What About When They Are "Grown?"

Dont you think that graduating with honors and then going to pre med deserves a little time off? that is the way I look at it!!!! if she was a problem child with history of drugs or alcohol I would agree with you. But it seems that is not the case!!! My advice is let her be.
CH

Well, if she just graduated, and with top honors, why not let her take a breather? She has proven that she is a hard worker, and college is a lot of work. (Trust me, I'm in college now.)Even jobs give you vacations after so long of working. After you have worked hard at something don't you like to sit back, relax, and admire what a good job you did? She has worked hard, I say let her have a few months to relax before going to college. When will she ever have the chance again? After college, is work, marriage, and having a family. Also, I had a job since the time I turned 16.

My siblings and I worked all through high school and it was expected that we would work while waiting for our "real" job (ie. college, military) to start. I think you're doing your daughter a disservice by allowing her to skate for the next 8 months. In the real world you don't get to live rent free and just hang out w/ your friends. She's not going to learn how to be self-sufficient. There isn't any reason she shouldn't be working full-time right now. As a matter of fact, you could charge her a small amount of rent/room & board to start teaching her how to budget. You don't have to tell her but you could put the money into a savings account for her to help get her through med. school. Bottom line, your husband is right. You need to give her an ultimatum. Good luck!

P.S.-As a side note, I'm a nurse and worked in a hospital as a unit clerk and nurse's aid while I was going to school. The experience with the patients, doctors, nurses etc. really helped when I got out of school. Your daughter could work as a unit clerk and start to get used to the various tests that get ordered and the protocols that are followed. Just an idea...

What about suggesting she spend some time at a hospital or nursing home to kind of give her the feel of what she is going to be facing in the future. Maybe suggest she volunteer with a friend.

I am 22 y/o I lived with my parents until I got married last year. I had a job in the eleventh grade. I used that money to buy a car, go out with friends and buy my own clothes and personal items. I started going to college to. It was hard but it can be done. She does need to get a job. How is she paying for her car, going out, and gas? If you are giving her the money, STOP!! She is going to have to get a job when she goes off to college right? It will be easier for her to start now instead of having to start a new school and a new job she needs to go ahead and start now. She needs to get used to knowing how it feels to work before she adds school too. College is going to be hard. She has to get used to working. My advice is to say "Your 19. You start paying for your own gas, car, insurance. You have to start learning responibility now because when you leave you will have to take on more. You need to start slow and work your way up. We will be here for you to offer support and help you out when we can, but you are an adult now so you have to start acting like one and carrying to responsibilties like one." I hope this helps. She will apprecitate you doing this when she is older. I am so glad I worked while I was in high school. It only get harder from there and she needs to be prepared.

I tend to agree more with the "give her a break" moms that have posted before. Being a teen is stressful. And we sort of forget how everything seems like such a HUGE deal at that time. She's done a fantastic job with getting through school and since she'll be starting pre-med in August, I'm sure she just feels like this is a well deserved break she earned by working so hard. If she graduated with top honors, she knows the value of hard work. And how to be successful. I don't believe she's setting herself up for failure at all. I think she's taking some time to gear up for the next phase in her life. Not only is Pre-Med College hard, but then there are the internships and then the career and maybe a family. And there won't be time to spend between it all for her to just be her. It's not like she's just idling at home with no future plans. Her plans are already set into action. Ask her if she wants to do any volunteer work or maybe even take a fun class at a local college. If she doesn't, don't push it. Suggestions instead of demands seem to work better. And you should be proud of what a great job you did as a mom.
Enjoy the time she's still here!

Yes, your daughter should be "doing something"--either a part-time job, volunteer work, or a combination of the two. She is an adult living in your house and needs to have some adult responsibilities. As a long-time youth worker, I see too many parents not expect anything of their children, and the children respond accordingly.

My children are also very young. I couldn't imagine not working at that age. I know I got a part time job once I wanted to drive. My single parent mom couldn't afford to pay insurance for me or even the gas to put in the car! During my senior year I worked during the school year as well as competing on the gymnastics team and doing cheerleading. There is absolutely no reason your daughter should not be working! First cut her off financially - no money to go out with friends, if nothing else might motivate her, because I agree she is setting herself up for a lot of negative habits.

Like the other mothers I can only speak for myself at that age. There was a rule in my family's house if you are in school, you don't pay for room & board. Otherwise you get a job and pay part of the expenses. She needs to do something!!! If she volunteers at a health clinic or other medical facility this may help her get into med school. Many schools are looking at volunteer hours as well as job experience. So what she does now can very well affect her chances of getting in to post grad school later on. If she can get a job in her area of interest and get paid, more power to her. This can also help her decide what area of medicine she likes or doesn't like, when she wants to specialize. This can cut out a lot of headache and wasted effort in the future. She doesn't have to do anything full time. Part time is fine and enjoy the rest of her time off.

