Weaning 15 Month Old Baby - Need to Stop Within a Month!

Updated on December 13, 2009
C.G. asks from Beverly Hills, CA
17 answers

Hi there,

I have been happily breastfeeding my daughter since day one but have just been told that I need to undergo an urgent procedure, which involves a hormonal implant. This means I will not be able to breastfeed anymore, which I am very upset about. My daughter has a confirmed allergy to cow's milk, so we have just started trying her with soya formula. She will take this at nursery, two days a week, but won't go anywhere near it when I offer it to her!

After a spate of recent illnesses (nursery germ warfare!) she is now down three main nursing sessions a day but will only nap during the day if fed to sleep. I know this is of my own doing, but now we are stuck! Can anyone offer any advice on how to go about stopping? Should I just try dropping one feed for the formula? How on earth do you change over? I am finding this heartbreaking just thinking about it... She also seems to associate lying down with me, with feeding, too, so I am wondering how I will be able to cuddle her without getting her hopes up!

Any advice will be greatly appreciated! x

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So What Happened?

Hi there,

Just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for all of your responses, advice and kind words! It's really helping me get through this! Has also helped in that my husband has read some of the responses and now gets what my daughter and I are going through. We swapped yesterday's afternoon milk feed for a formula one, which she refused point blank (hubby tried first, then me) but seemed okay after a few moments of tears. Last evening's milk feed was lovely, though! She finished and then came off and snuggled into my tummy, looking up at me with the loveliest look on her face. Just kept cuddling in without the usual hunt for milk, which was great. Today she took half a bottle of the formula in the afternoon - wouldn't touch it in her usual sippy cup, but took out of bottle - which was fantastic. Small baby steps at the moment but thanks for all your support - I now know we can and will get through this!

Much love and thanks x

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C.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

PUMP and freeze as MUCH as you can the next month. Drop one feeding at a time for her, usually one feeding every 3w, but you don't have that much time, so I'd say, one feeding a week.

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C.R.

answers from Reno on

You just have to hang tough. If you can't hang tough now what are you going to do when she gets older...?If she doen't want the bottle(it's about time she gets weaned from that too) Have you offered her deluted juice? Where's the "sippy" cup?

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K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello. First - are you giving her soy milk or soy formula? At 15 months, formula isn't necessary - so try soy milk if you aren't. Also, make sure it is nice and warm, just like you. If she has never taken a bottle, then it will be a hard transition, but ... definitely try to eliminate one feeding right away and sub in the bottle. Just be sure to keep the rest of the routine the same. It may take a few times, but it should work. Also, you could consider pumping and mixing your milk with the soy milk - lessoning the mixture one she gets used to the flavor - helping her to transition more smoothly. Good luck - I hope the procedure goes well.

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E.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

So sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully, if you're consistent with what you do, it won't be a hard transition for her. I've just transitioned from nursing my daughter to sleep at night and for naps. At night I moved up the nursing and then would offer a sippy cup of formula. To get her on the formula in the first place, I added it to rice cereal and fed it to her at meal times and slowly decreased the amount of cereal so it was just formula. For naps, I put her in the stroller or car. I would lie down with her for a few days or a week or so until she gets comfortable with not nursing. It's going to be hard for you not to cuddle with her in this way, but it will be more difficult for her if you. I'd wear an extra layer of clothes so she doesn't smell your milk and make sure you don't hold her in a nursing position. Good luck! Kids this age adapt quickly, I think it's the parents who have more trouble. Just be consistent and it will go smoothly.

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P.K.

answers from Las Vegas on

My breast only son wouldn't even think about formula. I had to leave work just to feed him because he wouldn't even take a bottle of pumped milk. When he started on solids he got down to just feedings at night because I just stopped coming home for my mid day feedings...my breasts are still unhappy about that one!!!! (Went from cute C to droopy D) As his solids diet increased he slowly got over it and would take milk. I would basically get him full on 'people food' before bed and he wouldn't nurse long because he was full. Within about 2 weeks he just got over it and wouldn't nurse at all. I think I had it pretty easy because I didn't have to deny him and then let him cry. The one who will have the hardest time with it will be YOU! I had to remember that I couldn't breastfeed forever. No body likes a 4th grader who has to bring his mom to lunch! It's inevitable and you have to be healthy . She's not going to be traumatized for life and you'll find a new way to bond. I feel like my bond with my son is stronger now because when I cuddle him it's just because he loves me and not because I've got the goodies!! Good luck and don't be hard on yourself if she does have a hard time.

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L.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi CG,
You sound like a wonderful and caring mommy. Your daughter is very lucky to have you. Before I can give you any weaning advice I would like to make sure it is absolutely imperative for you to stop breastfeeding. My experience is that physicians often times tell mothers they must stop breastfeeding due to certain meds however, when we research the medications using Dr. Hale's "Mothers Milk and Medications" literature we find the medication is OK. I am not saying the hormonal implant is OK, I would just like to research it for you.

If you would like to you can comment back to me in "private" with more specific information.

Take care, CG.

