So my son is taking a class - it was outdoors and because of lightning had to be cancelled. I and another mom didn't get the messages because they contacted the emergency contact instead of the primary contact. Both boys were upset - understandably. She offered to treat my son to a snack since they couldn't have their lesson. It was very sweet to offer, and I had no problem with it. Son is a great eater and we don't go overboard with snacks.
The thing that got me worried was an offhand comment she made, because her son is the same age as mine and is overweight. Mom is overweight also. It was something along the lines of getting her son a snack because he was upset. I thought "oh, no - that's the worst thing to connect! Don't do that!" but I didn't say anything.
I know I snack when tired and upset, and I know it's not smart. I know I probably did this when my son was very small, but I caught myself and stopped. She's probably NEVER thought about it that way, because heck - the phrase "comfort food" pretty much says what it is.
Is it worth talking about sometime? Is it even my place? She's a very sweet lady, and obviously loves her kiddo to bits.
It's funny, I would have never even thought about that at all. I would have just enjoyed the fact there is a kind person out there, who thought to make my son happy.
Sadly she would only be offended, no matter how nicely you put it.
People harm themselves (and their children) every day with their poor food choices, but unlike drugs or alcohol it's still considered a rude, nosy and taboo thing to bring up. Hell, even doctors don't like to talk about it, because parents get SO defensive!
She was talking about the kid associating getting a snack, that he normally would not, get to a time when he was upset. Then he'd expect her to cave in and give him a snack each and every time he gets upset.
So she's trying to just make the snack about spending time with some friends and sharing food. Not it's a reward because he was upset about the thing being cancelled.
And then you can tell the person who has road rage that he needs some good anger management counseling, the smelly homeless person that soap plus water would equal him smelling better, and the lady scorching her skin from the tanning bed that she will one day get cancer.
Sorry to be snarky, but really? Unless you are a devoted friend, or unless she asks for advice, leave your do-gooding to yourself.
Nope. Not your worry, not your concern, not your place.
You don't know why they are overweight. They might not even snack that much and just decided to get one that day because of the cancelled class.
I can't even imagine wanting to talk to someone about their weight. I'm pretty sure she knows she is overweight! You aren't going to educate her on that, or her eating habits most likely. It would be rude and completely not your business to bring it up.
Not your place. A snack might have been a reasonable distraction for her son at the time, but it doesn't mean that she always uses food to fix problems.
nope - say nothing. Not your place and if you say something you will come across as offensive. You're making assumptions as as much as they seem valid to you, they may or may not be the actual case.
You don't say anything. It will do you no good. I had weight loss surgery last October and I've had to teach myself to NOT reward myself or my family with food. Instead we are focused on activities and outings. So instead of a snack, we would have gone bowling. Something like that.
She has to learn on her own. It took my losing 137 pounds to get that. Nothing anyone said before hand would have done anything but piss me off.
ETA: Good point, Jo. I also wonder why people make the choices they do now, the same choices that got me as overweight as I was...but really, is a big mom taking her kid to McDonalds for a happy meal any worse than the skinny mom? Nope.
You never know what people eat, what their activity level is, what their genetic make up is, we know nothing other than appearnaces.
Nope keep your mouth shut. You would be coming from a good place however she probably wouldn't see it that way.
I wouldn't bring it up.
Leave it alone! It's really none of your business.
You are projecting your past issues onto them and you very well may be jumping to conclusions because they are overweight. I may have or actually probably would have offered to take my GD out for a special snack/treat BECAUSE WE WERE OUT AND HAD TIME, but that doesn't mean every time there is a disappointment, we start stuffing our faces!
I can't see the mom being anything but offended if you were to say anything. Heck, it doesn't really sound like you really know her. Talking to someone about their weight and issues surrounding weight is a very delicate thing. IMHO, you should just mind your own business.
Nothing to say.
What if you were in line behind a very large woman at McDonald's? She says "I need three McFlurries to get over this breakup". Do you tell her she's already had enough? Do you tell her that linking emotional and eating can lead to being overweight?
She knows what her body is like. It's just rude for you to point it out.
Your heart is in the right place but well,
Noneya. That is none of your business.
No it's not your place at all. She knows. And how do you know she's NEVER thought about it? Heck, I think about it all the time, but still reach for comfort food. I'm sure lots of people do. And I'm sure others have bad habits that this woman is in control of. Pick your poison.
Not your place. If you talk about it I think you will offend her.
Nope. Not your place.
www.zip.com.org!
