My daughter just turned one and I would like to stop breastfeeding her all together. She is breastfed only to fall asleep at naptime and at bedtime. How do I transition to getting her to self soothe herself to sleep? I have tried to put her down awake but she just cries or when it looks like she is just at the brink of falling asleep and then lay her down but she wakes up every time.Also when she wakes in the night she wants to be breastfed to sleep. I would really like some advice or any steps to take to achieve this. Any help is much appreciated.
This would be a good time for her dad to take over the bedtime routine and night wakings. You stay out of sight and earshot.
I would make the naptime nursing shorter first. Just gradually shorten it and distract her when you can. I found that naptime was the easier one to drop. Nighttime weaning is a different ballgame. With that one, I ramped up alternative bedtime comforts and told her over time (she was 2.5 when we had our last session) "just a bit". I think it helped that she still had our songs and cuddles and books.
Kellymom.com was a great resource for me during that time. I personally found that it took about 6 mo. when I was really nudging her toward weaning, as I found it too hard on both of us to consider cold turkey. I am happy with the gentle nudge and how ultimately she just stopped on her own. Best wishes on this new part of your journey.
Have daddy offer her milk in a cup. If you don't have a crib soother, now is when it becomes useful. Give her a friend to sleep with, out in the soother,mind let her play herself to sleep.
First, you need to break the association between nursing and falling asleep. I did this very gradually.
Right now, you are nursing until she is 100% asleep. For the next week or so, nurse her until she is mostly asleep (eyes closed, but not completely limp), and then take her off your breast and cuddle her to sleep. Once that is going ok and she's not waking when you transfer, start taking her off of your breast a little sooner, when she's at the long blink stage, but not asleep. After a week or so, start taking her off of your breast when she is sleepy but awake. Etc. Just gradually work it until she is falling asleep with some cuddles, but not nursing. Once you work through that, you can do a similar strategy for putting her into her crib and putting herself to sleep (eg, the first week, cuddle until she's almost asleep, then transfer to the crib).
You could try drying up your milk supply as much as possible. I know that putting cabbage leaves in your bra will help with that. sage tea, and vitamin B6 are also good. No milk to drink= Only weaning from the comfort part of nursing.
Also... Maybe try a binkie? I know a lot of parents are against it, but if it provides a distraction from breastfeeding... Then later on you can wean her from that as well. (My DD only wanted hers for falling asleep, and weaned herself off it when she was around 18 mos.) if a binkie is not an option to you, maybe lovie she can mouth a bit.
Otherwise, I would latch her on, then use your pinkie to break suction right when she falls asleep. If she wakes up wanting more, let her latch back on until she falls asleep again. Eventually sleep will win out and she will stay asleep. Then you can work on breaking the latch as she is falling asleep, then to just a quick latch, then to no nursing at all. (If it goes according to plan... All babies are different, so of course there is no guarantee.)
Unfortunately, feeding has become associated with going to sleep and calming down, so if you disrupt one, you're disrupting the other. She never learned to calm herself down and put herself to sleep because she's done it in your arms, held snugly against you, and with the breast for comfort. I know how wonderful that feels, to have that special time, but now you're seeing the down side.
So she needs to learn to calm herself down. A lot of books have been written on the subject - so you have to find a philosophy you agree with and that you can stick to. For us (based on the pediatrician's advice), it worked to just pat the baby's back but not pick him up or feed him. She told us to say a few calming words to him (time for sleep, night night, you can do this, whatever), and then leave the room. She told us to come back after longer and longer intervals (10 minutes, then 20, then 30). Some people don't like the crying, and it's against their principles. I sympathize with that too. But we just did it because we knew he needed his sleep more than he needed to not cry for 10 minutes. So it was 3 nights of hell and then it was fine.
At 1 year, she doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night, so if you skip that feeding, she will get more nutrition during the day to make up for it. That's okay.
You can also have Dad take over, as Jill K. has said. Babies need to learn to go to sleep with more than one caregiver, and they need to calm themselves down. We never did a pacifier because it falls out all the time and a baby can't manage it on his/her own. Of course, our son never loved it that much anyway, so it wasn't a huge decision for us. Our son did suck his thumb and that's not ideal, but we felt calming was important and we figured a big percentage of kids need braces anyway!!
I'd say, whatever method you choose, be sure the father agrees and will help you. It can be really tough for a few nights, but that doesn't mean to give up. If you keep changing methods because "this one doesn't work" (and it won't for the first few nights no matter what), then you keep going back to Square One and you have a very unhappy and confused child!
Good luck!