L. Haessly, MA, RD, IBCLC
I am a Registered Dietitian and Lactation Consultant
www.VirtualBreastfeedingHelp.com

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J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Honestly, she's probably better off being cut off than giving her formula...and not soy - it stimulates the estrogen receptors in the body...and we get enough estrogen in this world as it is.

IF you are going to give her formula, maybe mix it with water and goat's milk (or just striaght goat's milk) - somehow it changes the proteins and is WAY easier on the stomach...and reacts NOTHING like cow's milk.

Baby #1 weaned himself down to 1 nursing a day at 16 months....so my husbadn took him away for 4 days to see his parents and when he got back, he was asleep, but when he woke up in the morning, he wanted milk. I told him it was all gone and we sat on our bad holding each other and cried for 20 minutes. The next day, he asked and I sad, "The milk is all gone." He never asked again....and was fine.

Baby #2 weaned himself down to 1-2 short nursings each day at 16 months, so I told him that the milk is almost gone. One day, he asked to nurse and I told him that there was no more. All gone. He said, "All gone," and walked away. He asked later that day and I said, "Milk is all gone." He crossed his arms , let out a umpphh and walked away. He never asked again.

Baby #3 would NOT eat any solid food, so at 18 motnhs, she was nearly 100% breastfed, still. She would go 8 hours and not eat anything, but wait for me. I was stumped. Kids won't starve themselves, so they say....I guess they never met a determied woman! LOL Fianlly, I had to wean her, but she already proved to me, that she could go all day without eating, so that wouldn't work. I finally let my husband for 3 days with the 3 kids and went to my parent's home. She asked for me a few times, but started eating. My DH told her that mommy was away, but would be back and the milk is all gone. After 3 days, she was really missing me, so I came back and she asked for milk and I told her it was all gone. She cried a bit and I held her. Here we are 2 months later and she still asks, playfully, for milk. and if she sees a nipple, she wants to latch on or play with it. There have been times that I really want to lay down and nusre her - connect with her and she the same with me - but I don't want to start htat up again, since she still is not a very good eater. So, I don't lay down and cuddle with ehr that way - I find a different way to hold her, one where she doesn't associate it with milk.

We have never given any of our kids soy or cow's milk. Once I was gone nursing them, they had water and good nutrition. Our kids are rarely if ever sick.

PS - have a bresatpump nearby to take the edge off and use cold cabbage leaves in the bra. To stop milk production you can make a tea:

1 teaspoon of sage
1 teaspoon of peppermint
1 teaspoon of parsley

Drink a cup 3x day and the milk should dry up within a few days....most of the way. I still had milk 6 months after I stopepd nursing baby #1....but I wasn't engorged, so it was not a problem.

S.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry! You must be heartbroken.

If you're willing to go cold turkey, which is a little uncomfortable, then I have something that worked for me.

Put band-aids across your nipples, 2 ea, criss-crossed, and tell her that they're broken. If you've put a band-aid on her before, she'll understand.

This worked with my son (though he was just a little older. (I was trying to night-wean him when he was 2; it would have worked if I'd kept the band-aids on, but I was trying to night-wean, and putting them on and taking them off every day was a pain!)

So much good luck to you!!!

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sorry to hear you have been hit with this so suddenly. It is always tough when the decision to stop nursing is made by someone else. I am sure your daughter will adjust.

First of all, do you own a pump? If so, pump a bunch of your breastmilk in the next few weeks. As you start offering her bottles/cups of soy milk/formula, mix it with breastmilk so she's not getting a 100% new taste all at once. Throughout the course of a week, slowly change the mixture so it goes from mostly breastmilk to 100% soy milk by the end of the week.

Also, drop one nursing per week (or slightly more often to fully accommodate your surgery and timing). Substitute with a bottle/cup at the same time so her routine is not too changed. Any time someone else (husband, friend, etc) is available to give her the milk in the beginning, do it. My son didn't like taking it from me at first, but eventually adjusted. I always dropped a nursing at the beginning of the weekend to give my husband a couple of days to introduce the bottle in my place. My son started weaning shortly after his first bday, so just slightly younger than your daughter.

Even if she goes on a strike for awhile, she will eventually start drinking the soy milk. It just might take some time.

Also, my son is very allergic to cow's milk and has absolutely no dairy, whey or casein in his diet, so let me know if you need tips about that!

K.
http://oc.citymommy.com

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J.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Soy, not a good alternative especially if she has already shown an intolerance to dairy. Is she ready to be off formula? I would switch to Neocate if she still needs it. Find another alternative otherwise like almond, hemp, or rice milk with rice being the least nutritious of these three.

I had to stop at two months and then started up a several weeks later with my daughter and it was not fun for either of us but it was done. You can get her bottle and make it like it is for big girls now, still lay down with her and/or hold her close like you would nursing or make it a whole new experience for her, whatever is going to fit for her.

Also be doing the research yourself on vaccines and that you should be spacing them out and even delaying them. If she is showing reactions to dairy then wheat may be a problem as well. Any eczema? Get Dr. Robert Sears book, The Vaccine Book and start there. If you would like more material on this, just let me know.

