revisions to go with our day and age....

My husband is the only person I've been with, and we waited until marriage (he has been with two others). But, I also was married at 20 and didn't have my first relationship until I was 17. My husband and I started dating at 19 and he was only the second person I dated. We're celebrating 10 years and baby #3 this June! I also know that I am so not the norm!

I would hate for her to hear my story and see the kind of looks of judgement she gives me . . . . I mean I'm not even married to my son's father and we live together and he was definitely not my first. I think it is rare to find people like the two of you anymore so her shock and disgust is kind of odd to me.

I give you props for sleeping with only 2 people. I do know a lot of people who have only slept with their now husband but i also know lots of people who couldnt even count on one hand how many people they have been with. I dont look down on anyone because of their number. She sounds like a serious prude.

First off you can't regret your first relationship. You had to learn something from it and i guarantee you the lessons you learned benefit you now. The woman is crazy to even think of treating you the way she has and it seriously blows my mind. Not many people have been with fewer than 5 people much less 2 so you have nothing to be ashamed about! The lady is crazy and I'm sorry that you have to even be around that...

God has already forgiven you. If she hasn't forgiven you for something that doesn't really warrant her forgiveness, I would rethink the friendship.

Sounds to me more like jealousy ;-)

Sorry, is that inappropriate?

i was with 2 people before i was with my boyfriend and father of my child. i dont regret it at all

It was a life lesson. God chose the path you are on, remember that. It is in the PAST, what you have done in your life doesnt make you a bad person, it has made you who you are. Whether that judgemental woman wants to believe it or not she is not a saint, and everyone has had life lesson that we are not proud of, but the bottom line is that it is who you are. And if she would have never known what you had done, would she think anything less of you? Probably not.
You dont need "friends or acquaintances" that are going to judge you. Surround yourself with people that support and adore the person you are or have become. Dont sweat it, you are who you are...Cant change it. Good Luck Momma : )

i was "with" a couple others before i met my hub. as a matter of fact, we arent even married yet and have 2 sons! he, on the other hand, was a virgin, i dont think really by choice. anyhoo, i am not a woman of faith, but i suppose a woman of virtue. i am a well rounded good person, and i really dont think sleeping with someone you loved at the time should be considered a friendship-ending thing. im glad you were not hurt by this woman, and im glad you feel ok telling us mams here about your experience :) more power to her for saving hrself for marriage, bu tyou are not by any means a bad person for not.

have a WONDERFUL day :):)

i don't know many that have slept with only one person. i would think it very unchristian like to judge another for their past choices or even present ones. but either way although i don't incourage nor promote premartual sex i believe that in the year we live in most have sex before they are married and with those they do not end up marrying.

Ok I think that you dont need to justify yourself to anyone, I know this man who is a Christian and lead a youth group and cheated on his wife with an participant of that youth group which he still leads today. They both stood up in church and told the whole congefation in front of his children and everyone. This is not the 1950's your fake friend needs to shut her mouth. I actually think that its admirable that you have only been with two people. I honestly think the good Lord is the only one who that can judge you.

Very odd. I'm up there with "head exploding".

Your friend is being entirely too judgmental. Life happens. If she can't even look at you now, it's her own hang up and she's going to have to get over it. It doesn't have anything to do with her. She'll either realize that you're still a good person, have good morals, and live a good life and married a good man or she won't and the friendship will remain strained.

For what it's worth, I'm Christian as well. I've only ever been with my husband but at one point before we were engaged we almost broke up and I would have had no issues with dating and marrying someone else. If we now divorced (in an opposite Star Trek universe) it probably wouldn't be annulled by the Church because we've been married 13 years and have three children, but I wouldn't have issues with legally marrying someone else.

Just print this and give it to her. Don't say anything - just hand her the paper and let her do with it what she will.

Matthew 7:2–5
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Oh my goodness, if only we all as "perfect" as she is! Just my opinion, but I think the worst sin is setting yourself up as the judge of another's life. I think that's up to a much higher power than any of us humans. So glad it's not bothering you because you sound like a very nice woman who has her head on straight.

I am Christian and I too see that some give Christians a bad name because they can be some of the first to judge. I am sorry this happend to you.
I am 28yr and we have been married for 11 yrs. he is the only one I have ever been with, he was my first at 16 and I was his first.