One thing I have noticed about gen Y. Is the general lack of motiviation and work ethic. What is the cause and the solution, I can't say. But from my experience it seems to be an epidemic among our youth.

Pre med is hard. It is one of those do it right the first time because you probably won't get a second chance. I was a pretty good student in high school but I remember the summer break before I went off to high school was when I started experimenting. (Not trying to scare you) YOur daughter seems like a very bright girl. I think the response someone gave about having her volunteer at a hospital is a great idea. It will give her some experience with what she wants to do with the rest of her life. It may also help her decide what type of medicine she would like to do. There are a ton of different things to do in medicine and maybe if she knew ahead of time it might give her an advantage. Good Luck!

I am not sure where you live, but some hospitals have a Volunteen program where teenagers wanting to persue a career in medicine can come in and follow a physician or physician assistant. Being a volunteen, you get a look at emergency medicine and see how things work in the emergency department. Southeast Georgia Health System Brunswick Campus offers this program. We have several teenagers that volunteer on weekends or evenings and seem to enjoy the learning experience. You may want to contact the volunteer department at your local hospital and see if they have a similar program. Good luck to you and your daughter.

It seems like kids think they have to "take it easy" before going off to school, but if this is a pattern she is getting into she will find that she will not do well in college. Leaving high school is a real eye-opener for lots of kids who find that 1)it is harder and 2) no one is there to make you do anything--go to class, do your homework, write papers, etc. They tell you to do it and if you don't, you flunk. There aren't any second chances or anyone looking over you to motivate you to do things. I would be concerned if she is going off to pre-med (which can be very difficult) and does not seem to have any self-motivation to work hard. Perhaps she does need a "kick-start" to make her understand that she is an adult now and has adult responsibilities. My girls always wanted to grow up faster than I thought they should, but now that they are all on their own they realize that being an adult "sucks". Along with the freedom comes responsibility. It is a hard lesson to learn, but worthwhile.
Good luck to both of you on her college career.

My kids are still really young, but when I was that age, my parents rule was once you grduate high school, you're either full-time in college or you're paying $200/month rent. (that was in the late 1980's). A few of my siblings paid rent and a few of us went to college. Even in college, I always worked. I had to pay for my car, gas, books, going out with friends, new clothes, etc. Only you can decide what rules are worth the consequences in your family, but in my family, the people who wanted anything had to work for it.

i have a 15 yr old who is kinda the same way in the summer and breaks she dosnt leave the home until her freinds invite her to go somewhere . but even then she refused to go because she rather sleep. shes not joing any activitys except going to wens night youth and she dosnt even do that sometimes. so i can relate during her summer break im encourging her t go to work also like your 19 yr old should until she goes on if mine were homebound till aug i would also make her get a job or do something with her life. not just lay around and sleep and eat . like shes doing now during her winter break. she attened church all day yesterday but only because she had to collect are gifts from the church. she only leaves when she wants to. so yes encourge her to get a job or else.

I think you should allow her to take a break. She will be going to school and then will spend the rest of her life working. This is her last chance to be really carefree. Good luck to her in the future!

I can't say from experience of parenting an older child, but I know when I was younger (I'm now 28) it was understood that as soon as legally able, I needed to work to pay for anything I wanted to do outside of school and help earn my keep. My parents made sure that I understood after the age of 18 I needed to be on my own and self sufficient. It's really helped that I learned to be responsible for myself and not rely on my parents.
Maybe you could get her to volunteer somewhere that would help with her pre-med classes. Employers and schools always love to see volunteerism and it gives you so much experience! It also fosters much more confidence when she eventually "gets out in the real world" and ends up working in the field.
Hope this helps! Good luck!

Sounds like a smart girl. Instead of telling her what you think she should do, ask her what she would like to do with the break. Maybe she has something up her sleeve and just doesn't mention it because you keep rattling on about what she should do. Maybe she just needs a break. Did you go to med school? Maybe she has or does not have an idea of what is ahead of her, so thinks she ought to prepare for that. Above all, don't give her any more reasons to develop negative habits by observing or commenting on what she does when her friends come around. Who cares about them? You should only care about what your daughter wants to do with her time off. Ask her, don't confront her with ultimatums. Don't give her a reason to give up her amazing plans. I don't know her, but maybe she is getting ready to cave thinking she might not be able to handle it all. Support her plans, and aim with her toward that med school goal. Seriously, how is working at the water park or McDonald's going to build her any character. She already has it all from the sounds of it. She will build more than character once she starts med school.