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J.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yay for you on breastfeeding for 15 months! That is fabulous! I'm sorry you have to end sooner than you would like. I don't have any specific plan to share with you, but I simply wanted to encourage you taht you will get through this. I have found that every change I implement for my daughter (who just turned 2 in November), I approach it terrified only to find myself saying "That wasn't as difficult as I feared it would be."

Since you need to pull the nursing from the sleeping, look into having another thing for her to love. This is the age that my daughter was when i finally had to stop being a breastfeeding zombie and let her cry a few minutes for a few nights before she would sleep without nursing herself to sleep. We really encouraged her with a little stuffed animal monkey that for a few weeks we took EVERYWHERE to build the attachment. She still loves the monkey to this day! We only have her around at bedtime, but that helped me begin to get her to sleep throughout the night without breastmilk.

I hope things go smoothly and if they don't, you will be able to handle it. Take care!

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi there,
Don't give her soy!!! Can you pump and mix a formula with is so she get's used to it? If you don't offer the boob, she may cry, but she will eventually fall asleep.
When I switched my baby from BM to formula, I started with 3/4 BM 1/4 formula...I did that for a few days and the put a little more formula and less Breast milk. I did this until it was mostly formula and a little breast milk. It worked for me! Have you ever tasted formula??? YUCK! LOL
Good luck!

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L.M.

answers from Honolulu on

To wean my children I made rules and explained them to them . The rules was no BF when we go out of our house and you could only BF in one special chair. This was actually easier with the holidays because we traveled a bunch with our 1st (weaned at 14 months) and just stayed at my parents for the end days when it was time for the 2nd to wean (weaned at 13 months). It is rather easy to set up. The 1st week you start by only BFing in the chair and never anywhere else in or out of the house. Be consistent and let them know that it is the new rule. Kids understand rules and consistency even if they don't like it at 1st. The second week you start running errands (visit family, friends, shopping... whatever) all the time with the little love. Make sure to miss feedings but insist on all other things remaining the same... like nap time happening but without BFing. 3rd week see if you can stay the night at someone's house (Grandparents house is best because this is REALLY the hardest on little love and you having support will help).

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C.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Try goat's milk. You can now buy it powdered and just add water and shake the bottle. All three of my children were allergic to cow's milk and soy and I raised all of them to age five on goat's milk. All you need to do is make sure that the baby gets enough iron. My grandson was weaned to goat's milk at 17 months and is doing fine. Knowing our family history of milk and soy allergies(one son is still allergic as an adult) our daughter did not even try cow's milk or soy with her child. Goat's milk is much more digestable than cow's milk. Give it a try. I know there are several mother's at this web site that will tell you the great job that goat's milk has done for their allergic children. Good luck.

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R.B.

answers from San Diego on

I gave both my babies soy formula and they did great and are happy, smart and healthy! At one year my pediatrician recommended that I stop formula and switched over to milk. They both then started Rice Milk (organic unsweetened) - Trader Joe's has a great one and it's cheap. This is another option since your daughter is allergic to cow's milk. Whether you decide to use soy or something else, I would just suggest buying organic and UNSWEETENED (not the vanilla flavor - too much sugar) because 'most' soybeans in the US are genetically engineered. It's 'your' choice so research, try again and again and see what's best for your little girl!
Good luck! :)

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K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hello. I have two boys whom I nursed until 12-13 months old. Neither of them wanted to be weaned either and neither liked cow's milk. I tried rice milk and soy milk, but they wouldn't take those either. Our doctor recommended mixing the milk with breastmilk at increasing increments to get them to switch over, you might try that (although it didn't work for my two). My doctor also told us not to worry about the amount of milk they were drinking (as it was greatly decreasing when I weaned), that they would be fine. I finally weaned by cutting out a nursing session every couple of days, leaving the going to sleep times until last. I then tried to figure out an alternate way to get them to sleep, rocking and singing worked for my two (although it was not easy at first!) Just hang in there, it will happen! :)

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K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

when we started to cut out middle of the night feedings, my husband started going into her room at night when she woke to help her settle. that seemed to be the magic charm, having him put her down/settle to sleep so there was no nursing temptation. We are slowly weaning right now (nighttime nurse only at bedtime for months now) and we have started to snuggle and sing songs and rock together instead. eventually instead of nurse at bedtime, it will just be "nuggle" and song, which she is asking for on her own. She sometimes asks to nurse during the day, I tell her nope, only at bedtime and we can nuggle/song instead. she also sleeps with a sippy cup of water at night and that is the big security item for sure.
we did a sort of modified cry it out around 18 months as I too was nursing her to sleep so much and needed to get a better bedtime routine. I would put her down, stand by her crib with my hand on her back/butt for about 5 min then leave. she usually cried and then my husband went in for 5 min, not picking her up, just hand on back/butt, soothed a little and left again. we did 5 min on and 5 min off until she was asleep, usually him, not me after the initially put down. if it was him, she was asleep faster, me a little longer because she wanted to get out of the crib/nurse, etc.

so I would say if possible, involve your husband or someone else in the bedtime/naptime routine that she doesn't associate with nursing. Snd see if you can replace nursing with something else; books, snuggling, songs, etc.

good luck and congratulations on nursing for so long...great for both of you!

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