No, don't mention it because even if it's clear as day to you that eating simply because one is upset is not a good idea. She may however view it differently and or not even realize what she is doing... I tend to think that when a person has a compulsion whether it be food or drugs , etc.... until THEY are ready to face the music , although you may mean well in confronting her.. I would stay quiet... The food is one aspect of the dilemma... but why she eats and is overweight may an altogether BIGGER situation than you as a friend might be able to handle..
IF on the other hand she brings it up... then you could express your feelings... otherwise, before you speak up.... food addicts are no different than any other addict... IF they aren't ready to face the truth..... then be prepared for some defensiveness on the mom's part... ask yourself, is this a can of worms I want to open....
That would have been so offensive! Just because you can visually see that she is overweight doesn't mean that it's right for you to tell her what she and her family should be eating.
How would you like it if you had a daughter and said you'd like to treat her daughter to a manicure and she said - not to be out of line but I don't want my kid to start wearing big fake nails like the ones you have! Put in a different context - all you would be doing is hurting her feelings about something she is WELL aware of.
P.,
I wouldn't say anything. YOU may not connect food with "comfort" but others do. And since she's a friend and not family - that would not be a "nice" thing to say to her. It could be that you misunderstood her as well. I don't know. I wasn't there to hear it.
I would encourage the other mom and the son to come do something that will burn calories with us....maybe ask her to start walking with me around the block.....
Have the boy over more often and show him a "good, healthy" diet - but don't shove it down his throat. Don't talk about their weight - they already know. But you can help by offering healthy solutions to them.
Overall? Don't say anything to her about it.
No. It would not be appropriate. You would have hurt her feelings.
None of your business. Class cancelled so lets go grab something. Adults,would go grab a cup of coffee or a drink if their class was cancelled.
Not your place to say anything. You can't control how someone else parents their child and you shouldn't try to. You also don't know what she does on a regular basis. Offering your opinion on this would not go over well..at all.
I just see a convo like that going way left, don't do it.
You're probably right but I don't see any good way to approach it. It's sort of like disciplining kids, you can't tell people how to handle it unless they ask you for help. I know a few families like this in a class my kids are in. The parents are overweight and so are the kids and treats are the name of the game, they're always rewarding the end of class with Coolatas, sodas, gatorades and other sweets..always whipping out snacks in case the kids get antsy....but I would NEVER comment. It's a lifestyle choice you can't interfere with. I had to graciously ask one of the moms to stop bringing extra snacks for my kids (Oreos, brownies, cheetos, homemade cobbler). I drop my kids off while I go to gym, and leave them with water bottles and SOMETIMES a snack bar or carrots or crackers, but not if they just ate, and she was just being nice to bring food for all since she was there. If it was rare it would be OK with me, but I couldn't have my kids eating big desserts 4 days per week! I was very careful to say it in a way that did not allude to health or weight at all. I did not want her to think I was judging her for what she feeds her own kids. Now if she ever said, "Hey, I'm really looking for ways the kids and I can shave a few pounds" I'd say, "No 1000+calorie snacks with sugary drinks in the afternoons for starters!"
Continue to be good friends, but never bring up the topic unless she asks or seems welcoming of it. Be cautious!
I wouldn't say anything about it . . .
Nope, leave it alone. She already knows it.
What?
No. Don't say a darned thing.
Unless you are her physician it is not your place at ALL to comment on her or her son's weight.
It's not your place. Sorry.
keep your lip zipped! Not your place to preach.
Do I agree with you? For the most part, & yet, as you readily admit....you, too, are guilty of the same crime.
:)
Well, I don't think getting my upset son a snack is necessarily a good message, but I would NEVER say anything to another mother about such a statement.
Anyway, is the other boy obese? If the other boy is of normal weight, I wouldn't think twice about the other mother's comment.
you were right not to say anything-but you could have them over sometime and show them the types of foods that you serve that may be an alternative that they just haven't tried.
Do not say a word. You do not know what is actually going on, and you do not know her well enough to even inquire. This was a one-time event. If it's not a problem for you, forget about it. If you're the type to hold on to it or think way ahead, stock your son's bag with the snacks that you want him to have. Then, it won't even have to be an issue. You can even send him with enough to share.
If she notices (aloud) that you have your own snacks, then you can tell her that you didn't want to put her out again. Only discuss the type of snacks with her ("healthy"?) if she mentions it first. Even then, don't approach it from a superior perspective. Don't think of it as an opportunity to teach her "right". Just tell her why it works for you and your son. ("He loves to snack, so I just try to make sure that he's got good options.")
If she wants help, she'll ask for it. She'll say something to indicate it. The best way to be an example to her (if that is what you want) is to just live the best way that you know and continue to be friendly with her. Assume that you can learn just as much from her as she stands to learn from you, and you won't come off as superior and turn her off.
